The Schulenburg Sticker (Schulenburg, Tex.), Vol. 32, No. 39, Ed. 1 Friday, June 4, 1926 Page: 7 of 16
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-—
CURRENT COMMENT
By J. H. LOWRY
TSSS*.
A Constructive Platform.
\
HE worst charge that can be
lodged against candidates for
Governor is that in their 'plat-
forms they deal with platitudes
and glittering generalities rather than
"with concrete statements and con-
structive programs. I believe there is
yet time, in Texas and in Oklahoma, for
some one to make a successful race on
a constructive platform. The people are
tired of promises of tax reduction and
"enforcement of the law. These have
been planks in the platform of every
candidate for fifty years. These, like
the stereotype^phrases of "pointing
with pride" t<^M chievements of one's
political paflPPfend "viewing with
alarm" the efforts of the opposing par-
ty to ruin the government, have tired
the people, and they want something
"that will get us somewhere in the way
of bettering conditions and making the
people happy and contented. I suggest
a platform something like the follow-
ing:
Permit no colored revival meeting to
continue more than six months in any
year.
Banish every society mugwump who
monopolizes the attention of a young
woman more than eighteen months
without making application for a mar-
riage license.*
Permit no whistle to blow earlier than
8 o'clock in the morning.
Prohibit mosquitos from entering in-
corporated towns without first obtain-
ing permission from the mayor.
Permit no man to leave his home town
on the firsfr day of the month unless he
has in his possession receipts showing
that he has paid all bills.
Prohibit sermons of more than thirty
minutes and jail every man caught
sleeping in church.
Collect a fine of "$50 from every doc-
tor who allows a patient to die.
Fix a maximum price of two dollars
on women's hats.
Hang every candidate for office who
promises to reduce taxes if he fails to
reduce.
Reduce the cost of living by reducing
the size of the holes in macaroni, and
require macaroni to be sold by the yard.
Standing upon such a platform, a can-
didate for governor would sweep any
State in the union. Should he carry out
the planks in his platform he would add
much to the sum total of human happi-
ness. Moreover, the planks in his plat-
form could be carried out as easily as
the planks in some platforms recently
submitted.
♦ * *
Who Is Happiest?
Some time ago one of the magazines
offered a prize for the happiest person
on earth. I am strong in the conviction
that I found and submitted to the maga-
zine the happiest person on this mun-
dane sphere, though up to this minute
I have not received any prize money. It
may be that biased judges passed on the
matter and euchered me out of what
was justly mine, while it is possible that
the loss'of my address accounts for my
failure to receive the prize offered. My
happiest person on earth lives far out
in the rural regions and is a magnifi-
cent specimen of the genus Africanus—
in other words, a coal black negro—
whose skin glitters like polished ebony,
and whose body is so strong that it is
impervious to tiredness and also proof
against the attacks of disease. My hap-
py person dwells in a region where few
white people are seen and negroes are
as thick as the leaves which once
strewed Valambrosa's brooks. His mus-
cular power is so great and he wields a
razor with such dexterity that few
members of his race dare cross his path,
dispute his authority or court his
frowns. Law is not much in evidence
in his section, officers hardly ever pass-
ing that way, hence my hero has as
many wives and as many dogs as he
desires, with no man to say him nay.
At the "festibules" he is always auction-
eer, and at the picnics he is marshal of
the day, wearing a broad1 sash of
brightest red. To choose another for
either of these important positions
would be an insult that no man would
dare propose, for before his wrath
weaker members of his race tremble
with terror like cowering demi-gods be-
fore an offended Jove. In this happiest
person on earth the elements are so
mixed that even the elements are pow-
erless to inflict pain or discomfort. He
is versed in the Scriptures, lucky in crap
games and a dancer virtuoso. He can
preach for hours on an August night ar-
rayed in an overcoat without the slight-
est discomfort, and prowl all night in
the winter in a linen duster without suf-
fering from cold. He is so wonderfully
made that anybody's shoes and any-
body's coat will fit him, and his appetite
has such Wonderful range, and his di-
gestive organs are so perfect, that every
known edible pleases his taste and
works no injury to his internal econ-
omy. You may talk of your blushing
brides, your sweet girl graduates, your
jelly bean lovers, your boy with his first
pair of long trousers, but compared to
my hero, all these are as sad as Hamlet
or as Rachael weeping over her young.
