The Central Texian. (Anderson, Tex.), Vol. 3, No. 36, Ed. 1 Saturday, February 7, 1857 Page: 1 of 4
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BY K. A. VAN HORN.
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"IK3S?3K3$KT OT ALL BUSllOfS—KSOTBAl CHUMiE."
TERMS—$3 00 IN ADVANCE.
VOL. 3.
ANDERSON, GRIMES COUNTY,
1 FEBUARY 7, 1857:
NO. 36.
The Household Baby.
BT ORACE GREENWOOD.
Wbst * joy to human eyes,
When it laughs ®r when it cries,
What a treasure, what a prize,
Is the household baby!
Be its temper rising, falling,
Is it cooing, crowing, calling,
'•Tis the same «¡ear, precious darling,
Is the household baby!
•
It the seenes without be dreary,
If the hearts within grow weary,
Baby wakes, and all is cheery—
What a rush fur baby!
Mamma' eyes grow bright with joy—
Grandpa laughs, and " grandpa's boy"
'Gladly leaves his last new toy
To¡ play bo-peep with baby!
> ■
Sistars from their music run,
"«-Wo one,"
Grace bends down in girlish fun
To make a horse for baby 1
Up to every thing we know.
Bands and feet "upon tie go,''
What a funny creature, though,
Is the household baby!
Bring the puppy and the cat,
Let him poll, and pinch and pat,
Puss and pup were made lor that—
Mode to please the baby!
Bring those china vases, mamma,
Get "the mirror and the hammer!"
Anything to make a clamor,
And delight the baby!
Let it clang and clash away,
Let it laugh, and shout, and play,
And be happy while it may,
Dear, mischievous baby I .
What a joy to human eyes,
What an angel in disguise,
What a treasure, what a prize,
Is the household baby!
Adventures of an Orphan.
Toward the latter part of the summer of
1840, a lad of prepossessing appearance
entered the beautiful town of G ,
situated at the foot of Seneca Lake, near
the sentre of the State of New Yotk. He
had traveled from the western part of Ohio,
where his father, a widower, had died from
one of (hose malignant fevers so common
in newly settled countries, while overseeing
the cultivation of a large tract of laud, in
order to regain a fortune lost during the
disastrous speculations of 1834.
Being an only son and left among
strangers, after the death of his father,
George Wentworth resolved to lejue Ohio
and remove to the State of New York, for
the put pose of trying his fortune in any
iSi^im —'" 1 1 •*" —
tin putpose
jmrlitltf * < i LHhi.aj.- ■ M&fyi-k I —— «fla*
through severel towns and villages
•' Nobly said, my little man, what is your
name ?"
"George WeiHworth, sir! I am an
orphan, aud have just arrived here in search
of employment," replied our hero, his bright
eye slisteniug with a tear.
u Well, you shall live with me," exclaimed
the Judge. " I will take care of you for the
future."
# • # # # *
Five years passed from the time that
George Wentworth became an inmate of
his benefactor's family. In the meantime
Judge S had been defeated by his
political opponent, and George had been
initiated into the mysteries of the " art
preservative of arts." He had become a
favorite with the citizens, and was looked
upon as the adopted son of the Judge. It
was even whispered in private circles that
he was be the envied htrsDaud x>f the
beautiful aud accomplished Ida, the Judge's
only daughter.
But this George had not dreamed of.
'Tis true he never felt 6o happy as when in
her presence, and it did make his muscles
twitch to see the foppish students from the
College swarm around the acknowledged
idtl of his heart.
Poor youth ! had he known the real state
of Ida's feelings, the thought would have
almost have turned his brain ; and could he
have interpreted the gleam of joy that
flashed from her eyes whenever he uttered
a noble sentiment or sally of wit, it would
have filled his soul with ecstacy and delight.
One fine day in the latter part of June,
Ida, her father and George were ei joying a
sail on the lake in their trim little yacht, the
" Swan," which had won the cup at the last
regatta, under the management of our hero,
who was at present standing by the mast
gazing at the beautiful scenery on the op-
posite shore; the Judge held the tiller, and
Ida was leaning over the side of the boat,
trailing heir pretty hand through the clear
water of the lake, when a sudden gust of
wind careered the yacht so.that she lost her
balance and fell into the wate*. George
heard the splash made by Ida, and before
the Judge could utter a cry, had kicked off
his light shoes and plum ed in lo rescue her.
