The Texas Countryman. (Bellville, Tex.), Vol. 7, No. 19, Ed. 1 Friday, May 31, 1867 Page: 1 of 4
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•- ■ •
J. P. OSTESQOUT, Pbopmrm.
T. HARTLEY, - .-, ■
ornes, SOSTH SIDE PUBLIC SUCABE,
BBU.Vll.LE, AOSTljf GOÜHTT, TEXAS
SUBSCRIPTION RATES:
' -CA89-
Speeie—Single Coffih year, 93,00
" " Siamtki,-- 1|50
. t)«': :i ijl.M
■ volume.
|y Advertisement* inserted at 15 eenta
per liae, tór frst insertion, and 10 cents
inserted for less
than 93,00.
"A liberal' deduction made on year-
a* Y<
CP* A Card, not exceeding the apace
Men^MjPtjften linea, brevier, per year,
3m'tha.
....$5000
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JOB OFFICE
1 We are prepared to execate in
approved modern stvlet,
notice and
J. P. OSTEBaétf,
"INDEPENDENT IN all THINGS—neutral IN NOTHING.'
PROPRIETOR.
VOL. VII.!
BELLVILLE, FRIDAY, MAY 31. 1867.
Í NO. 19
IN MEMORWM.
-*■
Ob the boaom of the river,
Where the ran unclosed Ida qaiver,
Where the ctarlig ht streamed forever,
. Sailed a veaael light and free;
Morning dew drops hang like manna,
On the bright folds of her banner,
While the zephyrs roae to fan her
Boftly tothe radiant sea.
AIX legal and tn oaient advertisements
efcamdfcvbjr the line, and to be paid for
in advance, in Specie, or its equivalent.
ESTBAY
Édrnili iiiMH>« haailiiil in by the Coo -
tjr Clerh. will be inserted at the price fixed
by law, viz: Two dolían for each horse
«r work ox eatrayed.
Professional Cards.
chas. tTkIvanaugh,
BELLVILLE,
Aastin County, Texas.
Agreementa, Contracta, Deeds, Deeds of
Truat, Mortgages, Willa, &c., &c., neatly
executed. Depositions properly taken
and promptly returned. Affidavits, i
knowledgementff oC Married Women, Pro-
testa, and all ether Notarial acts.
¡an.15-g3-tf
chas. t. kavahavqh.
B. F. ELLIOTT
Kavauiigkic Elliott,
ATTORNEYS AT LAW,
BELLVILLE,
Austin County, TexaB.
jan15 g3-ly
A. CBBSLBY. geo. W. johnson.
Chesley & Johnson,
ATTORNEY S AT LAW,
BELLVILLE,
Austin County, Texas,
Office in the Codrt House
dec21 ly
A. P. & E. W. THOMPSON,
i at Law,
Brlltille *nd ....... Houston,
Austin Co. 11-unrig Co.
TEXAS.
Will practice in the lat, 3d & 7th District.
A. P. THOMPSON
Will argue and briefcases in the Supreme
Court at Austin, Tyler and Galveston.
aprjO tf
B. T. & C. A. HARRIS,
ATTORNEYS AT LAW.
BELLVILLE,
Austin County, Texas.
apr13
iy
1. q. Skarcy, H. H. Boone.
SEARCY & BOONE,
ATTORN E YS AT LAW,
ANDERSON,
Grimes County, Texas.
feb2-f4-ly.
j. P. OSTERHOUT
ATTORNEY AT LA W,
BELLVILLE,
Austin County, Texas.
eb2-f4-lj.
Z Hunt N. Holland.
HUNT &. HOLLAND,
ATTORNEYS AT LAW,
BELLY ILLE,
Austin County, Texas.
eb2-f4-ly.
*. 1. COCKE, M. D. e. t. bonney, M. D
dbs. COCKE & BONNET,
physicians & surgeons,
BELLVILLE,
AUSTIN COUNTY, TEXAS,
—:o:—
HAVING had groat experience in
Surgery, are prepared to operate
«pon and treat all surgical diseases.
octl9-f40 tf
Notice to Touchers.
