The Canadian Record (Canadian, Tex.), Vol. 118, No. 15, Ed. 1 Thursday, April 10, 2008 Page: 2 of 36
thirty six pages : ill. ; page 12 x 10.5 in.View a full description of this newspaper.
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THURSDAY 1 □ APRIL 2DDS
THE CANADIAN RECORD
RECORD
ESTABLISHED 1833
ORPORATED FEBRUARY 1338
PD Box 898, Canadian, TX 73014
Phone: 80B.323.B4BI or 5321
Fax: SDE.323.5738
BEN EZZELL Publisher/Editor
Publisher 1348-1333
NANCY EZZELL Publisher
LAURIE EZZELL BROWN Editor
editorlcanadianrecord.com
MARY SMITHEE Business Manager
marffSpanadianrecnrd.com
ADVERTISING Holly Henderson
advertisingScanadianrecDrd.cDm
NEWS/FEATURES
Cathy Ricketts, Julia Schafer
news@canadianrecDrd.cam
SPORTS Jason Turner
jasorlSfcanadianrecnrd.com
DESIGNS PRODUCTION
Laurie Brown, Cathy Ricketts,
Holly Henderson
PHOTOGRAPHY
Laurie Brown, Cathy Ricketts
CONTRIBUTORS: Mary Jane McKinney,
Bob Rogers, Ruth Beasley, Jenny Klein
USPS D87-SBD
Periodicals postage paid at the Post
Office in Canadian (Hemphill County),
TX. Published weekly in Canadian by
Nancy M. Ezzell
POSTMASTER: Send address changes
to The Canadian Record, PO Box 8SB,
Canadian,TX 73D14
SUBSCRIPTIONS:
S3D/S3B/S4Z Annually
Online Subscriptions $42/Annually
Available at
www.canadianrecord.com
RECORD
and the Ezzell Family
WINNERS OFTHE
2DD7 Gish Award
FOR COURAGE, TENACITY B INTEGRITY
IN COMMUNITY JOURNALISM
The Texas Department
of Ledgers and Tabulations
Deer Ms Editor Lady,
You may have a hard time believing this, but I got good news, gooder news, and
goodest news. The good news is the Buck Private store is coming along real good
(Sugar Biscuit can't hardly wait).
The gooder news is we got word from the folks at the Chamber of Stagnation.
Seems they been doing research on the agave plant and how it is affected by appli-
cations of lime juice and sodium chloride. Said they're running low on sun screen,
but their research must go on, no matter the personal cost.
But the goodest news is my old friend, Phillip D. Potthule, TxDoT Professional
Engineer, come through town. You remember h im—he's the feller what did the
research on the Killer Trees what was lurking 'long side the highways a couple of
years back. I ain't seen him in a coon's age when there he is walking up the drive.
"Well, PD, you old scamp," says I. "Come up on this here porch. Where's your
car—did you break down?"
"Didn't break down," says he. "JO, I don't have no car. No sense to prancing
around the privy. The truth is hard times has hit TxDoT. That's why I'm here."
"What's happened?" says I.
"Don't rightly know," says he. "All of the sudden money's real tight, and we got-
ta cut back. Conservation is the name of the game. Starting now we is only going to
install traffic lights with one color; three colors is a extravagance. And new roads
is only going to have a right lane since that's the one most everbody uses; left lane
don't make no economic sense. Too much money going out; not enough coming in.
No way to run a railroad, so to speak."
"I knowed you was a engineer," says I, "but you is a economist, too?"
"Well, I don't mean to brag, but folks in Austin say my money management
skills is pretty unique. I guess that's why they sent me to Alaska to work on that
Bridge to No RING, RING.. ..excuse me, JO, I got to take this call."
"Hello, Crash...uh huh...uh huh...that's right, no road repairs. You and your
crew go to the underpass, put up some barricades, and stand there and collect do-
nations....look, I don't care if he is a homeless veteran—get him and that wheel-
chair out of there; we don't need no competition and don't forget the sign, the
one that says, Ask not for whom the road tolls, it tolls for you. Right. Bye."
"So you ain't a engineer no more?" says I.
"Not while there is this money emergency," says he. "See, because of my math
skills, they put me in charge of a whole new fiscal department. My job is to make
sure nobody pulls a fast one on TxDoT. It's the Department of RING, RING....
sorry, JO."
