El Paso Daily Herald. (El Paso, Tex.), Vol. 20TH YEAR, No. 148, Ed. 1 Monday, June 25, 1900 Page: 12 of 12
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EL PASO UAIIY HERALD MONDAY JUNE 25 1900.
12
(BOWSER ON BUMPS.
THE OLD MAN TAKES A TURN AT
PHRENOLOGY.
Bad m Good Time Explaining the
Theory of the Science to Ilia "Wife
bnt Tripped I'p on tlie Practical
Part of It.
Copyright 1900 by C. B. Lewis.
Nothing but a faint smile around the
corners of his mouth and a gurgling
at intervals in his throat indicated to
Mrs. Bowser during the dinner hour
that Mr. Bowser had a surprise party
In store for her. It was useless for
her to guess what it was and she
therefore waited in patience till they
had returned to the sitting room. Then
Mr. Iiowser produced a little book and
looked it over for ten minutes before
he said:
"You have heard of phrenology of
course? If I am not mistaken old Tro-
fessor Fowler once examined your
head."
"Is that book about phrenology?
ehe quietly asked.
"It is. I am going to post myself
a bit. Today I felt the heads of three
different men in the office and told the
character of each and evers' one."
"I thought it was about time. I be-
lieve it's about a week since you drop-
ped the last new thing."
"I expected you'd say something
mean" replied Mr. Bowser but with-
out his usual heat and without vio-
lence to the family cat rubbing against
his leg. "If I'd have brought home a
"YOU ARE ALSO
pocket Bible or the gospel hymns it
would have been just the same.
Phrenology is a recognized science. It
Is an Interesting study. Why not
Btudy it with me?"
"Because I don't believe in it. You
might as well feel of the corns and
bunions on a person's foot as the
bumps on his head."
-L j i-i u siiij iijui ui course uui x cu.ii
Boon convince you to the contrary. I'll
feel of your bumps and with the aid
of this little book I'll read your char-
acter as straight as a string. Just 6it
right where you are and"
"You'll do nothing of the kind" she
Interrupted. "It's ail nonsense and
you'd better put in your time reading
history."
"Then take the book and feel of my
head. All the bumps are named."
Mrs. Bowser allowed herself to be
persuaded. Selecting a chart of a
man's head she passed her Angers
over Mr. Bowser's skull and presently
said:
"According to phrenology your bump
of impetuosity is abnormally develop-
ed. Y'ou are also very conceited. You
have no fixed purpose but jump from
one thing to another. You are quick
tempered and very obstinate. If you
had more strength of character you
might make a mark in the world but
as it is"
But as it is madam I am very
much obliged to you" said Mr. Bowser
as he rose up and reached for the
book. "I might have known of course
that yon would slander me."
"I gave it exactly as it Is in the
book."
"Well let it go. If it was your in-
tention to turn me from my purpose
you have failed. I shall continue to
Btudy the art. Perhaps the cook won't
object to becoming a subject."
Mrs. Bowser smiled as he started
for the kitchen but raised no objec-
tions. The cook was just finishing
her dinner dishes as Mr. Bowser in-1
yaded her domains. I
"You have heard of phrenology?" be '
qneried as he pointed to the book in
his hand.
"Has the mistress any complaint to
make of the cooking?" she asked in re-
ply. "Not that I know of. I was asking
you if you knew about phrenology. It
relates to the bumps on your head you
know."
"And what of the bumps on me
head? Did the mistress ask about me
bumps when she hired me? If she ob-
jects to them let her give me notice."
"My good girl you don't understand.
All of us have bumps on our heads.
By feeling of the bumps one can tell
a person's disposition. For instance
one bump shows a sweeti temper; an-
other shows self conceit another
Thojvs obstinancy and so on."
. "But isn't mo cockin all right?" de-
manded the woman.
"I said it was."
I "Then who's to care about the bumps
on me head or me disposition?"
