The Rice Thresher (Houston, Tex.), Vol. 76, No. 12, Ed. 1 Friday, December 2, 1988 Page: 16 of 16
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16 FRIDAY, DECEMBER 2, 1988 THE RICE THRESHER
THE RICE
Existentialists
CALENDAR
DECEMBER
FRIDAY 2
• No TG planned for 4 pm today. According to RPC
insiders, "it's too damn cold."
•Brown Party, 10-2,FREE, It's a Holiday Party.
• Media Center: To Be Or Not To Be, 7:30 pm; Broken
Lullaby, 9:20 pm.
•Shepherd School Opera Theater: recital of scenes
from well know operas, Shepherd School recital
hall, 8 pm.
•The last week of classes is a good time to dwell on
existential questions.
SATURDAY3
•Apparently, no official campus parties tonight If
there are any, no one knows about 'em.
• Lovett film, Snow White and the Seven Dwarfs,
Chem lec; 7,9 and 11 pm. $1.
• Media Center: Lower Depths, 7:30 pm; Scandal 9:45
pm.
• For instance: Is there life after death?
SUNDAY 4
• Media Center The Miracle Woman, 7:30 pm.
• Nope. Since death, by definition, is the end of life,
life must be over at death.
MONDAY 5
• Sewall Art Gallery's "Drawn from Life: Contempo
rary Interpretive Landscape runs through Decem-
ber 16.
•There may be something after death, but it sure isn't
"life," or else there isn't really death in the first
place.
TUESDAY 6
• It seems that the only thing going on on campus
today is a Scientia Colloquium on "From William
Gilbert to Voyager: The Earth's Magnetic Field and
Its Extension into Space" at 4:30 pm in the Kyle
Morrow Room at Fondren. Just thought we'd
mention it
•And if there isn't death in the first place, then life
quite assuredly cannot come after it.
WEDNESDAY 7
•Women's basketball vs. Sam Houston State, Autry
Court, 7 pm.
•So when we wonder about life after death we're
really wondering what death is.
THURSDAY 8
•The second-to-last day of classes. Blow off your final
paper or take-home and go to the Pub. It shouldn't
be too crowded, since everyone else will be doing
their final paper or take-home.
•Men's basketball vs. Southern Autry Ct., 7:35 pm.
• Next question: Is there life after Rice?
000000001 Think, Therefore I Am Misclass 0000000©
Star Trek "lost" episode:
Spock: I suggest the landing party
consist of you, me, McCoy, Scott,
and Uhura
Kirk: But then that would risk five
of our best officers!
Spock: On the contrary, it is totally
logical. The writers can't afford to
kill any of those characters.
•
My mind is like a steel trap...rusted
shut from years of neglect.
•
Ren6 Descartes was in a restaurant.
The waiter said, "M. Descartes, can I
get you some dessert?''
"I think not," Descartes replied, and
disappeared in a puff of logic.
•
Overheard in the parking lot: "I can't
find the hole. Oh, now I've got it. Well
shit, now it won't go in." Then: "Oh,
wrong key." "
•
Basic flaws with last issue's Wiess
story:
1. Wiess doesn't hold "cabinet meet-
ings," because there are no cabinets
in motels. Wiess holds "bed meet-
ings."
2. The story describes a "mysterious
safe." There are no mysteries at
Wiess and nothing is safe.
3. If the document had been locked
up ever since it was written and just
now had been discovered, how did
Wiess ever get built anyway?
4. The document consistently uses
slang that was not around in 1948.
5. In the bizarre case that Hanszen
had poisoned Wiess, would he have
used such a slow-acting poison as to
give Wiess the time to write out his
will?
6. Finally, the story mentions a
"rarely-used closet at Wiess." There
are no rarely-used closets at Wiess.
•
More bad punchlines:
What do you call the organization of
baseball players whose chief aim is
to castrate politicians?
The "Spayed Hart" Diamond Club.
•
From the "Rice Bureaucrats' Dic-
tionary":
PRE- REG ISTRATIO N: 1. A sure way
to have duplicates of all the records.
2. Another innovation that cheats
unaware freshmen out of $25.
•
The fact of the matter is everyone
sins, and the saints are just better at
hiding it
•
There once was a head coach named
Berndt—
It seems that this coach never learnt;
On 3rd and 25
He'd call "Fullback dive"
Then cry over victories that weren't.
•
Contrary to elsewhere on this page,
there is life after death:
1. After death, there is mourning.
2. About 16 hours after morning is
night.
3. Just past the knight is the bishop.
4. After the bishop comes the Pope.
5. The Pope has serious convictions.
6. After a serious conviction, you get
life.
•
The only reason those of us who
bitch about misclass still read it is
that we continue hoping (in vain)
that decent misclass (which we sub-
mit) will one day be printed.
Here you are.
•
Agnatha means jawless fish. There-
fore, it is safe to assume that Aggie,
derived from the same I^atin root,
means brainless moron.
•
"When you're 'not really dating,' it
means you go out and have a really
good time but he's totally apathetic."
•
"Eat me, I'm nutritious."
#
What do Wiess boys and Christmas
trees have in common?
