Paradise Messenger. (Paradise, Tex.), No. 291, Ed. 1 Saturday, September 27, 1890 Page: 6 of 8
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True t. 7 unciples.
Mrs. Jenks at e „e— Would you like
some of this oyster ut, Mr. Prim?
Prim—No, thanx ou; I'm a strict vege-
tarian. —Life.
A Regular Boy.
He was not at all particular
To keep the perpendicular;
While walking be either skipped or jumped;
He stood upon his bead awhile.
And, when be went to bed awhile.
He dove among the pillows, which he thumped.
He never could keep still a bit;
The lookers on thought ill of it;
He balanced on his ear the kitchen broom.
And did some nice trapezing.
Which was wonderfully pleasing.
On every peg in grandpa’s harness room.
From absolute inanity
The cat approached insanity
To see him slide the banister so rash;
But once on that mahogany.
While trying to toboggan, he
Upset his calculations with a crash.
And since that sad disaster
He has gone about in plaster,
Not Paris, like a nice Italian toy.
But the kind the doctor uses.
When the bumps and cuts and bruises
Overcome a little, regular, live boy
THE GOLD BEETLE.
Don’t Let the Summer Pass By Without
Making His Acquaintance.
That Was DiNerent , THE DECAY OF THE tERROR.
Sometimes amusing mistakes are -------
made by actors in regard to their let- The Petulant Pop or the Bad Man’s Gun
ters. Horace Weston, the champion Punctuates Western Peace No More,
ban jo player of the United States, is The Terror shows up once in awhile
fond of telling an anecdote in point, in some of the small towns of New
AlsaiNyaitmed ancailneed ana euppea Mexico, and ■• encountered in the
ance. tie country at rare intervals, but his
"When I was in England with Jar- occupation is gone. The march of ci vil-
ret and Palmer," Mr. Weston says, “I ization has been too much for him. The
was constantly in receipt of fetters once numerous and thrifty class have
from women praising my performance been thinned down until only a laugh-
and requesting interviews. I always ing stock is left I was in Cheyenne
took these to Mr. Jarrett, who would when Speckled Tom, Big Pete or
advise me to pay no attention to them Wild Charley used to come dancing
and would throw them into the waste into a bar room with a “gun” in either
basket.
“One day a strange looking letter
reached me, which I glanced at hasti-
ly, saw that it was a request from a __________________.-
lady and laid down again. Some days thinks he can take the twist out of my
later 1 handed it over with a lot of coat tails!”
others to Mr. Jarrett.
“Soon I was startled by an excla-
mation from that gentleman. I looked
up. His eyes seemed to be bulging
from his head.
hand and sing out:
“Now, then, hands up!”
Every hand went up.
"Mebbe thar’s some catamount yere
coat tails!”
If there was he didn't come to the
front.
“Hands down.”
Every hand dropped.
“I’m taking up a collection fur the
benefit of Bill Jackson’s widder, and
anybody who feels like contributing
will be afforded an opportunity.”
We all felt like it. Indeed, every
man was anxious to part with a dollar
or two. I saw four Terrors killed in
HAUNTED HOTEL ROOMS.
Cases Of Suicide Always Cause Troable
in a Public House.
“Yes, a man who commits suicide in
• hotel causes a vast deal of trouble,”
said an old hotel clerk. “If the num-
ber of the room in which the deed was
committed gets out we always have to
renumber the room before we can get
any body to occupy it. I recall an inci-
dent of a few years ago that is inter-
esting. A well-known Richmond man
had committed suicide in one of the In-
dianapolis hotels. About the time the
corpse was removed some of the elec-
tric wires in the building crossed. That
afternoon a traveling man was occupy-
ing a room several doors from the one
in which the suicide had occurred.
Every time he would call for a boy the
register on the clerk's desk would point
to the number of the room in which the
corpse had been removed only
a few hours before. A bell boy
answered the first call, and
came back white asD a sheet
“ ‘Where—where did you get this?’
he gasped, holding out the strange
letter.
“Oh, it’s only one of those blame
fool mash letters,’ I answered.
