Galveston Tribune. (Galveston, Tex.), Vol. 28, No. 93, Ed. 1 Friday, March 13, 1908 Page: 13 of 16
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GALVESTON TRIBUNE.
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MY FRUITFUL OFFERING
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One rude young salesman said to mejjflst because
I asked him, very politely, too. the price of a sword
with scabbard and hilt richly encrusted with jewels,
“Just one hundred times more than you can lay your
hands on without being arrested.” But I crushed the
young upstart, for, turning majestically to Nettie, I
said: “Countess, I must apologize for the manners
of this person. We will proceed to Tiffany’s and
place no further orders with this firm.”
The young man looked dumfounded, and as we en-
tered the elevator to descend, I saw him in great
agitation pointing us out to another clerk and beat-
ing his brow with his forefinger.
I do not think he will ever again insult a stranger,
v Nettie had a bad attack of neuralgia after this. I
was greatly annoyed for fear my offering should not
after all be purchased that day; and I wondered how
to relieve her sufferings. My eye fell on a fountain
bearing the inscription “Hot Soda,” and I asked her,
in the excitement of the moment, whether she would
quaff a glass with me; for it was a cold day, though
bright, and after the heat in the stores the wind was
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CopyrigM, 1907, By Thomas IT. IfcK'ee,
A LTHOUGH she was perhaps not quite so
refined as I could wish, yet I was really
/”% greatly attracted toward Johanna, and as
Christmas was near, in fact only a week
- distant, I thought I would indicate the
State of my feelings by making her an offering.
Not too expensive an offering, you understand, for
that might make her incline toward me for my means,-
which are not small. I have an excellent position
in Gore & Bludgeon’s and am in receipt of an in-
come of 'nine hur
With the promise of the other fifty after Christmas.
‘ Pretty good I consider this for a self-made man of
twenty-eight; and it certainly gives me a solid finan-
cial status among my fellows.
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- —------o- very much surprised at
Nettie spending so much money, and then I trium-
When he left I examined the magnificent garment
and was quite overcome with emotion. After tb?t
nurse entered with a parcel, saying, with a smile, as
she handed it to me, “You seem very popular, Mr.
Grappler.”
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must not he of too small a character, else she might
think me a niggard. I never made her a present ex-
cept upon one occasion, when I purchased £or her
some excellent candies, which she rather tactlessly,
I thought, objected were not in a box. Of course,
they won’t box candies in New York that are under
fifteen cents a pound.
But woman! Wondrous woman! We men must
bear with their little foibles. After consulting several
columns of bargain-sale advertisements in the papers,
which the different men in our office kindly allowed
me to peruse, I decided it would be indelicate for a
gentleman to offer a lady the articles chiefly men-
tioned therein. 1
I decided to visit my maternal grandmother and
heay her views on the subject. •
I have no other living relative, and my grand-
mother, Mrs. Captain Hubbell, is a very fine woman,
wonderfully intelligent for eighty-nine—and a per-
fect lady most of the time.
It was on a Tuesday that I first considered the ad-
visability of laying an offering before Johanna; and
that very evening, for I am a man of prompt action,
I sallied forth.
Arriving at the grocery store over which my grand-
mother" resides, I entered and went upstairs. Hear-
ing voices, I paused outside the door. The old lady
was speaking: “Hubbell and trouble! Seems I got
both when I got him! Captain indeed! Tell that to
the marines! Nettie, go and tell that to the marines,
I say!”
“Hush, Mrs. Hubbell,” said a female voice—a sweet
voice, too, it was. “Don’t excite yourself; I’ll tell
them.”
i “Tell them; now, then, you little hussy; go and
tell the marines about Hubbell or I’ll scream.”
The old lady’s voice rose to an alarmingly high
pitch. Quickly the door was flung open and there
almost fell into my arms a really very pretty girl.
“Oh! excuse me,” she said as I stepped into the
As the parcel was being wrapped up Nettie whis-
pered to me, “Beat her down.” I was bewildered
and looked around to see if I vzas about to be at-
tacked. You can never trust foreigners. Then it
struck me as I left the store with the parcel that
perhaps Nettie referred to the price. I stopped in-
stantly.
“Do you think I could have got it for less?” I asked
her.
Nettie laughed. “Come,” she said: “It is too late
now, but fifty cents is all you should have paid.”
* I was greatly crestfallen, and tore a little bit of
the paper off my purchase to again appraise its value.
As I walked moodily along, a loud laugh assailed our
ears, and I suddenly received a slap on the back
which knocked my hat over my eyes. Turning, I
beheld Johanna, with her headgear tipped awny off
her head and her hands in the pocket of a big, loose
coat which she wore.
