The Rice Thresher (Houston, Tex.), Vol. 80, No. 14, Ed. 1 Friday, December 4, 1992 Page: 20 of 20
twenty pages : ill. ; page 19 x 15 in.View a full description of this newspaper.
Extracted Text
The following text was automatically extracted from the image on this page using optical character recognition software:
20 FRIDAY. DECEMBER 4. 1992 THE RICE THRESHER
BACKPAGE
Have you been good Uiis yeai?
~ *** ' W.
Friday, «Jones/WRC TG.
Dec. 4 'Wiess College Night.
•Lovett Jammle Jam. Wear your jammies. Not
what you usually sleep in.
Saturday, 'Self-Inflicted Exams start. So sorry 111 be in the
Dec. 5 South of France...
Wednesday, -Prof-inflicted exams start. Did I mention that I'll
Dec. 9 be in the South of France then?
Friday, -Hi, lant
•You're
t he-semester-clean-out-
ing for your
. Be sure to ask me about my
night's sleep and fresh croissants...
Saturday,
12
Moi
Dec. 1
Thursday,
Doc. 16
Monda
Jan
fr-
•PHYS101 final. Did I also mention that I havenl
had to take a physics test in three years?
•I like my life.
•Go home. I'll send you a postcard.
•First day of classes. Did I mention that
in Europe then?
Christmas should mean much more than
crass consumerism,
decorations, corn-
day TV specials,
peace and good-
gaudily overblown
mercial-ridden holi-
insincere tributes to
will, and about a mil-
lion other seasonal cliches Misclass
The Ten Most Ridiculous Things
About Physics 101:
CENSORED (!)
Don't worry, people can probably guess
what number one was anyway. No
need to actually name names...
"Rattles are not the same as nipples.
While both are suckable, they are not
suckable in quite the same way."
—PSYC 101 text
"If I were a female bison, I'd be really
attracted to you."
—One Wiessman to another
"1 have waved my hands madly
enough to have a solution."
—ELEC 326
"I've always wanted to fantasize and
experience all the Oedipal things
thereof."
—A somewhat notorious physics stu-
dent at a PHYS 301 study session.
"Why did you say that? Tell me and
maybe I'll modify my conception of
the French language."
—Pierre Riviere, FREN 101
"Creating art is not all smiles; creat-
ing babies might be."
—Dr. Lavenda MUSI 317
Sid sophomore to Brown junior: "Un-
dulate, dammit!"
But that hasn't stopped us from taking on
extra jobs to buy gifts for greedy, clutching
friends and relatives Classified Ads
Actual pickup/putdown lines:
• "You have a really nice ass. Can I
wear it as a hat sometime?"
• "Why, did your brains fall out when
they circumcised you?"
• "I need you to knead me."
English major advice:
#1— Always take the gender ques-
tions.
#2— If you can't take a gender ques-
tion, take a sex question.
"Bestiality is not as bad as incest"
Clearly you are as desperate as I am...
SNC thought of the season:
"When non-sequiters are outlawed,
the outlaws will boil their earmuffs."
HELP WANTED
PART-TIME JOB AVAILABLE. Local
Orthodontist needs responsible student
with good driving record to drive pa-
tients to school after morning appoint-
ments in the company van. 7:30 a.m. to
9:30 a.m., Tuesday through Friday,
$75.00 per week. Call 668-6778.
CHILDCARE POSITION. Hours: 10-6;
Starting salary. $250/week; Extensive
driving- car provided; working with five
children in family; Respond in writing,
listing education, experience, references
to: TJU, #1133, 4200Texas Commerce
Tower, Houston, TX 77002.
$200-$500 WEEKLY: Assemble prod-
ucts at home. Easy! No selling. You're
paid direct Fully Guaranteed. FREE
Information—24 Hour Hotline. 801-
379-2900. Copyright # TX25KDH.
