The Rice Thresher (Houston, Tex.), Vol. 76, No. 4, Ed. 1 Friday, September 23, 1988 Page: 16 of 16
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16 FRIDAY, SEPTEMBER 23, 1988 THE RICE THRESHER
Gilbert was the worst blow 1 ever
had. 1 got all excited in anticipation of
him, but he never came close
enough.
—A Hanszen sophomore co-ed
•
Next time you penny me in, please
make sure I'm getting laid first
•
My mommy was a psychopath
and daddy was a degenerate.
My life is a hickey
because it sucks. "Shrubbery
hides the beast in man," my satanic
brother said to a cow.
My brother married a cow
and trained her to be a psychopath.
He used his wife's milk in satanic
rituals. She impaled my degenerate
father on her Lee press-on shrubbery.
My boyfriend covered my body with
hickeys.
to give a hickey
to a cow
behind a shrubbery
done only by a psychopath
or a degenerate
is satanic.
The black clad witches were satanic.
Iliev cast a hickey
spell on all degerates.
"ITie poor cow
he was a psychopath
and ate the shrubbery.
My brother lives in a shrubbery.
Fie believes that placebos are satanic
because they trick the psychopath.
Nature abhors a hickey
like a vaccuum. Our cow
milked the degenerate.
Although he was degenerate,
mv father knew the true meaning of
shrubbery.
Peace, love and cows
is the way to end all satanic
aspirations. My brother got a hickey
from a rattlesnake. Mommy is no longer
a psychopath.
A hickey is the mark of a degenerate
satanic priest, but a shrubbery
is a cow. We are all on the psychopath.
Note that the above misclass lyricist
composed a perfect sestina: the same
six words terminate the lines in each
stanza.
Actually, I'm glad I have Alzheimers.
i meet new friends every day.
•
After watching some of the less-
popular sports at the Olympics, I
have a greater appreciation of why
they are less-popular sports.
•
1 masked my windows, stored food,
got batteries, candles, etc, and...No
hurricane. 1 feel like a guy who buys
condoms and gets stood up.
A Momentary Lapse of Misclass 444444
Wiess SE's actually overheard at
breakfast:
"Shakespeare who?"
•
The true test of a college is the loy-
alty of its alumni. Hanszen's are
buried in its quad. Take a look.
•
Our misclass story, "Confessions of a
Sexually Obsessed Conservative,"
continues...
Chapter 2. Monday it was back to work
1 sat in my office at Shearson typing in my
orders to buy and sell stocks, all of which
depended on the force with which San-
dra Jean's lips were sliding up and down
the one stock option 1 owned whose rise
and fall was independent of market
events. The feeling of power over some
Ivy League brat sweating right through
his Brooks Brothers Oxford while run-
ning across the floor of the exchange for
me and only me was enough to elongate
my schlong and force her to reposition
herself to take it in deeper.
"RRRing" went the phone. "Denise, I
thought I told you that I was in confer-
ence."
Take your prick out of that bimbo's
mouth and don't make a mess. The SEC
is here to see you. Bet your dick just
shriveled another 5 inches."
to be continued
We know the real reason Sid had to
cancel its party.
Will Rice didn't.
•
Heard after the Will Rice party:
Nothing.
•
Chaucer's Commons Tales:
Whan that Septembre with his Au-
tum classes
The eating began with the clinking of
Glasses,
And students arrived fore to dine
In felaweshipe and ful longen line.
From Sid to Jones and Brown they
wende
Yet verrily they seemed no to ende.
It took so long the commons were
their graves
Fore Booram would no usen micro-
waves.
•
To Forerunner readers:
If Buddha is the Anti-Christ, is Christ
the Anti-Buddha?
—Fondly, Shirley MacLaine's Dog
(in another life)
•
If you go to the City University of
New York as a linguistics major,
does that make you a CUNY linguist?
•
"We love your adherence to demo-
cratic principles—and to the demo-
cratic process."
—George Bush, toasting former
Philippine President Ferdinand
Marcos, 1981.
•
We beg you, please give the devil a
fair chance. God wrote all the books.
•
If we are gradually losing our pinkies
through evolution, then that means
that cartoon characters are highly
advanced beings.
•
"Just my luck. They're either mar-
ried or they're Catholic."
•
How many Campos does it take to
screw in a light bulb?
One, but he's never around when
you need him.
•
"Take me drunk, I'm home."
FRIDAY 23
The Rice
Dark Side of the
Calendar
SEPTEMBER
•Will RiceTG, 4 pm.
•Wiess Party.
• Media Center: Algiers, 7:30 pm. Gypsy Wildcat,
9:20 pm.
•Intramural entry deadlines: Women's raquetball,
badminton, and co-ed lazer tag.
• Mother, lefs bring the boys back home in the flesh. "Is
there anybody out there? Hey you!"