“Never touched him,” said she; then turning to a
big, dark man who accompanied her, “Mr. Thompson,
this is Mr. Grappler.”
I bowed and presented Nettie to them. Mr. Thomp-
son immediately went round to Nettie’s side and be-
gan paying her expansive compliments and gazing
into her eyes. I tried to distract her attention; but
she walked on with him, and left me to follow with
Johanna.
We were just opposite Sherry’s when Johanna
stopped.
“Hie, Thompson,” she called, “Grappler is going to
treat the crow’d. I tried to stop him, but he is so
free-handed—come on.”
“Really, Miss Johanna,” I said, “I have neither the
time nor the. money to spend. I regret that I must
hurry home. I have been shopping, and have spent
all my spare coin.”
Johanna looked at Thompson as he bent over Net-
tie and a wicked gleam came into her eyes. She
glanced at the parcel in my hand, and then, snatching
it from me, she uncovered the remainder of the pretty
thing that I had bought—for her. ,
With a coarse laugh she held it'up.
“Somebody is going to get their deserts. 3
could buy such a hopeless horror as that mu.,i .
mean guy, and”—gazing meaningly at Nettie—“I
don’t admire his taste.”
Nettie looked at her for a moment, then, taking
the despised curio from her hand, she said, “Mr.
Grappler, it is late; will you carry my purchase for
me again and see me safely home?”
Bowing to Mr. Thompson, she turned to cross the
street; and as I followed her I heard the quick toot
of an automobile.
I stopped, but Nettie evidently did not hear, for be-
fore I could detain her she had stepped quickly onto
the road, while at the same instant the glare of a big
headlight fell upon her. *
Instantly I stooped, laid down my friflt and dashing
forth seized Nettie by the dress and pulled her violent-
ly back, but my foot slipped, I staggered and; fell.
The next moment I felt something crushing my arm.
I heard a wild scream from Johanna, and everything
grew dark.
* * * * » *
I am writing this lying in the hospital, with my
left arm broken in two places and a deep cut in my
head.
I am better, though; and hope soon to be out and
back at my office, as our firm will miss me, I know.
Fortunately, my right hand is uninjured. I have
written this to amuse myself during the long hours;
and I must say that it is really very interesting.
I have always felt a leaning toward literature; but
so many people write who'have no value to the world
in other ways that a man of ability may well feel
he is but trifling when he wanders in ink.
couldn’t tell her size in one thing how could I in an-
other? Woman! Woman! always inconsistent.
I then thought of a cuckoo clock, a canary, or pep-
per and salt shakers.
Nettie said she thought handkerchiefs would be nice
or an umbrella, but these I triumphantly pointed out
to her were even less romantic than my teapot, for
sipping tea together often leads to sentimental wan-
derings of the mind. —
Nettie was really most sympathetic and interested.
“How happy she will be to receive anything from you,
sir!” she exclaimed at last.
She had very fine eyes, not exactly green, and not
exactly brown, but hazel, I fancy; and though I have
1 and fifty dollars per annum, y heard this color called deceitful, I felt she could be
trusted as she uttered these highly proper and pleas-
ing sentiments.
“I wish,” she continued, “I knew a man, a really
fine, honorable gentleman, who would ever think like
that for me.” She sighed and I saw the good little
I considered, then, that my offering to Johanna^ thing was lonely; she could not have been more than
twenty years old, and I understood what a treat it
must be to talk with, a person of intelligence; so I nipping.
,_x_ accepted a little too eagerly, I thought; women
should be careful about accepting beverages at the
hands of the male sex. However, Nettie is young and
thoughtless.
We entered the store, therefpre, and I asked how
much the soda was; the clerk (who it appeared was a
— j „ a glass.
stayed pretty late.
Before I took my leave we arranged that as my
grandmother slept from three until six o’clock every
afternoon, I would call for Miss Nettie on the follow-
ing Saturday and we would go together and choose
my present for Johanna. ______z,.
I slipped out without waking my aged relative and friend of Nettie’s) ’told us^it was'ten^cents1
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I was rather annoyed. “They are a little weak,”
I said, “but they only water if there is a high wind.”
She explained that she meant the color of blue water.
It is a pity not to cultivate the art of expressing
oneself correctly; I was rather embarrassed at hav-
ing spoken sharply.
The streets were thronged with people. It was
so near Christmas that the store windows were all
gayly decorated—some beautifully with large Christ-
mas trees, and many had quaint acts of Santa Claus
portrayed.
In one big department store was an airship, com-
posed entirely of white handkerchiefs, and at the
steering wheel sat Santa Claus, while the whole car
was heaped with toys and pretty things.