There is the little gold beetle, for in- “‘One of those blame fool mash let- _ ____________
stance—Cassida aurichalcea. Where ters?’ cried Mr. Jarrett, in great excite- that town, each one dying with his
can he be matched in the world for the ment. ‘For heaven’s sake, man! it's boots on, and I was giving one of them
a drink of water when he shivered,
took a long breath, and died as he
said:
can he be matched in the world for the ment. 1_______,
pure luster of burnished gold? He is an invitation to appear before the
the brightest gem of concentrated me- queen!’
tallic glitter that the whole beetle king- "A
dom can show; and yet who ever sees Victoria Regina, through her secre-
him, even though in one short walk in tary, requested my presence at Wind-
the country lane he may have passed sor castle at a certain date.
—-— 4— 4*-------j - 41— - --1 “Luckily the date was not then
passed, and we succeeded in patching
up the matter without any interna-
tional complications.”—New York
perhaps ten thousand of them—a gold-
mine in truth?
In July the Cassida will be with us.
And so in fact it was.
II. R. IL
“I was a-trying to git up to ten, and
Lev stopped short at seven. I could
tally eight on you, but I’ve lost my
popper!"
I followed the Terror to Laramie,
and many an evening as I sat in the
office of the hotel he entered, with cat
like tread, and opened a sudden fusil-
lade on lamps, keyboard, ceiling and
doors, observing at the finis:
“ ’Scuse me, gentlemen, but it's just
my way. If any of you don’t happen
with the announcement that no one
was in the room. ‘Ting-a-ling-a-ling.’
went the call bell again, and once more
the register pointed to the room in
which the suicide had occurred. A
second bell boy was sent to the room,
and he came back as badly scared as
the first, with the statement that noons
was in the room.
“'It's the dead man's ghost,’ said •
guest who had become interested in the
proceedings."
“Again the bell rang, and for the
third time the register pointed to the
suicide's room. I ordered a third bell
boy to go up and make sure that there
was no one in the room. Not much; he
wouldn't go. Said I wasn't going to
steer him in among spooks. I screwed
up my own courage and stated up stairs
to make an investigation myself. My
breath was beginning to come short
when I met the traveling man on his
But where shall we look for him?
Wherever the pink-blossomed bind- Herald.
weed blooms he also is sure to be found. „.
This vine often clothes the stone walls . 1
for several yards beneath its arrow- A few years ago a party of British
============ ======= «.—•—->
by one, or, stooping, look beneath them, first time with Mrs. Blair. Anyway,
we may surprise the tiny creature feed- when th got to Washington some
ing, and appearing like a drop of kind heart steered them up against
molten gold, clinging like dew to the Col. Dick Wintersmith, who did his
leaf. But you must be quick if you very best to entertain them, and
would capture him, for he is off in brought out some of his oldest and
a spangled streak of glitter. Nor is rarest stories.
this golden sheen all the resource The Englishmen warmed and did row when too late. I had my coat
of the little insect; for in the space their best, and, as all Englishmen do, under the Terror’s head when the death
of a few seconds, as you hold him in came down to Southdown mutton, rattle came to his throat, and he whis-
your hand, he has become a milky, iri- How they praised that mutton, and pered:
descent opal, and now mother-of-pearl, said there was nothing like it in the 7 . _ . municaton was eslbusueu
and finally crawls before you in a coat world, told how its peculiar and ex- hated you fur them red whiskers, and mntsbutretuins come in O A
d dull orange. A few of the beetles quisite flavor was due not alone to the I had dropped in to-night to fill you noted returns came" "
kept in a box and supplied with leaves, rich grasses of the Downs, but to the full of lead.”
changing from gilt to mother-of-pearl, snails which abounded there, and
or dull coral, as the whim suits which the sheep ate with avidity.
them, are an interesting study. Beneath
way down stairs, fuming because his
calls had not been answered. It oc-
We always made haste to assure
him that his way was Al, full jeweled curred to me in a moment that the wires
and extremely pleasant, and that we had become crossed."—Indianapolis
should feel honored if he drank at our News.
expense. One night a boy from Ne- ------------
braska, who was strange to our ways. The Professor Was Too Slow.
and who had his ear barked by a bul- Assistant District Attorney Han-y
let, hauled out and plugged the Terror Macdona tells a story about a fight for
plumb center. He expressed his sor copy between a newspaper editor and
* when the late had-----a scientist. The occasion was the last
solar eclipse and the office in which it
occurred was under the management
of Maurice Minton. Telegrapic com-
munication was established at various
ON HOUSEHOLD MOTTOES.
The Question Discussed by the Frequent-
ers of a Bar-Room.
“Hyke, be you a-takin’ to puttin' up
them there mottors?” inquired the man
who never went home, eyeing the spate
ter-work sign, ‘Peace and Prosperity!"
which Mr. Hyke had newly hung behind
the bar.