If I am cheated out of the prize money
I shall ever feel that the cheating was
the world's crowning feat of diabolism.
* * r
Springtime's Horrors.
Even springtime, with its bird songs
and its flowers, is not all joy. To be
sure, it's great to have your brow fanned
by gentle zephyrs sweetened with the
breath of the magnolia and the jasa-
mine. The roses, the honeysuckles and
the snap dragons minister unto one's
love for the beautiful and gladden the
eye. Visions of pretty girls, automobiles
and pockets full of chink woo the toiler
into the land of dreams. There are sun-
lit splendors -by day, and the great ceru-
lean vault is a panorama of astral glo-
ries when night draws her curtains and
pins them with glittering stars. The
mocking birds and the red birds fill our
souls with music, and the katydids lull
us to sleep. But even when all this is
said, springtime is not an unmixed
pleasure or an unalloyed joy. There
never was a spring without a spring
house-cleaning. The beauty of bloom
and blossom fade, and the chorus of mu-
sic-throated birds is hushed by the ap-
pearance of a cross woman with a rag
around her head and a mop in her hand,
and a man's soul can never be transport-
ed to realms of bliss when he has to
sleep on a trunk and can not find a place
to sit down or hang his hat. Oh, that
it had never become stylish to live in
houses.
* * *
Convention vs. Primary.
Many journals throughout the coun-
try are now urging that the primary
election system be set aside and the old-
time system of nominating candidates
be re-enthroned. This is further evi-
dence that people hardly ever know
what they want, and when they get
what they contended for, they find, in
the language of the street song, "that
they didn't want what they wanted at
all." My recollections are of the old-
time conventions, precinct, county and
State. The precinct and county conven-
tions were dominated by a few men, at-
tended by very few voters. The very
few who coufd speak controlled, and
those who could not speak in public were
merely dumb-driven cattle. The masses
were absolutely unacquainted with par-
liamentary procedure, and knew no
more of such things as the "previous
question" than the father of the mule
knows of astronomy. To the rank and
file a resolution to "lay a motion on the
table," meant to exhibit it for inspec-
tion—to "move the previous question"
was absolutely unintelligible. Parlia-
mentary procedure served only to con-
fuse the people, and nine-tenths of
them stayed away from the precinct
conventions. No law governed the con-
ventions, and the man from an adjoin-
ing county had as much voice in the viva
voce vote as the man who was in his
own precinct. We have a primary elec-
tion law now. It is controlled by. stat-
ute, and every man may cast his ballot
in secret and for whom he desires. This
does not suit the politicians and they
are crying out for a return of the old
convention system. They say that un-
der the old convention system we chose
better officers, but I remmber distinct-
ly that most of them abused the offi-
cers who were chosen under the old
system, and belittled them even as they
belittle the officers chosen under the
primary law. For the primary system
it may be said that under its provisions
every man has a voice in the selection of
nominees, and that five times as many
participate in them as participated in
the conventions. It will be a sad day, in-
deed, for the people when they set aside
the primary, with its guarded, secret
ballot, for the convention, manipulated
by a few who are versed in parliamen-
tary procedure, and who seek to control
by manipulation rather than by the
voice of the people. Possibly those who
would destroy the primary system long
for the old State convention days, and
it must be admitted that they were
great occasions. The nominating
speeches were gems of oratory, and the
wire-working challenged the greatest ef-
forts of men in chicanery, but the plain,
simple people had little to say in the
selection of the officials who were to
serve them. Under the primary sys-
tem, with each sovereign registering his
choice in secret, the politician has little'
opportunity to ply his arts. The people
may select a poor official occasionally,
but the people pay the bills, and their
voice in the selection of public servants
should never be hushed.
