Bryan Morning Eagle. (Bryan, Tex.), Vol. TENTH YEAR, No. 304, Ed. 1 Sunday, November 26, 1905 Page: 3 of 8
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t
TO MAKK YOU SMILE
WITTICISMS DONE UP IN SMALL
PARCELS.
j GREAT AMERICAN PHILANTHROPISTS I
WHO MAKE GIFTS OF MILLIONS :
i .
The Col at n Vtir
I V Hliil w.tk.- iiikI k i i I. lit nil
tllll.fcS .la-.
The mi tli.s f..r n.l m M l.n.Hi.r mm:
'I If .l.i i Ik miHi ..ll.rs wln-eld In lirr
And human I r 1 11 1 1 li v on them-
M'' "iimii.l I. ii. 1 1 mis up (! gulden er.
Art. iIm. ii!i . nn.ra ah. n Miinv new
UioiikIiI win I. ml
Are I. m H .i i -HiMMiii w ru n '
lower.
Vil .. ill. 1 1 ! lit- h 1 1 ii iini Die uliiir.
Have .1.1. U nw imi.iiiiii IlK'lr
m.ii i h.
Ami -l.. itiui imir. ii.inm up Hi. guMeti
)'MI.
M n n iilili mi nmic .Imll rest I"
iniiin.-l im.
Hut mil lih .i li; hll .wl
"-eye. ll
In n...y nirmnia .i r.ill.n l..-r lands
Ami Unlit shall .i.u.l ami mull ! It'
inn n
I l.tlillKh H II lllf p'4IM l.f Hi.- gulden
-ar
Itut
r iii.w . All" when shall all
lilt-11 a ii.nmI
He m-Ii mun nil.' nml imlvrraul ce
lj- lilt luifl r llclll .!. III. lun. I.
Ami like a Unv i.f t-ania alliwait '
i a.
'l'lin.iinli all Hi cii.l.. llie ai.lilrn vmi?
Trllll) anil.
Statistic for Wage Earners.
According ih l't'i'i bullet iti of
tlir llurcau of l.atair. h It'll covers
tti' ueath-n of licit ml hours of
workers from I lo l!o4. lnclnt.1 ;e.
Jl ajee Increase ha n.il averaged
l-f 1 per cent ht year.
' xV"' Increase hi the number of cm-
.i''M's from l:m through l!ot was
3. i r n nl. while wage for Ihe
period Increased tuily IK 7 per cent.
Hour were reduced lii r in wr rnl
Wage Increased ln.t n i per rent In
l:tn over l!i'3. In IVM .1 wages wer"
:5 lower iliau In I '"'I
During 1 h: 4 ilii number of employ-
ed reached ihe lowest figure or 91 t
per lit of ilia uti'iai'i' number em-
ployed during llif period covered by
fifteen years. In tin- percentage
i mind 1J.Y7.
In I:i wage per hour were 3 r
ri'til higher than thf average wages
I r hour paid during ihf succeeding
ifii year. TIh lowest miIhi reached
wa in IMil. In ii i:i tlioit'il 2 1
pT rtiil U'ltm tin- afr;i(f fur I In
" riot!.
VaK' U'uan to imriaif Kr.nlti.tlly.
lint nut rali!lv. after 1'T ittrin
tint )tar tlifrr li.i.l ln.-n a kIIkIii tlf-
t ' 1 1 r. Illllllllt lltl'l lllf Wtttll ITi'
17 p r n hi dUlu r it.nt 'In' avfraut
fur thf tt nyi r i ilol of 1 :?
Tin riniii h'tiiwa Mmi thf niikly
'HIlllll(4 tlf I II . 1 1 l ! U)t I lllll.l f trt'
In imt mil hlKhiT In isiiii ihun thf
nn tagi' wt't'kly latnitms for thf ur
'iliiit; im yii Thf Kly arn-
Iiiki In I'jul fit' II 1 t tnl hlstuT
than In vo. II 3 it c nt hlcht-r lhao
In lh''l. II i per i i iit lilthi r than in
ln'tl. ihf liiwiot Tlil; 2 7 -r rrnt
Mthi r thitn in r."l atnl I r rt-nt
!ntT than In 1'ti'."!.
