The Matagorda Gazette. (Matagorda, Tex.), Vol. 2, No. 36, Ed. 1 Wednesday, May 30, 1860 Page: 1 of 4
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S. J. UPSET, EDITOR AM PROPRIETOR.
VOLUME II,
¡XOSBPTS.
Vac pitch to
n no!
«so
. si vo
wrtil all irmriKu *rr | ¡j.
—" *t|u>rv (ten linn jurat
M SJ ^ a pitcher to ke«
7 Ü0 ; 3 month* M
USj - " Z - Whiaky cures the bite
25 00;
35 00;
«0 00; « 35 00
KMivur, when sdmis-
S3fO*<£^í22f Q os'ITIS fín\t f x• Cflg•** 1
MATAGORDA, TEXAS, WEDNESDAY, MAY .10, I SCO.
A YKAU, IN* Alt VANCE.
NUMBER 36.
■ - Mrs
it in.
water
Minor A Koauáiur Cullovi'y.—And so,
ulons you duu't take a eouuty paper ?
fiag of. No, Major, I get the city papers on
>quirt,«
• n
bet-
A PERPLEXED BRIDEGROOM,
"ome days sinoe a very rustic and in-
*ii for
m «hrartWmenu.
•weeding ten line* in
, artiiigton told Bemus, the, From an «.rat n of John
- o r ay, m coulideuee, that a young man Botts, we extract this • " Hie
out, had committed infanticide b blowing Ins of that proud !•" -I whirl, tore tl-
•rams up in a state of dilirinin tr.v Irehnd'. oppn ,r fn.in tin- clond-pii-reiiig ter terms "and so I take a" couple of them. arl¡ t¡c couple, residents of Kentucky, near
•Mi. ■ which. I >r isiH'.'i-síivR centuiics But, '¿quire, the county papers oftei; Tennessee line, concluded marriage to
i. i .r . In-! i.i i) .,s he whirled his prove a great convenience to us. The more -heir destiny, and with this idea came
Ix-.ivc lo. 11 ' '''' will not we encourage them the better the editors
It the li. r.-.. iro and to scatter cail Inakc them.
„ w . of snakes, ,Io,w'aiHi *1* corner '•ohi;.,ír i
- 7* oo W t nrp tbc bite of whisky ? over his remnants.
benmdmü^ Why is beeí like au~7nviolable 1 * Man ,¡ke a snow-bañ. Ixiv
iadiTUu^ "CCret IhVaUt^ U ***** U> retwfcd. ,'in" "l «gainst the sonny lace of
__J m- -itart «.r «s;-r,
shreds the breeze-Haunting Whv
to tWir lejriti-
U*jr will bo charged
ia flMtaaco aa* bo accomp*-
.trcKy acceptance, to aecareia-
bag.,- ..id Mr. Shrink" bT tl " u"th ^!***■ b"ttC' 1 ** kfek «"•¡¡TiTta * T'""\ "V*.
for Caoatj ofllcea, 15:
•10; fajatot ra
of lUchb
Pro not got the blood to spare."
Self-defenso is the clearest of all
•IT*,.' an,^ this reason, the lawyers
didn't make it.
! OP CREDIT.
**- The wasp attacks the ripest fruit
first so will slander attempt to wound the
most honest fame.
To Cum a Bachelor's Aches.—Carry to
the parson eleven yards of silk—with s
weman in it.
into a
auctioneer
was
observes the New
properly estimate the
One man thinks that
property npon s
payment, he need look af-
more. If he can
that is enough for
out however, much to
lit be does not rank
as some of his
he makes up his
that his 'father*
of in busi-
he good, it is said,
,*fbr if doe time be
saddenly asks,
V Be discovers a
his "old friends.*
"that allowing a note
l*mr
man minute, and
by introducing to
Ichabod says he always knaws when
they get a new hired girl at bis house by
the color of the hair in the pudding.
"Death lofts a shining mark." Gentle-
men with red noses will please take war-
ning.
9b. Miss Lillyprim says she may be old
now, bnt she his seen the day when die
was young as anybody.
Aa iadiscret person is like an un-
sealed letter which every one may read,
bat which is seldom worth reading.
^ Jeremiah was telling his landlady
tow much be loved calves' head for dinner.
