The Redbird (Beaumont, Tex.), Vol. 13, No. 18, Ed. 1 Friday, March 15, 1963 Page: 2 of 6
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?ago
THE REDBIRD
March 15, 1905
On Campus
with
MaxMman
(Author of “I Was a Teen-age Dwarf," “The Many
Loves of Dobie Gillie,” etc.)
MARKING ON THE CURVE—AND WHAT
TO DO ABOUT IT
Twonkey Crimscott was a professor. Choate Sigafoos was a
sophomore. Twonkey Crimscott was keen, cold, brilliant.
Choate Sigafoos was loose, vague, adenoidal. Twonkey Crim-
scott believed in diligence, discipline, and marking on the curve.
Choate Sigafoos believed in elves, Julie London, and thirteen
hours of sleep each night. .
Yet there came a time when Twonkey Crimscott—mentor,
sage, and savant—was thoroughly outthought, outfoxed, out-
maneuvered, outployed, and out-witted by Choate Sigafoos,
sophomore.
It happened one day when Choate was at the library studying
for one of Mr. Crimscott’s exams in sociology. Mr. Crimscott’s
exams were murder—plain, flat murder. They consisted of one
hundred questions, each question having four possible answers
—A, B, C, and D. You had to check the correct answer, but the
trouble was that the four choices were so subtly shaded, so
intricately worded, that students more clever by far than Choate
Sigafoos were often set to gibbering.
So on this day Choate sat in the library poring over his
sociology text, his tiny brow furrowed with concentration, while
all around him sat the other members of the sociology class,
every one studying like crazy, every one scared and pasty.
Choate looked sadly at their stricken faces. “What a waste!”
he thought. “All this youth, this verve, this bounce, chained to
musty books in a musty library! We should be out singing and
dancing and cutting didoes on the greensward! Instead we
are here.’"
Then, suddenly, an absolute gasser of an idea hit Choate.
Listen!” he shouted to his classmates. “Tomorrow when we
take the exam, let’s all—every one of us—check Choice ‘A’ on
every question—every one of them.”
“Huh?” said his-classmates.
“Oh, I know that Choice 'A’ can’t be the right answer to
every question,” said Choate. “But what’s the difference? Mr.
Crimscott marks on the curve. If we all check the same ans-
wers, then we all get the same score, and everybody in the class
gets a ‘C’.”
“Hmm,” said his classmates.
“So why should we knock ourselves out studying?” said
Choate. “Let’s get out of here and have a ball!”
So they all ran out and lit Marlboro Cigarettes and had a
ball, as indeed, you will too when you light a Marlboro, for if
there ever was a cigarette to lift the spirit and gladden the
heart, to dispel the shades of night, to knot up the ravelled
sleeve of care, to put spring in your gait and roses in your
cheeks, it is filtered Marlboros—firm and pure and fragrant and
filled with rich, natural, golden tobacco. And, what’s more, this
darlin’ smoke comes in soft packs that are actually soft and
flip-top boxes that actually flip. _
Well sir, the next morning the whole class did what Choate
said, and, sure enough, they all got ‘C’s, and they picked Choate
up and carried him on their shoulders and sang “For He’s a
Jolly Good Fellow” and plied him with sweetmeats and Marl-
boros and girls and put on buttons which said “I DOTE ON
CHOATE.”
But they were celebrating too soon. Because the next time
shrewd old Mr. Crimscott gave them a test, he did not give
them one hundred multiple choice questions. He only gave
them one question—to wit: write a 30,000 word essay on
“Crime Does Not Pay.”
“You and your ideas,” they said to Choate and tore off his
epaulets and broke his sword and drummed him out of the
school. Today, a broken man, he earns a living as a camshaft
in Toledo. © 1963 Max Shulroan
At the top of the curve of smoking pleasure, you’ll And.
Marlboro Cigarettes, available at every tobacco counter in
all Afty States of the Union.
Tech’s Bicameral System Folds
TECH'S BICAME R AL SYSTEM FOLDS. No, this did
not really happen - at least not yet. But it could if
the students of Lamar don't do something to stop it.
On Monday, the House of Representatives will meet.
Once again bus in ess will be brought before the
a s s e mbled representatives - that is - if the repre-
sentatives are assembled.
This dubious statement gives rise to one of the most
pressing problems in our student government today.
This problem is the lack of attendance at and interest
in the meetings of the two houses. This may seem
to be an insignificant problem and it may be met with
passive attitudes and casual concern. But this is a
very significant factor in the effectiveness of any
governmental system.
Of course, no form of student government can be
s u c c e ssful if the students themselves have no faith
in its potentialities. It can be an instrument for tte
betterment of the campus if it is used to the best
advantage. Only when the students back it one hun-
dred per-cent will the bicameral or any other system
begin to show marked progress.
While attendance is a problem in both houses, it is
particularly acute in the House of Representatives.
All types of business come before this body for
deliberation. And, these bills are of importance to
all of the students. All money bills originate in the
House. The problem lies in the fact that they cannot
be passed unless a quorum is present.