"Hello, Burleen.. ...what about my expense account.. ..that's right, $11,250.00....
what do you mean, the decimal is in the wrong place!!!!....because I don't need no
stinking calculator, that's why; besides, it's only a dot! no, I don't have no paper-
work, I keep all the numbers in my head.. ..$11.25 are you sure?....well, nothing
personal, but I want it in cash this time.. .oh, yeah? same to you!"
"You was saying," says I.
"I was saying," says he, "that I was going over a big project that was supposed
to start real soon, but in a matter of minutes, I figured out that some of them
smooth-talking city fellers was trying to pull the wool over our eyes to the tune of
a million dollars!"
"A million dollars!" says I, "It's amazing that you found that in only a few min-
utes."
"What's amazing," says he, "is that all there was in the folder was a old city
map, a Dairy Queen napkin with some columns of numbers, and a Surveying for
Dummies book. But I was able to look at that stuff and just know they owed us big
bucks. I guess that's why I'm the head of the Department of Ledgers and....RING,
RING.. .it's my boss."
"Morning, Sir... we'll start putting the concession stands up by the stop signs
as soon as I get back.... yep, I'm nearly there.. ...very careful, yes sir.. .yes sir, then
back to the office.. .Goodbye." And up he stood.
"So you're off," says I.
"Yep," says he, "no rest for the weary."
"PD," says I, "you never did tell me the name of your new department."
"Oh," says he, "it's the Department of Ledgers and Tabulations."
Says I, "So that makes you the head of...."
"TxDoLT"
Well, now who would have figured?
JO GAFFNEY
[{[[QUOTES
THE CANADIAN RECORD crew has begun its annual rush
to the back of the pack in the AgLife Extension Office's annual
Walk Across Texas. This may sound like I'm throwing in the
towel already, but au contraire, I am formally throwing down
the gauntlet.
It is with some moral certainty that I state that The Siz-
zlers—formerly known as The Canadian Baconnettes, and
renamed in deference to our sports writer and fellow team-
mate—are far more active than the record actually reflects.
Having given this a great deal of thought over the weekend, I
can only conclude that the extension office has imposed unrea-
sonable limits on the allowable exercises, reducing them to an
unimaginative regimen of running, walking, cycling, garden-
ing, dancing, roller blading and spinning. Spinning?
Weary of being the object of derision for my and my team's
failure to rack up the miles—and of our position as the peren-
nial bottom dwellers in what is not billed as a competition, but
clearly s—I propose that we expand the 1 ist of accepted exer-
cises to include more common ones.
These exercises are engaged in by many. They require no
equipment, and no particular skill or athleticism. However,
when performed properly, they do make the heart race, the
pulse pump, and the sweat bead up on one's forehead.
Here, for your consideration, are a few Sizzlers'-recom-
mended exercises:
Flapping our jaws
Flying by the seat of our pants
Biting our tongues...or the bullet
Grasping for words
Straining to hear
Stepping on toes
Climbing on soapboxes
Treading water
Evading responsibility
Dropping the ball...or the hammer
Jockeying for position
Leaning over backwards
Pushing the envelope
Passing the buck
Throwing caution to the wind
Rushing to judgement
Backpedaling
Back talking
Back slapping
Getting back in the saddle
Rolling with the punches
Exercising restraint
Leaping to conclusions
Rising to the occasion
Toeing the line...or drawing t
Straddling the fence
Keeping our pants on, our shirts on,
our eyes on the ball and up with the Joneses
Striking while the iron is hot
Hitting the sack
Cutting to the quick
Chewing the fat
Pulling out all the stops
Turning a cold shoulder
Stretching the truth
Making hay (optional: while the sun shines
Running out of time
For those who wish to remain fit n perpetuity, we offer a
couple of others:
Kicking the bucket
Spinning in our graves
We urge our friends at the AgriLife Extension office to make
this year's Walk Across Texas a truly memorable event—one
in which these too-long overlooked exercises finally get their
rightful due so that anyone can aspire to greatness.
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Brown, Laurie Ezzell. The Canadian Record (Canadian, Tex.), Vol. 118, No. 15, Ed. 1 Thursday, April 10, 2008, newspaper, April 10, 2008; Canadian, Texas. (https://texashistory.unt.edu/ark:/67531/metapth252699/m1/2/: accessed July 9, 2024), University of North Texas Libraries, The Portal to Texas History, https://texashistory.unt.edu.; crediting Hemphill County Library.