FOR SALE/RENT
FREE APT. FOR CHILDCARE & MEAL
PREPARATION 3-7 p.m. weekdays plus
sitting one night/week. 6 & 7 year old
boys need love, fun, homework help.
Nonsmoker. Patio apt, separate entiy,
inside the loop, 20 minutes to Rice,
quiet safe neighborhood. 655-0163
work, 880-9440 home.
RICE UNIVERSITY/VILLAGE. 1-1 in
small 8-unit complex across from Rice.
$315 plus bills. No pete. 523-0688.
FOR RENT. Garage apartment at West
University Place. 666-3991.
HOUSEMATE NEEDED to share a 4
bedroom house off ofStella Link. $200/
mo. + 1/4 utilities. Available next se-
mester. Call Brian or Eric at 432-0243.
CHEAP! FBI/U.S. SEIZED: *89
Mercedes...$200, '86 VW...$50, '87
Mercedes...$100, '65 Mustang...$50.
Choose from thousands startingat $25.
Free informati on—24 hour hotline. 801 -
379-2929. Copyright #TX25KJC.
MATURE RICE STUDENT wanted to
live in remodeled garage apartment in
exchange for evening babysitting and
cooking; babysitting references and ex-
perience with infants required; apart-
mentavailable mid-Dec.; call 523-6660.
FANTASTIC 1 Bedroom, 1 Bath Condo
5 minutes to Rice. Glass from floor to
18* cathedral ceilings. Available 12/
10/92. $475/ mo. + utilities. 521-1026.
Kids giving opinions on the recent
death of DC Comics'Superman (from
some trashy New Mexico newspa-
per):
"He needs abetter costume. It should
be black instead of red and blue. He
looks like a sissy. And he needs to
have better powers, like a fist with
blades that come out And above all,
this is the '90s— he needs a gun."
"I hate Superman. He's boring. I think
I'd like him to die."
Attention: Miss Maurie Mintz is now
officially (and voluntarily) the Source
Of All Evil in the universe. This no-
tice cannot be countermanded. It has
appeared in print and is therefore
true.
To the rather earnest editorialist of the
Nov. 18 Wiess College Cabinet min-
utes.. . Do we need to hold a clinic for
damaged senses of sarcasm or some-
thing? You entirely missed the point.
"Get a grip" my ass.
"Academ professors are just a bunch
of narrow-minded guys who want to
get published."
—HUMAprof
On a completely separate note, just a
little reminder: Nice guys are doomed.
Have a Merry Christmas anyway.-JT
Joyeux Noel! Heh, heh, heh-EO
Erica ekes out a miserable living writing cheesy romance novelettes
(and John manfully poses for the paperback covers) Notes & Notices
Her thick lashes fluttered
above emerald eyes. Delicate per-
spiration beaded at her temples.
"Darling," she whispered, "I must
confess..."
Jonathan slid a tanned arm
around Marietta's slim waist,
pulled the fair maiden to his broad
chest, her ivory neck arched
back. "Say nothing, my sweet,"
he replied gently. "Let the en-
chantment of the evening sweep
all else away. Tonight you shall
be mine. Monday, you may go to
GALOR's end of the year study
break (Call Brad Smith at
630-8507 or Ryan Wyatt at
528-5765 for details)."
He tossed a shock of sandy
brown hair off his forehead and
pulled Marietta ever closer. "My
passion for you transcends
heaven and earth. My love is more
powerful than the thunder,
brighter than the sun, and deeper
than the national debt. I will make
you mine." He leaned forward,
parted his lips, and kissed her
passionately.
Marietta pulled away. "Oh
Jonathan. I can no longer main-
tain this facade! I have fallen in
love with another. A vegetarian."
His hold upon her body
dropped abruptly. The young
man gaped in horrop, "A member
of the vegetarian club?!" he
demanded.
"Darling, he offered me a
free meal at 6:00 p.m. Satur-
day in the Wiess Commons.
How could I refuse? He even
carved his telephone number in
a radish for me to keep close to
my heart. See? Here it is: 630-
8894 for more information."