Nettie and I were greatly diverted. Pleasantly con-
versing, we roamed about, looking at the beautiful
wares sale^ aijd inquiries' the price of
everything.
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I suffer a great deal of pain; but my head is clear.
The nurses are very kind to me.
To-morrow will be Christmas day.
They tell me Nettie was unhurt, for which I am
very thankful.
* * * * « « * *
What a Christmas this has been for me! Mr. Gore
came himself in the morning and said not to worry
about my enforced absence from the office, that he and
Mr. Bludgeon had decided that a man of my con-
scientious abilities deserved reward, and I should
henceforth be manager of the department in which I
work, at a salary of two thousand dollars a year!
I am mortified to remember that, though usually so
eloquent, words failed me at this critical moment,
and I only said:
“I cannot thank you and Mr. Bludgeon enough, sir.”
But he seemed satisfied with that and saying, “A
Merry Christmas, Grappler,” went out.
Then came “Curly” from our office, and he told me,
to my great surprise, that the sister for whose com-
forts I had lent him the ten dollars was no other
than, Nettie!
Cifrly said a great many kind things to me. He
told me I was the hero of our office, and that they
had clubbed together and sent me a Christmas present.
He told me that they all found their work was
harder for the want of the few little services I was
wont to render them, and they asked me to accept a
fur-lined overcoat.
I suppose the weakness that followed my little ac-
cident was the cause of my almost shedding tears
when he told me that every one in our big office, from
the heads to the little messenger boy, contributed
toward my gift.
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went home, quite pleased with my evening, having
^jfoysd myself surprisingly and not having scent
any money at all.
Nettie is much smaller than Johanna.
Saturday arrived, and during the whole of the
morning I was possessed of a strange impatience.
Usually I enjoy the work with which I am in-
trusted, and although I am not by any means fa-
miliar with the other young men in our firm’s employ,
still I can often correct mistakes for them, and I feel
that I have the confidence of the heads themselves. (
On Thursday Mr. Gore said to me: “Stick to it, Mr J
Grappler, and don’t eat too much lunch; it muddles
the intellect, you know.” Which showed a friendly
interest, I thought, for he only nodded to the other
fellows. And Mr. Bludgeon the following day ad-
dressed me as “Grapples.” It is very gratifying to
me to be so Bong Comeradee. as it werej with the
men in whose employ I am.
On Saturday things did not seem to go as they •
should. I had on my best suit and a pale blue tie
(I am very fair), which my maternal grandmother
had given me, being one of the deceased Captain’s
which he had never worn. While eating my luncii a
clumsy clerk stumbled against me and a piece of
lemon pie, which I was in. the act of biting, fell on my
trousers and stained ■ them badly. I was much
annoyed, and on expostulating with the youth he
called me a curious name. I was uncertain of his
meaning, which I think was offensive, so pretended
I had not heard the remark.
My books would not balance; and I really despaired
of getting my little shopping expedition with Miss
Nettie when a young fellow came up to me and said:
“Here, old mole, are you going out with your steady
that you are dressed so regardless? I’ll finish up
your job if you want me to.” I disliked his style of
speech, but I had always liked him—and once, rather
weakly I fear, I lent him ten dollars, because his
^sister was sick and he needed delicacies for her. I
may also mention that he paid me back like a gen-
tleman—so I disregarded his want of manner and ad-
mitted that I had a little appointment. Then Curly
(all the office called him that) said, “Pull up stakes,
and make tracks to find your consort.” So taking
that to mean I might as well leave immediately, I
showed him my difficulty, thanked him and left.
This was a thing I should never have dreamed of
doing before. Strange that buying a present fob
Johanna should interest me so deeply! $
On reaching the grocery store over which my
grandmother resides, I found Miss Nettie awaiting me.
She really looked charming in a blue peignoir, I think
the ladies call it, which made her appear very neat
and trim; I complimented her upon it and she ad-
mired my tie, and said it matched my eyes. I was
much gratified. “Your eyes are such a nice, watery
blue,” she added.
I was rather, annoyed.
Toom, and my grandmother catching sight of me be-
came greatly excited. “Here, you little marine!”
she cried. “That Hubbell never was a captain, I tell
^kU—a s^y moonstMuck bandrum/j and still”—here
she began to cry—“he was such a good listener some-
times I’m quite sorry he’s dead.”
“Never mind her,” said Nettle to me. “She’ll be all
right m a minute. Cqn I do anything for you, sir?”
