The Rice Thresher (Houston, Tex.), Vol. 81, No. 24, Ed. 1 Friday, March 25, 1994 Page: 4 of 20
This newspaper is part of the collection entitled: Texas Digital Newspaper Program and was provided to The Portal to Texas History by the Rice University Woodson Research Center.
- Highlighting
- Highlighting On/Off
- Color:
- Adjust Image
- Rotate Left
- Rotate Right
- Brightness, Contrast, etc. (Experimental)
- Cropping Tool
- Download Sizes
- Preview all sizes/dimensions or...
- Download Thumbnail
- Download Small
- Download Medium
- Download Large
- High Resolution Files
- IIIF Image JSON
- IIIF Image URL
- Accessibility
- View Extracted Text
Extracted Text
The following text was automatically extracted from the image on this page using optical character recognition software:
4 FRIDAY, MARCH 25. 1994 THE RICE THRESHER
OPINION
Efforts must be made to keep Rice reputation for pranks
Chris
Thomas
A response to DTC: Your sugges-
tion that pranksterdom at Rice is a
dying breed is hogwash. Significant
prankscan only be performed periodi-
cally. Doing otherwise would lessen
the prank's effect
The current history of pranks at
Rice is rich, yet subtle. I propose that
recent eventswhich have brought your
EDGE
cause to the fore are merely an act on
your part to grab attention while you
present your manifesto on the dire
prognosis that wild, wacky fun at we
all have atRice.
If you are serious about the need to
perform a prank of significant propor-
tion, please do so as soon as possible.
I will be graduating and I would greatly
enjoy seeing something significant
happen in the few weeks to come. If
you are so desperate to perform
pranks, please feel free to use me as
the personal object of one of your
pranks. I grow bored sometimes.
To the students of Rice University
as well as the faculty, administration
and staff: You are not innocent
Call me senile, or call it the change
that time brings, but I seem to recall
times at Rice that were significantly
more fraught with chaos and goofi-
ness.
If you wish to redeem your
university'sreputation for outrageous
pranks, act now.
Take that first little step toward
becoming a nationally renowned
school of mischiet Don't let Caltech
be number one forever. Do some-
thing so outrageous that Penn and
Teller will be impressed enough to
come to campus and pay homage to
your ingenuousness during their visit
to Houston on April 15.
In order to help everyone out there
whohasn't written his or her prank
agenda yet I offer to you a few sample
jokes thatmight help to fuel that little
smear of brain cells in the core of your
head devoted to laughter, smirking,
grinning, slack, mischeviousness, sar-
casm and irony. Let's hope it sparks
more than a few flames.
• People always complain that life
isn't fair. Ever since those guys turned
around Willy's statue to make him
face Fondren (Turning his back on
the administration?), all subsequent
Now Open in the Village Arcade...
TAaste The Passion
The finest ice
cream (and Yogurt)
in the World™
{"Extra Scoop ~!
I FREE! I
I with any purchase of i
2517 Amherst ice cream or yogurt
in the Village Arcade
524-8857
1 Limit one coupon per purchase. '
I Expires 4/8/94 |
at Willy's Pub!*
•Offer good only on alternate Mondays from 8:27 to 8:28 p.m.
for women with names beginning with Z.
Willy's Pub reserves the right to revoke this offer at any time.
This offer is hereby revoked.
Come anyway. We're so much cheaper than other bars it's almost as if it's free already.
pranks would necessarily pale by com-
parison.
I offer to anybody that wishes to
attempt the feat that there is a way to
top that prank; Liftupthequad (Lovett,
Sewall, Rayzor, Fondren, Anderson
' If you wish to redeem
your university's
reputation for outrageous
pranks, act now. 9
and Physics) and rotate it around
Willy's statue.
This would cost significantly more
than the couple thousand dollars that
it took to turn Willy's back around
again. (Or all that would remain to be
done would turn Willy around again
— and turn the planet around.)
• Cut every Backpage offthis week's
issue of the Thresher before anybody
gets a chance to read it
• The power of the free press is some-
thing special. The opportunities that
exist for aspiring pranksters arelimited
only by their imagination and their
pocketbook. Several ideas come to
mind: spreading fake issues of news-
papers (Rice News has been done al-
ready) , distributing incorrect informa-
tion for final exams, altering course
numbers for pre-registration, replac-
ing original textbooks with more cre-
ative "originals" (though this might
be too expensive), distributing fake
parking tickets.
• Do the most to make somebody's
future an inconvenient helL Distrib-
ute slightly altered forms for legiti-
mate events that have been changed
so that a person's responses to the
form, while truly sincere and inten-
tional, will be interpreted by the re-
cipient incorrectly.
• Submitting an altered HPER form
intending to register beginning swim-
ming as a primary choice, while the
department sees that somebody fi-
nally signed up for Country Western
Dancing as his first choice.
• Send letters to every female mem-
ber of say, CCC, Rice for Choice, etc.
with an appropriate letterhead (Hoot-
ers, The Colorado) detailing an ex-
haustive search for new talent The
letter suggests that the particular re-
cipient had been identified as an ex-
cellent prospect for successful em-
ployment Attach a date and time for
an informational meeting and watch
the patootie hit the fan.
Have a happy Easter, folks, and
don't be fooled into thinking that dy-
ing and being resurrected is another
person's attempt at a goofy farcical
prank.
Chris Thomas is a Sid Richardson
College senior.
Pleonasm's wording pointless, redundant
Jym
Schwartz
If the tone of my column these past
few weeks has seemed slightly less
optimistic than my usual sunny ban-
ter, suffice it to say the world has been
much on my nerves.
Although I tend to be fairly obser-
vant of my surroundings, in this state
I become intensely aware of the — I
hesitate to use the word "stupidity"
since it is charged with social mean-
ing—lackofreason thatgoes into the
daily activities of many people.
