The Rice Thresher (Houston, Tex.), Vol. 75, No. 27, Ed. 1 Friday, April 22, 1988 Page: 18 of 20
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18 Friday, April 22,1988 THRESHER Sports
Hermann Hell fitting scene for golf obsessions
Anybody with nothing better to do
a couple of weeks ago probably
couldn't help but notice the Masters
golf tournament on TV. This is kinda
fun to watch, unless you happen to
play golf, in which case it drives you
nuts.
The mere sight of some nattily
dressed pro dropping a nine-iron shot
up onto the green, where it bites and
rolls backwards to within a foot of the
hole, is enough to leave the average
weekend hack foaming and chewing
the carpet.
And just watching one of those
guys crack a three hundred yard two-
tiered drive off the tee is sure to have
you driving into any pond, bush,
ditch, or golf cart within thirty feet of
the tee for at least the next month. I
don't even want to talk about sand
shots.
You know those guys have it
rough. There's nothing tougher than
getting up in the morning and saying
to yourself "Gotta play golf today."
You can tell it takes its toll. The look
of agonizing concentration on that
poor pro golfer's face probably re-
flects the inner turmoil of choosing
between whiskey sour or gin and
tonic in the clubhouse after his round.
Those freaks are just too good.
Televising them is bad for the game of
golf and the country's economy. It
discourages all the poor slobs who
shell out their hard-earned shekels
every week to get on the course and
buy all the golf paraphernalia and
clothing put out by American indus-
try. These mistreated millions are
going to realize they'11 never play golf
like those gods on the tube. The frus-
tration will be too much. Then who's
OWLOOK
by Keith Couch
going to buy all those fuzzy club
covers and ugly plaid polyester
slacks? The government will proba-
bly have to start buying up this junk
and stockpiling it for sale to the Rus-
sians in case golf ever becomes an
Olympic sport.
The other great thing about watch-
ing the Masters is the incredible set-
ting. The Augusta National golf
course is painfully pretty, complete
with azaleas, whispering pines, and
grass greener than CK fajitas. It looks
too good to be true.
Not many people know about this,
but there is an equally spectacular
setting for golf mere blocks from
Rice. I'm talking about beautiful
Hermann Park public golf course,
known as Hermann Oaks to aficiona-
dos. This course has a lot going for it.
First of all, it's not going to wear you
out; it's perfectly flat. And since it's a
public course, nobody cares how you
dress. If you think boxer shorts, no
shirt, and high tops look badass on the
links, that's just fine.
What really makes this place spe-
cial is the urban setting. The roar of
traffic is constant. You'rerightnext to
the largest medical center known to
man, so there's always a siren around
to help you concentrate. Street ur-
chins from Hermann Park frolic on
the fairways. I suspect they have
made off with most of the balls I have
lost there over the years. That's why I
shoot to kill now.
There's a lot of really great grown-
up type people out on the course at
Hermann too. For some reason they
seem to play in groups of five or six,
in total la-each of golf etiquette. They
get real hostile if you get too close to
them, too. I'm told this is because
they're involved in serious high-
stakes betting, but I think that's an
awfully cynical theory.
For those with rich imaginations,
Hermann Oaks can take you any-
where in the world. I like to imagine
that I'm in Beirut, as errant golf balls
come zinging at my head from five
different directions at once.
Like the tradition-rich holes at
Augusta, the tawdry holes of Her-
mann hold special memories for me.
There's the breathtaking par 4 num-
ber 1, where I once sliced my tee shot
squarely across the street into Her-
mann Park Zoo.
There's the strategic little par 3
number 2, where I have played my
second shot from the little traffic is-
land in the middle of Hermann Drive
on more than one occasion.
There's the sweeping par 4 number
5, where I once watched a pickup
truck burn on the street beside the
fairway.
There's the famous ninth tee,
where my roommate's drive caromed
off a tree and ended up fifty yards
behind the tee, across the street.
And somewhere out on the back
nine, there's the quiet little spot where
Hanszen golf legend Bill Jones killed
a squirrel stone-cold dead with his tee
shot.
