The Rice Thresher (Houston, Tex.), Vol. 70, No. 26, Ed. 1 Friday, April 1, 1983 Page: 4 of 12
twelve pages : ill. ; page 20 x 14 in.View a full description of this newspaper.
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THRESHING-IT-OUT
address system, we get paged, irs'
not funny!
Jack Meoph
Hanszen '84
Buster Hyman
Jones '83
Mike Hunt
Wiess '85
Nagel hits the nail with
inspirational tale
To the editor:
I just want all y'all to know t hat I
have taken the Rod of God. It
hasn't been easy for me, but since I
took the Rod of God, my hair's
^ HO CA/^E ALL
OVEK MN C H I CfcEK)?
Paging pisses people off
To the editor:
We're really tired of the constant
hassling we get. Every time we go
to an amusement park or a football
game or any place with a public
The Boys in Room 201
(GAR FIELD
i feel
PIKvU ICUURLY
MOR.N\ TObAM
YOU're tut
EMVH of
yji
ZONK.ER , I i £ OH , l>0
BEEN NOTICihK* vt)u
GKeftT LIKE n">
uATCL^
ThANK's. I'Wt
SEEN vjorkiiJCI
ON IT 0l
Qunt AViH ILE
\
GO TO BED
WilH M£
tEAK, \T '5
GREftT '
I ThOUfaHT
V>U'D
TOM IC.H T 7
NEVER hSKt
jK"
Graduating Saniora
and
Advanced Degree Candidatea
Orders For
Academic
Genitalia
Are Now Being Taken
in the
RICE NEWSSTAND
Deadline: When you come
Payment ia Due When Genitalia
ia Picked Up
V.
turned curly blonde (from black
and straight), my eyes are now
blue, and I have instantly turned
tan. I have been given the gift of
tongues, and believe me, it's great!
If y'all just take the Rod of God,
y'all's hair'll turn blond, eyes blue,
and skin tan. In the beautiful,
inspirational words of Enrico
Schwanz: "Come ye into the
House of the Lord, and He shall
come in thee."
Eriene Nagel
Brown '86
Two whiners who don't
get any use big words
To the editor:
Jeanne, Jeanne, Jeanne, Mother
of God, you ignorant slut. We, in
our infinite wisdom, feel once
more compelled to enlighten the
Rice community about the
growing threat of pseudo-
Christian cults. Before we deign to
do this, however, we should like to
address ourselves to concerns of a
journalistic nature, even if the
great blanket of literary' criticism
be but a doily to our minds. We
suggest that you reread Clifford
Geertz' The Interpretation of
Cultures before you again so
ignorantly misinterpret Balinese
culture. We would also caution
you to consult the OED before you
again incorrectly place "sic" after a
legitimate word. After all, Jeanne,
being the editor is more than
merely knowing how to sleep with
the sports staff.
We have received from the Rod-
ists a copy of the letter by Eriene
Nagel, a member of the cult of the
Rod of God (Marathanatos), and
we received with it the challenge to
respond to her "profession of
faith" with the same bitingly
satirical venom which we
emploved in the response to the
Vacuous Contemporary Deity
Worshippers' letter of several
months ago. After reading the
Nagel "letter," we were extremely
hard-pressed to cease our laughter
and thus feel compelled to
challenge the words of this brazen
bitch.
The Rod-ists are quite simply a
cult consisting of blindly believing
phallus worshippers. Call it
whatever you will, they are nothing
more than frustrated women and
latently homosexual men. To say
that by merely taking the "Rod of
God" one could become blond,
blue-eyed, and tan is a fascist,
idyllic dream which derives no
basis from ecclesial (fuck you, it is
a word) tradition and a pile of
excrement to boot (your outlook,
your perspective, your pishposh,
madam, is hideously warped.)
Dear, dear Ms. Nagel, you have
not a clue as to the authentic
location of the Rod, do you, poor
girl? Are we to assume God is well-
hung, that we mere mortals may
perceive his Ineffable?
There is no theology for us to
challenge unless neo-Nazi ideology
be a theological concept, and what
need have we to point out the
racism of the Rod-ists which is so
apparent? What does their
"religion" prescribe for one whose
penis does not match their "golden
mean?" Should one with an
inadequate male organ be aborted
like some malformed foetus?
Would they advocate "extermina-
tion camps" for the entire
Caucasian race?
In the words of the great
Varletto:
"Silly slut, closet fag,
For what reasons do ye brag?
Brag ye of the phallic shape
Whilst ye engage in gang rape?
Think of some reasons for that
which you do,
If ye be not too horny to think up a
few."
The Two Apostate Buddhist
Mulatto Eskimos
Johnny Goethe
Baker '84
Fred Schiller
Will Rice '86
Editor's note:
Through an unexplained mix-
up, I decided to print the Two
Apostate Buddhist Mulatto
Eskimos' letter here instead of in
the This Week section. However, it
I had known those big words wert
making fun of me, I would never
have printed it at all.
To say that the letter contains m
argument of ideology, but is
"chock-full of boffo yox, a must-
read, and the thinking man's 1001
Riddles and Jokes" is a
deliberately naive digression
Simply because your tone is both
patronizing and needling, and you
can't spell properly, does not alter
the basic bufu nature of the letter
Although I myself have no use
for the so-called Rod of God.
having gotten a grasp on sue h
fanaticism from three years or
residency in Lovett College, I mus;
respond to your letter so that I ma \
write in italics, which adds
authority, as does anonymity and
Accent seasoning. I notice that you
employ the words "the" and "this"
26 or 27 times. Perhaps I share tin
Southwestern Balinese (Gecn
bites) inclination not to use a
definite article unless as a term ot
endearment or monetary unit
nevertheless, in your pretti
noofter onslaught, Nagel/ Cooper
'oses in nine rounds t •
Goethe/Schiller.
Furthermore, as sappy Kraut
romantics, you can hardly accuse
the Marathanatotics of nc<>
Nazism. I seem to recall the lines
" Wer reitet so spaet durch Nachi
und Wind?/ & 'xt der Fuehrer, mil
seinem Schwanz." Finally, !
mentioned in an earlier editorial
that you were beat-offs. It still
holds.
Wiggy Martin returns to
offend, fill up space
To the editor:
Okay cruisers, plug your ears
with wadded psalms: the Wig
returns to offend once again (Ooo
catch the rhythm, the rhyme ol
those syllables; already I feel the
terror building. Oooo? Think Wig
here's gonna have to stop with
wambly goldfish. He said they
came from the pub but fungus-
flavored ones are new to me.)
This week's subject? Letters to
the editor. Yeah, again — did you
send one in? So piss off alright. I
spent 10 valuable minutes of my
time cleverly mimicking a legit
letter and not one of you fuckpigs
even bothered to be offended
enough to write back. You know
how much they pay me here'
Diddlyshit. Zero. The grand
almighty Cooper rakes fn enough
of your tuition to fund the entire
endangered animal relocation
program in Botswana for 13 years
and 62 days, and Wig here gets, on
a good day, an occasional pat on
the head or prod with the butt of a
(oh no, they're jumping me again)
continued on page X
The Rice Thresher, April 1, 1983, page 4
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Cooper, Jeanne. The Rice Thresher (Houston, Tex.), Vol. 70, No. 26, Ed. 1 Friday, April 1, 1983, newspaper, April 1, 1983; Houston, Texas. (https://texashistory.unt.edu/ark:/67531/metapth245528/m1/4/: accessed July 18, 2024), University of North Texas Libraries, The Portal to Texas History, https://texashistory.unt.edu.; crediting Rice University Woodson Research Center.