The San Antonio Light (San Antonio, Tex.), Vol. 46, No. 83, Ed. 1 Sunday, April 11, 1926 Page: 31 of 98
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When Is a Man?
"Have you ever let auy other man kiss you ”
“Never Henry never—only a few college boys."
—Pittsburgh Panther.
• • •
U p Stage.
Foote—Say didja know the coach was goin' into
Vaudeville?
Bawl*—Yah! Then he's a stagecoach now.
—Williams Purple Cow.
• • •
Disappointed ladies.
At the annual sales banquet the toastmaster told
the following story: “It seems that ther* were two
traveling salesmen traveling in a Pullman car and one of
them asked the other if he had ever heard the story
of the two traveling salesmen in a Pullman car. The
other answered in the negative so the first began: “It
seems that one of them asked the other if be had heard
the story of the two traveling salesman in a Pullmen car
but he bad no time to tell the story for two ladies at
that moment sat down across the aisle so they began to
talk about the modern plays. And the ladies moved on
down the aisle."
—M. I. T. Voo Doo.
The End
“Haw do you swim?”
"Just like paralysis."
“How?”
“Three strokes and it's all over."
—S. Cal. Wampus.
HERE COME THE TIED.
Him—You should see the altar in
our church.
Her—Lead me to it.
—Ohio Sun Dial.
• « •
FLAMING LITERATURE.
“Yip! Toddy! Ma!”
“Tea Agnew. Wuzzeh merra?"
"The library's on fire!"
"Why little one bow do you know
this?”
“Oh. the smoke's pourin' in volumes
from the buildin*.*’
—Brown Jug.
• • •
CHECK SIGNALS.
"They say that the police are on
the trail of those check-raisers and
sill soon catch up with them.”
"Oh I don't know. The chances
are that the crooks will forge right
ahead.”
—Washington Dirge.
Social Customs
“Most girls would love to go to a houseparly.”
“lea that is how most uf them get there."
—UluMis Siren.
WEEKLIES
Art Prof.—The nude is chaste when
motionless.
Stude—But how can a nude bo
motionless when chased?
—Virginia Reel.
• » •
BOTANY.
Professor—Now. this plant belongs
to the begonia family.
Visitor—l see. And they are let-
ting you keep it while they arc gon*.
—Princeton Tiger.
• • •
DOUBLE TROUBLE.
Stude—My roomie and I can’t
agree. Every time I raise a window
he pulls it down.
Landlady—Too bad—guess I’ll hav*
to move yon into the front room.
Thore’s two windows in there.
—Oklahoma Whirlwind.
• • •
PLAYFUL NOT HOLY.
Frosh—Mamma can I go out and
play?
Mamma—What with those holes in
yOur trousers?
Frosh—No with the kids across the
street
—Lafayette Lyre.
• • •
Aye! Aye!
“Why my deer old chap women
were in politics centuries ago!”
“Oh. I say now you're spoofing!"
“Not at all old thing Weren't Sa
lomc's motions before the house re-
ceived with applause?”
—Oklahoma Whirlwind.
• • •
DIVORCE RECORDS.
“How do these love triangle* usual-
ly end?’
“Most of them turn into wreck-
tangles.”
—Chicago Phoenix.
Excelsior and Eureka.
I drove along the ill-lit street my heart thumping
frantically my brain in a dixzy whirl. Swaying from
aide to side my anxious gaze encountered a street
clock grim in awful majesty. I glanced fearfully at its
sullen black hands a strange overpowering terror com-
pressing my heart. An empty sinking feeling evidenced
itself deep in my vitals. My limbs numbed—became as
though paralyzed. With difficulty I pressed further
down and down on the gas. An unending nerve-wrack-
ing uncertainty seared through me again and again —
then the whole flivver snorted viciously nnd I jammed the
hydraulics. A tremendous sigh escaped me in a burst.
1 was not too late.
She stood on the corner still waiting.
—Southern California Wampus.
MADE TO HALT.
“I guess this one stumps me.” raid
the swimmer as the shark snapped off
a member.
—U. of Washington Columns.
• • •
THE DECOY.
“Why docs Mary always cuddle
nest to the driver?”
“She's working for her father.”
“Where’s the connection?”
“You see. he's in the auto-wreck-
ing business."
—Pittsburgh Panther.
VARIATIONS ON AN OLD
THEME.
There was a little girl.
Who bad a little curl.
Right in the middle of her forehead.
When she was good
She was very very good
And when she was bad she was tor-
rid! —Michigan Gargoyle.
• • •
Example.
“What did you do when the baby fell down the
backstairs?”
“I just threw a couple of jelly glasses down «n h»
could watch some real tumblers do it.”
—Denison Flamingo.
INSU RMOUNTAPLE.