Being a skillfu and vigorous swimmer, he
came up with the struggling girl before her
clothes would allow her to sink, and en-
twining her waist with his-left arm, struck
out with Siis right and kept her above water
till the Juc'ge turned the boat and came to
their relief. In a few moments they were
safely in the boat again, and Ida soon
recovered from the effects of her unexpected
*
on his route without meeting anything to
alt*act his attention till reaching G
This fine town, with its lovely lake and
beautiful scenery struck his fancy, and so he
determined to obtain employment if possible,
and make it his future home.
While walking aloug the principal street
of the place—a shady avenue overlooking
the Jake on which are located several fine
churches and other public buildings—he
saw a large c owd assembled around a
newly-erected liberty pole, in front of one of
the principal hotels. On approaching the
■pot he found it was a political meeting,
held for the purpose of raising a pole and
making party speeches.
Our hero forced his way into the crowd
just as they were raising ihe " stars and
•tripes," with the names of their favorite
candidates, to the top of the flag staff. The
flag had scarcely reacned half way, the
enthusiasm beiug at its height, when the
cord twisted aud caught in the little hole at
the top. They pulled and tried every way,
but were unable to raise or lower the flag a
single iuch. The excitement and cheering
ceased, aud all eyes were raised to the half-
masted flag. A portion of the opposition
party, who were grouped together a litile in
the rear of the main body, began to jeer aud
joke about the apparently bad omen, to the
evident discomfiture of their opponents.
At length Judge S , editor and pub-
lisher of the G Journal, then a candi-
date for Congress, offered fifty dollars to any
fmitWho would climb >he pole aud draw the
tiOrotti rough the wheel.
The utmost silence reigned for several
minutes, but no one advanced to make the
¿¡daring trial. " Who will volunteer ?"
shouted: the Judge, strongly escited, as a
pmtwm^k ter went up from the opposi-
tion.
The chuckle had scarcely died away,
however, before George, with his cap and
shoes off, stepped before the Judge, and,
with a confident look, exclaimed :
" I, sir, will climb it!"
" You, my lad! you are not strong
enough.''
«' Oh, yes, sir, I'm used to climbing."
«• Then go ahead my little Spartan," said
the Judge at the same time giving him an
encouraging pat on the shoulder.
Steadily^ hand over hand, his feet clutch-
ing the pole in a manner that proved him to
be an expert climber, George made his way
to the topof the staff, which was so slender
that it swayed to and fro with his weight
Nothing daunted, he wound his legs right
and left round the pole, and with his right
hand untwisted the cord. Shouting fear
lessly to those below to hoist away, he clung
on till the flag fairly reached the top, and
then slowly descended.
The cheers that now rent the air were
terrific ; opposition aud all joined in one
universal shout. After the excitement ha(,;
somewhat subsided, the Judge looked at the
boy with admiration, and took out his
pocket-book to pay the ponlisgd reward.
George noticed the action, ajwl exclaimed:
vigorous style, clear and convincing argu-
ments, deep and profound reasoning of these
articles invariably carried conviction to the
parlies to whom they were addressed. Ail
the newspapers of the party in that Con-
gressional district copied them, and curkfcaty
was on tiptoe to discover the author, as they
were simply signed by two little stars. The.
election passed off and Judge S was
elected by a large majority.
Late one night, while Ida and her father
were returning from a party given jn hfuor
of his election, they observed a light in the
printing office. As the establishment vva$
usually closed at twilight, it appeared
strange that it should be lit up at that hour,
so the Judge determined to learn the cause.
Requesting his daughter to accompany S-n,
they ascended the stairs and entered #t||gr
office quietly. A sight met their
which caused the heart oí one of them 10
beat violently. At the desk, a short disi,
tance from the donr, sat George, fast a steep,
with his head resting on his arm. As Ida's
father stepped forward to awaken the
sleeper, he observed severel political articles
lying on the desk, and a freshly-written
article with the mysterious stars attached.
The truth flashed upon the Judge in .a
moment—he was indebted to George for
his success! He beckoned to Ida, who
came tilhibling to his side. Just then they
saw by the light of the flickering lamp a
smile pass over the slmnberer's race, and lie
muttered the words " Dear Ida," in a tender
toue.