THE hoard of School Examiners for
AMtia county will meet at Bellville
on the 16th February, 16th March, 13th
April ani 18th of May for the examination
Of teachers.
L. L. PROUTY,
EMIL KOCH, Board of
GEO. W.FOSTEB, Examin-
E. G.MAETZE, era.
A- CHESLEY.
February 7th, 1867.
g6-4m.
BEST Loaf and CrushetSuyar, cheap for
cash, at MILLER & LUHN'S.
g5 ly
FUME Rio Coffee, for sale at .
g5-ly MILLER $ LUIIN'S.
BEST Superfine and Extra St Louis
Flour, for sale at
g5-ly MILLER & LUHN'S.
BEST Cheese and Crackers, fresh ar-
riral, for sale at
g5-ly MILLER \ LUHN'S.
MACKEREL and Fish, of all hinds
for sale by \V. e- LUHN.
■"■AMES. Traces and Hardware, of
XI every hind, for sale by
g5-ly MILLER St LUHN.
"IT riNDOW-OlMk and Wooden ware,
YY ft* sale by MILLER & LUHN.
A large assortment «jifLadies*, Children's
J\. and Gent's Shoes, cheap for cash, at
g5-ly MILLER & LUHN'S.
AN extensive stock of Trimmings and
Ribbons, for sale at
g5-ly MILLER & LUHN'S.
Like an angel from above;
ugh his hair the breezes sported,
as on the wave he floated
Oft that pilot, angel throated.
Warbled lays of hopo nod love.
Through these locks, so Mghfly loving,
Buds of laurel bloom were blowing,
And his hands a non woro throwing
Music from a lyre Of gold.
Swifter down the stream he glided,
Soft the purple waves divided,
And a rainbow arch abided
On the canvasa snowy fold.
" ' ' ' ^ . J
Anxious hearts with fond devotion
Watched him sailing-to the-oceaa,
Prayed"tbat no wild commotion
'Midst the elements might rise;
And lie seemed some young Apollo,
Charming summer winds to follow,
While the water flags carola
Trembled to his music sighs.
But these purple waves enchanted,
Rolled beside a city haunted
By an awful spell thpt daunted
Every comer to her shore;
Night shades rank the air encumbered,
And pale marble statues numbered
Awoke to life no more.
Then there rushed with lightning quickness
O'er his face with mortal sickness.
And the dows in fearful thickness f
Gathered o'er his temples fair;
And there swept a dyiug murmur
Through the lovely Southern summer
As the beauteous pilot comer
Perished by that city there.
Still rolls on that radiant river,
And that sun unbinds its quiver
O'er the starlight streams forever
On its bosom as before;
But that vessel's rainbow banner
Greets no more the gav savanna,
And that pilot's lute drops manna
On the purple waves no more.
A GRAND OLD POEM.
Who shall judge a man from manners?
Who sliall kuow him by his dress?
Paupers may be fit for princes—
Princes fit for something less.
Crumbled shirt and dirty jacket
May beclothe the golden ore
Of the deepest thoughts and feeliags—
Satin vests could do no more.
There arc springs of crystal nectar
Ever welling out of stone;
There are purple buds and golden,
Hidden, crushed and overgrown;
God, who counts by souls, not dresses,
Loves and prospers you and me,
While He values thrones the highest
But as pebbles in the sea
AFTER.
After the shower, thi^ranquil sun;
After the snow, the emerald leaves;
Silver stars when the day is done;
Alter the harvest, golden sheaves.
After the clouds, the vklet sky;
After the tempest, the lull of waves;
Quiet woods when the winds go by!
After the battle, peaceful graves.
After the knell, the wedding bells;
After the bud, the radiant rose;
Joyful greetings from sad farewells,
After our weeping, sweet repose.
After the burden, the blissful meed;
After the flight, the downy nest;
After the furrow, the waking seed;
After the shadowy river—rest!