"You don't understand yet" contin-
ued Mr. Bowser. "By feeling of the
bumps on your head I can tell you"
' "You'll never feel of me bumps while
I'm alive!" interrupted the cook "and
If you ain't out of this kitchen in two
Jiffs I'll walk off and leave you with-
out a cook!"
Mr. Bowser retired. It was a ques-
m 1 1 mK; i A
tion whether he retired In good order
or not. He realized that Mrs. Bowser
had stood at the head of the stairs and
overheard all and that he had made a
muss of it. She had a smile on her
face as he entered the sitting room
and that smile brought a determina-
tion to his heart to conquer or die.
"You you probably advise me to
give it up. don't you?" he asked.
"You might practice outside" she
suggested.
"And so I will!" he retorted as the
red came to his face. "I have set out
to post myself on phrenology and by
the beard of my grandfather I'll do it
or die!"
He Walked out into the hall clapped
on his hat and opened the door and
stepped out. There was a man hang-
ing over a nearby gate. He wasn't a
tramp but a workingman who was
sweet on a girl working next door and
was waiting for her to appear. Mr.
Bowser called to him and he came in
off the street and asked what was
wanted.
"Would you like to earn a couple of
dollars in about 13 minutes?" was
asked.
"You bet!"
"Have yon ever heard of phrenol-
ogy?" "If I have I've forgotten. Is the
gas leaking or a water pipe busted?"
"Phrenology has to do with the
bumps on your head. I feel of your
bumps and read your character by
them. I believe in it but my wife
don't. I want you to come and sit
down for a few minutes while I shov
her that I'm right."
g e'
VERY" CONCEITED."
The man was willing. lie followed
Mr. Bowser in and was referred to as
a "subject." Mrs. Bowser kept her
chair and became interested.
"Now then" began Mr. Bowser after
two minutes spent in locating various
bumps. "I find your bump of musical
talent above the average. I should say
that you can play on several different
instruments and have a fairly good
voice."
"Lord save you sir." gasped the
man "but I never could even raise a
tune on a month organ and as for sing-
ing everybody runs away when I try
it!"
Mr. Bowser flushed up and swallow-
ed at the lump in his throat and dared
not look at Mrs. Bowser. After a min-
ute he continued:
"I think you are inclined to be very
religions. Are you a Sunday school
teacher?"
"Great Scott no! Religious? Why
I don't even believe in a hereafter!
I'm the man who ate up a chapter of i
the Bible on a bet!"
"But you reverence truth." persisted .
Mr. Bowser as-his face began to pale.
"Mebbe 1 do. sir but they calls me
The Red Hook Liar' all the same."
"And are you not tender hearted
that is. don't you love children?"
"Well I'm expecting to be arrested
tomorrow for lambasting a kid this
afternoon. Your henology or what-
ever you call it don't seem to work. I
guess your wife is right."
"It never works unless there are
brains under the bumps" stiffly replied
Mr. Bowser as he handed the man hia
$2 and accompanied him to the door.
MR. BOWSEP. CALLED TO HIM.
When he returned ho stood before
Mrs. Bowser and glared at her for a
moment and then said:
"Woman this thing has gone to the
limit. The conspiracy is plain. In
your malicious desire toto"
Then Mrs. Bowser began to laugh.
He gestured but it did not stop her.
He towered over her but she continued
to laugh. He shouted something about
his lawyer and her lawyer and divorce
but she hung to "her chair and laughed.
There was but one way to save his dig-
nity. Like a crowbar on legs he march-
ed down the hall and like a crowbar
with stiff knees he mounted the stairs
and two hours later she went to find
him asleep and bis bump of conceit all
flattened out. M. Quad.
The Difference.
""What's the difference between news
and fakes?" asked the unsophisticated
young woman.
The editor of The Bugle looked at
her pityingly.
"News." he explained "is what you
see in The Bugle; fakes are what you
see in any of the other local papers."
At the Cake Walk.
A SUPREME EFFORT.