" Oh, father," exclaimed the loving girl,
affectionately throwing her arms around lj£r
father's neck, *« do let George come home
again ; it is surely no sin for him to love
me."
Awakened by the sound of Ida's voicq,
George looked around confused, and as he
saw Ida and her father, he endeavored to
h de the manuscript. But the Judge stopped
him by saying laughingly :
" It won't do, you young rascal ; you are
fairly caught, found out—talk in your sleep
will ye—ha ! ha ! ha !"
George was bewildered and transported
he had been awakened from a pleasant
dream to a bright reality. Matters wefe
soon explained, and the warm-hearted
Judge, alter blessing them, promised to see
them married before he started for Washing-
ton.
catch thenar upon .the holders, the world
will look upon a scene of wealth; prosperi-
ty and happiness unexampled in its annals.
" Many may deem these remarks out of
place in a work like this, yet, with the
map of Texas before me, aud with my
knowledge of its wondrous resources, I
cannot resist making them. And I will
close by hazarding the farther remark, tlilt
many who may read this chapter will live
to see my peor predictions more than
verified—will exist until Te'ias can be just-
ly claimed as the Empire State of the great
American Union."—jV. 0. Picayune.
Woman.
exclaimed, with tears starting fast from his
eyes:
«• God bless you, my dear boy ! you have
saved my daughter's life ; how can I ever
repay you 1"
By saying nothing about it," replied
George. " I owe you a thousand times
more than I can ever repay, and am too
happy in being able to reuder even this
slight service."
The lovely Ida could say nothing. Her
heart was overflowing with an expression
that told volumes. Her father observed her
earnest loving glance, and began to guess
the true state of affairs. He was not pre-
pared for it^and in silence turned the boat
to the shore. They soon reached home with
feelings far different from those they had
started with.
The Judge determined to put him to a
severe test. As soon as George entered the
library, he commenced :
Since becoming an inmate of my family,
George, yen have conducted yourself in a
worthy manner, performing every duty
cheerfully, "and neglecting none. You are
how of age, and are capable of doing busi-
ness for yourself. I have placed five
thousand dollars in the bank at your disposal;
you can n«e the sum as you think proper,
or let it lay on interest, and take charge of
my office at a salary of fifteen hundred
dollars a year. In either case you must
leave my house for the present time. What
do you say to my proposals 1''
George was completely bewildered, and
stammered lorth a request to be allowed a
few hours foi consideration. This being
granted, he retired to his room &nd threw
himself on the bed in a paroxysm of grief.
Could the Judge have guessed what lie
himself had scarcely dared to hope
right had he to his benefactor's daughter
fortune'.' None! lie would smother his
feelings, and earn an honorable living by his
own exertions.
Various were the rumors set afloat by the
scandal-mongers of G , as the cause of
We ntworth leaving his patron's
The Future of Texas.
Judge Falconer, who accompanied thfl
Santa Fé Expedition, described by Mr. G.
Wtlkins Kendall, in the work, a n<
line presT*or"TTa'rpet ¿¿ juraiueie, uas v
It has been said—and to repeat it a
thousand tiroes,ínakes it no more nor less a
j:ruth-^íhafthe^fth Hzatioh of any people is thMenaptatio'i8 surrounding
—i-rrsred and trinet «useo -i y its treatHiciiv of '4T* presentátious, \V
woman. In barbarous laud benea'h savage
tule, the female rs made the slave aud
'drudge of men ; her person, like her labor,
the property of her lork ; ail freedom of
[choice as to the place of her abode, or as to
.the nature of her toil, cut off; her charms
made ttie subject of purchase aud sale, and
i matrimonial alliance degraded to an abject
subserviency on her part, iu return for the
supreme mastery exercised over her.
From this savage sphere where she is
elass«.d beneath the slave, aud approaches
the beast of burden just iu proportion as
fee compulsory service she renders is more
Kvolting, to that state in which she is
allowed the same liberty, rank, franchises
and privileges with men, there is every
variety of condition, each making the com-
parative enlightenment of the nation and
era in and under which it is found. When-
ever we find a race of men intelligent, brave
aud honorable, there we find a race of
women loved, honored aud protected, and
\vorthy of all they can receive from the
Hardier sex.