"Wal, new, it's amazin' how fashions
will git bold! They ain’t a house you
go into, nor a store, neither, but what
the Golden Rule or the Commandments
is starin’ you in the face from some-
wheres. Are the community Nvin’ up
to 'em any bettern they used to, think?
It seems to me, Hyke, more like they're
kinder sneakin’ out of it in this way,
like the feller that writ his pra'rs onto
a shingle so’s he could point to ’em cold
nights, ‘n’ say: ‘Them's my sentiments!’
instid of gittin’ to his knees. I’ve
noticed the more people ain’t livin'
up to a mottor, the more it’s
bound to be stuck up over their
chimbly-piece. When you go into •
house, ‘n’ set down ‘n’ read: ‘God Bless
Our Home!' you kin take big odds it’s as
bad in need of blessin’ as it ever bin of
white-wash in'. ‘N' ‘Love Yer Ene-
mies!' Why, bless ye, old Squire Skin-
nam, he’s got one of '’em up over his
writin’ desk, ‘n’ five lawsuits a-goin’ on
with his neighbors. ‘Love Yer Ene-
mies!’ My goodness! that do seem the
onlikeliest of 'em all; now, don’t it? If
the mottor said: 'Leave Your Enemies
Live; Don't Take 'Em By The Neck n'
Choke The Life Outof 'Em!’ you mought
say that were bad enough to tackle; but
love ’em? We find it blame hard enough
to love our near relations. I don’t see
where our enemies is goin' to git the
ghost of a show. ‘N’ 'Peace ‘n’ Pros-
perity!’ hangin' behind a bar counter!
Ain't that redeck’lous? Still, it got
more biziness bangin' behind the bar,
that's so, than it hev in front of it. If
there's any peace ‘n’ prosperity goin’,
they ain't lavishin’ themselves on the
fellers in front The man behin’ hes
got the best look out, in that direction."
“Well, now, you bin standin' up to
that bar, off ‘n’ on, a good many years."
retorted Hyke, in an injured tone. “I
don't see as Peace ‘n’ Prosperity has
neglected you so awful bad.”
“Were it standin' up to the bar that
fetched ’em—think? Why, man, the
two dollars, or four, or ten, or whatever
it mought be, that are comin' to me
every week from the business my wife
“It’s mighty queer isn’t it? I allus
attends to, ‘n’ that I kin spend as I
please, would frequentin' here ever
brung it into my pocket? It fetch it out.
professor of astronomy had ...................,
I followed the Terror up the Guni- charge. The time for going to press If the females of this town, she often
son valley He was getting attenuated was approaching, and from the sanc- make the remark, ‘were wimmin sech
“Snails" said Col. Dick, hoarsely, and 104ine his and when bo bad, manea nolo has ret : awimmin werollintend tolchs that
the bind weed leaves one may also find as he laid a restraining hand upon the street row he sheltered himself behind nally Mr. Minton came in and con- teller Hyke n ouCES lesemonn nim,
numbers of small black larvae with a speaker’s arm. “Don't say another a post, and when he “let go" in a sa- templated the professor, seated amid
singular black lattice held suspended word. Come with me.” . loon there was a suspicious uncer- tomes of scientific data, hard at work
flat over their barbs upon their forked He led the way to Chamberlain’s tainty in his tones as lie clicked his on some abstruse calculation,
tails. These are the inconspicuous and and had a brief confab with John, gunsand said: . “Any copy yet, professor?'—it's gel-
uncouth grubs from which our golden Half an hour later the party were cat- 1 m just a-waiting fur some ky ote ting late."
beetles have sprung, and a little search ing some of that Kentucky mutton to move an eyelash orstir his tongue. "My dear sir, I have not been able , , ,
among the leaves will also disclose the which has fame on three continents. We not only moved, but we even to fustife calculation”___to gracious if I don t think she grab
tiny enrysalis suspended by its tail. The Englishmen were, forced to ac- ventured to offer him advice, and by tosputs interrupted Minton, “we go onto the poker ornament that mot-
Don’t let the summer pass without knowledge its superiority in fineness and by the day came when I turned a to press pretty soon and must have tor..
