The Rice Thresher (Houston, Tex.), Vol. 81, No. 19, Ed. 1 Friday, February 11, 1994 Page: 3 of 20
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OPINION
THE RICE THRESHER FRIDAY, FEBRUARY 11, 1994 3
Unique ideas to impress your squeeze on Valentine's Day
Jym
Schwartz
Once again we come to that special
timeofthe yearwhen we step outside,
take a deep breath of air...and dash
inside to change into shorts because
it's 90 degrees.
That's right, Feb. 14 marks the
official beginning of summer in Hous-
ton. (For those of you who don't recall
my column from last September, sum-
mer officially ends on Dec. 1 here in
the Bayou City.)
As it happens, this is also Saint
Valentine's Day; the man after whom
the day was named led the snakes out
of Ireland and into the Archbishop of
Canterbury's shorts, which made him
never come up with a message as
touching as:
I know our loving friendship
Is therefor all the year,
But III take today to tell you
Just why you are so dear.
Well, actually, I just did. Okay, so
what does this tell you? It tells you one
of two things:
1) I am a knee-biting loser who
should be working for Hallmark.
Or 2) I am a knee-biting loser who
thinks greeting cards mean you cared
enough to spend a whopping $2.50.
So if there's a non-gender specific
ANY w
' I was going to give you
some crappy little greeting
card, but... this way it
doesn't have to involve the
senseless slaughter of a
tree. '
• Give your honey money, saying, "I
was going to give you some crappy
little greeting card, but I figured the
money would be better spent on some-
thing you mightactually wantand this
way itdoesn'thave to involve the sense-
less slaughter of a tree."
• Show up empty-handed and ex-
plain that your hands are the gift.
• Strip naked, dip yourself in glue,
roll in some feathers, don a German
World War I helmet (the kind with the
spike on top) and the run around the
outside of your beloved's domicile
screeching, "I'm the Love Bird! I'm
the Love Bird!"
• Rentanapesuitandputiton.Then
go to your person-of-choice's place of
work. Find him/her, put the individual
in a headlock and sing "That's Amor^"
at the top of your lungs.
• Nothin' says lovin' like something
6 Nothin* says loruin' like
something you skinned all
by yourself. 9
you skinned all by yourself.
• Spray-paint your names together
on an overpass. (This is another favor-
ite in rural communities.)
• Take your favored individual to a
Chinese restaurant and plan for the
waitron (PC for "waiter" and "wait-
ress," for those of you who still don't
know, even though you probably don't
read my column anyway, thinking I'm
just a goofy nut from California.) to
bring a special fortune cookie that
reads, "It is better to have loved and
lost than to know your date has the
clap."
• Tattoo the person's name across
your forehead.
• Shoot the president. (An old ploy,
but it works every time.)
Tempora Bona Volvant and don't
forget to wear a raincoat
P.S. Cicero's dead too.
Jym Schwartz is a second-year graduate
student in the Department of Geology
and Geophysics.
quite popular at parties back in those
hairy days of yore. It's my under-
standing that he also got his head cut
off at some point
But thanks to modern perversion,
this day is now celebrated by the ma-
jor greeting card companies of the
world.
They purchase lace and red con-
struction paper in the millions of
square yards and sell them to the
public, mutilated and covered with
the moronic scribblings of some knee-
biting loser trapped in a cubicle some-
where deep in the sub-basement.
Dont get me wrong. I think the
manufactured greeting card is a fine
tradition of civilization, along with E-
Z-Cheez and Bac-O-Bits (not to men-
tion the drive-thru). I know I could
individual you want to impress, I rec-
ommend you make a little more effort
Of course, this could require creativ-
ity on your part, which may not be
your fort6. What can you do? You
don't want to sell out to cheap, tawdry,
sugary, store-bought sentiments, but
you're having trouble thinking of
something on your own.
Well, thanks to my home-grown
wisdom, you can relax. I present be-
low some reasonably-priced and cre-
ative solutions to the age-old problem
of how to tell someone they're special
to you (however, I am NOT liable for
any damages resulting from following
these suggestions):
KEH ANT>
SECOKDEP WT WORE W
EXPERIMENT WW CAPVVNJ8M,
WEGNEINGflMPGIfNftANP
CgffiUmONCME MOKE SHOT
s
Rice academic workload detracts from education outside the classroom
Anne
Chettle
Throughout our series of articles,
the members of the Committee on the
Academic Environment have exam-
ined areas in which Rice could im-
prove its approach to academics and
foster a more intellectual and less
workhorse-atmosphere. What lies at
the root of all of our complaints or
Closer
proposals for reform is something
hugely amorphous and not easily
changed: Rice's graduation require-
ments.