There have been nations famed for their
híigh attainments in art and learning, whose
vffeaith and military prowess have filled the
earth with their praise, which, when this
test of excellence and enlightenment is
applied, are found to have been but a few
degrees above the barbarians around tnem.
But such nations have not long retained
their excellence and power, for where
woman is degraded below her just and
iiatural level, the source of excellence aud
greatness is wanting. The mothers of a
natiou mould the minds, implant the prin-
ciples and cultivate the virtues of its great
men,-and when these mothers are ranked
with menials, the very sprinas of virtue,
,u. u"*'
The Modern Pharisee,
' Keep your
for helping to
sir, I want no pay
Ameficafeflag."
youiii
mansion, but their inuendoes were unheeded
George now devoted himself wholly to
business and study. His brow wore a more
thoughtful expression, and his cheeks grew
a shade paler.
The Judge acted with him in a straight-
forward, frank manner, yet never addressed
him in the kind, fatherly tones which had
been his wont before the incident which
occurred on the lake. If he chanceó to meet
Ida in his walks, a friendly glance aud nod
was all that passed ; still he felt that his
looks betrayed him, for the warm blood
gushed from his loving heart aud tinted his
cheeks with a tell-tale blu-di ; and he cher-
ished the pleasiivg thought that her look was
beaming with hope.
A little more than a year had passed from
uie time George had left the house of those
he loved. It was ti e eve of another elec-'
flbn||fxcitement ranhigh.and Judge S
WésT^fain a candidate for Congress. For
se v eral \^eeksa series of ably written articles
had appeared in the Judge's paper. Tiiey
were addressed to all classes—farmers,
mechanic?, laborers. The original and
liished a most interesting chapter fon that
edition, in his diary of events that followed
after the author left the maiir command of
the expedition, below the Llano Estacado
After giving this valuable and important
sequel to the history of the expedition, Mr.
Kendall goes on to say; "Could Judge
Falconor once more visit Texas, he would
be astonished as well as gratified at the
wonderful changes which -have bedp
wrought; he could with ditliculty be brougnt
to believe that it is the saine country. Be-
tween Austin and San Antonio, in particu-
lar, he could not realize the wondrous
revolution which Anule-Saxon enterprise
or go-aheadity has made. In 1S41 there
was not a single house between the two
places, a distance of some eighty miles:
now the traveler is hardly ever out of sight
ol the dwellings of the white man. At our
old camping-grouuds on the San Marcos,
the Guadalupe and the Cíbolo, then solitary
aud teuautiess, may now be seen thrifty and
growing towns or villages—pleasant aud
prosperous communities, which have leaped
suddenly, as it were, into existence." North
of Austin, too, where we encountered
naught but tho wild denizens of the prairies,
the country is now cheerful with civilized
life. The timid bnflalo, deer and antelope
have been driven back by gentle flocks and
nerds ; the rude wigwams of the red men
have disappeared, and smiling villages have
grown up in their stead ; waving fields of
com and wheat are now seen stretching in
every direction where we fouiftl boundless
solitudes; the discordant howling of iniu-
merable wolves has been drowned by the
merry peals of countless bells, calling the
population to church or school ; while the
narrow bridle-paths, and obscure trails have
idened info beaten roads orqfwn.thorough
fares, white with the wagon-tops of crowds
of emigrants constantly seeking new homes
m this most fertile aud pleasant portion of
the New World.
" This is no exagerated picture of the
changes which have been wrought in Texas
—J h?%¿ used no other coloring than truth.
And what is to be the future of a country so
affluent iu all that may make a population
prosperous and happy ? What shall we
see when all its fertile bottoms and smiling
praiiies are brought under cultivation, and
reached by the many railroads which are
already projected, or under construction ?
A State whose limits are spanned by ten
degrees of latitude, and as many of longi-
tude ; which is twice as large as all France;
which produces sugar, cotton, rice, wheat,
corn, and every species of grain, and iu the
most astonishing quantities, within its wide
limits; which affords boundless pasturage,
ready made by nature, for countless herds
of cattle, horses aud sheep; which can
furnish wool, silk, hemp, tobacco and wine ;
which grows many of the fruits of the
tropical as well as the temperate zones;
which is, in short, a land literally flowing
with milk and honey ; what, I repeat, te to
be the future of this chosen portion of the
earth, when the iron horse,as the locomotive
is familiarly termed, is seen traversing its
widest limits ? Aready its shrill whistle is
heard at the portals ; when the glad sounds
!■. u.i"Xj .in ag*
gallantry to warn s*w o men, our own country
is proved to be far in the lead of all the
civilized nations of the world. While in
America she is honorably aud kindly treated
and raised to her just level as tiie equal and
mental companion of man, in many portions
of Europe woman still feels the weight of
barbaric restrictions in the higher ranks, aud
is subjected to servile drudgery in the lower.