Netters close SWC season
by David Cumberland
The Rice men's and women's tennis
teams will head into SWC tourna-
ment play this weekend after finish-
ing up their regular seasons last week.
The men faced Texas Tech Friday,
and the Red Raiders were so thrilled
to get out of Lubbock that before they
knew it. Rice had whipped them 6-3.
Victories came in the two through
five singles spots, as Rod Burton
reamed Luis Segovia 6-0, 6-4, and
red-hot Ken Thome waxed William
Dopson 7-6, 6-4. Larry Pearl steam-
rolled Nathan Ritchey 6-3, 6-1, while
Joachim Hallstrom proved altogether
superior to Matt Jackson in his 3-6,7-
6, 6-3 triumph. Don Freeman lost a
tough three setter at number one, and
Tim Schier also dropped his match,
leaving the match count at 4-2 in favor
of Rice heading into the doubles.
The Owls needed just one win in
doubles to take the dual match, and
they achieved that easily. Freeman
and Schier bounced back from their
singles losses to toast John Sullivan
and Rich Sandoval 6-0, 6-1. Thome
and Sean Wade provided some gravy
with a 6-2, 6-4 thumping of Segovia
and Jackson. Burton and Andrew
Taylor fell in a marathon match to
make the final 6-3 for the good guys.
Nationally-ranked Arkansas came
to town Monday and coasted past the
men with a 7-2 victory. Pearl man-
aged the only singles victory for the
Owls as he belted Derek Brooks 7-5,
6-3. Wade and Thome gain the other
win in doubles in overpowering
Brooks and Cha Hoon Im 6-1,2-6,6-
2.
The dual match loss -dropped the
squad's record to 10-9. The Owls now
head to Austin for the SWC tourna-
ment April 24-26.
The walking wounded women's
team was also in action against Ar-
kansas over the weekend. Only the
singles matches were completed Sat-
urday before the rain came, with the
Porkers holding a 4-2 advantage.
Megan Tanner humiliated Linda
Norris 6-0, 6-0, while Allison Culver
hammered Celeste Rice 6-2, 6-2 for
the two singles victories. Alice Vod-
icka and the gimpy Liz Sulzberger
lost close three set matches for the
Owls, while Emily Cates hung tough
in defeat despite a bad wrist and a case
of chicken pox. The doubles matches
were rescheduled for Sunday.
The Arkansas women spent Satur-
day night dreaming of the huge post-
match buffet promised them if they
beat the Owls. Each hoped to be the
lucky girl who got to bite the tail off
the roasted pig. Armed with that in-
centive, Christy Rankin and Celeste
Rice ate up Vodicka and Lori Cronk
6-2,6-3 to give the win to the porkers.
The scene after the match was ugly,
with the Arkansas ladies foregoing
utensils and gorging themselves at
their buffet table. These hogs left
Houston with full bellies and smiles
on their faces.
The squad finishes the regular sea-
son at 9-9. "It's been a tough year, but
the kids have responded well," com-
mented coach Paul Blankenship. The
Lady Owls will compete at the SWC
tournament Friday through Sunday,
with SMU as their likely first foe.
GET CASH FOR YOUR BOOKS
The Campus Store will pay
up to half the latest retail
price for those texts that
have been ordered by the
faculty for Fall,1988(unless
we have enough left from
Spring, 88). We will pay
wholesale price for those
texts you wish to sell
that are not being used next
semester and have resale
value to book wholesalers.
PLEASE REMEMBER:
BUY BACK TIMES ARE:
April 27 & 28:12-4
April 29: 9-4
May 2 & 3:12-4
May 4: 9-4
If you have any
questions, please stop
by the book dept.
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BRING YOUR RICE I.D.!!
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Thanks
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Wucker, Michele. The Rice Thresher (Houston, Tex.), Vol. 75, No. 27, Ed. 1 Friday, April 22, 1988, newspaper, April 22, 1988; Houston, Texas. (https://texashistory.unt.edu/ark:/67531/metapth245694/m1/18/: accessed July 18, 2024), University of North Texas Libraries, The Portal to Texas History, https://texashistory.unt.edu.; crediting Rice University Woodson Research Center.