*0h yon cannibal t" exclaimed the witty
Udy* _
19* The violet grows low sad covers it-
self with its own tears, and of all flowers
yields the sweetest fragrance. Such
11 «if n9 nniii^a
nott, w coarse, ssopi
Why was Goliah surprissd when
David hit him with a stone in the fete
T Becauee it never entered his
loa theetepa of ooe of
severally apply to our
is their
to be good, bat "he
1,'li^s high, and
bat is
a* tf
r, hat is engar
He méjf
not Wstoh him.
aa
of lúe affairs.—
:p
care a
i his goods damag-
, allow *11 his claims or
r-Y
ihimihs will tell liM in
' when the truth would
a great deal better
to be worth |lt,0M,
head to theasle of hia foot,
lik a paff ball
a might go
through with the
act then pre-
aB thess M doabtful cases- to
We have hit off the catalogas o
"borrowed capi-
¡are larger than
liMt of ethera, many
asperate notice. Oar
It to call the attention
la a very ahnple qaestioa,
the baais of all cre-
H way ajtclssively T—Aaswer
istly. If you desire suo-
rlt If yon deeire a clear cons-
esa apply this subject to their
W , and position." Te
of the sabject,
aay to the reader—we mean yoe
to a bottle is good enough
"55," vary strange that you and I
Together cannot pall;
jn ye full wheu I am dry
And dry whea I am fell.
An Irishman went
meeting house where an
selling tlie pews:
'Well," he cried, "God has broken down
aa well as the rest, and here they are sell
ing him out of his own house, to pay his
own debts."
m. "Pappy, do you say yer prayers at
nights V
'In course, I do."
'Well, if yer do, yon sleep with yer
stockings on, and that's worse."
A witness in a Boozier Coart being
asked bow he knew that two certain per-
sons were man and wife. "Why, I've
leard 'em scolding each other more'n fifty
times." The evidence was taken as con-
clusive.
Cuffy said he'd rather die in a rail-
road smash-up than in a steamboat bust-
up, for this reason—"If you gits off de
track and smashed up, dar you is ; but if
yoa gits blowed op on de boat, whar ia
you V
JW "May I be married, ma?" inquired
a lovely girl, of fifteen of her mother, the
other morning.
" Married 1" exclaimed the astonished
matroe, "what has pat that strange idea
into your bead 7"
"Little Emily here has never seen s
wedding, and Itt like to amuse the child,"
Replied the obliging sister, with fascinating
A was being naked the name of the ia-
veater of letter stamps, replied that it was
irobably Cadmus, who brought letters ¡¿to
Greece..
t is aaid that no fort ever sufeied so
mnch aa the piano-forte when a modern
lag lady re-enaota the "Battle of
*ragae."
1^ There ia a lawyer ia Plymouth,
Bnglaad, so exotopnaly honest that he puts
all his flower pota oat over night, so deter-
mined ia he that everything shall have its
"Ah, ma* said a pious lady, "oar
a powerful preacher ; fbr the
be admiaistered the word of
¿ us, hs Udted three pulpits to
tad baaged ths in'ards oat of five
bisa."
A coantry girl reesntly asked a city
acquaintance fe go with her to purahaee
articles, sad to act ss spokes-woman.
They entered a store, and the city girl
"Have yea aay hoae?" "I doat
waat aay hoes," said the country maiden,
«I waat stockings"
A poor fellow says: "la aa evil
hoar I became addicted to drink. From
that moment 1 have been going down, un-
til I have beoome aa outcast—a loafer-
thing of ao acoooat; fit fbr aothiag alee but
to be a member of Congiest."
^ Seau Brummel once bad his pocket
picked. The pecuaiary lose be bore with
groat equanimity, but declared that he
would hang, if be met with them, the un-
gentlemanly villains who, by neglecting to
rebutton the pocket of his pantaloons, bad
him to walk the length of the street
with hie pocket turned inside out
A lady who had read of the exten-
aive manuiacture of odometers, to tell bow
far a carriage had been run, she said she
wished some Connecticut genius would in-
vent an iaatrnment to tell how far has-
banda bad been in the evening, when they
Hjust stepped down to the postoffice," or
went to attend a caucus."
§9 A country editor, according to an
exchange, ia ao individual who reads news-
papers, writes articles on all subjects, sot
type, reads proof, works the press, folds
papers, prints jobs, runs errands, cute
wood, works in the garden, talks to all
who call, receives blame for many things
be never docs, works from 4 a. a. to 10 r.
„ and never collects half hia debts. Who
'doea not wiah himself a country editor ? A
true picture.
I don't know anj convenience they
^ are to lue.