The scorned suitor gazed at
the treasured radish, his shock
and indignation faded into sor-
row, and his strong body
crumpled and fell to the earth.
"My love for you, my dear
Marietta," he moaned, head bur-
ied in his hands, "inspires me to
live. I dream of none else butyou,
my angel. I cannot go on." The
once knightly man now sobbed
as he begged her for a second
try.
"I shall stop at nothing to win
back your love. I shall bring you
jewels, bouquets, poetry. I shall
sing beneath your chamber win-
dow as the birds twitter at dusk.
I shall escort you to doughnut
and coffee breaks by the
Lutheran Campus Ministry in
the Kyle Morrow Room Wed.
and Thurs., Dec. 9 and 10, at
9 p.m. I shall compose songs of
love and adoration for you, fair
Marietta..."
The maiden knelt beside
Jonathan and took his weeping
head into her lap, the tears dark-
ening the soft green silk of her
gown. "Oh, Jonathan," Marietta
whispered, smoothing his
tousled locks. "I do not want lav-
ish gifts or grandiose expressions
of passion. I do not want you to
call Lara or Diane at 630-
8791 and wait on me or per-
form for me at the Coffee-
house. I want only your veg-
etables."
"Then vegetables you shall
have!" proclaimed the young
man. He leaped to his feet, caught
the reins of his trusty steed, and
jumped to the saddle. "I shall
bring you eggplant more violet
than the evening sky! Peppers
more green than the land of my
father's plantation! Tomatoes
more crimson than the blood I
shall donate at the Holiday
Blood Drive Fri., Dec. 4 in
Farnsworth Pavillion spon-
sored by the Houston Blood
Center and Rice NROTC! I
shall go and bring back these
treasures for you!"
"Oh darling," Marietta cooed,
"My hero..."
Jonathon extended a muscu-
lar arm down to the young woman
and swept her up to the saddle
beside him. He kicked the steed
to a gallop and headed for the
vegetable farm.
Overcome with new love and
adoration, Marietta nestled her
head into Jonathan's chest, just
to the right of his tattoo that read:
Revels Houston presents "The
Christmas Revels, An Early
American Celebration" with
traditional carols, poetry,
drama, and dances Sat. Dec.
12, 2:30 and 7:30 p.m., and
Sun., Dec. 15, at 1:00 and
5:00 p.m. in Stude Concert
Hall. For info and tickets, call
668-3303. As the pair rode off
into the land, the sun sank and
painted the skies stunning golds
and pinks. The final overture of
the soundtrack swelled, the cred-
its rolled, and the curtain closed
on the happy couple.
Q:
How Will The
Prineeton Review
Help You With
Your GMAT?
A) small, personal classes (never more than 15 students).
B) the most powerful test-taking techniques.
C) free extra-help with a real person, not a tape.
D) the highest average score improvement anywhere, +6
points.
E) All of the above.
Doesn't the GMAT
look easier already?
Our course for the January GMAT begins December 5.
Call The Princeton Review at 688-5500 for more information.
THE
PRINCETON,
REVIEW
We Score More!
For the record. ETS anil Princeton U. are not affiliated with The Prineeton Review and the answer is E.
Search Inside
This issue can be searched. Note: Results may vary based on the legibility of text within the document.
Tools / Downloads
Get a copy of this page or view the extracted text.
Citing and Sharing
Basic information for referencing this web page. We also provide extended guidance on usage rights, references, copying or embedding.
Reference the current page of this Newspaper.
Kim, Leezie & Carson, Chad. The Rice Thresher (Houston, Tex.), Vol. 80, No. 14, Ed. 1 Friday, December 4, 1992, newspaper, December 4, 1992; Houston, Texas. (https://texashistory.unt.edu/ark:/67531/metapth245827/m1/20/: accessed July 18, 2024), University of North Texas Libraries, The Portal to Texas History, https://texashistory.unt.edu.; crediting Rice University Woodson Research Center.