MY COUSINS.
Our gammer vacation was over;
and the Sandhurst term again in full
swing, when, having accomplished
the day's drill and study, I was
smoking my midnight pipe in com-
pany with Jack Clnney, puffing the
forbidden " baccy" np the narrow
chimney of our dormitory, while we
related the various adventures in the
the way of sporting, larking, and
love-making, which had befallen us
since we last parted. When my
story wa3 told, Jack drew a long
breath ere he remarked—
'• Then yon are as good as engag-
ed?" I nodded and he went on. HI
suppose you've seen your cousin, and
like her?"
" Pretty well. She's only a school-
girl. yon know."
" And she likes yon, of coime ?"
" I didn't ask her—the governor
and her mother will put all that
square." .
" By Jove ! what a cool hand yon
are, Harryand Jack looked as if
he did not know whether to envy or
pity me. " Still I think I'd rather
pick out my own wife, though—after
all; 1 dare say you are right. They
manage it your way in France," and—
but 1 think—"
** But come, no bula, Jack,"«aid I,
yawning, and proceeding to knock
the ashes out of my exhausted pipe.
" By chaste Diana's sacred head,
1 vow I shall * my cousin' wed."
And so to bed. Three thousand a
year is not to be sneezed at, and
every fellow cannot go in for the
sentimental now-a-days. I have been
in love half a dozen times already,
but it don't last long, and I dare say
I shall fall in love with Bell some
day. Good night, Jack."
And so, with the stoicism of eight-
een, I was soon fast asleep. It was
quite true, I was as Jack said, as
good as engaged ; and how this came
about I had better explain. It seem-
ed that some ninety or a hundred
yean before, the old family property,
having fallen to the share of joint
heiresses, had been divided ; after all
tbis lapse of time, by a singular co-
incidence, the two halves came into
the possession of a brother and sister
each widowed, and each having one
Aild. Hence arose an arrangement
between our representative parents,
to the effect that I should marry my
cousin Bell, and. so re-unite the
estates. My father told me all
about it when I went home patting
it to me in such a plain, business-
like way, that I never for an instant
thought of making any objection. In
fact, it seemed rather a fine thing to
be disposed of; and when Jack let
the secret out amoqg our fellows, 1
gained several steps on the social
ladder.
I did not see Bell again Until the
following summer, by which time I
was an ensign in her Majesty's -th
Regiment, and under orders to join
the head-quarteis in Canada. I had
a fortnight's leave of absence, and as
the cottage my aunt had taken was
within a mile of the manor,, I spent
moít of my time with Bell. Yet
when the pirting came, I was
no nearer being in love than the day
I met her first. We had not quarrel-
ed, jsimply, I thought, because neither
of us cared enough for the other to
do so. Not a word relative to the
future had passed; and yet I was
quite sure Bell knew all about her
destiny, and almost as equally sure
that she did not like it.
The —th had only to complete Us
term of foreign service; so by the
time Bell had gone through a couple
of seasons, 1 was at home again.
By the death of a sister, my aunt
bad become guardian to a littfe girl,
Milly Ryan by name, who, at eleven
years old, was one of the brightest,
loveliest girls I had ever seen. We
were friends at once; I was "Cousin
Hal" by adoption; and Milly was
my companion, my second, my back-
er-up. Bell looking on with scornful
indifference while Milly's very im-
petuosity and enthusiasm made my
cousin's coldnt ss more palpable;
a coldness which suppressed my
meditated attempts at love-making,
somehow continually reminded me
that it was not necessary that we
should act as ordinary engaged
couples did.