"• gathers strength with revolution, until he " U ot that glorious fowlj The farm you sold last fall was adver-
grows into au avalanche. To succeed you ^ ,,art wilh tll° vuU:it>' of I'^htniug- to tiseil in one of them, and thereby you ob-
must keep moving ¡avenge the wrongs of outraged Ireland,, trined a customer. Did you not?
to vindicate the bleeding wounds of; Very true, Major, but I paid two dollars
country the sous of the gloridus fatiierland." j for
" Twas Nnarr 1 Tlie wind howled dis-l And you made more than three dollars
mrjy without, and the heavens shed tor-,^'1- í",uw. y°uF neighbors had not
rents of rain upon tlie parched earth, while1 niaintained that Press and kept it ready
the thunders rolled along the vaulted licav-! for y°ur «se, you would have been without
ens, and the intense darkness was only ¡ l'ie means to advertise your property. But
dispelled by vivid Hashes of lightning. It I think I saw your daughter's marriage in
was a night for the murderers and fiends1 papers ; did they cost you anything ?
of earth,
the ear ?
But hark ! what noise falls on
Tis the stealthy tread of the!
No, but-
And your brother's death was thus pnb-
midnight assassin, bent upon some deed of lished, with a long obituary notice. And
terrible vcugeance! With cautious step! the destruction of your neighbor Brigg's
he approaches the bed, he seeks the victim. | house by fire. You know these things are
" Ha I I've got you now 1" he flutters, and exaggerated till the authentic accounts of
with unerring aim his hand descends and
kills—a bed bug.
Yocxe Amebic*.—"Say, mamma, give me
ten cents."
Affectionate Mother—"Why, my eon,
yoa had a dime this morning; what are
yoa doing with all your money ?"
Young America—"Oh, I am backing
Johnny with a lot of Johnny Bull
boys."
Affectionate Mother—"Oh, that is wrong,
my son."
Young America—"Wrong 1 why, Hoenan
is oar second Washington going to fight
As battles of hia oountry. Where's your
patriotism? Come, give us a dime 1"
Buttons are sometimes made to do
a.duty for which they were not originally
intended. A venerable preacher out West
announced a collection as follows:
"My christian friends, a collection will
be taken ap for the benefit of the heathen in
the Sandwich Islands. And here I wish to
ware those of you who pat in buttons,
against the too prevalent custom of flatten-
ing down the eyee, wbict^ whilst it has no
effect in deceiving the poor heathen into the
ope of these articles for coin, nevertheless
renders them totally unfit for buttona."
Eben Harris, a young man m
Marblehead, Massachusetts, while feeding
his fowls a few evenings sinoe, was weund-
sd just below the knee, by the spurs of one
of his cocks. The wound, which was not
at first serious, gradually grew worse, tak-
ing away the uss of his limb; depriving
bim of sleep, and at Isst of his reason. In
his delirium, he crows like a rooster, at
the top of his voice. Hia caee is considered
hopeless.
Heart Fobce.—A man's force in the world
other things being equal, is jost in the
ratio of the force and strength of hia heart.
A full hearted man is slways a powerful
r ; if he be erroneous, then he is power-
ful for error ; if the thing is in his heart,
be ia sure to make it notorious, evon though
it may be a down-right falsehood. Let a
man be ever so ignorant, still if hia heart
1 Tou> Yoc So.'—A woman who was in
the habit of declaring, after the occurrence
of any unuasal event, that she had pre-
dicted it, was one day very cleverly 'sold'
by her worthy spouse, who, like many an-
other wc wot of, had^got tired of hearing
that eternal 'I told you so.' Rushing into
the bouse breathless with excitement, he
dropped into a chair, elevated his hands
and exclaimed :
'0 1 wife 1 wife I what—what —do you
think ? The old brindle cow has gone and
eat up our grindstone !'
The old woman was ready ; and hardly
waiting to hear the laat word, she screamed
oat at the top of her lungs—
'I told you so, you old fool 1 I told you
so I You always would let it stand oat of
doors P
Pat as Yoa Go.—Justice forbids thst
men should purchase that for which they
cannot pay—and that rule of justice ob-
served through life will always' work out
competence and comfort. There is but
one secret in the successful pursuit of life
—whatever be your income, *ptnd lest; what-
ever be your eircumstancee, pay wfca you
purchase. One hundred dollars in a comma
nity acting upon thia principle «(ill go far
tber and do more than five hundred in a
community where everybody ia a debtor
or creditor—where every sixpence has to
be charged until it costs more than it is
worth, and the labor of gtttimg exoseds the
labor of sajrmng.