SATURDAY 24
SUNDAY 25
MONDAY 26
TUESDAY 27
WEDNESDAY 28
THURSDAY 29
•Baker party.
• Hanszen film, Bliss, at Chem Lec.
• Media Center. Seven Samurai, 7:30 pm, Quiet Duel,
10:00 pm.
•Men's and Women's Cross Country, Rice Invitational at
a Houston course.
•Football at the Ragin' Cajuns of SW Louisiana. The bpe
feels we can win this one.
•Well, nobody's home but the show must go on. What
shall we do now?
•Run like hell. Outside the wall empty spaces could
mean the happiest days of our lives.
•Rice Dance Theatre is hosting an "Alexander
Technique Workshop," call the P.E. Department.
• Stop, Vera. The trials in my mind have me on thin ice.
Its...its...young lust.
•Oh, don't love me now. Wait for the worms to eat
another brick in the wall.
•Rice Players "Fool for Love" opens today, and plays
through October 1.
•No waiting! Goodbye cruel world! Goodbye blue sky!
•This is the first Pub Night this semester which many
people may miss because they have too much home-
work, which means the line may not be so horrendous.
So plan on the Pub tonight Unless everyone on campus
is reading this and gets the same idea...
•At least you're comfortable numb. When its one of my
turns, 111 join you.
444444444444444 comfortably Notes 444444444444444
Pre-law Students: Rice will host
approximately 50 recruiters from
Law Schools throughout the United
States on Monday, October 3, 1988
from 1-4 pm in the Grand Hall of the
RMC. For more information call 527-
4998.
•
The Department of Spanish of
Rice University will offer a non-credit
mini-course on Spanish films. Five
films without subtitles will be pre-
sented free of charge in Rayzor Hall
110 on the Rice campus on five con-
secutive Fridays at 7:30 pm begin-
ning October 21. Call 527-8101 ex-
tension 3238.
•
Lost. Watch at Will Rice Commons
Party on Friday, September 16.
Great personal value. Reward. Call
Todd at 630-8913.
•
Internship Application Dead-
lines for Summer 1989: Newspaper
Editing Program, College Juniors-
Oct. 1,1988; Minority Editing Intern
Program for College Seniors-Oct. 1,
1988; Theatre Bay Area Internship
Program-Nov. 1, 1988; U.S. Dept. of
Commerce, International Trade
Administration (summer abroad)-
Nov. 1, 1988; International Radio &
Television Society for Spring 1989-
Nov. 1, 1988; Inc. Magazine-Oct. 15,
1988; Nation Magazine-Nov. 15,
1988. Call Career Services for more
info, ext. 4055.
•
Job Fairs/ liberal Arts: The Chi-
cago Connection- Oct 15 deadline
for resumes; Washington D.C. Job
Fair (non-profit)-OcL 28 deadline for
resumes; Call Career Services for
more info! ext. 4055.
•
Rice Math Tournament will meet
Mon. SepL 26 in Fondren 312. Help
4 444444444 Wish You Were Ads 4444444444
Tutors needed in Math and Sci-
ence. Flexible hours. $10 and up per
hour. Offices close to Rice. Call
learning 2, 528-7085.
•
Top paying job running errands for
corporation president's family and
office. Personal assistant to corpora-
tion president's wife. Tues, Thurs
only. $8.00/hr. $10.00/hr and mile-
age for car. Call 659-3680. Ask for Joy
Calais. Female required.
•
Ix'ib Assistant needed. $6.50/hr.
Kvenings 6 pm to approximately 1:30
am/5 days a week and every third
weekend. Biological science back-
ground preferred. Apply immedi-
ately. Call Denise 522-1762.
•
Couriers needed. $7 per hour.
Hours flexible (usually 2-7 pm);
some weekends (l-5pm flexible).
Need valid driver's license, current
liability insurance and good driving
record. Use your own car and gas.
Call Denise at Microbiology Special-
ists Inc., 522-1762.
•
Part-time Receptionist- Friendly
phone voice, professional de-
meanor, light typ'ing, and warm per-
sonality to complement a patient-
oriented dental practice in the
Greenway Plaza area. Hours: 8:30
am-2 pm Monday-Friday. Resumes:
8155 Richmond, Suite 112, Houston,
Texas 77063.
•
live-in Sitter: Flexible hours up to
$600/month; transportation fur-
nished; 789-1517 (Galleria Area).
•
Secure Your Valuables! Get Your
FREE label... Read our Eye-D ad in
this issue. Ideal Christmas gift. Place
your orders for family and friends
early.
Waterford Maids and Butlers is
now hiring hardworking, highly mo-
tivated students with cars. Set your
own hours. Great pay ($7-10/hour).
Paid training. Call 980-4975.
