The Rice Thresher (Houston, Tex.), Vol. 79, No. 24, Ed. 1 Friday, March 20, 1992 Page: 24 of 24
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24 FRIDAY, MARCH 20. 1992 THE RICE THRESHER
BACKPAGE
THE
I'm outta here
f AIFMHAR
vALLI Nl/AIv
Welcome the next victims!
Friday, • Harwzen TG, 4-6 p.m.
March 20 • WRC film, BiH& Ted's Excellent Adventure, and Roadrunner.
Saturday, ♦ Men's Tennis, Rice/Gulf Coast Invitational (through Sunday).
March 21 • Rugby vs. Houston III.
• BEER-BIKE.
• The Mystery of Ectoin DroodSti Musical Dinner Theatre.
. RONDOIET.
Monday, • Preregistration for undergraduates tor fall, through Friday.
March 23 • Jewish Heritage Week, through the 27th. Lunch and talk with
Rabbi Sterward Federow, "Introduction to Judaism," at noon
in the 2nd floor conference room, RMC. See n&n as well.
Wednesday, • DEADLINE: sophomores file majors with the registrar.
March 25 • Lunch and talk with Eugene Lief, "Soviet Jewry as Seen from
the US," at noon at the 2nd floor RMC Conference Room.
• Rice Players' An Evening of One Act Plays—through the 28th.
Thursday, • Lunch and a talk with Dr. Michael Maas from the History Dept.,
March 26 same place and time as yesterday.
• SRC Theatre, The Mystery of Edwin Drood—through the 28 th.
• Wiess Theatre, Helio Hamlet.
Sayonara, y'all n&n
THE MARCH ISSUE of The Pink Tri-
angle is out-are you? To obtain a copy or
for information about GALOR call Cory
at 528-5765.
SALLYPORT AWARD nomination
deadline: 5 p.m. Friday, March 27.
JEWISH heritage week (we calendar):
• Movie, Avaion, in Kyle Morrow Room,
Fondren Library, 7 p.m. Monday.
Lunch in the Miner Lounge at noon on
Tuesday.
• Movie, The Frisco Kid , at 7 p.m. in the
Kyle Morrow Room on Thursday.
"ASIAN COMMUNISM: WHAT NOW,"
a lecture by Brantfy Womack of North-
ern Illinois University. March 26, 4:30
p.m. in Sewall Hall 309.
THINKING OF AN MBA? What are the
benefits? What do schools look for?
What arc the costs? What are the pro-
grams like? Come to an informational
essk>n with Stephen Zeff, professor of
Accounting and pre-business advisor,
Wednesday, March 25, 7 p.m. in 117
Herring Hall.
KEYS FOUND. Several sets of keys
have been turned in lately. Call X4079.
TEACH SOMEONE to read. The RSVP
Adult Literacy Program needs volun-
teers in Houston this summer, 2-4
flexible hours a week. Training will be
March 31 & April 1, 7-9:30 p.m. (both
sessions required). Call BekraatX6044.
TEACH SOMEONE English. The RSVP
Employee ESL Program needs volun-
teers to teach English as a Second Lan-
guage to Rice employees this summer,
2 lunch hours per week. Training is
April 6 & 7, 7-9:30 p.m. (both evenings
required). Call Bekra at. X6044.
THE HEALTH EDUCATION OFFICE is
taking applications for College Health
Representatives. If you have an interest
in prevention of disease or health issues
please apply. Applications available in
the Office or at the Student Activities
Office, RMC Cloisters, deadline March
23. Call X5194 for info.
The incoming b.p.e/s have cordially re-
quested that everyone submit lots in the
coming weeks since they'll have enough
trouble laying it out Misclass
What I learned from SL Patrick:
Green beer-green chunks.
THE STUDENT AFFILIATES of the
American Chemical Society will hold an
undergrod research symposium on April
13, open to undergrade doing chemi-
cally related research. Pick up applica-
tions from Sue Friend in Butcher Hall
220A Prizes will be awarded.
GETTING JACKED OC? The Office of
Residence Life, recently moved to the
RMC, can help with listings for many
Houston housing areas. Come to find a
roommate or to get free Renters' Guides,
brochures, and tenant information. Call
Danielle McWiDiams at X4867.
SEE La Ptrgola De Las Flores March 27,
and 28 in Hamman Hall. For further
info contact the Spanish office at X3238.
THE SPANISH DEPARTMENT encour-
ages students to sign up for the fall
semester abroad in Santiago, Chile.
Application deadline is 4/1/92. For
further info, call Beverly in the Spanish
office, X3238.