The both have balls, but they're just
for decoration.
•
English 141: Poetiy for Physicists.
•
Rupp-let's soliloquy:
Ten G's or not ten G's, that is the
tuition. Whether 'tis nobler to buffer
the stings from borrows of outra-
geous fortunes, or to take alms
against a sea of true bills, and, by
depositing, end them? To buy, too
cheap; and by a dean to say we send
0000000000000 Existence Before Essence Paid Ads 0000000000000
Housemate needed to live with
Rice undergrads on University
across the street from campus.
I dea] location—no car necessary.
Call Marisa Salinas at 522-8433
A.S.A.P. or Ijee Finch at 527-
4801.
•
TOP GUN National Co.: Expanding,
seeks aggressive Sales/Manage-
ment trainees NOW. Earn serious
money with flexible hours. Call Mr.
Rumpza 784-3443.
•
For Sale: 4 brass and wood
Oar stools $35 each, set of 3 lighted
bookcases $350 set, sofa and love
seat $175. All in good condition! Lori
at 777-2244 day, 579-7473 night
•
Now\s your chance! We have a
vacancy in a large house near Rice
complete with washer/dryer, color
TV, microwave, dishwasher, nice
furniture, and more. $200 + 1/4 utili-
ties. Give us a call. 664-6434.
•
Very nice furnished apartment in
exchange for child care. Hours nego-
tiable according to school schedule.
3 children, 6,4, and 2. Call Charlotte
at 963-0600.
•
Two students needed for miscella-
neous programming assignments
and computer data analysis. Flexible
hours, salary $4-$5 per hour. Call
799-5701 for more information.
•
Eager drummer wants to form or
join a serious rock band. Please call
Wade at 984-2907.
•
Wanted: Female non-smoker to
share a fully furnished 2 bedroom
apartment near Rice. $225/month all
bills paid. Call 667-3067, leave mes-
sage.
•
I lealthy males wanted as semen
donors: Help infertile couples. Confi-
dentiality ensured. Ethnic diversity
desirable, ages 18 to 35, excellent
compensation. Contact Fairfax Cry-
obank, Houston, TX 799-9937.
•
Drivers needed 4-10 pm full or part
time. $3.50/hour + tips + dinner.
Need car and insurance. Must be
neat, clean and personable. Unique
Gourmet Food Co. 222-1915.
•
One Beautiful Bedroom Apart-
ment; refined surroundings, quiet
and secure; call for special move-in.
Near Rice, new carpet, new drapes,
central air & heat, dishwasher, tran-
quil place, security fence, closets,
pets okay. Call 527-9901.
The GSA is sponsoring a FOOD
DRIVE through Dec. 13.A11 mem-
bers of the community are asked to
donate non-perishable food items
(i.e., canned goods, rice, beans, etc.)
which will be delivered to the Hous-
ton Food Bank by the GSA For more
info., please call Susan Hult (623-
0722) or Dusty Capistran (630-9189).
0000000 Condemned To Be Notes & Notices 0000000
The semester's last meeting of the
Rice Women's Alliance is Sunday at
7:30 pm in the Miner Lounge. The
discussion topic is "Sexism in Our-
selves."
•
The Rice Speech & Debate Team
(George R. Brown Forensics Soci-
ety) meets on Mondays at 9 pm in the
lounge on the 3rd floor of Rayzor
Hall. All levels of experience (or lack
thereof) are invited. Call Keith
Heston at 630-8714 for info.
•
The University Blue is now accept-
ing entries for the fall contest. Cash
awards of $25 for winning submis-
sions in prose, poetry, black and
white photography, and black and
white art. Collection box is in Eng-
lish Dept., Rayzor Hall. Deadline is
Nov. 30. Get it published and get
paid!
•
Internships: Several positions
available at the I.B.M. T.J. Watson
Research center in Yorktown
Heights, N.Y. for graduate students
interested in developing software;
The Public Defender in Washington,
D.C. is recruiting interns interested
in legal public service and criminal
law; Arts Search and National Arts
Job Bank are publications available in
the Career Services Library which
list internship opportunities in the
arts. Updated regularly. If you would
like more info, please stop by Career
Services.
Take Back the Night meets at the
Sallyport Thursday, Dec. 1,1988 at 8
pm. March to support better safety
measures in and around Rice Univer-
sity so that no individual is afraid to
walk alone at night. Sponsored by
the Rice Women's Alliance.
•
The Rice International Club will
have an election meeting/potluck
dinner on Saturday, December 10,
1988. Everyone is invited. Call Chan-
dravir Ahuja at 630-8693 for informa-
tion.
•
Rice Hillel: Saturday, Dec. 3—
Channukah Party. Call 749-2271 for
details; Monday, Dec. 5—Rice Hillel
lunch, 12-1 pm, Will Rice PDR, $2.
•
Reward your roommate. Nominate
your neighbor. Assist your alum
scum. Send us your nomination for
the 1989 COOL Community Service
Awards. Winners receive a free trip
to NYC for a week in March. De-
tails— R.S.V.P. 627-4970. Deadline
Dec. 15.