So, though we rode, walked, and
drove together, spending most of our
time in each other's company, I again
went back to my duty, and carried a
whole heart with me. When another
year had passed, my father began
urging our marriage. So I wrote to
Bell, asking her to fix a day. She
made a very matter-of-fact reply, only
asking to defer it for six months;
and almost before I had time to think
the matter over, tidings of the mutiny
in India broke over Europe i and the
—th were ordered to prepare for em-
barkation. I got a week's leave and
ran down to Devonshire. Bell looked,
I thought, even colder than usual,
and listened passively to my enthusi-
asm about fighting, promotion and
glory. Not so did Milly, whose face
was a picture in itself; her color
would deepen, her great eyes kindle,
and with every nerve tingling, she
would stand facing me as I spoke;
sometimes, too, she would crouch
down and clasp my arm, whispering
" I love you best of all, cousin Hal;
and I wish I was a boy, and then no
one could stop me going with you;
but girls are such stupid, useless
things, they can do nothing.*'
The night before my departure had
come, and, somewhat softened by the
approaching parting, somewhat pi-
qued by Bell's apparent insensibility
to what the increasing intelligence
from India convinced every one
would be a sharp and perhaps long
truggle, 1 had talked rather more
than! was wont about the uncertain-
ty of a soldier's lot. Suddenly Milly,
who had been sitting upon the ground,
jumped up. and cried,—
u IH be a woman when yon come
back, Cousin HaL"
" Ay," said I, bitterly, "if I ever
come back. But many a poor fellow
will bite the dust before we leave
India again,'*
Bell's face grew paler, and her
eyelids quivered, but she stud noth-
ing; until, looking at Milly, who
stood with her eyes dilated and
her hands clasped, she said—
" You are frightening the child,
Harry."
"No, he is not," cried Milly,
wildly clenching her hands. "He is
trying to frighten jou, and yon won't
he frightened, because you don't love
him. I believe you would not care
a bit if he was killed."
Here Bell got up and walked
across the room, and Milly, wbo had
lost command of her voice, dashed
away up-stairs,and returned no more.
Put off last words as you will, they
must come; and iq the dim little
drawing-room, lighted only by the
wood-fire, I bade good bye to Bell,
with something very like a pang at
my heart, and a newly-awakened
sensation I hardly knew bow to
account for. My aunt being of those
women to whom weeping is a neces-
sity, there were plenty of tears; and
when I looked back from the thresh-
old I saw Bell kneeling by her mother,
comforting her, of course. It was
very nice to know the tears were
shed in sorrow for me, and I loved
my aunt right dearly, but I was not
going to marry her ; and I confess I
would rather have seen the mother
comforting the daughter.
Going through the garden, down
the walk by the laurels, upon whose
broad glistening leaves the moonlight
shone like frosted silver, I saw some-
thing white standing in my path; the
next instant Milly clasped bar hands
round my arm, crying,—
"Did you think I was a ghost,
Cousin lull"
" I tfclieve I did. But what on
earth are yon doing here alone 1"
" Waiting for yon. I was in
such a rage I dared not stay in the
room. So I pretended to go to bed,
and came here to waylay you, just to
be the very last to say good-bye."
" Good-bye then, Milly. Make
haste and grow a woman, and then
if Bell does not care for me, I'll marry
you."
" Will you really 1 Thank you,
Hal. I don't think Bell will care
enough for yon. What's that 1"
She started and drew closer to me,
shuddering, and then looking down
the walk 1 saw another figure—white
and ghostlike enough in the uncertain
moonlight. It was just turning to-
wards the house, and even as I
caught sight of it, it vanished.
"What is it, Hal?" whispered
Milly. " Do you think it was Bell
coming to look for me ? Do come
back just to the grass."
I went back with her, and watched
her into the house. Then I turned
and went on my way.
CHAPTER II
During the stirring months which
followed our arrival in India, I had
little time for thought, still less for
writing. Letters were a rarity; we
men looked with envious eyes at the
despatch bags. Almost unconscious-
ly I had allowed my hopes regarding
Bell's first letter to get the better oi
my discretion, and found myself
looking forward to the contest as a
test of her real feelings toward me.
