The Rice Thresher (Houston, Tex.), Vol. 63, No. 48, Ed. 1 Thursday, April 1, 1976 Page: 16 of 16
sixteen pages : ill. ; page 20 x 14 in.View a full description of this newspaper.
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Tomato trauma kills five
continued from page 1
loss for an explanation.
T: Why have you encount-
ered resistance to your theory?
L: Impedance, really. But
that will be obvious later on.
Briefly, physics is a system
and its members have their
own validities. Allow me to
explain what I meant to talk
about in the first place.
T: Gladly.
drop-kick me, jesus,
through the goal-posts of
life.
—graffito
z-'y A
L: Consider sensitive beings
and the matter of pain and
defenses. Non-sensitive
beings, say animals, experi-
ence pain but don't really
suffer because they aren't
aware of it. Man, with her
sensitivity. . .
T: Her?
L: . . .to get your attention.
Man, however, because of the
awareness of pain, really
suffers because of the
knowledge that he is in pain.
Being an intelligent animal,
he of course tries to minimize
continued on page 2
i am not sweet! I have never
been sweet! I will never be
sweet! Let go of me. . .besides,
my underwear shows. I'm
going to break your kneecap,
that's what I'm going to do. .
Which one of these do you
want to run? And you really
think that's a way to talk me
into coming to your damn
meeting on Monday? Where's
my jewelry? . . .He's bigger
than I am." "I swear I didn't
hear anything fall. . .did
anybody else? . . See what you
did to me?" "You did that
washing dishes, because
1
THE
A
V
RICE THRESHER WITH A K/EW ORIFICE
WEILDS MORE CAPACITY, CLAIMS OWNER
OF NOVEL DESIGN.
YOU DO AS WE ADVISE .... AND YOL/ WON'T HAVE
TO BE CREAMED BY OUR PLANT WE'RETOO LAZY TO
GO HERE AND THERE CORRECTING FAULTS, BUT IT
HEADS OFF SUITS TO WARN YOU OF 31 LPS
WE HIGHT MAKE.
BOZO PLANT CUTS COSTS:
story- rage z7.
i:5
you're a kluttzoid, that's why..
I'm going to drive your car off
a cliff somewhere. I really am.
I think you're a presumptuous
son-of-a-bitch."
* * *
C—You're a real pain in the
ass.
G—I've known that, ever since
fourth grade.
* * *
"You don't think fd hold a
grudge, do you?"(grudgingly)
* * *
Tired of commons food?
Come to Nick's Restaurante!
Menu
Rebanadas de aire
Pinga a la vinagreta
tripa de perro barbecue
patas de rana eu
salsa de mierda
Postre
diarrea de vanilla
Beba
Extracto de ano
$1.89
* * *
Repent Ye Sinners of Rice!!
The time of reckoning is at
hand. The Wisdom of Ages is
revealed in • the ancient
Parable: "As even the Carrots
in the field shall remark upon
that horrible day of Judge-
nient: 'If only we hadn't
gotten into bed together, we
wouldn't be in this stew.' "
-Rev. Hupert Dink
(eat your heart out, CVSFMVS)
nosedrops ^
ii§ m and no-doz
Actions — In recent actions
by the Proctologist:
1. A student has been
publicly stripped, beaten, &
thrown in chains for saying
"Sam D. Sham" in the
presence of a recording
microphone on the second
floor of the Fondren Library
last Thursday. Upon
release, the student is
barred from eating off
campus for one semester.
2. A student has been
placed on disciplinary pro-
bation for spilling beer on
the floor of the Pub without
prior notice. The probation
will extend until the student
stops writing letters to the
editor of tlTe Trasher.
3. Three students have
been placed on disciplinary
probation for keeping messy
rooms. Their T-shirts are
liable to tow for the remain-
der of the semester.
4. The presidents and
social chairmen of ten
campus organizations have
been publicly reprimanded
for, quote, "givin' Rice a bad
name, with all that beer and
stuff."
5. A student has been fined
$200 for exploding fire-
crackers in a residential
college, thereby nearly
blowing a fellow student's
head off and endangering
others.
* * *
Hail to the Chief—If, in your
judgeahment, you would like
to play on the Gerald Ford
campaign team, come by
YR's Ford Campaign train-
ing table at the RMC, Tues-
day, 8am-5pm. Knowledge
of German advisable. This
is for real.
fiedmisiclasss
This is a reminder from your
department of redundancy
department, reminding you
that redundancy is inefficient
and unneccessary and
repetitive, and should be
eliminated whenver possible
to do so. This has been a
reminder from your depart-
ment of redundancy depart-
ment, reminding you . . .
His glistening rod arched
towards her already sweet-
ened love box and she let go
with a soft moan that
reminded him of that night not
so very long ago when they
were lying on that blanket
with the bottle of Moet &
Chandon Dom Perignon.
They were still in love.
He began to hum some
Andalusian air, to himself, as
his member completed its
appointed tasks. Of course,
that was when he noticed the
rivulets of grime and dirt
snaking across her stomach.
He realized that her habits
were not those of a lady in the
area of personal hygiene.
Later, much later to be exact,
he hopped out of bed with his
usual springy step and began
to pee an ocean of lava into the
toilet bowl. He was
dumbfounded, he didn't know
what to do.
After the Night of Decadence
* * *
With apologies to Paul Simon
The answer is all inside your
head
She said to me
The answer is easy if you
Take it logically
I'd like to help you with this
problem
In Diffy
There must be fifty ways
To integrate this mother
She said it's really not my
habit
To intrude
But if I don't help you now
you'll
Get it wrong and we'll be
screwed
So I'll repeat myself
At the risk of being crude
There must be fifty ways
To integrate this mother
Just look in the back, Jack
Evaluate the x, Rex
No need to invert, Bert
Just listen to me
Just drop off the y, Guy
Don't need to divide, Clyde
Then just integrate, Nate
And remember "plus C"t
She said it grieves me so
To see you in such pain
I wish there was something I
could do
To stimulate your brain
I said I appreciate that
And would you please explain
About the fifty ways
She said why don't you just
Sit on it tonight
And I believe in the morning
You'll begin to see the light
Then she kissed me
And I realized she was
probably right
There must be fifty ways
To integrate this mother
—Witney
Waldroth
Winfred
the page 8 gaping hole — page 8
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Brewton, Gary. The Rice Thresher (Houston, Tex.), Vol. 63, No. 48, Ed. 1 Thursday, April 1, 1976, newspaper, April 1, 1976; Houston, Texas. (https://texashistory.unt.edu/ark:/67531/metapth245288/m1/16/: accessed July 18, 2024), University of North Texas Libraries, The Portal to Texas History, https://texashistory.unt.edu.; crediting Rice University Woodson Research Center.