IHlrl'l I nil iarl-. lutwifli fntit'l
il. mm of thf vtauf MiirKi iK in I'm.'! ami
I kIiu th.it In ihf Uttt r iar tin'
total niinihi r of i ii:i!i.i ilirn ini'il I
of. n r n lit. llif hum n( Ialr !
r fint. vi af I'it Inmr
in r t i nt. f kly t urn-
i!n i ilft Ti'ii-i'.l it I i r !
l.f title hllir Vlllllli!
T l.llt lei.H JiwhI. illl.t
I' It J.li i- III Ii '! j
II r t i lit le- f.Mhl j
II
t HMM"
Ini rea-fi
ln4 t-r
t hi. tin
I 'ln h.i. "
III" .11 llll'l-'s
vi imi.! i Ml I ll.l-i
I '
tl ti
ell: ;
It::
oilier Miim'iiw rouiln tnliarrae.
IraiiiN miTf atopiM-tl on thf branch
roatl from MJnl NovkomhI. Thf I'ali
Huaaian union railway employe have
iMMiieil a rail for m icnt-ial vtrike on all
the railrnuila of KtiHcla. The union U
of recent orlatn anil Ita airena-th of
unknown iiimiiiliy.
Iowa haa forty -two fewer labor
unlon than two yen ago anil a loxa
tn niemhf ixhlp anionic union laborer
of 3.5?.". showing a icrrt nl tice of loaa
In iiiilon of Zl2 ami In niemherahlp
of 743. Two ear an the union
hail iii"inleri.h') of 41.722. anil the
laleM reorl nlwa a total of 4I.3!7
ineliihel. Tlioae ill loin h with union
affair In the at.ile claim that Mil
lo- la tine to opol'ion to (he weak-
er union in tie tjite.
The Iraile iiuluii iiiuveuieiit ha
provetl liaeif lo he llie KreatfHl IiikII-
union ever fminileii anituiK men. It
ha rale. aKf. reiinretl hour of la-
bor taken the rhilil from the mill an l
the factory ami aent it lo m hool I:
ha elevaleil the uiaiiliiM ami til.'
womanhiMxl i.f ihe woikiiiK u-oplf ol
the wi.il. I; It hn laUeil ihf alanilai'l
tif rltlzenthip. aohrlfty ami Inieifrliy
of the working men of nur mm ry.
t'lilcaKO American.
The nti Ikiiix painter of Chicago of
feretl lo nettle their tlipiiie with th
iiiaxier pulntem hy arbitration but
the niaxten reruei to arbitrate an.'
further khI.I thai they wuulil enter
Into no more conference wlih ihn
men. The iiimhIith tlemaiitl that the
men mint: return to work iimumtltioii
ally. The nten. at a ma meetlnit
after upiirovlii the acili.n of theii
repieentaiiVfH. reaffirm). I their tl-
ciKlnn to hi nml firm lor "a fair m-i I le-
nient '
M. K. Klnnan of IIIihuiiUiuIiiu. III. a
letter canter. wa re electeil vice
pit ulili-llt of the I.'lllinU State Keilera-
lioi: of luilmr wiihiint opptixltliin at
the ccit ronventlnn. Me aerveil fur
luiit.y iir a a il l K.i'e tn the atale
l.i.nv uihI h.ts In-!. I in in : all It ini
oltaiit cfflf't a. He In a kinmI Kpeaker
i. ini han Ihf ciitifii!eiu e i.f thf lalinr
i.rTlcl.i's i.f all i.ik'Jiil.itioiiH In the
Mate. Me ha also al lfil In aecurlnic
1'i.iny i im.i-ifiiii.H fur liller carriers
in. in the government
TI.e tefeli-liilulll Vole i.f the brick-
Intel i.n.l ii a-iiti liiieriiat loual I
i. ii loii n Milteil in a ilef. ni fur the e-
t..l.lUhlliellt l.f a t!elh iH'lieflt filtll'
I'; the lnteriiHiiiiu.il union. Hut a
mall vote wu cil in the euatern
i.ictlnii of Ihf country where the plan
wa iiiianliiiouil.v f.iM.reil A heavy
mi'- wan cat In .ill mcilon that oe
in!. Til Ih (unveil that the ilefeat
wan ili.e to mi letuiflilencv tif it paa
naife l.y tlioae in favnr of It. the In-
ttrn.itliin.il i.fflcet atat" in iinnounc-
lli' the ieu!t.