I was somewhat shocked at the conduct and
language of my aged relative, but seeing that she
was murmuring to herself and seemed unconscious
©f my presence I adapted myself, as I always do, to
circumstances, and sat down and talked with the
young woman I found had been hired by my grand-
care for and be a companion to her.
She was. quite a nice, intelligent little thing, so
much so in fact that, although a stranger, I decided
to consult her upon the important matter in hand;
and my grandmother having dropped into a doze, I
explained my desire to make a presentation of a fit-
ting nature to Johanna.
Miss Nettie suggested a great many things all very
expensive, and finally asked pointblank how much I
wanted to spend.
1 I said, carelessly, that I thought something pretty
landsome, or at least desirable, could be obtained for
B dollar fifty or two dollars.
I She covered her face with her hands and said she
Peered terribly from neuralgic twinges. I was very
irony, of course. However, »he soon recovered and
5 heard her murmur, “Lucky. ^Irl!” I liked Nettle
| Then we thought of many things. I suggested nut-
crackers—girls are generally fend of nuts. She said
Td better find out if Johanna liked them, and sug-
gested “Beauty” roses—very foolishly extravagant.
| I thought a teapot might do. She didn’t think it
a romantic present, she said, and asked if my friend
skated. Perhaps she’d like skates.
, I thought that a good idea until I considered that
perhaps Johanna might expect me to take her to a
rink, and as I always hurt my spine when I go near
Ice, I just told Nettie, to save further discussion, that
Johanna didn’t skate.
I then thought of a bathing suit, as I am excr*J-
Jngly fond of swimming in the summer; but Nettie,
after she recovered from a very severe neuralgic pain’
thought perhaps I mightn’t purchase one that fitted.
Johanna is a fine, large blonde.
1 Then Nettie foolishly suggested gloves. If I
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UH unwrapping my package 1 found it contained a
handsome green plush album for photographs, with a
portrait of Johanna in the front and in very large
handwriting was inscribed the words, “From Johanna
to Her Hero.”
I was rather embarrassed by this mark of attention,
for somehow I seemed to have gone off Johanna so
to speak.
The ornamental fruit which I had bought as a pres-
ent for her had been sent to the hospital the day
after the accident, quite uninjured, and I decided to
send it to Nettie.
Just as I had got the nurse to neatly wrap and
address it, and had arranged with myself to procure
the mumpy cherup she so much admired as a New
Year’s gift for her, she entered—little Nettie, looking
so sweet and rosy-cheeked that I forgot everything
but her.
She advanced timidly.
“Oh, Mr. Grappler,” she cried. “What can I do.
or give or say to thank you?”
Then it was that I rose to the supreme heights.
Nevei’ on the stage have I seen a more dramatic sit-
uation than would have been presented to an onlooker
at^that time, if any had been-present.
Antoinette, I exclaimed, “give me your heart and
hand, not in payment, dear, but as a Christmas gift
Antoinette, I love you!”
She dropped on her knees beside my bed; and then
she told me shyly and sweetly that she had always
been interested in me since her brother told her of the
loan I made him. She had always known I was a fa-
vorite at our office, and when she met me she liked
me^ but—here she hid her face—“what of Johanna,”
Oh, woman! Capricious, loving, lovely woman!
Forget Johanna, I said, “as I have. What kind
of ring will I get you, Nettie ”
Would you believe it, the thoughtless girl
swered, “I like pearls and diamonds.”
I was amazed, but women are all like squaws
eager to bedeck themselves with shining beads
tails of animals, and feathers for their hair.
Then Nettie produced a parcel. “This is for you
I know you like the imitation, so, I hope these also
will please, you,” she sai'd.
I thought her sentiments well expressed.
Thanking her, I opened the gift, and discovered big
purple grapes, apples and bananas, an exact duplicate
of my fruit piece.
I was delighted, although
phantly handed her my offering." ’
When shfe received it she tried to thank me, but
a bad attack of neuralgia came on.
I put my uninjured arm around her. “Z___^1-1,
do think I love you, Horatio,” she said, and. laughed
right in my face.
I do not think I altogether understand
but I like them just as well as if I did.
* * * * * * *
I found the foregoing in a memorandum book of
mine to-day. It was written just three years ago;
and a month later, with my arm still in a sling, I
married my little Nettie.
Our firm has raised my salary every year. Fortune
smiles upon us, and we are very happy.
I seem to have changed someway lately; for I like
comedies now; and this Christmas I gave my wife a
sealskin sack. I fear that was rather extravagant on
my part, though Nettie thinks otherwise.
Nettie says she was never more pleased in her life
than when she heard me say after the Christmas din-
ner yesterday that I was “satisfied up to where Mary
tied the beads!” I was rather ashamed of myself—I
learned that remark from Curly, I suppose.