For example, the other day I was at
a stationery store, where I purchased
a small box of paper. The womyn
behind the counter, after ringing up
my purchase, asked me a most singu-
lar question: "Would you like a bag for
that today?"
"No, but I'd like one for it tomor-
row about 10:00. Can you come by
then and drop it off?"
I am pleased to inform you I did not
actually riposte in such a fashion, as I
have not gotten that bad ... yet
After all, once you begin breaking
down social barriers like that, sooner
or later you'll wind up in a local fast
food joint with a sub-machine gun in
each hand crying for a womyn named
Beatrice. I have considered how I
should like to go out of this place, and
to date that option has never appealed
to me.
Regardless, there is something to
be said about the social niceties that
we perform on a daily basis. How
many people a day do you ask, "How
are you?" when you really don't care?
If it's fewer than two you're lying to
yourself and if it's more than 10 you're
in the wrong line of work (unless you
work for the government, in which
case it should be upwards of 100 or
you're not doing your job).
As my regular readers know, I am
a strong champion for honesty in all
cornersof life. If it's a penis, you should
call it a penis. (However, Richard
Nixon will always be a Dick to me.) I'll
be the first to admit I hate the common
non-gender specific individual and that
I'd rather get a spontaneous scowl
than a simulated smile from some
retail automaton.
But how far can one really take this
brutal frankness? Won't people get
hurt? If I don't like someone's choice
of shoes, should I let him or her know
in no uncertain terms, or should I
simply spit on them and walk away?
It's difficult to know just where to
draw the line.
The greatest factor one must con-
sider is one's own conscience. Al-
though I can let a "Would you like a
bag for that today?" pass by without
comment, something about the "Live
Pony Rides" down on South Main re-
ally irks me, resulting in the likeli-
hood that I may actually write a letter
to someone someday which readslike
this:
"To whom it may concern:
"I have noticed that your establish-
ment offers Live Pony Rides. This
may explain why you are still in busi-
ness, since Dead Pony Rides are not
nearly as exciting. As for the sign in
front of your establishment which
clearly establishes this distinction, I
would like to know if you tried dead
pony rideS at one time and elected to
alter your venue, or if at one time you
were simply offering "Pony Rides" and
getting sued because a number of the
ponies weren't breathing, thereby for-
feiting most of the characteristics de-
noted by the word "ride." Please re-
spond quickly and be frank, as you
have an obvious love for pleonasm.
"Yours truly,
"Leonard Finkelhor"
(You really think I'd sign my own
name to that?)
We all draw a line beyond which
we will not tolerate other people's fool-
ishness, beyond which our self-hon-
esty becomes corrupted. The answer-
ing machine may have been invented
to take messages, but I think most
people use them for screen ing calls as
well. Where is the honesty in this lack
of action? What prevents us from pick-
' I have noticed that your
establishment offers Live
Pony Rides. This may
explain why you are still
in business, since Dead
Pony Rides are not nearly
as exciting. *
ing up the phone and telling the caller
we're not particularly interested in talk-
ing with him or her right now but
maybe later we'll call back?
Social niceness. We all have an ego
eggshell around us which the slight-
est collision with another person will
crack. The unspoken rule says you
shouldn'tmess with anyoneelse's shell
andthey wontmess with yours. So we
glide through this world of near-misses
constantly wondering what other
people really think.
Well, not me, Bucko.
TemporaBona Ko/wzw/andifldon't
like you, I'll let you know.
Jym Schwartz is a second-year graduate
student in the Department of Geology
and Geophysics.
MET
lor
COLLEGE!
Every Student is ELIGIBLE for Some Type of
Financial Aid Regardless of Grades or Family Income
SCHOLARSHIPS, FELLOWSHIPS, GRANTS and LOANS
CALL Toll-FREE 24 Hours for a Brochure
1-800-457-0089 MB4B
RESULTS GUARANTEED! STUDENT SERVICES, Inc. has a databank
of over 180.000 listings for scholarships, fellowships, grants and
loans, representing BILLIONS of dollars in private sector funding.
rJ-3 We can provide you with a list of funding sources most appro-
r VJ priate to your background and educational goals.
L-_L-J Student Services, Inc. 6124 North Milwaukee Avenue • Chicago, II 60646
How is STUDENT
SERVICES, Inc.
Different from a
Financial Aid Office?
STUDENT SERVICES, Inc.
specializes in private
sector funding from
corporations, memorials,
trusts, foundations,
religious groups, and
many other philanthropic
organizations.
As state and federal
funding sources continue
to face serious cutbacks,
private sector funding is
expected to grow even
faster than in the past.
STUDENT SERVICES, Inc.
has current, up-to-date
information that provides
an intelligent alternative
to traditional state and
federal funding sources;
at the very least, they
represent a significant
supplement to
government funding.
Upcoming Pages
Here’s what’s next.
Search Inside
This issue can be searched. Note: Results may vary based on the legibility of text within the document.
Tools / Downloads
Get a copy of this page or view the extracted text.
Citing and Sharing
Basic information for referencing this web page. We also provide extended guidance on usage rights, references, copying or embedding.
Reference the current page of this Newspaper.
Howley, Peter & Epperson, Kraettli. The Rice Thresher (Houston, Tex.), Vol. 81, No. 24, Ed. 1 Friday, March 25, 1994, newspaper, March 25, 1994; Houston, Texas. (https://texashistory.unt.edu/ark:/67531/metapth246006/m1/4/?q=%22%22~1: accessed June 22, 2024), University of North Texas Libraries, The Portal to Texas History, https://texashistory.unt.edu.; crediting Rice University Woodson Research Center.