The I'lilteii Sta'ea uireiiif court
l a Ml'allie. In H I .ti iat mill Ihf tl"
r1im lit ll.f Ma.-.lt'llllKeltH M'itftllf
ci i; r I 111 lh" i..i:t.v n lu riy cafe that
M.e cuntiai't l.itvueti the hhiffWiirk-
n' hi. Ion anil lie H.i. ii II C.MMlrlih
Ac Ci watt tu:.iint iul!ic policy Thl
; the c.ise !..ri- a union ar.enntit
:i ! Il. rti. wli.i m a well known
s .i ..i.it an. I Ii.ih In i n the fi.ri.iI.nMr
r I I
faM over he sought the library "'I hVi i i f ')'''!
W mm
m 1
If you hail annually $l.oonH or s
to spare ami wantetl lo lalama yotit
account with the world by lln It
away how woultl you to alfout the
tank?
Of the many hundred men and
women In the I nileJ Slate whoae
fortune an pi re toward seven eight
ml nine figures several notable one
have put this queation seriously to
themselves ami have answered It by
going an gravely about the bunlnr
of slvini; away money wisely a they
went about Its accumulation. And a
mighty biinltiefis It ha become this
business of philanthropy when it Is
remembered that in America the do
main of th dollar no more than of
the helping hand upward of Ivmi'mi.-
lititl a year is given away of whith
shining Nincara Iiuni'iuM) rise In
New York and empty thence Into the
ever w Idenlnit sea of want.
Spat loin as ate these figures it l-t
prophesied by the Charity Organiza-
tion Society that the mighty stream
will be swollen beyond the average
ibis year sequential to several cloud-
bursting donation made by Individual
m rxoiix. litit how to repeat do our
men of millions give away theli
money? KlrM haioled and a the
id odd striken them or me tbodirally T
Methodically in a word and with
such painstaking tare that many tall
but few are t lio- n as objects of
wholesale charity.
Miss Helen Could. With the Inlllli-
k'l tit assistance of Ml- Kllialwth Alt-
man annually dUlmrsf I.'.'xi.imo In
charity. I'rotiahly M is a Gould anp-
port directly and indirectly more
charities than any i-ron living. Thin
is loiiicdiil by the Charity Organla
tion Sim let) While it (loe Hot niesn
that she give away such sums a are
recorded of the Him kefeller and Car-
negie ihaiitief. on the best authority
her donation annually reat h five hun-
dred tr more beneficial e very few
of whom are aware of even the els-
tem e of Miss Alt man Yet to her
nioM of them may return thanks.
he sought the library and
a check for the amount ask
ed Handing It to hi wife he cau-
tioned her lo get the check ca-hed
b'T-elf. and to give the actual mon-
ey instead of any paper with his name
written thereon.
4J
INDUSTRIAL ITEMS OF INTEREST.
Central Matter Affecting the Welfare
of the Worker.
N.tiioM.tl ii si ii -latum of fleam and
l.i! watir flt'ci and lull-era I ill re-
iiuu l i's i.i'l.ui.il I'Miif Itotti New
. II. M II I I CI I. Il'll
Tl.f Chli'.ntti I'ei'.iaMoii nf I a mi
ha-. Iii.o -ii1 'If p!nn o'an i:.';
uanl i I'll.- to U..V.IM.- tin- r-a!.- of
union Intiel.-d arncle-
The Kail IHver (.!a-n Manufactur-
er' A-Micia'l.iti aiinoiiiu-ed a . h r
lit men are In the wage of cotton
ini1! oi. taines a ii. a profit sliarlnir
.'i.n taking .Ted on Oct 2.V
The convent imi of the A. K. of 1.
f uiiicii Is to Ik gin .oii uiiier 13 at
I llt-luirg Is the silver jubilee con en
:'oii. ihf feib r.iilon baling In i ii form
d In I'litsbuiK twenty five year ago
M now represents timre than J.iitiit.imii
v ace cariu i of every fi ction of the
" tountry.