She is compelled to share the revolting
labors of the mine, the field and the factory,
while the right of corporeal chastisement
is always claimed and often exercised by the
husband. Here such things are unknown,
or looked upon with execration. Her
natural rights are guaianteed by law, and
secured by that gallautry and respect which
rise superior to'law. Although in political
and legislative powers she neither has nor
desires to have the same privileges accorded
to men, she finds herself more potent by her
influence and the respect she inspires than
si.e ever could be by the right of voting or
of holding office.
If nations may be rated in civilization by
the condition of their women, so may tlie
intelligence and refinement, the integrity
and honor of men be indexed by the de-
meanor of each towards the females with
whom he is brought in contact. The degree
in which a man approaches a savage iu his
character, will be shown to the discerning
most unmistakably by his manner towards
females and by his conversation about them.
Whoever is rude or unkind to a woman
has the marks of a barbarian in his charac-
ier too plain to be mistaken. Whoever
treats her meanly proclaims himself devoid
of all sense of honor. Whoever wrongs
her iu property or reputation may l>e set
down for an unmitigated and incurable
knave.
uess, integrity and honor oil which he
should pride himself he will demean him-
self towards every woman, whatever her
state may be, as generously as if she were
his own sister.
Whenever woman is treated with respect
and kindness, she will generally show her-
self worthy of confidence and esteem, but
whenever rudeness, degradation and abuse
are measured out to her, by individuals or
by society at large, she is apt to decline to
a state deserving of pity rather than respect.
—JV. 0. Courier.
" How can a man, guilty of ¡such a sin,
be tolerated in respectable society ?" said a
burly voice, one day, in my hearing.
I was standing at my bookseller's door,
and the speaker was engaged iu conversa-
tion, on the foot-walk, with a clerical look-
ing individual.
•' I am not prepared -to go the lengths
you do," replied his companion. "I should
be unwilling to visit a theater myself; and.*
as most theaters are conducted at present, I"
should be sorry any one I esteemed should
go; but I am not sure that the drama, as
you say, is vicious in itself, or that a man
out to be shut out from respectable society
for visiting the theater. Iu my view, it is
the temptations surrounding such, notjhe
5 peril-
ous."
"You amaze me," retorted his compan-
ion. 'The whole thing is wrong. Wicked,
beyond comparison," he added, in the most
emphatic language. " I'd never forgive a
son or daughter who went to the theater.
I'd consider that they were ruined for time
and eternity."
His companion shook his head gravely.
"There are worse sins, I fear," he said,
" than going to the theater, even as it is
conducted at present. Besides, we ought
to be charitable. Only God himself knows
the magnitude of the sin ; and he has said,
you remember, judge not."
But this did not suit the listener. He
warmed up as he replied—
"If I hear that a man goes to the theater,"
he retorted, "or to any of those vile places
where plays are acted, no matter whether
they are concei ts or museums, I say to my-
self, 'that's a man not to be trusted.' I'd
as leave almost hear he forged. In the eye
of the Lord it's the same, depend upon it.
Take care, take care, brother, that you are
not winking at s:u."
The big, burly voice ceased, for his com-
panion evidently did not care to continue
the conveisation, and so the two parted.
A few evenings afterwards, as I was ta-
king a quiet walk, my attention was again
arrested by that self-complacent voice.
"Well, well," it said sharply, "what is it?
Why didn't your father come?"
I looked around. The open doorway of
a house near was blocked up by the speaker,-
who frowned from beneath his bushy eye-
brows, on a bare footed, poorly-clad child,
a little girl, who stood trembling on the
steps before him.
wbuj-tha' conversation
As she spoke, she glanced Tff/'PgTitfull v afr
the angry man, extending as she spoke a
thin, wan hand, in which was some money.