•
Permanent part-time babysitting
position: Monday-Friday; afternoon-
evening hours; Responsible person
needed to take care of 2 girls ages 8
and 10, help with homework, cook
dinner, run errands, etc. Must have
reliable transportation. Contact
Melisa 795-4024.
•
Medical Center Area: Woman to
pick up 2 girls after school and drive
io activities; run errands. 2 1/2 to 3
hours/day. Must have car. Non-
smoker. Ideal job for student. 797-
1090.
•
Order bound volumes now! Place
your order to get all of the 1987-1988
Rice Threshers in a hardcover
bound volume with your name im-
printed on the front $30 payment in
advance required. Contact Lee at the
Thresher 527-4801. Deadline is Octo-
ber 28,1988.
•
Ski free! - Beach free! Earn top
commissions and free trips promot-
ing Winter and Spring Break Ski and
Beach trips! Call Sunchase Tours
today for our Campus Rep info kit. 1-
800-321-5911.
•
Bass player wanted: Rice rock
band "Just Add Water" will be hold-
ing auditions asap for bass players
(back-up vocals a plus). We are also
looking for a saxaphonist If inter-
ested, please call Jean-Pierre or Jordi
at 668-2597.
•
live-in South side Place in ex-
change for child care Monday
through Friday 4 to 7 pm. Two chil-
dren ages 9 and 12, some driving
required. Room is attached to ga-
rage, with separate entrance. Call
days at 221-1386, or evenings 664-
0275.
•
Have the Reiki Experience: An-
cient healing art bringing balance to
you and others. Private sessions with
Reiki Master Mari Hall. Reiki 1 and 2
classes ongoing. For information
and scheduling call The Reiki Expe-
rience 713-974-2934.
us put on a contest for high school
students.
•
Interested in seeing the Rice
Women's Alliance really get mov-
ing? Come to the weekly meeting
this Sunday, Sept 25, at 7:30 pm.
Three contacts will be selected, so
please attend. Afterwards, the dis-
cussion topic will be: Campus Cli-
mate. Miner Lounge, RMC, at 7:30
on Sunday night
•
The Rice Weather Alliance will
meet Sunday at 8 pm to join in on a
women's discussion on campus cli-
mate. Topics: Bonner Lab's danger-
ous warming trend and the Sewall
Hall greenhouse effect. Bring your
own barometer, please.
•
GALOR will hold an organizational
meeting on Sunday, Sept 25. Call
795-0821 for more info.
•
The Lutheran Collegians meet
Fridays at 1:30 pm for a Bible study in
the Sid Rich college PDR. New topic:
The Gospel of John. Everyone's wel-
come! Call 524-8704 for more info.
•
Come play with us! The War
Gaming and Role-Playing Club of
Rice University (WARP) meets Fri-
days at 7 pm in Sewall 207. Bring
your favorite game if you like.
•
The Rice Science Fiction and
Fantasy Association (RSFAFA)
meets every Monday at 7 pm in the
Baker College TV room (under 4th
entrance). We watch a few s-f or
fantasy movies, discuss the latest
books and who knows what else.
•
"Responsible Relationships," a
free public seminar to answer ques-
tions about sex and relationships in
the AIDS era, will be held Tuesday,
September 27, from 7-9:30 pm at the
Marriott by the Galleria Hotel, 1750
West Loop South. The seminar will
address issues surrounding safe sex,
date rape, contraception, having a
healthy body and teen sex.
•
"living dangerously," a seminar
for people who love life on the edge
and would like to encourage unsafe
sex, date rape, and contraception
failure will be held soon. The sides of
the "issues" your health teacher
never told you. Bonus: the ten best
dark alleys in Houston to walk down
wearing a short skirt.
•
Intramurals Entry Deadline: Fri-
day Sept. 23 for Melonball, Co-ed
Lazer-Tag, Women's Raquetball
(Singles & Doubles), and Women's
Badminton (Singles & Doubles).
Call Iisa for more info 527-4808.
•
College Bowl will start tournament
play in October. Come register a
team of four players (up to 2 grad
sti^ents) on Tuesday, September
27, in the RMC Grand Hall. $5 regis-
tration fee.
If you are interested in being on the
Parking Appeals University Stand-
ing Committee, contact Dennis
Abbott at 630-8015 or 527-4079.
PRIVATE
PARTY LINE
976-GALS
(42571
24 hour
ykti COuid It (jOM
Xucky TUm&vi!
$2.00 plus toll, If any
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McGarrity, Patrick & Sendek, Joel. The Rice Thresher (Houston, Tex.), Vol. 76, No. 4, Ed. 1 Friday, September 23, 1988, newspaper, September 23, 1988; Houston, Texas. (https://texashistory.unt.edu/ark:/67531/metapth245700/m1/16/: accessed July 18, 2024), University of North Texas Libraries, The Portal to Texas History, https://texashistory.unt.edu.; crediting Rice University Woodson Research Center.