V. Mosse of Leeds and I' fillniorr
i.f New ustle -iin-T) tif who are to be
the fiaternai d ! gate of the llrltlsh
ttailes emigres to the lug A. K. of I.
i .invention nt rutkluirg next tuonih
l.ave sent word that they will visit
i nil rastetn (Hies before their re
i i.t u holm.
The M.is-ac Iiiimi (ta state ronven
'ion. a. r. or i . vmeii to cstaiiiish an
k'tlice in riltsllelil h. nulled six-lallsm
If t'liimt glow-H. iiulorsfd the clvlr
r.li ration and decided upon the leg
l-latlvi retiies's to be made is-xt year
In the Interc-t of llie orsaiili il wage
v.oiker of th" Mule.
The Ciowcll I'lihilKMng (Vimpanr
of Sprltivfie'd. 111. now engaged III
h cont rtiv e.sy with the pilnters ami
f l t trol v per en llie eight htm r day
i. imposition tiave enjoined ihe print-
its fiotn pLicnig pii'l.i I nl out thi Ir
I i.:n' and tnilav iippf iled lo Judge
Ktirkle to Issue a slttiilur order
iii-jilnst the stilklng eli tl i oty per.
1 1! t ii in I in n inltu is ihrouvhiiut the
I nifed States are In tie::!!' nd the
icNtitutlon of 'be ;n.i' f Mle n.'vt
sprtrg to lie rates ..In l.einre the
t.'lieral .ii:ciiot) iiccfpied from the
oeiatois reai'j lio year n The
ill -Mind wio t t'ie so1! in-il lulu-
ciK in cm m ft.'.- in I It h the coal
ot f-a'. rs have I n dealing v tth llie
I'niii d Milieu oi K r of A mer li'a.
Tile Mrll.e ol lit'-slati radii a I em-
li'oves assumed n s. rions a-n ct w lien
v. ;t!i III" ll i'n- ' le it trunk lines out nf
J'e .cr.-.v cn;t j '. 't tie. I u uud llie
j aiidld:
! Jolti tb
Im.sii.i - s
! i t.'t t I." :
; 'ii:-' Il.ll l'e
id $1.
! The MI
j .!.-.! Pi . ol
i nt II..
I 'I.' S il Ltll.
f..r -n . r nor refused to
um hi lioiiovAti. tile union t
ii i.t. ini-t.il upon the con
re.l and Iteny .n
stud and was award
'lie '. r i r l.oi at i ho
of C II Maikb- & Co.
Which began II few
o! -.
d Il.-
ll. Ill . -Ike
yf
ii 1 1
on. Pa
I. is
nstilted In .1 sttlke ol
2 ' e'tpinis of the Markle com
I .'li The Imm quit Wotk because
I Ihev said the a-'es the) Wert' re
I living wcie It low the st.indaid. A
I 'i 1.1 tn it'..- waited on II IHcial id
ti.i roiii ain jtti.l asked lo have the
l.i. 'ter adjusj..! The superintendent
t'tcliite.l to consider the grievance of
tl.e driver on the ground tliat ttiev
I. ad lift iliilr woik before properly
lo.'glt c their complaint thereby vi-
l.'tlng one of the rules made by l he
strike commission
I'nlon primers throughout the coun-
try are voting on a proposition to levy
all asfsmcnl nf "il cent a week on
all who are not now being assessed.
The number affected Is 3H.OIHI. and the
assessment will place $l!4.oiiu a week
In the haails of the International offi-
cers to aid the union where strikes
are in progress. There are fifty-two
unions in the I'nlted Slate and Can-
ada engaged In strikes for an eight-
hour day. They have a membership
of 7 nun. but only a smal proxirtlon of
member are on strike. There nre fion
unions not affected by strike. They
have a membership f .IH.tioi). These
will pay the assessment and the
money will be turned over lo the fifty-
two unions encaged In the shorter
workday struggle.
Something like a walled town.
where all Ihe woiklngmen will live
within a big stockade where the cur
few will ring at 9 o'clock and where
the only connection with Ihe outside
world will he an occasional news pa
per or perhaps a letter from distant
relatives ha sprung Into existence
Just south of Chicago. The Inh.i l-
ttil nf this scum-Hi. red settlement
are Hungarian and Austrian. .." I of
wlmm have been brought to work In
the great coke ovens of Ihe Senu t-
Snlvay company with tin 'r families.
