The Cass County Sun (Linden, Tex.), Vol. 49, No. 5, Ed. 1 Tuesday, January 29, 1924 Page: 7 of 8
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THE CASS COUNTY SUN
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Three Men
AND
Maid
By P. G. Wodehouse
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Copyright by Geortt« H Dur«i> Co.
CHAPTER XVI—Continued.
—18 j"
"There!" said Mr. Bennett. "You
hear? And when Henry Mortimer soys
a thing, It's so. There's nobody's word
I'd take before Henry Mortimer's."
"When Rufus Bennett wakes an as-
sertion," said Mr. Mortimer, highly flat-
of conversation consists in rapping out
scathing remarks either about the bat-
tery or the oiling system.
Blllle switched on the headlights
and turned the car down the dark
drive. She was feeling thoroughly up-
set. Her Idealistic nature had received
a painful shock on the discovery of the
yellow streak In Bream. To call It a
yellow streak was to understate the
facts. It was a great belt of saffron
encircling his whole soul. That she,
Wllhelmlna Bennett, who had gone
through the world seeking a (ialahad,
should finish her career as, the wife of
a man who hid under beds simply be-
j cause people shot at him with elephant-
! guns was abhorrent to her. Why, Sam-
j uei Marlowe would have perished rath-
I er than do such a thing. You might
| say what you liked about Samuel Mar-
lowe—and, of course, his habit of
playing practical jokes put him beyond
the pale—but nobody could question
Ills courage. Look at the way he had
dived overboard that time In the har-
bor at New York! Blllle found herself
thinking hard about Samuel Marlowe.
There ore only a few makes of car
In which you can think hard about
anything except the actual driving
without, stalling the engines, and Mr.
Bennett's T&ln-Slx Complex was not
|one«of them. It stopped as If It had
tered by these kind words, "you can
bank on it, Rufus Bennett's word Is his been waiting for the signal. The noise
_ ... til A omttriA ,1 I , w I rr . >
I
bond. Rufus Bennett is a whte man!
The two old friends clasped hands
with a good deal of feeling.
"I am not disputing Mr. Bennett's
claim to belong to the Caucasian race,"
said Mrs. HIgnett. "I merely maintain
that this house Is ..."
"Yes, yes, yes, yes!" Interrupted
Jane. "You can thrush all that out
«ome other time. The point Is, If this
fellow Is your newhew, I don't see what
we can do. We'll have to let him go."
"I came to this house," said Sam,
raising his vizor to facilitate speech,
"to make a socnl call . . ."
"At this hour of the night!" snapped
Mrs. HIgnett "You always were an
inconsiderate boy, Samuel."
"I came to inquire after poor Eus-
tace's ankle. I've only Just heard that
the poor chap was 111."
"He's getting along quite well," said
Jane, melting. "If I had known you
were so fond of Eustace . . ."
"All right, Is he?" said Sam.
"Well, not quite all right, but he's
going on very nicely."
"Flnel"
"Eustace and I are engaged, you
know!"
"No, really? Splendid! 1 can't see
you very distinctly—how those John-
nies in the old days ever contrived to
put up "a scrap with things like this
on their heads beats me—but you
sound a good sort. I hope you'll be
very happy."
"Thank yon ever so much, Mr. Mar-
lowe. I'm sure we shall."
"Eustace Is one of the best."
"How nice of you to say so."
"All this," Interrupted Mrs. HIgnett,
who had been a chafing auditor of this
Interchange of courtesies, "Is beside
the point. Why did yon dance In the
hull. Samuel, and play the orchestrion?"
"Yes," spid Mr. Bennett, reminded of
his grievance, "waking people up."
"Scaring us all to death I" com-
plained Mr. Mortimer.
"I remember you as a boy, Samuel,"
sad Mrs. HIgnett, "lamentably lncklng
In consideration for others and concen-
trated only on your selfish pleasures.
You seem to have altered very little."
"Don't ballyrag the poor man." said
Jane Hubbard. "Be human I Lend him
a can-opener!"
"I shall do nothing of the sort," said
Mrs. HIgnett. "1 never liked him and
I dislike him now. He has got himself
into this trouble through his own
wrong-headedness."
"It's not his fault his head's the
wrong size," said Jane.
"He must get himself out as best be
can," said Mrs. HIgnett.
"Very well," said Sam, with bitter
dignity. "Then 1 will not trespass fur-
ther on your hospitality, Aunt Adeline.
