The Rice Thresher (Houston, Tex.), Vol. 69, No. 27, Ed. 1 Thursday, April 1, 1982 Page: 1 of 8
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Brotzen derides Brown, threatens dramatic changes
by Jay Smith
Brown College Master Franz
Brotzen warned college members
that "the shit's gonna hit the fan
and serious consequences will
result" if Brown does not restore
the adminstration's confidence in
the college. Though Brotzen
refused to reveal the exact nature
of Brown's problems, between
shots of tequila he slurred,
"Bown's prim, proper Victorian
attitudes can no longer be
tolerated at this university. The
college has made no effort to break
social mores, mores that are
generally considered beneficial to
Rice, the college system and the
individual student."
After a pat on the back, Brotzen
came to and added haltingly, "I'm
serious. Really serious. We've
gotta loosen up and we're going to.
And if the girls don't like it, tough
titties." The administration is
considering several possible
alternatives. Among the possible
changes are keeping Brown as a
single sex female college but
moving Rice's male athletes to the
premises, furthering Rice's
continuing studies' efforts at
integrating the Rice community
with the outside world by making
Brown's first three floors a halfway
house or instituting a mandatory
work-study program for Brown
residents which would include
prostitution, drug dealing and
running craps games in every
available corner of the college.
A memorandum from the
committee of Masters and
Presidents to University President
Norman Hackerman decried the
lack of social reality at Brown.
"Brown College has fallen far
behind the rest of the campus in
terms of food fights, hooliganism,
knavery, drug abuse, sexual
tolerance and has continually
embarrassed the university
Brotzen warns Brown members of serious consequences. —m. Gladu
through wanton overdressing."
The statement goes on to say
that the committee will "rely on
known campus drug dealers and
various addictive drugs to initiate
the attitude conversion at Brown."
Reaction at Brown has been
mixed. Sophomore Gina Andrd, a
member of the Campus Crusade
for Christ, publicly denounced the
changes. "Brown College adds a
stability to Rice, a stability that 1
personally feel is necessary and I
have tried to maintain."
Brotzen plans to have Andr£
executed.
But former Brown President
Susan Hemphill disagreed, saying
as she tore her Izod shirt from her
body and passed a doobie to
Brotzen, "Yeah man, I can see
where they're coming from; this
preppy stuff has been a shallow
disguise all along. We're gonna
have fun now."
According to Masters
Committee Chairmen John
Freeman, "the central concern is
the quality of life of each
individual student. Students need
to party with each other more and
we feel that Rice should have more
of a communalistic nature."
Freeman added that, regardless
of the final decision, the locks on
the Brown doors will be removed
immediately.
1HRESHER
Volume 69, number 26
Thursday, April 1, 1982
INSIDE:
• Do you know of the "Brick?"
You will now. Meet Rice's new
athletic sensation, p. 7.
• The Back Page changes due to
administrative pressure, p. 8.
Proctor identifies Christians
accused of overexuberance
by J.C.
Proctor E.C. Holt announced
Monday that a photograph
appearing in last week's Thresher
will be used to prosecute Rice
religious fanatics who disrupted a
recent Billy Graham concert. The
students, who appear in the
photograph holding an old rugged
cross, went into a charismatic
frenzy at the stadium Sunday.,
"I've had my eye on this group
for a long time," stated Holt.
"When they get filled with the
spirit, they just take off all their
clothes and do all kinds of crazy
stuff."
Holt intends to seek the severest
possible punishment for the born-
again ne'er-do-wells.
Flasher plagues Rice
Composite of flasher compiled by
A 5-8 to 5-10 white male in his
late 50's is suspected in the wave of
flashing that has recently besieged
campus. According to Campus
Police, the suspect wanders
around campus in a dirty lab coat
and asks undergraduates for four
million dollars. When the students
refuse to meet his demands, the
man laughs hideously, opens the
Rice Campus Police
lab coat, exposes himself and rides
off on a bicycle.
If any student sees anyone
resembling this composite picture
recently released by the Campus
Police, he is encouraged to notify
their office immediately. The
•tttudent should take no action
himself as the suspect is considered
armed and dangerous.
"Crucifixion would be nice," he
stated.
Although Holt would not reveal
exactly what happened after the
group was possessed by the Holy
Spirit, born-again member Dan
Joynton admitted the nature of the
crime.
"When we really feel the spirit,
we praise the lord with our
genitalia. Procreation is the
ultimate celebration of the act of
creation, after all, if it feels good
why not do it?" stated Joynton.
The administration plans to take
steps in the future to avoid such
behavior at public events.
Precautions will include requiring
all born-again Christians to wear a
scarlet C on their clothing and to
sit in a separate section in the back
of the room.
University President Norman
Hackerman claims that the
Christian's actions will cause a loss
of donations and damage Rice's
reputation.
"Rice has developed a fine
reputation for atheism, and many
of our prominent alumni would be
offended at this tolerance for
religous fanaticism," stated
Hackerman.
"We also stand to lose lots of big
bucks from all the Hebes in
Houston" he added.
Campus religious fanatics have a heavy cross to bear in lieu of Proctor E. C
Holt's decision to prosecute those whom he recognizes. —M. Gladu
Rondelet dance site changed
Due to a technical difficulty, the
Rondelet Formal has been moved
from La Hacienda de los Morales
to Las Cazuelas.
RPC President Sherry Spears
explained the move, "Well, I just
told Dougie (RPC President-elect
Doug Gardner) we'd had
reservations at some place with a
funny Mexican name. And he just
kind of goofed."
"Besides," she added, "with all
the money we're spending on Beer-
Bike, we didn't have much left to
rent a ballroom with."
Spears also reported that the
band Eclipse has been eclipsed in
favor of Las Cazuelas' own
mariachis, Las Putas. Las Putas
will premiere its own brand of
Nuevos Huevos.
An open bar will still be
available. However, orders will be
limited to cans ofTecatewith lime.
Note: there will be a chain-check
at the door. Anyone without their
chains will be escorted home with
the Campus Police.
"A little violence, a little sex
tt's all part of the authentic
Mexican atmosphere we're trying
to create this vear." said Gardner.
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Grob, Jay. The Rice Thresher (Houston, Tex.), Vol. 69, No. 27, Ed. 1 Thursday, April 1, 1982, newspaper, April 1, 1982; Houston, Texas. (https://texashistory.unt.edu/ark:/67531/metapth245499/m1/1/: accessed July 18, 2024), University of North Texas Libraries, The Portal to Texas History, https://texashistory.unt.edu.; crediting Rice University Woodson Research Center.