* * *
An exchange says when one considers
how many persons are always going on
a visit it seems miraculous that any one
is ever at home long enough to enter-
tain them. This is not the greatest
wonder connected with the visiting busi-
ness. When every person will tell you
he or she is more comfortable at home
than anywhere else, and nobody is so-
liciting visitors, why is it that every-
body doesn't stay at home?
* * *
The pardon record of the woman Gov-
ernor of Texas ought to bear good fruit
among the wives of the country, and
exert a strong influence in behalf of suf-
fering man. If the first woman of the
State forgives so many to whom she is
not connected by affinity or consanguin-
ity, surely the wives of the country
should not hesitate to grant pardon to
their weak and erring husbands. Say
what you will about a husband, he's en-
titled to as much consideration as a con-
vict.
AN AM A TEUR GOES FISHING
By AUSTIN CALLAN
Ur
* i#
f
Ff S
.f . B i
fellows wait for the signs
to get right before they go fish-
ing. They say they can tell you
exactly the kind of bait to use
each month in the year and which par-
ticular "finnies" like to do their feeding
in the moonlight and which ones are to
be caught on dark nights.
* As for myself, I can't tell what the
fish'think any season of the year, and
they can put any kind of propaganda by
me. I know the ones that are best to
eat and I know that they are all hard to
catch when you want to have a fish-fry.
Aside from that, my knowledge is un-
professional and I could not qualify as
an expert witness at all. I could not be
called a real disciple of Izaak Walton.
I go fishing when I feel like it. Neith-
er the attitude of the moon, the direc-
tion of the wind nor the signs of the
Zodiac have anything to do with it so
far as I am concerned. My inspiration
are dogwood blossoms and singing birds.
When the first warm spring days come
tip-toeing across the woods and flush
up things with the glow of yellow sun-
shine I am ready to go and I do go,
whether the fish are ready to bite or
not. I don't ask fhem anything about it^.
The last time I thought all my signs
were right I went fishing with a friend
named Frank Collins. He was no kin
to Floyd Collins, although he insisted
on singing a song about Floyd which
made me so mad that I wanted to fight.
It was a sad song and I was out to enjoy
the day.
Green Trees Seem to Beckon.
Frank happened along at the psycho-
logical moment. From the window of a
skyscraper I could see the tops of green
trees gently waving in the distance and
they seemed to beckon to me. My feet
were restless under the mahogany
desk, my thoughts ran back to other
days, and when he said: "Old Top, how
about a spin down to Kemah?" I accept-
ed the proposal before he had a chance
to change his mind.
Soon we were spinning along a shiny
road. He had furnished a complete
tackle and it was not necessary for me
to go by a hardware store and invest
anything in corks and sinkers. Because
of this fact, he kept hinting about me
managing for a few cold bottles. But
believe it or not, I never tumbled to
the hint. The air was so invigorating
and the primroses and wild verbenas
and Indian blankets were blooming so
profusely along the way that I did not
feel the need of an artificial exhilerant.
I did one thing, however, and I never
fail to do that. I went by home and got
my coffee-pot and some bacon and
onions and peanut butter and crackers.
I knew that I was going to get hungry;
and when I get hungry I had rather sit
in the shade on the banks of some pret-
ty stream, or by the seashore, and eat
than to fight. It isn't every Irishman
who can say that and mean it, but I
can.
Streaks of Foam.