"GHOSTBUSTING: Post Medieval
Studies," a lecture by Notre Dame His
tory Professor Kathleen Biddick. March
20 at 4 p.m. in Sewall hall room 303.
Career Services:
• "Researching Companies," with Peggy
Shaw of the Jones School Library at
Jones School library. 7 p.m. March 24.
• Career Advisor application deadline.
Learn all there is to know about re-
sumes, cover letters, and pizza! Inter-
views: March 30-April 3.
• Joint Venture Internship informational
meeting, CSC Conference Room. Appli-
cation deadline: April 3.
• LIBERAL ARTS CAREER FAIR, 3 5
p.m. on April 1 in the RMC Grand Hall.
EVERYBODY] The Office of Residence
Life is moving to the RMC and is accept-
ing listing* for housing options for the
Rice community. Yours will be included.
Call Danielle at X4867.
RICE DANfcE THEATER presents First
Step, a student-choreographed dance
concert 8 p.m. March 26-28. For reser-
vations call 664-1598 or 630-8957.
From the home office under the steps
ofChemLec:Top lOreasonstheGSA
Men's team will win Beer-Bike this
year
10. Breakthrough development of
Buckminsterfullerene-doped wheel
bearings.
9. SPAC researchers confirm—it's
written in the stars! It's our destiny!
8. Lone Star Bock has more protein,
more power!
7. Our new 12-meter catamaran hull
design...no, wait, that's why we're
going to win the America's Cup.
6. The "inadvertent" duplication of a
set of Valhalla keys allows our chug
team to practice every waking minute.
5. Those Biochem students really
come up with some doozies when
they don't pay attention to the Drug-
Free Schools and Workplaces Act,
don't they?
4. Crucial inside information is con-
stantly being supplied by our "deep
cover" agent on the Hanszen chug
team.
3. Each losing team gets to drink free
beer at Valhalla for a week.
2. Each winning team member gets
to stop drinking free beer at Valhalla
for a week.
1. The entire Will Wee and Jones bike
teams are taking Physics Lab this
semester and doing very well—or
are they?
From the home office in the Thresher
photo department: The Top 10 most
eyebrow-raising phrases:
10. Well, look who got himself elected
President of the United States! Mr.
Butt-sex himself!
9. She's a much better kisser than
her dad.
8. Would you like a second helping of
pork, Rabbi?
7. For their size, hamsters kick up a
hell of a fuss.
6. She's a much better kisser than
her four-year-old brother.
5. Corpses are just more fun.
4. Another hamburger, Mr. Patel?
3. And coming around the final turn
of the last lap, Sid Rich is in the lead!
2. I'm a great butt-kicker..
1. Honey, can Mr. Dahmer babysit
tonight?
A word to the wise:
Don't throw vomit on the Thresher
staff, Tom!
The bachelor grinds his chocolate
by himself."
Must be how Hersheygot started.
Watch out! Health Services may be
getting jacked! classified ads
HELP WANTED
TOP STUDENTS: for marketing Prep
Courses, earn free course and money.
Send cover letter and proof of grades to:
Course Reps, P.O. Box 31818, Hous-
ton, Texas 77231.
FEMALE STUDENT ART photographer
needs couples to model nude—NOT
pornographic. Age, race, appearance,
orientation unimportant. Call Adrienne
526-4136.
FURNISHED APARTMENT in the Vil-
lage. Minimum two months, maximum
four months during the period May 1 -
August 31. $350 + bills. Call 522-5821
or 527-4890.
THE HEALTH EDUCATION OFFICE is
now interviewing for the position of
office assistant for the 1992-93 school
year. Duties indude basic office main-
tenance such as copying, answering
phones, cleaning office, etc. Organiza-
tional skills helpful for upkeep of filing
system. Knowledge of Macintosh pro-
grams required, especially Microsoft
Word and Aldus Pagemaker. Sense of
design and creativity useful because
duties also include creating fliers and
brochures.
If interested, please call 285-5194 to
set up an interview.
ROOM AND BOARD FREE this sum
mer. Must have person (prefer female)
to stay with children while paren ts work-
nice residential in 1960 area. 580-
3680 or 440-5608.
$40,000/YR! READ BOOKS and TV
Scripts. Hll out simple "like/don't like"
form. EASY! Fun, relaxing at home,
beach, vacations. Guaranteed paycheck.
FREE 24 Hour Recording 801-379-
2925 Copyright ITX25KEB
UNFURNISHED THREE BEDROOM,
2 bath, 2 story duplex. Sleeps 4. Sun
Rm. 2 fireplaces, W/D connections.
