The Rice Thresher (Houston, Tex.), Vol. 82, No. 19, Ed. 1 Friday, February 17, 1995 Page: 4 of 16
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4 FRIDAY, FEBRUARY 17, 1995 THE RICE THRESHER
opinion
Before paying taxes, ask what your tithe will do for you
When filling out 1040for '94, read the back side of tax booklet to see how donations to Uncle Sam are wisely spent
Somewhere ALONGthe94o
million^nile track the earth travels
in a year, we have once again come
to the region in space where the
United States government makes its
annual effort to account for the gen-
eral movement of money in this coun-
try. Of course this includes the
money of all its citizens, so they ask
us please to examine our tithing
records such that there be no mis-
takes.
Should you commit a willful mis-
take (as our government prizes hon-
esty with regard to all
financial matters), you
will be sent to jail. Given
the reciprocal relation-
ship of the social con-
tract into which you
enter when paying
taxes, should the gov-
ernment commit a will-
ful mistake in the ex-
penditure of your
money ... well, okay, very little will
happen.
Thus, every year each citizen
ensures he or she is tithing cor-
rectly in exchange for the protection
of promised rights and liberties (and
to support any programs the govern-
ment sees fit to fund). As we all
know, this relationship is highly theo-
retical, especially when you consider
avenues of inquiry.
After all, should the government
have a question about your personal
finances, the Internal Revenue Ser-
vice will simply sit you down, break
out the tiniest of microscopes and
proceed to gingerly probe orifices
you were not completely sure you
even had. Sure, you say, the IRS may
be feared, but how much power could
they really have?
A friend who worked for the IRS
once explained to me that they would
Jym
Schwartz
often invite blatant criminals to their
office for in-depth audits. At the day's
end, the auditor would offer to call a
cab for the person, who would natu-
rally decline, since he or she had
driven. The auditor would then pro-
nounce that while they had been
discussing finance, a gentleman in
greasy overalls had towed away the
victim's car, making that cab neces-
sary after all.
But for the average citizen, no
such recourse exists. Should I de-
velop a sudden and intense interest
in the expenditures
of the Congressional
Office of Paper Clips,
Thumb Tacks, Rub-
ber Bands, White-out
and Little Yellow
Stickies, the most
detailed investigation
I could make (with-
out spending money
on a private dick) in-
volves picking up the phone and
asking nicely if they wouldn't mind
sending me a copy of their fiscal
budget. After the receptionist has
passed the receiver to everyone in
the office so each one can have a
hearty laugh, I would then be sub-
jected to that crudest of sounds —
the dial tone.
Therefore, in the interest of keep-
ing those curious to semi-curious
members of the public pacified, the
government publishes two crummy
pie charts each year on your tax
booklet's back side (which, coinci-
dentally, tells you how much money
you owe the government). These
two graphs represent the sum total
of their compunction to keep the
public informed.
For those of you who may not
have the instructions for your 1040-
EZ handy (I hear pretty soon there
will be a 1040-OK in which you sim-
ply report how much money you
earned and how much money you
think you ought to give in order to
avoid suspicion), allow me to ac-
quaint you with the income and out-
lays of your government for the fis-
cal year 1993.
Income:
• 36 percent — Personal income
taxes. Yes, it's the number-one
source of income, which may be why
the IRS has such power.
' [SJhould the
government commit a
willful mistake in the
expenditure of your
money ... well,
okay, very little will
happen. *
• 31 percent — Social Security,
Medicare and unemployment and
other retirement taxes. That's quite
a slice of pie, isn't it?
• 18 percent—Borrowing to cover
the deficit. Damn, that sounds like
using credit cards to pay the mini-
mum balance on other credit cards.
• 8 percent — Corporate income
taxes. Once again, Corporate
America reaps infrastructure ben-
efits without the cost.
• 7 percent—Excise, customs, es-
tate, gift and miscellaneous taxes.
Look for this percentage to drop
now that NAFTA and GATT affect
our trade.
In short, we directly supply 510
billion dollars of the government's
income. Let's see what we get for
our money.
Outlays:
• 35 percent — Social Security,
Medicare and other retirement. I
have no problems with this. After all,
the income and the outlay for these
entitlements match up, more or less
(another prime example of accuracy
in government).
• 24 percent — National defense,
veterans and foreign affairs. That's
344 billion dollars, ofwhich less than
one-fifth went to veterans and for-
eign affairs. Against whom are we
defending ourselves these days?
• 17 percent — Social programs.
There may be trimmable fat some-
where in here, but we're still spend-
ing more to defend ourselves than to
help the unfortunate around us.
• 14 percent — Net interest on the
debt. Obviously we might as well
just flush this money down the toi-
let. 'Nuff said.
• 8 percent—Physical, human and
community development. This in-
cludes education, which would make
it the largest slice of pie in an ideal
world. I have heard the rhetoric from
both parties: education is the solu-
tion to our country's problems. Well,
obviously they don't want to solve
our country's problems, because if
they did, every qualified person in
the U.S. would receive a free college
education. There's plenty of money,
if only Uncle Sam would slice us a
more generous chunk.
• 2 percent — Law enforcement
and general government. This is a
stunningly small figure if you ask
me. Granted, 28 billion dollars will
buy a shitload of doughnuts ... but
I'm still impressed by the relative
thriftiness displayed here.
Based on these figures, I can out-
line a simple plan to eliminate the
natjpnal debt and make the U.S. of
A. the envy of the earth. Through a
simple reallocation of resources, we
will use part of what caused the prob-
lem in order to solve it.
Thanks to our incredible spend-
ing, we now have the largest, fastest,
most advanced, greatest-firepow-
ered and best-smelling armed forces
( Roosevelt, who heavily
supported the "big stick"
theory, would have wet
himself over the log we
have today. 9
in this solar system. Roosevelt, who
heavily supported the "big stick"
theory, would have wet himself over
the log we have today.
Keeping this in mind, consider
our so-called "national debt." The
U.S. owes this money to a bunch of
banks, each with two, maybe three
security guards at the most. This
simply should not be a problem.
Tempora Bona Volvant and re-
member: donations to grad students
are tax-deductible!
Jym Schwartz is a third-year graduate
student in the Department of Geology
and Geophysics.
MACARONI AU FROMAGE
(EAT WITH GUSTO FOR ABOUT 5k PER SERVING.)
2 cups macaroni (pinwheels are fun)
.1 cup sharp cheddar (grated)
1/2 stick butter
1 tsp Worcestershire (if you like)
1 cup milk
3 tbs flour
1 t sp pepper
1 tsp salt
Cook macaroni in 5 cups salted,- boiling water for 15
minutes or until al dente. Drain. In a separate pot, melt
butter and mix in flour over low heat. Then, stir in milk
until smooth. Add cheese, salt, pepper and Worcestershire.
Stir well. Smother macaroni. Serves 4.
Note: For your nutritional convenience, Citibank
sfyi Classic cards are accepted at over 12 million
^ locations, including grocery stores.
WE'RE LOOKING OUT FOR YOU
To apply, call I -800-CITIBANK.
HH V:
;*♦>
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Hale, David. The Rice Thresher (Houston, Tex.), Vol. 82, No. 19, Ed. 1 Friday, February 17, 1995, newspaper, February 17, 1995; Houston, Texas. (https://texashistory.unt.edu/ark:/67531/metapth246504/m1/4/: accessed July 18, 2024), University of North Texas Libraries, The Portal to Texas History, https://texashistory.unt.edu.; crediting Rice University Woodson Research Center.