I have no doubt the local blacksmith
will be able to get this d—d tiling off
me. I shall go to him now. I will let
you have the helmet back by parcel
post at the earliest possible opportu-
nity. Good-night!" He walked coldly
to the front door. "And there are peo-
ple," he remarked sardonically, "who
soy that blood Is thicker than wnterl
I'll bet they never had any aunts I"
Episode Flva.
Blllle, meanwhile, with Bream trot-
ting docilely at her heels, had reached
the garage and started the car. Like
all cars which have been spending a
considerable time In secluded Inaction.
It did not start readily. At each ap-
plication of Blllie's foot on the self-
starter. It emitted a tinny and re-
proachful sound and then seemed to go
to sleep again. Eventually, however,
the engines begun to revolve and the
machine moved reluctantly out Into
the.drlve. *
"The battery must be ran down."
■aid Blllle.
"All right," «mld Bream, f
Blllle oast a glance of contempt at
him out 9f the corner of her eyes. She
hardly knew why she had spoken to
him except that, as all autdmoblllsts
ore aware, the Impulse to say rade
things about their battery Is almost Ir-
resistible. To an automoblllst the art
of the engine died away. The wheels
censed to revolve. The automobile
did everything except lie down. It was
a particularly pig-headed car and right
from the start It had been unable to
see the sense In this midnight expedi-
tion. It seemed now to have the Idea
that if it just lay low and did nothing,
presently It would be taken back to Its
cosy garage.
Blllle trod on the self-starter. Noth-
ing happened.
"You'll have to set down and crank
her," she said curtly.
"All right," said Bream.
"Well, go on," said BUlle. Impa-
tiently.
"Eh?"
"Get out and crank her."
Bream emerged for an Instant from
his trance.
"All right," he said.
The art of cranking a car Is one *hat
Is not given to all men. Some of our
greatest and wisest stand helpless be-
fore the task. It Is a Job toward the
consummation of which a noble soul
and a fine brain help not at all. A
man may have all the other gifts and
yet be unable to accomplish a task the
fellow at the garage does with one
quiet quick flick of the wrist without
even bothering to remove his chewing
gum. This being so, It was not only
unkind but foolish of Blllle to grow
Impatient as Bream's repeated efforts
failed of their object. It was wrong of
her to click her tongne, and certainly
she ought not to have told Bream that
he was not At to churn butter. But
women are an emotional sex and must
be forgiven much In moments of men-
tal stress.
"Give it a good sharp twist," she
said.
"All right," said Bream.
"Here, let do It," cried Blllle.
She jumped down and snatched the
thingummy from his hand. With bent
brows and set teeth she wrenched It
round. The engine gave a faint pro-
testing mutter, like a dog that bus
been disturbed In Its sleep, and was
still once more.
"Mav I help?"
It was not Bream who spoke, bnt a
strange voice—a sepulchral voice, the
sort of voice some one would have
usee' In one of Edgar Allan Poe's cheer-
ful little tales If he had been burled
alive and were speaking from the fam-
ily vault. Coming suddenly out of the
night it affected Bream painfully. He
uttered a sharp exclamation and gave
a bound which, if he had been a Rus-
sian dancer, would probably have
caused the management to raise his
salary. He was in no frame of mind
to hear up under sudden sepulchral
voices.
Blllle, on the other hand, was
pleaded. The high-spirited girl was
Just beginning to fear that she was
unequal to the task which she had
chlded Bream for being unable to per-
form and this was mortifying her.
"Oh, would you mind? Thank you
so much. The self-starter has gone
wrong."
Into the glare of the headlights there
stepped a. strange figure, strange, that
Is to say, in these tame modern times.
In the Middle ages he would have ex-
cited no comment at all. Passers-by
would simply have said to themselves,
"Ah, another of those knights off after
the dragons 1" and would have gone on
their way with a civil greeting. But In
the present age it Is always somewhat
startling to see a helmeted heud pop
up in front of your automobile. At any
rate, it started Bream. I will go fur-
ther. It gave Bream the shock of a life-
time. He had had shocks already that
night, but none compared with this. Or
perhaps It was that this ahock, coming
on top of those shocks, affected him
more disastrously than It would have
done If it had been the first of the
series Instead of the last. One may
expresr the thing briefly by saying
that, as far as Bream was concerned,
Sam's unconventional appearance put
the lid on it. Ho did not hesitate. He
did not pause to make comments or
screech whlcn took years off the lives
of the abruptly wakened birds roosting
in the neighboring trees, he dashed
uway towards the house and, reaching
his room, locked the door and pushed
the bed, the chest o- drawers, two
chairs, the towel stand and three pairs
of shoes against it Only then did he
feel comparatively safe.