So far, there have been two sessions of the House
at which business could not be conducted because of
a lack of delegates. This could develop into a bad
situation.
Because the House considers this a tremendous
problem, it passed a motion which stated that any
representative who misses four meetings unexcused
is dropped from the membership. This law is now
in effect. This is a sad statement to have to make
but the blame rests squarely with the students. If
organizations are indifferent, how can they expect
their representatives to be enthusiastic. Any suc-
cess f u 1 operation needs backing. Let's get behind
the student government and work for it to make it
effective as the voice of the students - a voice that
will c a r ry with it pride and integrity in a job well
done.
Regardless of the efforts of the student government
officers and of the interested students, effective
work cannot be done without a quorum. Even if a
quorum is present, the work of the House is only
as important as the students make it. Bills do not
carry any weight unless they repressnt the will of
the students who stand forcefully behind them.
GREEK
LINE
By Elaine Tenholder
DELTA ZETA
The installation of the
newly elected officers of
DeltaZeta was held March
4 in the DZ lodge. The
following girls took office:
Sara Stevenson, Port Ar-
thur , president; Kay
Adams, Beaumont, pledge
trainer; Margaret Scott, 4
Port Arthur, rush captain;
Sherry Welsh, Port Arthur,
recording secretary;
Gaynelle Hasselmeier,
Galveston, corresponding
s ecretary; Paddi Sadler,
Beaumont, treasurer; and,
Leona Fasullo, Houston,
historian.
These chairmen were also
elected to serve: Karen^
Buvinghaus en, social;
E 1 o i se Guidry, publicity;
N i c k ie Peet, scholarship;
Judy Mills, activities;
Marie Bodemuller, charm
and courtesy; Cheryl Say,
standards; Carol Hogan,
magazine; Shirley Looper,
philanthropy; Phylis Crane,
course of study; and,
Katherine Brandt, panhel-
lenic representative.
THE REDBIRD
Published weekly except during holidays, dead
week and final examinations during the regular school
term. Opinions expressed are those of the student
editor's and do not necessarily reflect those of the
faculty and administration. Items of interest are
solicited and may be submitted at the REDBIRD office.
REDBIRD STAFF
Executive Editor.......Mary Anne du Perier
Associate Editors . . . Carolyn Webb, Anna Porter
Assistant Editors . . .Michael Rick, Diane Flanigan
Business Manager.........Tommy Fuller
Assistant Bus. Managers. . Laura Bratton, Carolyn
Rhodes
Feature Editor......... Ginger McFarland
Sports Editor.............David Webb
Cartoons.............. •
Art Design............Kathy Hickman
Circulation Managers . . Betty Bando, Ellen Hawkins
Review Editor.........Terence M. Brown
Assistant Review Editor ....... Brady Parker
COLLEGIATE DIAMONDS
°F AMERICA
INC.
Jerry Reese
Randy Best
Larry Thomas
SELLS DIAMONDS AND OTHER
JEWELRY TO STUDENTS
ON CAMPUS
SALESMAN will sell to you at any time-
Pat Kenny
Ext. 501
Ext. 756
Bryan Hopkins
TE 5-5257
Ext. 266
Larry Schumaker
Ext. 260
Bill Stringer
Ext. 561
Ext. 266
ALPHA DELTA PI
Delta Beta chapter was
priveleged to have its
province president, Mrs.
R. C. Mohr of Houston,
visit w ith them March 7
and 8. Conferences were
held with new officers
during the day, and Mrs.
Mohr was honored with a
number of socials in the
evening. The Lamar chap -*
ter gave a buffet supper in
her honor in the lodge on
March 8.
Many ADPi's have their
bags packed to leave tomor-
r o w for the state conven -
tion in Houston. The girls*
are 1 eaving by chartered
bus tomorrow morning, and
are returning the same
night after the banquet. A
few will be staying over
until Sunday.
This year the Lamar
group has been -given the
honor of presenting its
second period party rush
skit at the convention being*
held in the Lincoln-
Sheriden Hotel.
CLUB
NEWS
The next meeting of the
Lamar Deutscher Verein
is scheduled for 2:15 p.m:
March 22 in B.G-102 .
Films will be shown and
a v i ce - president will be;
elected. At the last meet-'
ing of LDV, the following
officers were elected: Roy
Jones, president; Tommy
Young, secretary-trea-
surer; L aurel Goergen,
student representative,
The program also included
song singing. The LDV is
hoping to have a sizeable
delegation at the TAGS
(Texas Association oi
German Students) statewide
convention in Houston
April 26-27. Anyone
interested in makin
reservations for the TAG
convention should contact
Tommy Young or Roy
Jones.
The Student Educator
Association met March L
in the Cardinal room.
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du Perier, Mary Anne. The Redbird (Beaumont, Tex.), Vol. 13, No. 18, Ed. 1 Friday, March 15, 1963, newspaper, March 15, 1963; Beaumont, Texas. (https://texashistory.unt.edu/ark:/67531/metapth499176/m1/2/?q=Lamar+University: accessed May 29, 2024), University of North Texas Libraries, The Portal to Texas History, https://texashistory.unt.edu; crediting Lamar University.