“I'll never get over this.” said the
chicken as she ambled up to th*
ostrich egg.
—Brown Jug.
• • •
DISASTER.
There was a frugal young student
named Byron
Of dancing he never would tyre.
On
The eve of a dance
While pressing bis pant*
He burned off one leg with tb»
Yron.
—U. of Wash. Columns.
• • •
WHY?
The modern girl does not want a
thapperon; she wants the chap alone.
—HapiuM Black A Blu* Jag.
CHASED CHASTITY.
OUT THE WINDOW!
There was once a girl who had
beau
When he called she would turn th
lights leau
But her dad the old shark.
Saw them spark in the dark
And his teau told the beau where I
geau.
—Southern California Wampus.
• • •
SLANGUAGE.
Gunner—Gee dat’s a pretty hoc
Runner—Dat ain't no bold it's
bird.
Gunner—'Sfunuy it sings like
boid. —Oklahoma Whirlwind.
« • •
PERIODICAL.
Dora —Billie told me I remind'
him of a girl on a magazine cover.
Daisy—That's because be only sc
you once a month.
— Buffalo Bison.
■Hello. Bill."
“Hi. Jack. Come in. Sit down.”
“Say. listen have you studied any of this darn French for the exam
tomorrow?”
"No let's do it.”
“Awright. By the way. T hear you're having Jean up to the game."
"Ob. no. Telegraphed me she couldn't come. She thinks Jones is
going to ask her. How that guy gets away with women is beyond me.”
“Hot stuff though isn't she?"
"Yeh darn good kid. Wonder if she’d reconsider if I telegraphed.
“Might. Well about this French what d'ye know about this play
‘Bloobla’?”
“Oh that's easy enough. The author is criticising the eighteenth cen-
tury."
**Sure. Say I understand you got fired out at the Club the other night.”
“Oh no. Just had one or two highballs. Some brawl that party.”
"So I hear. Had to haul Bebe out. did they?"
"Yeh she was knocked cold by that gin.—Now this other play. ‘La
Bambalinc.' what's that about anyway?—Oh. now. we've been studying this
stuff for two hours. I'm going to bed. — Well let me know if you hear any-
tbg more from Jean."
"Sure thing. Good luck on the exam."
“Same to you. Night Bill.
“Night Jack."
—Yale Record.
Cop—You were making forty-five; I’ll have to pinch you.
Flap—Oh. if gnu must do it where it won't show please.
Something Coming Off
“I've been wanting to tell you girls something about my bathing suit."
"Well get it off your chest."—S. Cal. Wampus.
The Study of French.
Walk—What Is It?
"Im—Nice moon isn't it?
'Er—Uh-huli.
. 'lm—Like to ride?
'Er—l h-huh.
Pause.
'lm—Like to walk?
'Er—Say. sonny come out of it. I m a junior at
Wisconsin. —Princeton Tig»r.
Why Men Become Policemen
Miss Demure (rubbing her cheek)
—I wonder what makes the hair
grow so fast on your cheek?
Mr. Misdemeanor (nestling closer)
—lt's such a tonie to have you close
dear. —Pittsburgh Panther.
• • •
EXCHANGING.
Stud*—Say gimme • ticket t*
Tulsa.
Agent—Here ya are change at
Oklahoma < ity.
Stude—No ya don't. 11l take the
change now.
—Okla. Whirlwind.
* • •
THOSE ’COON COATS.
Visiting Raccoon —I suppose you'll
soon be sending your son to college.
Mamma Raccoon—Me? Not much!
I didn't r; sc my boy to be an over-
coat. —Boston Beanpot.
• • •
ALPHA BET.
He—l wish I could revise the al-
phabet.
She —Why what would you do?
He—l'd put U and 1 closer together.
—Wittenberg Witt.
• • •
THE NICE KNIGHT
"Jack ought to be a knight!"
"Why so dearie?”
"Why last night when I got chil-
ly. h« made me a coat of arms!”
—Uklahoma Whirlwind.
High Finance.
Swede and Mike were hired to du some work. On
the completion of the job the boss paid Mike with a
ten-dollar bill and a five-dollar bill and told Mike to
pay Swede. Whereupon Mike gave Swede five dollars.
“Look here Mike this ain't fair. You give me five
snd keep ten for yourself.”
"Why isn't it fair? Now suppose you had a ten-
dollar bill and > five-dollar bill."
"Yes.”
"And you were ging to give me some money.”
“ Y es. ”
"And you are a big-hearted fellow aren't you?"
•• Y es. '•
“And you are a gentleman?"
“ Yes."
“Wouldn't you give me the ten-dollar bill and keep
the five?'
“Tes."
• Then what the devil are you kicking about?"
—Grinnell Malteasev.