She would surely say something to
betray herself, either lor love or
against it. When the letter did come
I was half frightened to open it, and
tnrned it over and over before I broke
the seal. Bell never crossed her let-
ters, and wrote a large hand, so there
were four sheets of thick note paper
beside a carte of herself. Nothing
could be kinder and more cousinly
than the letter, and yet my heart
sank, for not one single sentence
could I in any way twist into any-
thing more tender; and crumpling it
up, carte and all, 1 thrust it into the
breast of my jacket. I was still
reading my dear old father's chapter
of home news, the condition of the
horses, the state' of the crops, and
the hopes for the shooting season,
when the bugle sounded, and we
were again under arms. This time
I got the worst of it.
The Sepoys had invented a sort of
diobolical machine by fastening a
a shell with a long fuse into a bag of
gunpowder; the powder of course
blew up first, and they calculated
that the soldiers, seeing a shell foiling
about would go up to have a look;
nor were they far wrong in many
cases. I knew nothing of the trick,
andtfterthe first explosion took a
short cut past the shell, and came in
for the brunt of it, one piece smashing
my arm, another peeling my shin. 1
I have an indistinct notion of a terri-
ble thud—hardly pain, and yet some-
thing horrible—and then I knew
nothing of it all until the effects of
chlorfonn, administered to facilitate
the setting and dressing, going off, I
was congratulated by the doctor.
" A narrow escape; an inch to the
right, and Winchester had had his
Íiromotion,—this paper saved your
ife," and he held up Bell's crumpled
letter, matted together and stained
with blood, *' Lucky for you the
paper was thick," went on the doctor:
•' I've known some queer shaves for
life, but I never saw one to beat this.
By the Lord, there goes the bugle
again; it's little rest we get out here,
and plenty of practice, though it's not
much I'd care if they gave us fair
play, but they don't. Sir Colin has
his petticoats to the front again. I'll
step in and tell the news when I get
away Harry. Sleep is the thing for
you."
Next day we wero in Lncknow,
and the doctor, in a perfect fury of
delight, was telling me of the willing
mistake made by tl&e gallant " sky
blues;" when an orderly brought me
my share of another mail.
" You must get your heart up,
Harry," said the doctor one day,
" Sir Colin thinks the air here not
over good for the sick. I'll have you
made as comfortable as possible; we
are to march to-night. And there's
the devil to pay among the women;
they're wanting to carry off every
old kettle they've used these twelve
months. Faith, I'd rather be a doctor
than commissariat officer to-night,
though it is Jack's choice, between
the devil and the deep sea. You'll
have a sleep at Dil Koosha without
the lullaby of big guns, that's one
confort"
The doctor was as good as his
word. I had a palanquin, on which
I lay as comfortably as on my bed,
and wore© pain than mine would
have been forgotten in the excitement
of moving.
It was a glorious moonlight night,
so bright that we could not see where
the bullets had peeled the plaster off
the walls, or where round shot had
rent the atones and mud asunder,
leaving great yawning gaps. I heard
not a few lamenting over the ruin of
what had been a city of Eastern
splendor. I, for my part, was heartily
thankful to get out of it, and feel, as
I presently did, the pure countiy air
thrilling through and around me.
There was firing from the enemy
going on in the distance; but so ad-
mirable were the precautions taken
by Sir Colin, that no suspicion of
our great movement reached the
mutineers. Silently and steadily the
great body passed along thiough the
desolated ground of what had once
been the Ranee's palace, thence to
the road by the river, where, the great
excitement began, and where the
enemy were actually within sight;
so that the open space along which
we had to pass was cloaked by screens
of matting, behind which we passed
with bated breath and an unuttered
prayer of thankfulness to the wise
old man who had contrived so ably
for our safety.
TO BE CONTINUED.
A Drummer's Experience.
A drummer for a city wholesale es-
tablishment,having been unsuccessful
in obtaining Bales, went through the
following account of his stewardship :
'Mr. Rataplan, I am afraid yon do
not approach the dealers in the right
way; I used to be very successful in
this line. Now. just suppose me to be
Mr. Bigher, of Sellout, 111., and show
me the way you introduce the house.'