Hum!" cried the landlord, for such it
was plain he was, counting the money
slowly. "Is this all ?" And he raised his
oice and frowned more cruelly than ever
on the child.
"It's all my father could spare," answered
the girl, after a moment, her voice shaking
witlTterror as she spoke. "Baby's been
sick."
I glanced at her more narrowly. In her
pale and emaciated face, as well as her tat-
tered garments, I thought I read a tale of
destitution almost involving starvation it-
self. In fancy I saw the miserable house
where they lived; the care-worn mother;
the brother and sisters crying for food ;
the father coming in at night, exhausted by
labor, and with a heart wrung by the suf-
ferings he could not alleviate. For "baby"
was sick; had been long sick; and doc-
tor's bills had to be paid, and medicines
bought; and all this consumed so much of
his hard earnings, that sufficient was hardly
left for bread, especially as something, at
least, must be put aside for rent.
This picture rose before me, but was
almost instantly dissipated, for the harsh
word of the landlord was now heard in re-
p'.v •
"I'll not be cheated in this way, and so
you may tell your father," were the sharp
words of the speaker. "Do you hear ?"
The child had dropped her eye*, evi-
dently in fear; but at this she said with a
start—
'Yes, sir!"
"On the Fenoe."
The courtroom of the little town of M—«'
was filled with citizens, eager to hear the
evidence in a.case of trespass that had been
brought against Uncle Zedekiali, as he was
familiarly known, by an ill-natured neigh-
bor. Several witnesses had Been examined,
and now came the turn of a'teen-visaged,
tall young man, who was considered one of
the hardest fellows to coiner in the whoje
country: „ ^
^ "Are you familiar wUfc jfae cattle of
Uncle Zedekiah. as he is éalled ?!'
"Wal, neow, I am that," he replied.—
"Yeou see, Squire, I hev known them era
cattle since they've been so hi¿h to nothinV
"What is .their character'"- —
fences, and trespassing upon
property V* *-
"Their character, squire, i
in this ere community. Yeou see, all
keows hev ben riz unkiramon well. None
on 'em 'ill go into a field onless there be a
gate open, or a low part to the fenee—then
sorter jump it."
"What would you call a low part to a
fence?"
"Wal, yeou see thar are two kinds of
fence", Squire, in this section ; one kind is^
putty hsgh, say from three to five feet
above the ground. The other kind is what
I call sorter low; for insted of buildin' up a
fence, the fence is dug inter the ground—
^pmetimes I her seen this ere fence five feet
low!"
"Are these considered legal fences out
where you reside?" asked the Justice.
"Wal, not exactly," he replied, musingly,
"though that depends on what side of the
hole you throw the earth."
"How is that?" a -
"Yeou see, our Squire has decided «the
dirt is thrown on the side next the road;
the fence is onlegal, because the cattle then
can hev a good chance to jump inter the
field, which is lower down. And ef. the
dirt is thrown on the side next the field,
Squire Slocome has decided as how the
fence does not hold good in law, because it
gives the cattle too much chance to jump
out agin."
"Why, sir, according to what you say,
the fence, in any event, would not, be con-
sidered a lawful enclosure."
"No! that's jist what I told tl
when he was making the decision.
then sez he, Jed, 'spose as how I spl
difference, and decide that the dirt shall
thrown in the middle of the hole. Sez I,
that's ft, then they can neither git in-nor
.'*■ ----- '--i- I-I^an,
"And mind you tell him that the rest of
If he has about him that man]U my money must be here bv next Saturday
night; next Saturday night, I say ; or if it
isn't," and here his voice rose again ; "it
will be worse for him. Mind you tell him
that."
"Yes, sir!"
The answer was faint with fear. The
poor child still lingered, however, not daring
to move before this cruel-hearted man gave
her permission.
"Why don't you go? Be off, I say,"
cried the landlord, turning and slamming
the door.
The girl burst into tears, and starting off
like a frightened deer, disappeared around
a corner.
"Forgive us our debts," I said reverently,
involuntarily repeating that part of the
Lord's Prayer, "forgive us our debts as we
forgive our debtor. Ah !"- I continued, "I
wonder if this flinty-hearted Pharisee ever
thinks what that means ?"