After an hour and a half's drive we
reached a place along the Gulf coast
that was good to look upon. It was rest-
ful to me, after gazing days and days at
speeding automobiles, high skyscrapers
and strange faces in the city. The wa-
ter was just a little rough and had the
appearance of a mighty washboard with
streaks of foam running here and there
upon its bosom. Frank hardly waited
to cut off his engine before he jumped
out of the car and had bargained for a
boat. I said something 'about eating
first, to which he
replied: "0, the
mischief! A fel-
low can stuff any
old time, Let's get
out there and go
to work."
I consented be-
cause I was his
guest, but I didn't
like that word
"work." It never
was my idea of
sport to do much
work. When I ask-
ed him why he
didn't bargain for
a tub with some
sort of shade over
it, he said: "Don't
bother about the
sun; it will give
you that school-
g i r 1 complexion,
don't you know."
And let me say right here, it gave me
the kind of complexion that peals off. It
was all off in two or three days and
my skin came with it. No tender, cling-
ing vine from the confines of an office
building, which is kindly sheltered,
should ever allow a roughneck to in-
veigle him out on the briny deep where
old Sol is hitting the water with a sizzle,
in the belief that it will just get-him a
light coat of tan.
Gets a Nibble.
The first hour I got a nibble. At
least, I thought it was a nibble, and I
was faithful enough to stay "with it un-
complainingly until I thought about a
sandwich which I had slipped into my
pocket before boarding the boat. When
I thought of that sandwich, I concluded
the fish were not going to bite, and I
gave up and commenced chewing on it.
This seemed to provoke Frank a bit, but
I didn't care. There was no reason, so
far as I could see, for one starving him-
self in order to float around waiting for
fish to make up their minds to bite.
Besides, I didn't even know whether
fish had minds or not.
As I didn't have a sandwich to offer
Frank, I tried to get him into a conver-
sation about evolution, flappers, demo-
cratic fundamentals and other things.
But there was nothing doing. He kept
his eyes on the water and his line.
Directly there was a tightening to his
line and a swish through the water. He
became all excited and I said: "What
you got?" He seemed a little peeved
because I was more interested in eats
than in sport, and as he drew in he re-
plied : "A ham sandwich, I reckon. Isn't
that what we came after?"
But, no, it was a fish and he landed it.
Really I didn't know what kind it was
and I wouldn't ask him. I didn't pro-
But just then there was a splash behind us and the line tightened again."
pose to let him know just how ignorant
I was regarding the names, habits and
other things about members of the fin-
ny tribe.
After awhile, however, he came to my
rescue by saying that it was the biggest
red fish that he had ever seen hauled
out of the bay.
I admitted that it was a splendid
specimen, which almost came up to one
I had caught while out with a party in
San Francisco bay. I don't believe he
accepted that statement for much truth-
fulness, because, he declared, that there
were no red fish in San Francisco bay.
Enthused Again.
The fact that Frank had caught so
splendid a fish got me enthused again.
I took a fresh start and it was not long
until my line commenced jiggering
about. Frank saw this and yelled,
"Drag 'er in." To tell you the truth, I
was so excited that I came very near
falling out of the boat; he caught me
just in time to prevent that catas-
trophe. After some little effort, how-
ever, I landed my catch and was very
much disappointed to find that it was a
sand bass which he said would weigh
about a pound and a half. I thought
that it was much bigger than that, but
he had a pair of scales which settled
the argument in his favor.
Well, after the first little scrimmage
things began to pick up and in the
course of an hour or so the bottom of
that boat was fairly alive with "sea
fruit." In our collection there were
some of the prettiest red fish you ever
saw, all of them large enough to con-
form to the strictest construction of
the game laws of Texas. Besides, we
had many pounds of sand trout, croak-
ers, sheephead and other kinds.
We were about to head in for shore
when Frank said, "Look at that!" I ob-
served there was
something on his
line and that it
was swimming di-
rectly away from
us, pulling the
boat along with it.
The sun was sink-
ing and our course
was directly in the
shimmering path
which it was
marking upon the
water.
Seventy-Five-
Pound Drum.