Tlu y will n ake a populaMoi of nt if.
y I. iimi souls. Kor inotiih.. the col."
oviiis have been In pioi-n of con-
lilttlon. At the same time a hlib
bo:':d f. lice has been erected nbot'
ihe plant. Within llie stockade cot-tsi-es
have In en built a big ilanc"
l. i.l ha-i been reared and store ai.-i
shop have ailsci
Miss Alwnan probably receive t.-
not) a year. and. considering her re-
sijirisildllty and the amount of work
I hf manage to accomplish she earn
I her salary. For Miss Altmau Is the
examining and direi ting energy of
nearly all thf endowments and dona-
tions made by Miss (intild. She It Is
wlio reads the thousand of begging
letters directed to her employer only
one in a hundred of which evor passe
beyond the sei retary. Coiiseiiieiit!y
the fa'e of nearly every applicant may
be said lo rest with Mis. All II. all. A
favorable word from her mean gener-
ally the granting nf an up pea I and
very often her disapproval of the feas-
ibility of a proposed benevolence is
its death warrant so far as aid from
this source Is concerned.
Miss Altman i a Yassar graduate
and first met her piesent employer
some seven years ago when Ml
Could was visiting the i ollege. Since
then she ha been an active agent in
giving away nearly $4 uonnou Kvery
check signed by Mis Could Is made
out by her secretary.
Some day an average of two liun-
ilred begging letters are received and
read by this busy almoner and an as-
tonishing sameness characterize
most of them. Were she given to
talking you might believe with her
that there are only a few primal tales
of woe in the world and upon those
the change are rung over and over
again in the same key by thousand of
charily applicant. In view of whith.
it I by no mean surprising that a
large percentage of such letter are
consigned to Ihe ample waste baskets
awaiting their reception on both aides
of her desk. During one week recent-
ly Mis (build or rather ber seereary
received application for sum of
money aggregating nearly $2.uonotti.
In the cae of l(use!l Sage aim
ami the man seem widely divergent.
He I the last person lo whom one
would look for an Item not nominated
In the bond. Hut his wife I diligent
in tlolng gisid she is an active mem-
ber of several boards for charitable
work and concern herself with many
Individual cases. Ilreakfast and busi-
nesscharitable business are dally
combined In the Sage household by
he reading of such mall a reach;1
'here on the early morning delivery.
One morning recently according lo
4 family acquaint nice n letter arriv-
ed from a charily organization sorely
In need of I.V'ino. Mr Sage read the
letter aloud and having previously in.
lulred Into the object for which the
money was Intended explained it to
her husband In detail ending with a
suggestion (hat they give the money.
Mr. Sage said nolhlug Hut break-
Asked lo name the best wisest
philanthropists of hi acquaintance a
manager of the Hospital Saturday and
Sunday Association of New York who
has spent twenty year in gathering
an. I dlatrihtrlng large turn toward
chant) promptly mentioned Jacob H.
Schlff. James Spew-r. arul MorrU K
Jesup. This classification was con-
Pned lo general charitable and philan-
thropic donation made in the most
judicious manner. Of the trio. Ihe
head of Kubn. Ix-b t Co. was de-
clared a mold philanthropist aa de-
fined by his generosity the way In
which It I performed and hi admir-
able discrimination.
His method nf giving are simple
and Impersonal and are rarely Mud
led long e is easily approut hed on
behalf of charity and seldom falls to
ri spond wlu-n the object I a worthy
or.e. Till same charity manager In-
stanced an exerletice he ii.td l ad in
calling on Mr. SchifT In b.half of a
person whose name began wph the
letter I.. A secretary wen' to a cabi-
net and extracted a package of Indi-
vidual reMuts all bej.lnnir.g with the
letter record of hundreds of case
rilievi'l by bin' Accorilinz to his
Mean. Jacob S. hiff Is ( red. Ie. with
giving more li charity at le.mt to
more citus. s. iban any other man liv-
ing If Darlu O. Mills whose I.!-! are l
anions the most successful charitable j
institutions In existence ha a gov- J
ernlng motto in hi philanthropic. I
It i probably a wish to help those I
who wish to help themselves On the
other hand. Charles M. r'chwab. whose
name I connected with no greatly ad-
vertised charities give liberally and
without asking nues'ions to tuch
needy persons a come under hi eye.