New York Journal.
'
"Such conduct" said the teacher to a
rebellious pupil "will eventually bring
your father's gray hairs with sorrow to
the grave."
"Don't you believe It" replied the in-
corrigible youth. "The governor wears
a wig."
A Modent Reqneiit.
Sergeant (to company barber) What
did you cut this man's hair so short
for? Do it over again and see that
you leave it twice as long as it is nowl
Polichinelle.
Borrowed All bnt That.
Scrape Shortleigh is always cheer-
ful never borrows trouble.
"It's just as well he draws the line
somewhere." Cigarette.
Envy
"Say Chlmmle wot would ye give If
ye could waggle yer ears like dat?"
New York Journal.
Are You Seeking A Summer Health
Resort?
Healtbseekers from the north arid
east who have been spending the win-
ter months in the south and who de-
sire to change for the summer season to
a higher elevation and a cooler climbte
f-hould visit the Montezuma at Lae
Vegas Hot Springe New Mexico on
A. T. & S. F. R'y.
They will find here a desirable al-
titude (6.967 feet) insuring a pleasant
summer climate. The mountain
scenery Is of unusual interest. First-
class hotel accommodations unequa'ed
hot baths expert medical attendance
and ample facilities for recreation are
other attractions. Terms reasonable.
The waters are a specific for rheuma-
tism derangement of Internal functions
neuralgic eiTectlons and incipient tu-
berculosis; also those convalescing from
acute diseases are greetly benefited.
For detailed information address W.
G. Greenleaf Manager The Monte-
zuma Las Vegas Hot Soricgs N. M.
Reduced Rates Aecount oi Teacher's
Convention.
The Santa Fe Route will place on
sale June 30th July 1st and 2nd final
return limit Anguet 5th tickets to
Snta Fe Las Vegas Hot Spring;
Pueblo Colorado Springs and Denver
at one fare for the round trip plus
82 00. Texas Teacher's attending the
convention can thus make a side triD
to the New Mexico resorts or Colorado
at a small expense.
For further Information lrquire at
City Ticket Office Mills building
corner of plaza.
A.F.Stafford F.B. Boughton
City TicKt-t Agent. D. F. & P. A.
Santa Fe Route
National Democratic convection
Kama? City Mo. July 4 Kansas CUy
and return for $34.90 via Santa Fe
route. Date of sale July 1 and 2 good
to return Jul 9.
Second Annual Reunion Roosevelt's
R ugb R dera Oklahoma City Okla.
Julv 1-4 ToOfiahoma City and return
fo $33 Co date of sale June 29 30good
to return leaving Oklahoma City July
5.
A F. Stafford. F. B. Houghton
CityTiciiet Ag't. Div. Pass. Ag'
Queen & Crescent.
Account 4th of July Qaeen & Cres
cent route will sell on J uly 2. d and 4
round trip tickets to all points on
these lice? and in addition thereto
will sell tickets to all points in ter
ritory south of the Ohio and Potomac
rivers and east of the Mississippi
River at greatly reduced rates; final
limit July 7. 1900.
Do not miss the opportunity to cele
brate the 4th by visiting some of your
friends etc.
Mexican Mineral Belt.
The only direct route to the rich
mining regions of Eastern Sonora
and Western Chihuahua Is via tbf
Sierra Mad re line and Casas Gran
des. Trains leave Ciudad Juarez at
8:25 dally except Sundays.
J. T. Logan
GenJ. Traffic Ager
Foi-Over Fifty Years.
Mrs. Winslow's Soothing Syrup hat
been used for children teething. It
soothes the child softens the gums
allays all pain cures wind colic and It
be best remedy for diarrhoea twentj
6 ve cents a bottle.
Low Rates To Mexico.
Account of tha Teachers Convention
the Mexican Cenual Ry. will sell at
greatly reduced rates round trip
tickets to all points in Mexico. Tickets
rn sale June 2!) 30 -J uly lit and 2nd
1 mlted to thirty (30) days with stop-
ever privilege.