•
Nike 3 Point Shot Finals will be
held at halftime of the men's basket-
ball game on Saturday, Dec. 10, at
7:35 pm. Finalists include Pete Nel-
son (Sid), Rocky Tolentino (Wiess),
Jon Whitney (Lovett) and Brian
Bjork (Hanszen). Come cheer your
college members on to victory!
•
Playoff Meetings (notices will also
be mailed) for Men's Basketball—
Wed., Dec. 7 at 4 pm; Men's Soc-
cer—Thurs., Dec. 8 at 4:30 pm, class-
room A upstairs in the Rice Gym.
•
Intramural Entry Deadlines for
Friday, Dec. 2nd: Women's Basket-
ball, Men's Squash, Co-ed Volley-
wall-ball, Men's Raquetball Doubles,
Men's Badminton Doubles, Men's
Volleyball, Co-ed Volleyball. Call
Lisa at 527-4058 for more info.
•
Crisis Hotline needs daytime vol-
unteers: Crisis Intervention of Hous-
ton will hold training sessions for vol-
unteers in January. Volunteers will
acquire effective listening and crisis
intervention skills and hear presen-
tations on a variety of mental health
topics. Evening/weekend training
classes, as well as daytime classes.
For more information, call 228-1505
or 527-9864. A United Way Agency.
Or call Catherine J. Grissom, 527-
9426.
•
The Chalice (Rice Unitarian Univer-
salists) will be gathering Sunday,
December 4, at 10:45 am in the
Hanszen quad. To attend First Uni-
tarian Church services. For trans-
portation or information, call Julie
(723-2902) or Lara (630-8252).
•
Lost at Esperanza: Blue leather
purse, important personal docu-
ments. Call the Will Rice office, 527-
6061.
the nest-egg and a thousand shares
of stock that the frosh is heir to;.'tis a
condescension, devoutly to be
missed. To buy, too cheap; too
cheap!—a chance to ream; ay,
there's the Rupp; for from his seat of
death what reams may come when
we have shovelled off his portal
royal, mustn't he give us a cause?
There's the disrespect that makes
calamity out of so wrong a life; for he
can bear the quips and scorns of
rhyme, the oppressed wronged, the
poor men continually, the harangues
for despised Lovett, the latest delays;
his indolence of office, and his
spurns of student merit that we
unworthily take, when he himself
might quiet us, yet makes our kin's
bod bare? Who could bar his fare—to
stunt and still to plunder ol' Willy
Rice, to get our bread to his last
breath, the undiscover'd accounts
from whose bourn no travellers
check returns, puggles the Will, and
makes us rather bear those bills we
have, than fly to others of note not
overdue? His conscience makes
wards of us all. And thus his naive
view of dissolution is tickled over
with the palest blast of thought, his
enterprises grate, piss, and foment
our disregard, their occurrence turn
us wry, and use the name of action—
screw him now!
•
1 over 2 approaches zero for suffi-
ciently large values of 2.
•
Why the hell would any Rice guy be
allowed to use the term TRG when
you all look like you haven't show-
ered or changed your clothes in
weeks?
If the mean on the test is positive, I
failed.
•
Having problems? It's all because
you were once a child and had par-
ents.
—Sigmund Freud
(OK, not really)
•
"Don't worry, you'll still be a virgin
afterward. I had a vasectomy."
•
Wiess Sid Rich? If Jone's here, Will
rice tie her Hanszen feet, Baker,
Brown and Lovett? Or Why's Sid
rich? If Joan's here, will Rice tie her
hands and feet, bake her brown, and
love it?
I think Descartes is dead. Therefore,
he is.
Godel is dead, but I can't prove it
Schroedinger may or may not be
dead. We'll'open his coffin to be sure.
Freud isn't dead. He's just dreaming
about sex with his mother.
Monty Python isn't dead yet
Douglas Adams exists in a state
which is almost, but not quite, com-
pletely unlike death.
I have a wonderful proof that Fermat
is'dead, but unfortunately this col-
umn is too small to contain it.
•
Remember, only two more shopping
days until December 6.
•
It's a newspaper's duty to print the
hell and raise news.
•
The Secret Service has a special pact
that if George Bush is shot dead,
they'll shoot Dan Quayle them-
selves.
They're still saying that the new
Shepherd School building will be
built by fall of 1991...
HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA...
OK, it's possible, but remember
Fondren and the Allen Center, and
those were just additions.
•
Lack of desire is not self control.
•
What happens when the power is
turned on on a Macintosh computer?
To find out, academs, take Comp 100
next fall.
•
Lack of self control is not desire.
The GSA Winter Semi-Formal will be
held Friday, December 9 (9 pm to
1:30 am) at Autry House. For more
info, call 623-0722.
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McGarrity, Patrick & Sendek, Joel. The Rice Thresher (Houston, Tex.), Vol. 76, No. 12, Ed. 1 Friday, December 2, 1988, newspaper, December 2, 1988; Houston, Texas. (https://texashistory.unt.edu/ark:/67531/metapth245708/m1/16/?rotate=90: accessed July 18, 2024), University of North Texas Libraries, The Portal to Texas History, https://texashistory.unt.edu.; crediting Rice University Woodson Research Center.