Denton Record-Chronicle (Denton, Tex.), Vol. 59, No. 110, Ed. 1 Sunday, December 17, 1961 Page: 30 of 44
forty four pages : ill. ; page 21 x 16 in. Digitized from 35 mm. microfilm.View a full description of this newspaper.
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JEALOUSY CAN
BE NORMAL, TOO
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It need not be a green-eyed monster.
—
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says this expert, but an emotion
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to be understood and accepted
as told to Flora Rheta Schreiber
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COVER
Decomber 17. 1961
Board of Editors
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Weekly
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By SAMUEL LIEBMAN, M. D.
Clinical Assistant Professor of Psychiatry
I meetsity of Illinois College of Medicine, Chicago
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A LTHOUGH we have been talking of children, the
lh same principles apply to the adult and his
jealousies. As an adult, you, too, can keep jealousy
within bounds by being realistic about it by ac-
cepting it not as the green-eyed monster of story-
books but as a natural call for love Pei haps it is
a call for love that you used to have but which
someone now is withholding from you; or for love
, that you do not have but which you want; or even
for love that the other person feels for you, but is
unable to show. Many of my patients, suffering
from feelings of being unloved, find comfort in the
realization that "I didn't feel loved” was not be-
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BEN KARTMAN Ezo utire Ed.tor
ROBERT FITZGIBBON Managina / J r.
MARGARET BELL Eraturr Editor
PHILLIP DYKSTRA Art Ihro tor .
MELANIE DE PROFT Foo? Edito/
Rosalyn Abrevayo, John Hoehmann. Jerry Klein, Hal
London, Jack Ryan; Poor J Oppenheimer, Hollywood
Michigan Ave Chicago 1. III. All rights reserved
ERNEST V HEYN Editor-iw Chi.f
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WE 9 28
J
cause they were unworthy of being loved but
because another could not show or give it
When you want what you don't have, you often
direct your jealousy toward the source of youi
deprivation it may be a person, but it can also be
a thing or an institution I have known husbands
and wives who were jealous of the organizations
to which the other belonged, the hobby he che - '
ished, or even simple affection that was:t< It fo
a parent oi a friend.
One of my patients is violently jealous of her.
husband’s business. Resenting the time that he
takes from her "to be at the office long after othet
men have come home," this wife has personalized
her husband's business to the point of making an
actual rival of it in the heat of an argument she
taunted, "Why don't you go to your office ’ You
love your papers more than me "
Other adults relive their childhood jealousies by
demanding from parent figures— the boss, thesu-
pervisor, the teacher, the friend—the love denied
them by then parents When these associates seen
friendlier to someone else, there is often a repeat
performance of the whole saga of rivalry that .ex-
isted with brothers and sisters The result is im-
mature behavior that retards progress at work and
disrupts personal relationships.
Rid yourself of guilt feelings about jealousy that
is essentially normal. Everyone, child and adult ,
has -ami should have—a healthy share of it Be
concerned about it only when it is out of proportion
to the provocation, or when it is compounded by
distortion, malice, or destructiveness
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4 -'' arman
older child for the new baby s arrival If the older
child is between 112 and 3, he is more prone
to this kind of jealousy than at any other age. You
should wait until a few weeks before the baby is
due to tell the three-year-old about him if, how-
ever, your older child is over three, you should
tell him almost as soon as you yourself know; you
should encourage him to share in preparations for
the baby—in fact. more and more doctors and psy-
chiatrists believe that you should prepare a child
over three for his jealousy toward the new baby,
because he is bound to experience it.
Your child may show jealousy in other ways,
too A sick child will be jealous of a well child,
a poor child of a rich child But he can emerge
unscathed if you accept these jealousies without
making an issue of them and provide him With
opportunities to release these feelings through
active play and hobbies.
Opium's A NEW baby in your family. Your two-
1 year-old surprises you with a blunt "No kiss
Baby " He also plays upon your heartstrings when
he pleads. Kiss me" or "Play with me."
Youi 1 -year-old son has set his sights on the
sea nee medal to be aw arded at his commencement
He misses it by a point but shakes the winner's
hand and walks away with tears in his eyes.
These are incidents in which jealousy was justi-
fiable Suppose the older child showed instant love
when the new baby was brought home, or the boy
had made a pompous little speech about how glad
he was that the other boy had won the medal.
To do any of these things would be abnormal. for
it would reveal a complete lack of normal emotion
A mentally ill person can insulate himself against
lei ling, but a normal person must feel For him to
be aware of jealousy is as normal as to be in love,
to be angry, to be afraid. oi to have any other
emotion
if you are alive, you feel if you feel, you feel
jealousy So it you re jealous, accept it
Yet. at the same time you accept jealous feel-
ings, you should icalize, too, that jealousy can be-
come excessive and control you instead of you
contiolling it When, for instance, an older child,
talkin of a baby brother or sister, goes beyond
No kiss Baby and Diop Baby," to "Kill Baby"
oi Burn Baby ' or to repeated attempts to harm
the new arrival, he has flashed a danger signal If
lie persists in the expression of destructive feel-
ings and actions, he may need psychiatric help.
But much depends upon how you prepare the
The “cold ' season brings nippy uinds, bu t
it also is lined with laughter and bright
muments as witness artist Horner Hill s
sijmbols of winter This is the last in the
current series depicting the four seasons.
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Denton Record-Chronicle (Denton, Tex.), Vol. 59, No. 110, Ed. 1 Sunday, December 17, 1961, newspaper, December 17, 1961; Denton, Texas. (https://texashistory.unt.edu/ark:/67531/metapth1478893/m1/30/: accessed July 9, 2024), University of North Texas Libraries, The Portal to Texas History, https://texashistory.unt.edu.; crediting Denton Public Library.