Accordingly Rafkplan stepped out
of the counting room,re-entered,hat in
hand, inquiring,' 'Is Mr. Bigher in.'
♦That is my name,' said the merchant.
•My name is Rataplan, sir; I repre-
sent the house of Thistle Bros. & Co.,
I am stopping with Overcharge, at the
Stickem House,and have a fine unbro-
ken lot of samples which I should
like to show you; think we can offer
you some special advantages,' &c.
'Very well,very well,' said Thistle,
'I don't see but what you understand
the way to get at customers.'
'Excuse me, Mr.Thistle,' said Rat-
iplan, 'I'm afraid you do not under-
stand the style of Western merchants
just now; suppose you exchange place
with me, and we repeat this rehearsal.'
•Certainly,' said Thistle, and pick-
ing np his hat, he stepped out. Re-
turning, he found Rataplan with his
chair tilted back, hat cocked fiercely
over his eye, his heels planted on
Thistle's polished desk.and a lighted
cigar between his teeth.
Thistle looked a little staggered,
but nevertheless he commenced,
'Is Mr. Bigher in?'
'Yes, he is,' responded Rataplan,
blowing a cloud of pure Conaecticut
into Thistle's eyes. 'Who in thunder
are you?'
*1 represent the house of Thistle
Bros. & Co.,' said the astonished em-
ployer, coughing about a quart of
smoke from his throat.
'The blazes you do; are you one of
that concern?'
'No, sir, I am not,' said Thistle.'
'Well, it's lucky for you that- yon
are not, for I've had two dtummers to
one customer in my store 'or the last
two months, and if I could get hold of
one of the blasted fools that send 'em
out here at this time, I'm darned if I
would'nt boot him clean out of the
town of Sellout.'
'That'll do,that'lldo, Mr. Rataplan,'
said Thistle; 'I have no doubt you did
the best you could for the interest of
the house. Trade is a little dulL'.
The editor that said females must
have been scarce when Belle Boyd
was called handsome won't say so in
Belle's presence, we'll bet a hat.
A few days ago a young and pretty
girl stepped into a shop, where a
spruce young man, who bad long
been enamored of her, but dared not
speak, stood behind the counter sell-
ing draperies. In order to remain as
long as passible, she cheapened every-
thing. At last she said :
" I believe you think I am oheat-
ing you."
" Oh, no," said the youngster, u to
me you are always fair."
Well," whispered the lady,
blushing, as she laid an emphasis, on
the word, " I would not stay here «>
long bargaining, if you. were not §o.
deaj" i
GENERAL LAWS.
Ah Act authorizimg the Court of
Police to Dittrict the Counties of
the State in Commissioners' Dis-
tricts, -
Section 1. Be it enacted by the
Legislature of the State of Texas,
That the Police Court of each county
in this State may, at some regular
session thereof, before the next gen-
eral election, divide their respective
counties into four Districts as nearly
equal as possible in territory as may
be, by allotting to each District entire
voting precincts; and at the next
general electionTand every four years,
thereafter, one Gonnty Oomúiísáouer
shall be elected for and reside in
each of said Diatrict8,i)y the quali-
fied voters of the county, who «HI
hold their office until their successors
are elected and qualified.
Sec. 2. That this act shall not be
so construed a* to compel any Court
of Police to divide the ceaitty into
Commissioners' Districts as contem-
plated in the first seetion of this act.
Sec.' That this Act be in force
from and after its passage.
Approved October 24,1866.
An Act to discharge Firemen from
serving on Juries-
Section 1. Be it enacted by the
Legislature tf the State 6f Texas,
That each and every fireman belong-
ing to any regularly organized Fire
Company, who are provided with
engines and necessary appliances,
doing duty in any incorporated city,
who shall have seived as an active
fireman for a period of seven years
after the passage of this act, shall,
upon receiving from the Mayor of
such city a written certificate that
such service has been perform^ be
exempt from jury duty thereafter in
the county where such service was
rendered.