Neither do I seem to admire that fruit piece much
now. I wanted to remove it from our sideboard; but
Nettie said, “No, dear, let it stay, it shows I really
loved you.”
I should have thought it showed I loved her; but
woman! woman!—who can fathom the strange say-
ings that emanate from their fair lips!
I asked Nettie about that sample of the genus homo
of which the reading of my interesting little memoirs
reminded me.
I am sorry to say she' had a slight touch of her old
enemy, from which she seldom suffers nowadays;
when she recovered she uttered these enigmatic words,
“I got a sample for myself soon after that, Horatiq.
I liked it well, and want no other.”
Then she kissed me.
“Thou art the man,” she said.
Now I wonder what she meant.
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I HAUGHTILY LAID A DIME UPON THE COUNTER AND SAYING, “I DO NOT CARE FOR SODA,*4
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I jocosely remarked, “Two for fifteen, I suppose,” but
being quite devoid of both business instinct and
humor, he crossly replied, “No, ten cents straight—
put up or shut up.”
I haughtily laid a dime upon the counter and say-
ing, “I do not care.for soda,” turned away.
Nettie took hers, and the very offensive young clerk
engaged her in conversation, which I was glad to
see she responded to but briefly. When we were leav-
ing he pressed a large bottle of perfume upon her
and advised her to try another sample of the genus
homo. When I asked him if they were free, he
laughed and said: “Yes, some are too free, and others
not nearly free enough.”
When we got outside Nettie inquired suddenly,
“Mr. Grappler, did you ever knock a man down?”
I was surprised; but one must expect strange re-
marks from women, so I replied soothingly, “No,
Miss Nettie, I do not believe that I ever did.”
“Well, I would begin if I were you,” she said.
I was amused at the fierceness of the little thing.
“No,” I said soothingly. “If I lose my temper I
put myself in the wrong; if I do not, the other man is
in the wrong.”
“But,” she said, “they must think you so spiritless
if they insult you and you do not resent it.”
“What they think or say makes very little difference
to me, but what you think would mean a great deal,
Nettie,” I said.
I was very much surprised at having given utterance
to this sentiment; and when in answer she smiled very
sweetly and said, “Thank you, Mr. Grappler,” I felt
quite pleased. I would drop in some di/ug store later
on and ask for a free sample of that genus homo,
to send as a little Christmas remembrance.
I really like that girl Nettie.
It was beginning to grow dark and a light snow was
falling. I was cold, having no overcoat; and Nettie
said Mrs. Hubbell would be angry if she stayed out
too long. So exclaiming sadly, “Vain is our quest!”
—which I thought was rather a neat phrase—I hap-
pened to glance toward a window we were passing
and I beheld a beautiful work of art.
It was the representation of a dish of fruit; the
apples and bananas were most realistic, and the
grapes on top, although rather massed, were really
fine.
The piece was made of plaster of paris, colored, and
I felt sure Johanna could not fail to be grateful.
“Come,” I said to Nettie, “this is what I seek.”
Women are really very curious. She answered,
“Do you go to the theatre a great deal?”
To follow a lady’s train of thought one would have
to possess a mind like a bounding antelope and a pig
tied bv the legs; but though lacking in these char-
acteristics still I am seldom at a loss for an answer
so I replied:
“It is the only form of entertainment I indulge in.
I go only to tragedies—no frivolous vulgarity for me;
but why do you inquire?”
She laughed. “You speak as if you were one of the
heroes in a tragedy—or a villain,” she said, and her
hazel eyes shone straight into mine. /
Little Nettie is pretty, and it is really a very strange
fact that lovely woman can treat us strong men as
though we were weaklings. I suppose that is why I
not resent her remark, but just saying carelessly,
“The eloquence^f my diction has been remarked upon
more than^nce,” I held open the door of the store and
we passed in.
The woman who waited upon us was an Italian, .
and showed us quite a number of pretty things in
plaster. There was an angel’s head with outspread
wings which Nettie admired. I thought it looked
rather as if recovering from the mumps; but she
said it would be a lovely present for Johanna—sug-
gesting delicately to her that she was an angel- but
I liked the fruit piece. And finding it was only one
dollar and the angel two, I purchased the fruit.
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Galveston Tribune. (Galveston, Tex.), Vol. 28, No. 93, Ed. 1 Friday, March 13, 1908, newspaper, March 13, 1908; (https://texashistory.unt.edu/ark:/67531/metapth1345871/m1/13/: accessed July 16, 2024), University of North Texas Libraries, The Portal to Texas History, https://texashistory.unt.edu.; crediting Rosenberg Library.