See B. J. KuilN Coml. Ageit.
Pure Hygienic Water
Made from distilled water. As
your family physician or druggist as tc
purity and healthfulness of cur ice.
Telephone No. 14.
El Paso Ice & Refrigerator Co.
Mr. W. S. Whedon Cashier of
the First National Bank of Winterset
Iowa in a reoent letter gives some
experience with a carpenter in his
employ that will be of value to other
mechanics. He says: "I had a car-
penter working for me who was
obliged to stop work for several days
on account of being troubled with
diarrhoea. I mentioned to him that
I had been similarly troubled and that
Chamberlian's Colic Cholera and
Diarrhoea Remedy had cured me. He
bought a bottle of It from the druggist
here and informed me that one dose
cured Mm and he is again at his
work." For sale by al! druggists.
Call at all drug stores and get a free
sample of Chamberlain's Stomach and
Liver Tablete. They are an elegant
physic. They also improve the ap-
petite strengthen the digestion and
regulate the liver and bowels.
They are easy to take and pleasant in
effect.
Reports ehow that over fifteen hun-
dred lives have been saved through the
use of One Minute Cough Cure. Most
of these wars oases of grippe croup
asthma whooping cough bronchitis
and pneumonia. Its early use prevents
consumption. Fred Schaefer druggist.
Ivy poisoning poison wounds and all
other accidental Injuries may be quick
ly cured by using DeWItt's Wltoh
Hazel Salve. It is also a certain cure
orb piles and skin diseases. Take no
oher. Fred Schaefer drugglet.
Mokl Tea positively cures Sick Head-
ache indigestion and constipation. A
delightful herb drink. Removes all
eruption of the skin producing a per-
fect complexion or money refunded.
2octs. and 50 cts. M. H. Webb drug-
gist. Acker's Dyspepsia Tablets are sold
on a positive guarantee. Cures heart-
burn raisin? of the fcod. distress af
ter eating or acy form of dyspepsia.
One little tablet gives immediate re-
lief. 25 cts. and 50 cts. M. H. Webb.
druggist.
ThA Vioat. VillttAr In t.Vio mo.lrot QKovr
Grove 2 pounds for 5 cents at El Paso
Grocery Co.
TAKE tf
THE
fannnnRairK
vwunvn
Leave El Paso Daily
Solid Vestibuled Train Throughout.
Latest Pattern Pullman Buffet Sleepers.
Handsome New Chair Cars Seats Free
Direct Connections Made for All Points in the Northeast and Southeast.
For descriptive pamphlet or any further information call on or address.
ft F. DAKBT8HIBK R. W. CVRffS
8. W P. A.. El Paso T P. A..!
E. P. TURKISH. U. P. A.. DallM.
'No Trouble To
f NAGLEY and LYONS
i
Suocessors Caldwell TTn.cir-t.a.ls.ing Oo
Expert Funeral I Directors and Embalmers
f Parlors 305 El Paso St.
Office Open Day and Night
1
VITAL MAGNETISM
Osteopathy Massage Yogi Breathing
1.m r..okf TI
t in vuic txny vuiauie uiscasc-
When drugs and medicines fail come and consult me. a
Consultation Free.
615 Mesa Street.
Mexican Drawnwork
Headquarters
Mexican leather carver at work.
Call on us.
W G.WALZ CO j Oludad Jua.rei.MeJ
On Oustom House.
La Union Cigar Factory.
The best grade of Mexican cigar
The Victoria Colon a specialty. We
do a strictly wholesale business. Mall
orders promptly filled.
A. ALVAREZ Prop.
204 Mesa Ave. El Paso Texas
When In JUAREZ Insist upon having
"La Prueba"
Cigars manufactured by
Balsa y Hermano Vera Cruz Alex
The only Mexican clears that have the
entre to the leading clubs of the United
States and Europe. Special brand "FLOR
DE BALSA."