Simply put, requirements for
graduation are extraordinarily tough.
A candidate for a bachelor of arts de-
gree must complete 120 hours upon
graduation, which breaks down to five
classes for every semester during a
four-year stay at Rice.
Acandidateforan accredited bach-
elor of science degree must complete
at least 134 hours (137 for degrees in
chemical engineering) which breaks
down to at least six classes a semester,
not including labs or advanced place-
ment credit
Ninety-two hours are required by
the engineering department for their
major, no more than 80 for academic
departments.
Such requirements seem out of
scope with comparable universities.
Princeton University requires 30
courses for B.A degrees and 36
courses for B.S.E. degrees. Thus, the
breakdown is four or at most five
courses per semester for all eight se-
mesters at Princeton.
Swarthmore University, with
which Rice conducts an exchange pro-
gram, requires 32 credits (or courses)
for every degree, only eight of which
are required for the major.
Stanford University requires 180
units to graduate, but this is based on
the quarter system; 15 units are re-
quired per quarter (about three to
four classes) for the 12 quarters of
attendance at the university.
Alighterworkload maynotaccom-
pany the reduced requirements at
these three universities. Indeed, the
students may find their courses force
them to focus more intently on the
subject matter. Yet clearly Rice de-
mands more than most
The question arises, however,
whether Rice's demands are too ex-
acting or whether they seive to edu-(,
cate Rice students better than most
students anywhere else in the coun-
try.
Dean of Students Sarah Burnett
has calculated that a student at Rice,
given the length of the school year
and the number of required hours,
completes the equivalent of five years
work at any other institution in just
four years. Yet what are the conse-
quences of these requirements?
Many students are compelled to
take 18 hours some semesters, lead-
ing some to feel that their lives involve
little more than desperate attempts to
complete assignments. Some students
are dissuaded from taking semesters
abroad because they are afraid their
credits will not transfer.
Rice students are generally apa-
thetic and do not for the most part,
attend lectures or participate in politi-
cal, volunteer or cultural activities
unless they actually find them impor-
tantenough to sacrifice valuable study
time. When and if Rice students do let
loose, they would rather pursue de-
cidedly unacademic ventures simply
to reduce the pressure of their
workload.
Rice students have always had to
work hard. Indeed, requirements used
to be much more strenuous, as
Kathleen Matthews, chair of the Biol-
ogy Department discovered in her
talks with formerstudpnts. And to ask
for a lessening of the requirements
' What lies at root of all of
our complaints or
proposals for reform is
something hugely
amorphous and not easily
changed: Rices
graduation requirements. '
would not only be unrealistic but also
ill-timed if Rice is to remain attractive
and competitive.
Yet no amount of requirements in
the world can force a student to think.
At the root, this is Rice's problem. Rice
students are forced to assimilate vast
quantities of knowledge by excellent
professors, and yet once the books
are closed (if they ever are), the Rice
mind shuts off
So what is a realistic proposal?
Requirements will not be reduced in
the near future. What must happen
then is a new approach to learning
that sounds vague.
Rice's professors must teach their
students to think. Professors should
give them time to explore the subject
on their own, rather than force more
and more information down their
throats in an effort to prove that al-
though Rice may not have the name
recognition of Harvard, its students
work far harder.
Rice should not attempt to com-
pensate for having a lesser reputation
than other equally challenging uni-
versities by forcing tougher require-
ments and often ridiculous workloads.
Hard work must be accompanied
by intellectual questioning if it is to
have any lasting impression on the
university and the student
Educators must realize that out-of-
class learning can be just as reward-
ing and significant as in-class learn-
ing.
This is not to imply that change
can only occur with professors. Stu-
6 Educators must realu£
that outof class learning
can be just as rewarding
and significant as in-class
learning.
dents too must commit to learning for
its own sake and not simply work just
to get the assignment done.
Rice aims to educate: the student
must now be forced to think.
Anne Chettle is chair of the Committee
on the Academic Environment and a
ljovett senior. Kevin Reed and Jenna
Christensen contributed to this article.
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Howley, Peter & Epperson, Kraettli. The Rice Thresher (Houston, Tex.), Vol. 81, No. 19, Ed. 1 Friday, February 11, 1994, newspaper, February 11, 1994; Houston, Texas. (https://texashistory.unt.edu/ark:/67531/metapth245923/m1/3/?q=%22%22~1: accessed June 22, 2024), University of North Texas Libraries, The Portal to Texas History, https://texashistory.unt.edu.; crediting Rice University Woodson Research Center.