Taxtooixs Made Serviceable.—The Bos-
ton Advertiser of the 3d inst, baa the fol
lowing;
"Life being notoriously insecure in New
York, one of the New York papers has pro-
posed that every citizen should have his
name and residence marked on his clothing,
so thst. in case anything should happen to
him—to use a «mild expression—whatever
is ioand may be indentified. The discovery
of a body stripped and sunk in the river,
bowevér has suggested a defect in this ar-
rangement, and it is now proposed (need
are say by the Louisville Journal) that
every New Yorker should have hia name
tattooed on his breast or some such secure
place. 'As to marking the place of resi-
dence, that would be impossible, for New
Yorkers all move every May-day, so that a
full grown man or woman would look like
a printed directory.'"
" I Don't Dance."—The papers are telling
a good story of a plain uulettcred man from
the back country, in the State of Alabama,
who, arriving in Tuscaloosa on the Sabbath
went early to church. He selected a seat
in a convenient pew, and awaited patiently
the assembling of the congregation. The
service commenced. Presently the music
of a full-toned organ burst upon his aston-
ished ears ; he bad never heard one before.
At the same time the gentleman who owned
the pew came up the aisle, with bis lady
As he approached
be fall of love to the cause, be becomes a
powerful man for that object, because be .leaning upon his arm.
baa heart power, heart force. A man may the door of the pew, 1*^motioned to give
he deficient in many of the advantages of place to the lady
education, in many of those niceties which
are so much looked upon in society ; but
once give him a strong heart that beats
baid, and there is no mistake about his
power. Let him have a heart that is right
full up to the brim with an object, and that
man will do the thing, or else he i "
gloriously defeated, and wUl gloiy
defeat. Heart is power.
to the lady. This movement the
countryman did not comprehend, and from
the situation of the gentleman and lady, as-
sociated as it was in his mind with the
music, he immediately concluded that
cotilion, or a French contra dance, or some
other dance was intended. Rising partly
the newspapers set them right.
Eh, true, but .
And when you were elected 'Squire the
printer printed your name, and afterwards
kept it before the people in the official di-
rectory, for which
Yes, yes, but these things are news to
the readers. They cause people to take
the papers.
No, no, 'Squire Grudge, not if all were
like you. Now I tell you the day will
come when some one will write a very long
enlogy on your life and character, and the
printer will put it in type with a heavy
black line over it; and with all your riches
this will be done for you ae a grave is
mads for a pauper. Your wealth, liberali-
ty, sil such things will be spoken of, but
the printer's boy, as he spells the words in
srranging the types to these, will remark
of yon, Poor meen devil, be is even sponge
ing en obituary ! Good morning, *Squire.
The Mtbia TVpe —Ws find the following
deecription of a new invention in the Lon-
don Morning Star:
The invention of the Myria Type of Mr.
Combarieu has been submitted to the gov-
ernment snd accepted for inspection. The
marvellous invention being designed to
effect an immediate revolution in the art of
printing, it is worth description. Hitherto
the characters naed in printing have been
composed of a mixture of lead, and copper
and antimony; these characters, by reason
of their extreme softness, wear out quickly,
and are, beeides, very expensive. The
characters are moulded ooe by oae; the
beet workman can scarcely produce five
thousand of them in a day, in the rough.
They have afterwards to be finished ap
and pass through several bands
Mr. Combarieu, by an ingeniously invent-
ed maehine, produces ten thousand of thess
character^at one stroke. Each letter is
then separated by a a mechanical saw,
which divides them with mathematical re-
gularity and preciaioo. The consequence
of this invention wUl be: production, in-
creased per cent; exactitude and regulari-
ty, hitherto unattainable; the use of harder
metal, which will avoid frequent renewal
of prinlers' materials ; reduction (by one
half) of the outlay ; and at length the one
great object, aa enormous diminq^ion in
the price of books ! Look now through the
vista of approaching years, and heboid the
glorious result M Combarieu announces
his intention of producing characters of
steel, the durability of which will be beyond
calculation.
Turxkd Dowv.—Judge Underwood of
Georgia, lately deceased, sltbougfa s great
wit was once "turned down," and that by
a cow driver. The Locomotive giving an
an account of the late cold spell and high
pricess of wood in Atlsnta, says:
We are reminded of a most ludicroi
reply made by a youthful cow-driver to
Judge Underwood, in hie day, during a
very cold spell. The little fellow came
driving his mule, or perhapa a small calf
down Marietta street, pulling a small load
of wood, when the Judge opens bis door
and hails him:
"Hello there, what do you ask for your
wood ?" "Two dollars and a half."
"Where do you expert to go when you
die?" asked the Judge in astonishment.
to the Western Athens, desirous of sacri-
ficing themselves to liytncn at the earliest
op|>ortunity.