I don't know
how far we had
been towed, when,
all of a sudden, the
line slackened and
he said something
which I shall not
repeat. "0, well," I spoke, as if
to comfort him, "the big ones always
get away." But just then there was a
splash behind us and the line tightened
again. Our submarine power of loco-
motion, whatever it was, had changed
its sailing direction.
Perhaps thirty minutes lapsed before
Frank got that fish up to the edge of
the boat and, believe me, I was just a
little excited because I - didn't know
what he had. I had read stories about
boats being carried out to sea that way
and all kind of foolish thoughts went
through my mind.
It was a drum which must have
weighed about seventy-five or eighty
pounds. We lost it just as we were get-
ting it over the edge of the boat; so
you see that, like all other fishermen's
experiences, our biggest one got away.
We were very successful, however, and
when we got back to where our auto-
mobile was parked, we were so tired
that we were really glad there were no
more fish to transfer from our boat to
our flivver.
When we got into some dry clothes
and started to prepare supper, Frank
said: "You see, if you go with me you
will learn where the fish range." I told
him I was mighty proud of our catch,
but that the next good thing I intended
doing was to hang some streaked bacon
on a forked stick and steam up that old
coffee pot.
The moon was beaming down upon
the shimmering waters when we fin-
ished our meal, and its soft glow was so
elusive that I wanted to stay right there
all night, but Frank, not having much
poetry in his system, said: "Lefs go
from here." Finally we climbed into our
rambling Ford and rolled back over the
white road to the big city.
CHICAGO-FORT WORTH-DALLAS
AIR MAIL LINE.
When the Chicago-Fort Worth-Dallas
air mail line was inaugurated May 13,
an air transport belt 2,400 miles long
and 400 miles wide was established.
Northbound mail planes will leave
Dallas, 7:30 a. m.; Fort Worth, 8 a. m.;
Oklahoma City, 10:10 a. m.; Wichita,
Kan., 11:57 a. m.; Kansas City, Mo.,
1:57 p. m.; St. Joe, Mo., 2:40 p. m.; Mo-
line, 111., 5:40 p. m.; arriving Chicago,
7:20 p. m., same day.
The extent to which cities not on the
air mail route can make use of the serv-
ice is illustrated in the case of Houston
or San Antonio. A letter bearing the
required air mail postage mailed in
Houston or San Antonio would come to
Dallas or Fort Worth by rail and be de-
livered to the air route. The same rule
will apply to all other points within
reach of the air line. All existing mail
transportation lines will be utilized to
connect up with the airplanes.
Out-of-town patrons who use the air
mail will receive free rail transportation
on their mail from place of origin to
Fort Worth or Dallas, and from the
point where the mail leaves the air to
continue the journey by rail to destina-
tion. For example, San Antonio or
Houston patrons will receive postage
rate of 10 cents per ounce on mail bound
from these two cities to Chicago, same
rate as paid by Fort Worth and Dallas
patrons.
PANHANDLE PRODUCTION 25,000
BARRELS DAILY.
In a report filed at Amarillo May 15,
Earl Calloway, State Oil and Gas In-
spector for the Amarillo district, gave
the total daily production for the Pan-
handle district as 25,046 barrels.
The report further showed this flow
came from 120 producing wells with a
total of 264 drilling in the field.
He estimated that if all the wells now
drilling produced an average the same
as those now in operation the produc-
tion would total 75,000 barrels in the
next sixty days.
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The Schulenburg Sticker (Schulenburg, Tex.), Vol. 32, No. 39, Ed. 1 Friday, June 4, 1926, newspaper, June 4, 1926; (https://texashistory.unt.edu/ark:/67531/metapth189963/m1/7/?q=%22%22~1&rotate=0: accessed July 17, 2024), University of North Texas Libraries, The Portal to Texas History, https://texashistory.unt.edu.; crediting Schulenburg Public Library.