• • •
AGAINST THE GRAIN’.
Trntnp—Why i» that man painting
the inside of a chicken coop?
Trample—To prevent the hen*
from eating the grains in the wood!
—Carolina Buccaneer.
• • •
BEFORE THE FLOOD.
“It will all come out in the wash'
said the contractor as he looked at
the bridge he had just built.
—lowa Frivol.
• • *
BLACK-FACED.
"Say. did you see her flush?”
“Embarrassed?”
“No all spades.”
—California Pelican.
• * *
YES THANKS.
Curious Old Lady (to one-arm<d
man getting off train) —I notice you
have lost your arm young man.
Young Man —So I have: how
trange! —Texas Ranger.
History.
Prof. Coy—When the Spaniards came to explore
the coast of California why did they not make use of
the Panama Canal?
Student—They didn't know it existed.
—S. Cal. Wampus.
• • •
ANOTHER START.
Some people's religion requires to
be wound up every seven days.
—Columbia Jester.
• • •
DIFFERENT CONSTRUCTION.
She —Don't you dare kiss me again!
He (repentingt—All right. I'll stop.
She—Don't you dare! Kiss me
again—Vanderbilt Masquerader.
• • •
Joke* and picture* copyright IHS.
by the Collegiate World Publishing Co.
through Coemos Syndicate except those
from Yai* Record. Harvard Lampoon.
Princeton Tiger. M. 1. T. Voo Doo. Kan-
sas sour Owl. Carnegie Puppet. Stanford
Chaparral. South California Wampus.
Washington Columns Williams Purpls
Cow Ohio Sun Dial Tennosoe* Mug-
wump.
—Texas Ranger.
PLATONIC
HA. HA! WE’VE CHANGED IT.
Servant —Sir there is a girl out-
side who is hungry ami without hos».
Master—Bring her in ami I'll sock
her. —Jack o’ Lantern.
i
a • •
BE SKEPTICAL
Mgn in the Upper—Hey. you're
snoring.
Man in the Lower—How do you
know?
Upper—l beard you.
Lower—Don't believe everything
you hear! —Hamilton Royal Gaboon.
0 a o
AWKWARD SQUAD.
It was their first target practice.
The officer had worn his army pa-
tience thin over these guardsmen.
They just would not fire volley*. In
disgust ’ * finally bellowed “Fire at
random.”
A rookie from Duck Hill yelled
“Which one ' he? '—Texas Ranger.
What a Whim!
“Why did you and your roommate separate this
quarter?"
"He wanted me tn call him colonel just because
he brushed hi* hair with military brushes."
—N. Carolina Buccaneer.
ass
Welcome.
"So I told th* Freshman to indorse the check hi*
family sent him."
•Did he do it “
“Yes. He wrote on the back. 'I heartily indorse
this check.’ "—Princeton Tiger.
• • •
Travel.
I reed a travel circular telling that Paris was the
only place in the world to go. ... In my hotel in the
American quarter I found in the lobby a travel circular
that told more of the unsurpassed beauties of Egypt. . . •
In Alexandria the steamship dock was covered with cir-
culars describing the unequslcd beauties of Persia. . • • •
In Persia I found that my goal still lay beyond where
the blushing Orient now opened up a vista of s land
beyond compare In China 1 saw a circular de-
scribing Boston. Massachusetts Amen.
—Boston Bean pot.
So Exposed
"Migosh. Katy you forgot your earrings!” Don’t
you feel positively naked?”
—Northwestern Purple Parrot.
YES. YES; GO ON!
“You air my treasure! Your lips
are rubies your teeth are pearls
your ayes are diamonds— ’’
“Hush! You know how Rean-hing
the tax people are nownda-ys!”—-
—Bucknell Belle Hop.
• • •
KEEPING IN TOVCH.
“You seem tn be eery intimate with
Florence. I didn't know you had
known her long.”
“Not Inng. but we shared a taxi
from the station snee and were thrown
together a great deal.”
—Princeton Tiger.
• • •
THE IMPELLING FORCE.
Tom —Why do dirers eat more in
the spring than in the summer?
Jerry—l’ll bite.
Tom—Why. simply because they
are fond of the springboard.
—Denison Flamingo.
Warm Language
“Why do you *>old the Janitor about the eole
room*?”
“I get all heated up doing H-”
—C. C. N. I. Mermry.
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The San Antonio Light (San Antonio, Tex.), Vol. 46, No. 83, Ed. 1 Sunday, April 11, 1926, newspaper, April 11, 1926; San Antonio, Texas. (https://texashistory.unt.edu/ark:/67531/metapth1593143/m1/31/: accessed June 29, 2024), University of North Texas Libraries, The Portal to Texas History, https://texashistory.unt.edu.; .