His magnificent mansion now ap-
proaching completion In thl city will
ultimately. It la announced revert to
ihe city a an art gallery or hospital.
Meanwhile It I no uncommon sight
lo see Ihe presitlent of the IU-th!ehem
Steel company slip a shining gold
coin to a mendicant a. In fart he
Is said to carry habitually a number
of uch coins for that specific purpose.
BLIND HAVE MANY AMUSEMENTS
Handicap of Lo of Sight Overcome
in Many Way.
With closed eyes two young men
In the blind asylum were playing
chess. The Ixiard they pla)ed on had
the black squares raised and the
white ones sunken while the black
piece were rough and Ihe white one
smooth.
"(live us this handicap on account
of our blindness" said one of the
young nun. "and we will play as
quick ami accurate a game of chess
as anvlxM.v. (live u checkers and a
checker board constructed on the
same plan and there too. our playing
will equal yours.
"I would rather be blind than deaf."
he went on. "Itlindness doesn't rob
you of much. The blind are excellent
anclct. They play a good game ol
euchre or a.ker. or bridge. They un
card that have embossed pint.
"The blind are good runner. guuJ
gymnasts In our last sport the hun
dred yard were done In under twelve
.second and on the horizontal and
parallel bars the giant swing the
corkscrew the straight arm balance
balance were executed
elicited salvo of
and the finger
in a way that
plausc.
P-
When Andrew Carnegie I at home
a frequent caller at the great Ninety-
first atreet mansion I the former
head of the I'nlted State Steel cor-
poration. A often aa otherwise the
subject tinder friendly dlscuaslon at
such time Is the well directed giving
of money a matter In which their
views do not always coincide. Per-
haps a occasionally happen the
argument baa waxed warm over their
respective theorle. anil host and
guest will for the sake of harmony
ndjourn to the music room the former
leading the wav to the Immense pipe
organ before which the latter a mas-
ter of the Instrument will seat him-
self. What shall be Ihe tune? He to
whom the quest Ion is addressed hav-
ing dropped into a chair In front of
the fireplace smile without answer
ing and such a mundane thing a
money I presently forgotten In the
thrilling Scotch nieludic that thunder
through the gnat house. Or are mon-
ey and it wise distribution forgotten
by the bowed figure sitting so quietly
before the fire. Only lie hiliise If the
greatesi giver of them all may an-
swer ax he gare abstractedly Into
the glowing coals dreaming dre.im-
Ir.ir drcuniliii; New York Timer
A Violinist s Old Age.
Men still middle aged can renum-
ber the fame as a violinist of Segls-
mond Sicard. the youthful prodigy en-
couraged by Wagner and Counod. ami
patronized by nearly ever crowned
head in Kurope. In July S''J. Sicard
whose adult xiwer had confirmed the
promise of hi boyhood was staying
In lirussel after a successful tour
In America and during a walk with
hi friend. Wlenlawskl. was struck by
lightning while sheltering under
tree against a thunderstorm. Wlen-
lawskl sustained a shock from which
he died in the following year and Si-
curd paralyzed in the left side only
recovered after ten year to fall Into
hoMdesM relapse under the shock of
his daughter's death In 192. Ileg-
gared. forgotten ami reduced to
mental mediocrity though able to
walk. MHir Sicard Is to-day eking out
the last dreg of miserable existence
a treet hawker In Ucge I.ndon
Globe.
Substitutes for Tobacco.
Sailors on long cruise sometimes
exhaust their tobacco. Thence untold
i.'.isery and many Ingenious efforts
to create a tobacco substitute.
Tea and coffee make the best tobac
co substitute. They smoke freely In
pipe or cigarette and their taste and
uroin.i are not unpleasant. Hut they
burn the mouth and r.nck the nerves.
lloic yarn the untwisted parts of
a tope and oakum i smoked by sail
ors ss a last resort. Hark peeled from
the hoop of salt I f and pork bar-
rels is also smoked when the limit I
r ached.