making the acquaintance of the Cassi- “nd flavor, corner to find him dying at my feet, some copy." But a voice from the porch, convey-
aa. After the 1st of July no may be "Gentlemen," said Col. Winter- I was loosening his neck band as he No answer. The professor was deep ing the intelligence that Joe Barne’s
found until late autumn You must see smith, gravely, “for two months be- opened his eyes and said: in his calculation, team was comin down the road—them
him at none ir you would seouim Atal fore our Kentucky mutton is slaugh- “Downed by a durned bull whacker, In fifteen minutes the editor bounced team he blew about, Saturday—caused
for the dead sell 10545 all th 1 wont tered it is fed exclusively on chopped who didn't know which end of bis in again. There was no copy. Sev- the man who never went home to leave
blue grass and pate de foie gras. — pistol went off!" eral unopened telegrams lay by the unfinished his chapter on mottoes, and
Washington Post. I met the Terror for the last time at hand of the professor, who had not proceed leisurely to the door, where he
Cuetow Ctr i toe cittinc in „ eolonn ' .... ..„ ,.. , , ’, .■ 0—... leaned to view the approaching quad-
fast enough, as my wife often say tome.
would be heaved
‘n’
rid on rails.’
in duck ponds
It's aston-
ishin’ what sound judgment my wife
kin sometimes express! I’m jest a-
thinkin' if she could on'y see that sign
up there: ‘Peace ‘n' Prosperity!' blame
drous lustre.—William Hamilton Gib
son, in Harper’s Young People. "--Custer City. I was sitting in a saloon yet justinear’ilis calculation. Grade
GREENLAND’S ICE-CAP. Names of Places in Maine. when the door was kicked open with ally the paper was filled up save the
—---A Hiram correspondent of The Ox- a great crash, and he appeared with a space for the eclipse stuff. There was disposed to be lenient, but who fears
Immense Cavities Filled Up by Snow and ford Democrat thows some light on revolver in either hand. He had long no more time to wait, that conscience will compel him to be
The aspect of these boundless wastes the origin of names of places in that hair,a big hat and a buckskin suit. "Have you any copy, professor?" just. Madeline S. Bridges, in Puck.
= ==========================================
the gray of their snows with the gray of tain in a severe snow storm and fresh from th® human system and he seized the telegrams and as fast as interesting facts connected with the
the skies at first give the impression couldn’t make any one hear his calls served up in puddles on the newly the envelopes dropped to the floor a
that Greenland was a uni form pleteati, a for assistance. It is said he always mopped floor. He whooped. He re porter grabbed the contents and put
sort ofhorizontal table. Th e belief now calls for help now just before a storm, yelled. He cracked his heels together them into shape. Just as the profes-
prevails that the rocky surface of the Another hill near Hiram is named Old He snapped his right hand gun, but it sor awoke from his scientific reverie
land is, on the contrary, carved into Mare’s hill from a poor old horse that was a cheap catridge. He snapped ha heard Minton yell, “send out that
mountains and hills, valleysand gorges, some one turned out to starve to death, the other, but there was only a dull stud head for the eclipse.”
but the plastic snows and ice have grad- and a steep precipice near a road has click. Then a small man with a bald Before the scientist had justified
ually filled up all the cavities, which now been known as Horse 11-11 ever since a head and bow legs and consumptive that astounding order there was a
show in only slight sinuosities on the horse fell down there and was kicked look came out from behind a curtain steady roar downstairs and the paper
surface. Allowing to the whole mass J 1 1-11---1------4----- - 2
rupeds with the air of a critic who is
of the ice-cap an average thickness of ton Journal
five hundred feet, it would represent a
total volume of about one hundred and
fifty thousand cubic miles. This sermer
suak, or “great ice" of the Greenlanders,
flows like asphalt or tar with extreme
slowness seaward, while the surface is
gradually leveled by the snow falling
during the course of ages and distribut-
ed by the winds. In the interior of the
WASnicu oucauyivaauuwabu
over the bank by its owner.—Lewis- and knocked him down, and flung his had gone to press. Some time alter
‘ guns into the street and whistled for a the paper was on the street the specta-
policeman. Next morning I was in cled professor laid a pile of scientific
court when the Terror pleaded guilty, data upon Minton’s desk. The editor
and added:bowed but the copy didn’t move. The
“Your honor, I made a fool of my- professor’s opportunity was lost.—New
self. If you’ll let me off 111 go back York Graphic.
to pushing a wheelbarrow at ten shil-
lings a day."