Approved October 24th, 1866.
Two ladies asked an Irishman
which looked the youngest. 'Sure,
you both look|yonnger than each other.
'Father, are you going to see the
race1?' 'What race?' 'The human race.'
Wife, that boy will be an editor,yet.'
'God forbid1.*
A Giraffe.—Artemus Ward says of
■gorillersThese simple-minded
monsters live in Afriky, and are be-
lieved to be human beins to a slight
extent, although they are not allowed
to vote. I never woulded I were a
bird, but sometimes wish I were a
giraffe, on account of the long dis-
tance from his mouth to his stomach.
Registering.—This is the way ne-
groes are registered in New Orleans:
What is your name?
My name is Caesar, boss.
What is your other pame?
Well, boss, dey didn't gib me my
odder name, but old massa's name
was Grandison, and 1 'spose I must
bab his name now.
Did you ever hold any office under
the United States or Louisiana?
Yah, yah; well, yes, boss; I sweeps
out an assurance an' a lawyer's offiee.
Did you ever give aid or comfort
to the rebels?
I didn't gib nuffin, 'case I didn't
hab nuffin to gib.
Did you ever serve in the Federal
or the rebel army?
Well, boss, I didn't serve in neifer;
but de Yankees want me to make bref-
works for 'em, and so I went to cook
for de rebs.
Then yon gave them aid and com-
fort, didn't you ?
Why, no, boss; dey gib me all de
aid and comfort, for if it was not for
dem I'd been dead nigger long ago;
Swear him in.
Remarkable Marriages.—Among
the many remarkable marriages on
record none are more curious than
those ib which the bridegroom has
proved to be of the same sax as the
bride. During the last century there
lived a woman who dressed in male
attire, and was constantly going
about captivating persons of her own
sex and manying them. On the 5th,
of July, 1777, she was tried in a
criminal court in London for thus
disguising herself, and it was proved
that at various times she had been
married to three women, and 'defraud-
ed them of their money and their
clothes." The fair deceiver was re-
quired by the justices to give the
daughters of the citizens an opportu-
nity of making themselves acquainted
with her feature* by standing on the
pillory at Cheapside; and after under-
going this ordeal, she was imprisoned
for six months.
In 1773, a woman, dressed as a
man went courting another woman,
and was very favorably received.—
The lady to whom these not very
delicate attentions were paid waB
much older thon the lover, but she
was possessed of about one hundred
pounds, and this was the attraction
to her adventurous friend. But the
treachery intended was discovered,
and the chronicler of the story says,
" the old lady proved too knowing."
T
l®l fti TtM
«TCH A8
Carés, Hand Bills, Posters. Citcaiars,
Legal Blanks, Bill Heads PampUsU,
*e., flpc., tfe.
* Í
CASH INVARIABLY,ON DELIVERY
Wit, Humor and Wifldom. *
He that can please nobody is nqt
so much to be pitied as he that no-
body can please. - *
A merchant gave a $10 counterfeit
bill to a boy, as an April fool, who
passed it on bis clerk while he was oat.
A paper talk of the saltWtorSe ait
Kansas thus: 'Operations looking to a
crystaline realisation, of the saline de-
posits,' etc.
Why was it a mistake that Crusoe'"*
island was uninhabited. Because he
saw on landing a great swell a pfochin'
into a little cove on the shore. .
after death, biá
U i of more practical importance to
preyent them becoming Buch in lif^.
\ person was so fond of ctuitradic -
tion he w'óuld contradict the watch-
man who feas calling the hotir of night.
Contentment is the varnish- of hit-
man life. Let ifBe rubbed off. find
there is no situation in which we mpv
be placed which will not' Béem dim
and gloomy.
At the end of the play of -Antigone*
in Dublip' the manager begged that
Sophocles, the aqthor, he excused
from coming before the curtain, as lie
had beén dead two thousand year .
•Mr. Timothy,* yon remind me of
a barometer that is filled with noth-
ing in the npper story.' 'Divine Ai-
mira,' let me remind yon that you ocr
cupy my upper story entirely.'