These thing smoke aborttlnxbly ar.d
Ihe black fumes rhat they give forth
from the sailors' mouth are alwavs
accompanied by oath and Impreca-
tion. Yet many a desperate sailor
ha smoked them In the liope of ap.
r:ilng hi tobacco hunrT.
Poor Man Saved from Much Worry-
Llttla Willie Gives Pop Away Wh;
Johnny Put Off Forgiveness of Hi
Ener-17 Candid.
No Escapt foe Him.
"No." cried the tragedian "X have-
n't been In the town for twenty years."
"Then you think tbey have forgot-
ten your Hamlet." said the first low
comedian.
The. eminent bear shook bis g Mi-
lled bead.
"There are some thing Ibat ca
never be forgotten." be mourwfully
replied. "If tb oldest Inhabitant
failed to recognize my sadly aPered
feature. I doubt not that tb eery
egg staina on tbe grimy wails would
cry out and betray me."
The Price Was Too High
"nut." protested the crooked cap!
talist. "you were so positive that you
could get our bill irough the legisla
ture.
"I know I was." growled tbe lobby-
1st. "but I (ouldn't touch tbe members
t all."
"Why you Insisted tbat tbey all
bad Ibelr price."
"Exactly and tbey all held out for
It and wouldn't consider mine."
One on Pep.
Willie What's tbe
papas eyes mamma?
Mamma Nothing tbat I know of.
Vv'lllle.
Willie Well. I hard blm
Jones that be bad to have
epener every morning.
matter
tell
an
rlth
Mr.
eye-
Perhaps the Time Will Come.
Visitor Who is the benevolent look-
ing convict with the bald bead and
side whiskers?
Warden That Steel the notorious
bank wrecker who got away vrlth
three miliums lie in for life.
"And the gaunt one next to him?"
"He's only a ninety day er held
tip a man at night and robbed bim ef
i to get food for hi starving family."
I'uck.
The Future Fire.
look happy old man."
said
"You
Jenkx.
"I am." replied Goodman. "I have
Just renewed tbe best and cheapest
fire Insurance a man could possibly
have in thl world."
"Y'ou don't say?"
"Ye. I Just paid my pew rent."
Catholic Standard and Time.
Candid.
Guest Now. waiter. I want a first-
class dinner. What would you advise?
Walter First class la every re-
spect sir?-
Guest Yes. Indeed.
Waiter Well sir. I'd advUe you te
go some place else. 1
you
Beneath Her.
Mrs. Hick Hut why didn't
buy the material If you liked ll?
Mrs. Nurltch The salesman said
wa domestic dress goods.
Mrs. Hicks Well?
Mrs. Nttri'ch You don't suppose I'd
wear anything meant for domestics
Jo you?
Never Too Old.
"When 1 a woman too old to flirt."
"My boy. I have known a woman
when on ber deathbed to flirt with
the attending physician."
Willing to Be Generous
"Johnny" said hi mother "dor.'t
you know it Is wbked to nurture bate
In your breast? Y'ou ought to go to
Willie Penrose and tell him you for-
give blm."
"I'm goln' to Just as soon as I get
hlra llrked."
Knew from Experience.
The loor Man I've never been able
to save any money.
The Millionaire Then you're saved
yourself a whole lot of worry.
A Maker of Fights.
"Sir" remarked the sanctlmonlovs
traveler "you appear to be one who
li making the good fight."
"Well." repl'ed the man Iti clerical
black "I'm sometime accused ot
making the good and btld one Cht.
I'm a whisky distiller."
The Neglected Husband.
"What make you so blue?" Inqulr-
til the first new woman at the club.
"My father-in-law ha romo to stay
with us." replied the other "and ln-
cy and bo sit at their knitting all day
long and cry about my treatment of
Ucnry."
x
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Bryan Morning Eagle. (Bryan, Tex.), Vol. TENTH YEAR, No. 304, Ed. 1 Sunday, November 26, 1905, newspaper, November 26, 1905; Bryan, Texas. (https://texashistory.unt.edu/ark:/67531/metapth321690/m1/3/?rotate=270: accessed July 17, 2024), University of North Texas Libraries, The Portal to Texas History, https://texashistory.unt.edu.; .