Poor Terror! I lament his down-
fall. —New York Sun.
country the surface of the ice and snow
is as smooth as if it were polished, look-
ing like “the undisturbed surface of •
frozen ocean, the long but not high bil-
lows of which rolling from east to west
are not easily distinguishable to the
eye." Nevertheless, the exterior form
of the ice-cap has been greatly diversi-
fied, at least on its outer edge, where in
many places it is difficult to cross, or
even quite impassable. The action of
A gentleman who lives out at Edge-
water was starting for town the other
morning and he had occasion to cross the
railroad track on his way to the station.
Jogging along before him on the road
was a peripatetic peddler, who was evi-
dently a Hebrew. The latter had a bony
horse, which ambled along in some way,
and the wagon in which the peddler sat
was a very rickety affair. The Edgewa-
ter man heard the whistle of a train as
the wagon neared the track, and he knew
woolen manufacturing industry in Maine.
The second woolen mill in the United
States was erected at North Andover,
Mass. A year or two after its starting
the proprietors built another mill at An-
dover, Mass., and, about the same time,
1817, two of the same family, Jerry and
Amos Abbott, started northward to look
for a site for a saw mill and woolen mill.
They decided on Dexter and in 1820 es-
tablished the business there. This was
not only the first cloth making mill in
Maine, but the first to ship goods from
Maine to the Boston market.—Lewiston
Journal.
The Cotton of the Patagonians.
From time immemorial cotton has
been grown in Hindoostan, China, Per-
that the morning express was due, but
the Hebrew jogged on and apparently
did not hear the train. As his rig struck
the track the engine of the express
dashed by and caught the rear wheels.
There was a cry and a crash. The Edge-
A precocious Ponckhokie boy had his
photograph “taken" the other day. His
uncle, desiring to send one of the por-
traits to a friend in England, w rote the
following on a slip of paper and asked
the boy to copy it on the back of the por-
trait: “To Uncle ----‘s English friend.
sia. Egypt and Sicily, and, when South
America was discovered, the natives
were found growing cotton. The Pata-
gonians bound their hair with cotton
threads, and in Mexico the Aztecs
wore cotion clothing of remarkable
beauty.—Dry Goods Chronicle.
True, in One Sense.
First Barnstormer—Faith, me friend,'
I am overjoyed to see you. What luck?
A regular ovation at your last appear-
ance, I hope.
Second Barnstormer—S’death, me boy,
I know not what you call an ovation.
Yet, hold! Mine was such, if you bear
in mind that in Latin ovum meaneth an
egg.—Pittsburg Bulletin.
“How do you like the town?" asked a white
man of Sam Johnsing, who had just arrived
in town and started a barber shop. “De
town am good enuff, but Tse sorry for de
folks-dry are so ponh." “There seems to be
considerable wealth," remarked the customer.
------------------------------------acted in that manner. “I ain't going to "Because nothing short or an invest- "Yes, there seems to be, but hit's all a snare
face into innumerable cones a few yards 1,1 trade. Straightening himself up and send my picture to the English, because gating committee will bring anything and a cullusion. Yesterday I wanted change
high, in form and color resembling the gazing after the fast receding train, he they came over here and taxed us on regarding their affairs to the surface.”— foah a $5 bill. I hunted all fni my pockets
tents of an encampment. -Elsie Reclus, shook his finger at the rear coach and tea." was the youngster’s answer. *** ** I hain"e *—4 “ T---* -
in Popular Science Monthly, said, reproachfully: “Yon nevervistled:" ’ "
As to Surface Roads.
“I have about come to the conclusion
From a little American boy." When the
. .- portrait and copy were given to the lad
lateral pressure, of beat produced by water man rushed toward the crossing he shook his head and appeared dissatis- that a surface road is a misnomer. ’
the tremendous friction, of evaporation just as the bewildered peddler „ pulled fied. His mother asked him why ha “How do you make that out?"
"I ain't going to “Because nothing short of an investi-
•nd filtration, has often broken the sur-
himself away from the wreck of his stock
New York World.
an’ I hain’t found it yet.
I never seed •
town where it was so hard to get change foah
• pore $5 bill. ”—Drake’s Traveler’s Magazine.
&
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Forster, William. Paradise Messenger. (Paradise, Tex.), No. 291, Ed. 1 Saturday, September 27, 1890, newspaper, September 27, 1890; Paradise, Texas. (https://texashistory.unt.edu/ark:/67531/metapth1694218/m1/6/: accessed July 17, 2024), University of North Texas Libraries, The Portal to Texas History, https://texashistory.unt.edu.; .