Wilson said in one of his speeches
that 625 battles were fought in tho
war and 325,000 Union soldiers had
been killed in crushing out the rebel
lion. 'Hurrah for datl' shouted a col-
orrd member of the audience.
A lawyer not over young or hand?
some, endeavored to perplex a young
lady witness by saying, 'You are very
pretty,'to which she said, 'I would re-
turn the compliment if I were not on
oath.'
A man on a very ordinaiy looking
horse asked a negro how far it was td
a neighboring town. 'Wi' dat ar' boss
it's fo'teen miles,wi' a good chunk of a
hoss, seben miles; but if you jist liad
massa Jemmy's lioss ! Gosh! you're
dar now!'
A Transyl vanian lias a lighted pipe
inserted into his mouth in the morning
and smokes it out before be awakes;
saying, it is so pleasant to have the
proper taste restored to one's month
before one is sensible even of its wants.
A Queer Wager.—A very small
Englishman bet another, who was a
ton of a man, he would carry him
twice around the hippodrome. A num-
ber of ladies and gentlemen attended,
•Now, my lord, take ofT your clothes.'
'What! strip myself ? You don't mean
it ?' "I bet to carry you but not yonr
clothes. Come, let's proceed. It wont
do to disappoint these ladies and gen-
tlemen.*
A lady inquired for a cap of a sub-
dued mouse-color. They had none of
that kind, but offered to supply her
with an enraged rat-color. Another
asking material for second mourning
was referred to the mitigated grief de-
partment. *'
A sailor said it was so hot going to
Guinea they used no fire but cooked
above deck in the sunshine. Another
had been where it was so cold it frozo
the words in their mouths, eo that wo
could not hear each other speak till
we came into a warmer latitude to
thaw them, and then all our discpurse,
broke out together, like a clap of
thunder.
A lady on a visit to the pentteniary
at Nashville, saw three women swing,
and said to the keeper. 'Dear me!
the viciousest looking women I ever
saw! What are they here for? 'Be-
cause they are my wife and daughters.'
175 bushels sweet potatoes were
raised to the acre on a form in Me-
Einney and 300 in Bastrop. The Ci-
vilian knows a man who can beat it,
having raised a bushel from a square
yard of his neighbor's in • single
night—the dark of the moon being the
best time for this method.
The telegraph says Sharkey and
O'Com et nave prepared anamended
bill, in which Ord's proceedings in re? *
lation to the Arkansas Treasury wilt
furnish property conslderalión justify'-
ing jurisdiction. Not the first instance
of 'property consideration' 'justifying
jurisdiction' in officials who otherwise
bad none.
Uufortunate Genius.—The folloipe
ing was delivered before a literary so-
ciety, on the 'Genius of Misfortune;*
'The soft rays of a June moon
or the mild beams of its starry atten-
dants tranquil!/ reposing upon .tl*e
placid bosom of a silvery lake,or play -.
ing hide and seek upon the dimpled
stream, wandering quietly tolts ocean.
home, is lovely; but the wild glare of
the lightning leaping madly from its
clond retreat, and Hashing • ghastly
over the storm-lashed wave, is grand.'
'Gloomy and peculiar should be added'
A man in Kentucky imagines him-
self a woman once a month,and dresses
accordingly. Many men do sillier
things all the time,yet no one doubts,
their sanity. Probably this man be-
haves well while he fancies himself a
lady, and it would be a good thing for
others to be equally insane if it would
cure them of their vices*
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The Texas Countryman. (Bellville, Tex.), Vol. 7, No. 19, Ed. 1 Friday, May 31, 1867, newspaper, May 31, 1867; Bellville, Texas. (https://texashistory.unt.edu/ark:/67531/metapth180264/m1/1/: accessed June 19, 2024), University of North Texas Libraries, The Portal to Texas History, https://texashistory.unt.edu.; crediting The Dolph Briscoe Center for American History.