YOU WANT4
GOLD AND . . .
COPPER CLAIMS.
In the Jarilla Camp or interests in
same call on or address A. W. OIF-
FORD Box 12 El Paso Texas.
EASTERN GRILL
First-class restaurant in every respect.
First-class cooking. Short orders day
and night.
Dinner Daily at 3 p. m.
123 El Paso St. Next to Cooper's
The "STAR" Livery. Feed
in4 Ct CiMao I Oor. W. Overland
auu tJAlb kj ItlKlViO an Santa Fi
?e &ts.
BEST AND CHEAPEST
RIGS IN CITY.
J. CALDWELL Prop. PHONE 02
PROFESSIONAL.
ATTORNEY-AT-L W.
SDacial attention ff!rn tn Real Va.
tate and Probata Law. Will nrat.ioo
in all the courts.
ROOM 9 MUNDY BLOCK.
EI. PASO - . TEXAS
If you want a Nobby and
Neat Suit of the best material
Call on
NAP J. ROY.
The Merchant Tailor
of El Paso vvvvvvvxv.
DOCTOR EDGAR
Homoeopathic Physician.
All Remedies Furnished.
Special study and exnorlnnpn fnp 'U vnara
In diseases of Women and Children Obstet-
rics and Chronic Diseases. In treating to cure
Consumption the Creator' laws are followed.
Office and Residence The front suite of
rooms up stairs 109 El Paso street.
Office Hours Early and afternoons. Will
also do general practice.
ShatJv Grove butter 2 lha for 45 nnnta
at El Faso Grocer j.
TRAIN and SAYF
- Hia No extra charge..
6:50 A. M. City Time.
Answer Questions.'
f
I
I
- - Telephone 197
J
GEO. P. WELCH.
El Paso Texas
MCLAUGHLIN'S
XXXX Coffee
IS THE BEST.
Sold only in
One Pound Packages.
Ask Your Grocer For It.
""W Stand
THE GROTTO. Antonl
You are invited t.o come to THE SODA.
FOUNTAIN for a cool and refreshing drink.
Ice Cieam and all the Freh Fruits of the
season.
FRESH EVRY MORNING.
Cat thi out and give me a call. You will
com e again
Tlie Arlington
ROOMS
Cor. San Antonio and Stanton Sts.
LARGEST and COOLEST ROOMS In the
city. Very central. Prices reasonable.
See these rooms before selecting; for the
umrrer. MRS. M. SULLIVAN. Prop.
If You
want to find a man and
don't Bee him on tha
streets go to the . . .
Gem
Billiard
Rooms
The . . ;
Gentlemen's
Resort. . .
J. A. ROGERS
Real Estate and Rental Agent
Proprietor OHOPIN HALL the "on 'nr
class hall In the city for Dances Concerts
Socials Lodge Meetings Cack Walks eta
FOR SALE-S-room brlclc residence neat
Hotel Dieu; easy terms
Collections promptly made and remitted
OQee in rear Chopin Hall.
San Antonio Street.
Capitan
la at last blessed
with a first-class
HOTEL
The Fuel Company's new hotel at
Capitan will be formally opened to the
public on May 15th. Spacious new and
handsomely furnished rooms have been
added and gueets have tbe choice of
either American or European service.
Short order service at all hours and a
well stocktd lunch counter with all the
delicacies of tbe season awaits the
weary traveler directly opposite the
depot MA CHUCK Proprietor
Capitan New Mexico.
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Slater, H. D. El Paso Daily Herald. (El Paso, Tex.), Vol. 20TH YEAR, No. 148, Ed. 1 Monday, June 25, 1900, newspaper, June 25, 1900; El Paso, Texas. (https://texashistory.unt.edu/ark:/67531/metapth297451/m1/12/: accessed June 30, 2024), University of North Texas Libraries, The Portal to Texas History, https://texashistory.unt.edu.; .