4321 Greeley.
Water paid. 6' cedar fenced back yard.
$900/Mo. Tel. 528-0303, Evenings
668-9005.
HELP WANTED-PART TIME. Office
work. Computer experience necessary,
bookkeeping/accounting background a
plus. Flexible hour*.
Call 668-8873.
IJEGAL ASSISTANT for small law firm
in Galleria area. Duties include xeroxing,
filing, light typing, running errands and
other general office tasks. Must have
own transportation. Sophomore pre-
ferred. 5.50/hr, Call Stephanie at 621 -
1810.
MANAGER FOR RICE VOLLEYBALL
team. Female student, VB experience a
plus. Must have weekday afternoons &
weekends free for the 1992-93 school
year. Free travel & financial compensa-
tions. Call Debbie 9 527-4077.
FOR SALE/RENT
APARTMENT
CLEANING
SPECIAL
$25.00
664-4761
CORRESPONDING CONNECTIONS
specializing in the research and prepa-
ration of reports, theses, term papers
and technical data. For further informa-
tion and prompt personal service, con-
tact Ilene or Julie at 867-5911 or Fax
784-3291
MISCELLANEOUS
"I AM" Ascended Master Instruction
Free weekly 30 minute
telephone broadcasts 590-7231.
CASH FOR YOUR USED LEVI'S. Up to
ten dollars. Please call 464-LEVI.
LAST CHANCE! Brooks Brothers tweed
blazers, After Six wool & silk tux, size 39
jackets, 32 pants. Call Dave at 524-
7440 and make your best offer.
LEARN & EARN. Ground-floor oppor-
tunity for the right student Solid in-
come potential, flexible hours, 100%
company support No inventory, no false
promises. 5 generations of income. Cater
to the lucrative travel/auto industry.
Call today, 713-363-4733.
At Willy's birthday party:
"Wow, youVe got a big piece."
and later
"I dare ya, I dare ya to have sex with
an electron."
At Sid:
"You are not leaving this building
without a banana."
"What the hell, Peter? I'm just your
photo whore!"
At Wiess:
"Kiss me, I'm Irish!"
"Fuck me, I'm German!"
When they say, "Sorry, a system er-
ror just occurred," why don't they
just say, "You're jacked,
motherfucker—your computer has
no memory of anything you just told
it"?
"Sometimes talking for mathemati-
cians and engineers is hard."
—Prof Massey, ELEC 241
Who has the right to DICKtate what
goes on the Backpage?
It's really pathetic that I have to be
censored on my last issue.
"Kennedy was a doughnut"
—POLI318
Preview to next week's commentary
on the Second National Conference
on Genetics, Ethics, and Religion,
which met to discuss the $6 billion
Human Genome Project and the
consequent $100 million ethics study
"We'd be less concerned about get-
ting into people's genes if we were
too busy getting into each other's
pants. Group sex is cheaper and a lot
more exciting."
Recycled Misclass from the April 1,
1981 Thresher. \
"To the scumbag who took my
prosthetic arm from Sewall 303 be-
tween noon and 2 p.m. last Monday:
I hope that you go to hell and catch a
cold for being so mean. You can keep
the drugs stashed inside, butthe rest
is of great sentimental value. You
can't use it anyway, so why don't you
return it to me (PKG, Wiess 413 or
Phed Dept), and do something nice
for once in your wretched life?"
Wiess freshman:
"I knew it! I've been violated by a
spoon!"
Fact: 23 artificial limbs were found
during the 1988 Oktoberfest in
Munich and never claimed.
"If they knock off Ernie and Bert I'm
really going to be upset."
I had fun; I laughed, I cried, it was
better than Cats; I'm out of here; sorry
about the survey.
—Heidi K. Huettner
Blind Mice by M. Wasz
I HATE TO
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Come om, guys
HELP/
DRINKING
AND Evmrnm IN
Italian rhymes
MY WAY.
WELL, THEREs
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Get A Head.
Call
686-5500
to get an early start on
summer test preparation.
THE
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REVIEW
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Zitterkopf, Ann & Howe, Harlan. The Rice Thresher (Houston, Tex.), Vol. 79, No. 24, Ed. 1 Friday, March 20, 1992, newspaper, March 20, 1992; Houston, Texas. (https://texashistory.unt.edu/ark:/67531/metapth245809/m1/24/: accessed July 18, 2024), University of North Texas Libraries, The Portal to Texas History, https://texashistory.unt.edu.; crediting Rice University Woodson Research Center.