In due time tbc pair arrived at Cincin-
nati, and repairing to the Spenccr House,
informed the clerk, Andrew Blum, that
they were extremely intcut ou perpetrating
matrimony, aud that nothing oould thwart
their purpose. Mr. Blum so far from wish-
ing to prevent their amiable immolation,
made every effort to facilitate their design,
and so well did be succeed, that in less than
an hour 'James' and 'Jemime' were wedded
as firmly as lay in the capacity of a clergy-
man to bind them.
The clerk, after the ceremony had been
performed, believing that all new married
people ought to be as well accommodated
as possible, gave them a parlor and bed
room on the third floor, and bade them
'good evening1 about ten o'clock, not neg-
lecting to wish them every possible bliss.
The twain meekly followed the servant
to the rooms, and were left alone for the
night, the clerk thinking no more of tbem
until about S o'clock, when, sitting dosing
in an easy chair behind the counter in the
office, he was aroused by a voice saying;
'Look here, Mr. Clerk, oh, Mr. Clerk, I'd
die to speak to you jist a minit, do now.'
Mr. Blum opened bis eyes, and beheld
hia rustic friend, hatleas and coatless, with
a* flushed face and disheveled hair, and
such generally disarranged attire, aa indi-
cated that he had been undergoing some
very violent exercise.
'Well, sir, of whst benefit can I be to
you?'
•Why, why, I don't like to trouble you,
and I don't know bow you feflers doee
things in this big town, but, but, but —1
'But what ? my good friend,' queetioned
the clerk, anxious to free the ruralist
from oonfuaion, each moment on the in-
'Why, why, you know we've married—
Jemime and me.'
'Oh, yee, and I wish you all manner of
good fortune, my fine fellow.'
'Wal, 1 *spoee you do ; but oonfound if I
can get the hang of things in this darned
place. May be I'm green; I guess I'm
sorter o' that way ; but by jingoes, you do
funny here.'
'Explain, if yoa pleaee, my smo. What
do yoa wish to say P
'Well, we don't care, Jemime sad me for
a little while ; Iwt to roll round on the floor
all night is develiah hard, strsnger, FU
swear it is.*
'Boll round on ths floor, whst do yoa
mean V
'Well, I 'spoee it isn't what yoa call
fashion in a big town; but by gumbo
where we come from married people allers
go to bed.'
'Haven't you been to bed P asksd the
clerk in surprise.
•Why, bow the devil oould yoa go to bed
when there weren't no bed to go to ? That*s
what we want the worst sort'
'My good fellow, there's a bed in your
room. Did you not «ee it in the
in the rear of the parlor P
'Did you give us amato one room,
ger? By jingoee, I didn't know it Ifs all
I waat—all right old feller,' and so sajring
he ran up stairs, and before the clerk could
ascend to the chamber the boooliciet was
in bed, and replied to the knock on the door
'all right now, I've found it—Jemime and
me's satisfied. We don't want yoa, all
right, all right God bless yoa, old feller.
All right—fust rate. God bleee you; good
night'
Mr. Blum went chuckling down to the
office at the idea that the unfortunate
ruralist bad passed four hours in his psrlor
without even supposing there was a bed
chamber attached.
j Poor simpleton ; no wonder he wss em*
ibarrassed and troubled—under the circuía*
atances.
Shaet as a Needle —The following ion
mot was started out West: A busy house-
wife was sitting in the doorway plying her
needle. Her husband lounging on the rail,
his foot slipped and be braised his knee on
the doorstone. "Oh," said he, groaniag,
("I have broken the bone, I'm sure." "Well,
then,'' said she, holding up her needle, with
I expect to go to h 11 for hauling such eyC broken out, "vou ami I have very
a load of wood as this ere surh a cold thin¿" -How sor "Whv
day and .,sk mi mt>rt for it than tiro dollars, . ; .
• •
broken
ill die j from his scat, he said to him : " Excuse me ¡2 a kalfr <lon't J°n see," said she, "I have
in hisjsir; excuse me, if you please, / The Judge drew his head in and shut the the eye of the needle, man ; and you have
daser."
door'
broken he knee of the idle man."
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Lipsey, E. J. The Matagorda Gazette. (Matagorda, Tex.), Vol. 2, No. 36, Ed. 1 Wednesday, May 30, 1860, newspaper, May 30, 1860; Matagorda, Texas. (https://texashistory.unt.edu/ark:/67531/metapth179156/m1/1/: accessed July 18, 2024), University of North Texas Libraries, The Portal to Texas History, https://texashistory.unt.edu.; crediting The Dolph Briscoe Center for American History.