An Eyg in a Phial.—To accomplish
this seeming incredible act, requires the
following preparation : You must take an
egg and soak it in vinegar, and in process
of time its shells will become quite soft, so
that it may be extended lengthwise without
breaking; then insert it into the neck of a
small bottle, and by pouring cold water
upon it, it will assume its former figure and
hardness. This really a complete curiosity,
and bafiles those who are not in the secret
to find out how it is accomplished.
"Consc'ence !" said Mrs. Hopkins indig-
nantly; "do you suppose that nobody has
got any conscience but yourself ? My con-
science is as good as yours; aye, and bet
tcr, too, for it has never been used in the
course of my life, while yours must be
nearly worn out!"
gmg'
0'Byrne with an S.—" Arrali, Teddy, an'
wasn't ver name Teddy O'Byrne before ye
left culd Ireland?"
"Sure it was, my darlint."
"But, my jewel, why then do you add
the s, and call it Teddy O'Byrnes, now ?"
"Why, ye spalpeen, liavn't I been mar-
ried since I kem to Ameriky ? And are ye
so ignorant of gramatics that ye don't
know when one thing is added to another
jt becomes a plural ?"
"Wal, Squire, I don't know whether ÍI
'ud make it a level or no; but I'm sartain
that that's good law where 1 live."
"Your Justice's knowledge in regard to
fences must be exceedingly limited."
No, it ain't, Squire, for he's had a great
deal of experience in that line. I've.known
him twenty years, and all the big politicians
I ever heard speak about Squire Slocome,
hev said they never knew Slocome any-
where sure, but on the fence /"•—San Fran.
Morning Call.
An Irish Climax.
A friend of ours, himself an Emeralder,
tells us a story of a couple of his country-
men, not long since employed in the gas
works in this city. It illustrates the Irish
proclivity to solecism as well as anything
we have lately read.
Dennis Maguire and Patrick Moran were,
as we have intimated, laborers; but Patrick
was a sober "boy," and took care of his
money, while Dennis had a notion of drink-
ing up the wurl', and laving niver a dhrop
for postherity. So, one morning Patrick,
going over to his work like a clever fellow,
sees Dennis leaning against the doorway of
a drinking shop.
"Pathrick," says Denny, "it's a fina
raornin' inthirely, an' won't ye sthop a
minit, jist!"
"Not a bit ov it, Denny ; I'm off to me
work."
"Whist, Pat, don't let the divil runaway
wid ye all so fast. Have ye a dina® down
thair," pointing to his friend's pocket,
"among your 'baccy and things like?"
"Be sure I have," said Pat, "and mq|t be
someumore."
"Well, thin," said Denny, *ye'Il stand
thrait this morning, for it's divtf^take the
copper I have meself this pleasant morninV'
"Indade I won't," said Pat, with an air
of invincible determination, which left no
hope that he would relent. "Indade I
won't. It's the whiskey that's tairin' yer
trowsies and paintin' yer ugly face the color
ov a hog's liver, and ye'll get none with
my money, Denny, darlint."
Dennis drew himself up with majestic
indignation, set his round little hat jauntily
on one side, and spake as follows:
"Pat, ye're a liar; Pat, ve're a thafe;
Pat, ye're a murtherer in the black heart
ov. ye; and, be the Lord, if ye had the con-
vanience ye'd be a thriflin' jade!"
Patrick ercssed himself devoutly, and
strode rapidly on.—Montgomery Mail.
A companionable woman is always pretty.
I wonder women so seldom think it worth
while to cultivate their conversational abili-
ties. I dont blame them for being as band-
some as they can be, and live; but I do
think a little more internal culture, and a
little less external, would greatly add to
their own influence as well as happiness.
M
* 1
I
A genius down East b&s discovered a
method of manufacturing from one dandy,
a monkey, an ape an<J three baboons, so aa
have enough left fo| ft 9Q>«11 tt,yaller dog:1
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Hepperla, John C. The Central Texian. (Anderson, Tex.), Vol. 3, No. 36, Ed. 1 Saturday, February 7, 1857, newspaper, February 7, 1857; Anderson, Texas. (https://texashistory.unt.edu/ark:/67531/metapth181133/m1/1/: accessed July 11, 2024), University of North Texas Libraries, The Portal to Texas History, https://texashistory.unt.edu.; crediting The Dolph Briscoe Center for American History.