Out on the drive Blllle was staring
at the man In armor who had now,
with a masterful wrench which In-
formed the car right away that he
would stand no nonsense, set the en-
gine going again.
"Why—why," she stammered, "why
are you wearing that thing on your
head ?"
"Because I can't get It off."
Hollow as the voice was, Blllle rec-
ognized It.
"S—Mr. Marlowe I" she exclaimed.
"Get In," said Sam. He had seated
himself at the steering wheel. "Where
can I take you?"
"Go away I" said Blllle.
"Get in 1"
"I don't want to talk to you."
"I want to talk to you. Get In I"
"I won't"
Sam bent over the side of the car,
put his hunds under her arms, lifted
her like a kitten and deposited her on
the seat beside him. Then, throwing
In the clutch, he drove at an ^ver-ln-
creaslng speed down the drive and out
into the silent road. Strange creatures
of the night came and went in the
golden glow of the heudllghts.
Episode Six.
"Put me down," said Blllle.
"You'd get hurt If I did, traveling at
this pace."
"What are you going to do?'
"Drive about till you promise to
marry me."
"You'll have to drive a long time."
"night ho!" said Sam.
The car took a corner and purred
down a lane. Billie readied out a
hand and grabbed at the steering
wheel.
"Of course. If you want to smash up
In a ditch!" said Sam, righting the car
with a wrench.
"You're a brute!" said Blllle.
"I'm not going to talk to you."
"All right. Lean back and doze off.
We've the whole n'ght before us."
"What do you mean?" cried Billle,
sitting up with a jerk.
"Have you ever been to Scotland?"
"What do you mean?"
"I thought we might push up there.
We've got to go somewhere and, oddly
enough, I've never been to Scotland."
Blllle regarded him blankly.
"Are you crazy?"
"I'm crazy about you. If you knew
what I've gone through tonight for
your sake you'd be more sympathetic
I love you," said Sam, swerving to
avoid a rabbit. "And what's more, you
know It."
"I'm engaged to Bream Mortimer."
"Oh. no, that's all off," Sum ussured
her.
"It's not!
"Right off!" sold Sam firmly. "You
could never bring yourself to marry a
man who dashed away like that and
deserted you In your hour of need.
Why, for all he knew, 1 might have
tried 'o murder you. And he ran
away! No, no, we eliminate Bream
Mortimer once and for all. He won't
do!"
This was so exactly what Billle was
feeling herself that she could not brlnj
herself to dispute it.
"Anyway, I hate you!" she said, glv
ing the conversation another turn.
"Why? In the nume of goodness,
why?"
"How dared you make a fool of me
In your father's office that morning?'
"It was a sudden Inspiration. I had
to do something to make you think well
of me, and 1 thought It might meet the
case If I saved you from a lunatic with
a pistol. It wasn't my fault that you
found out."
"I shall never forgive you!"
"Well, I hope you're fond of motor-
ing," said Sam, "because we're going
on till you do."
"Very well I Go on, then!"
"I intend to. Of course, It's all right
now while It's dark. But have you con-
sidered what Is going to happen *hen
the sun gets up? We shall have a sort
of triumphal procession. How the
smnll boys will laugh when they see a
man In p. helmet go by In a car! I
shan't notice them myself because It's
n little difficult to notice anything
from inside this thing, but I'm afraid it
will be rather unpleasant for you . . ,
I know what we'll do. We'll go to
London and drive up and down Picca-
dilly I That will be fun!"
There was a long silence.
"Is my helmet on straight?" salu
Sam.
BUlle made no reply. She was look-
ing before her down the hedge-bor-
dered road. Always a girl of sudden
Impulse, she had Just made a curious
discovery, to wit, that she was enjoy-
ing herself. There wns something so
novel and exhilarating about this mid-
night ride that imperceptibly her dis-
may and resentment had ebbed away.
She found herself struggling with a de-
sire to laugh.
Till now dignity and wrath combined
had kept Blllle from making any in-
quiries Into a matter which had excited
ask question*. With a single catllk* 1" her a quite painful curiosity. In her
new mood she resisted the Impulse no
longer.
"Why are you wearing that thing?"
"I told you. Purely apd simply be-
cause I can't get It off. You don't sup-
pose I'm trying to set a new style in
gents' headwear, do you?"
"But why did you ever put It on?"
"V\ ell, It was this way. After I came
out of the cupboard in the drawing
room. .
"What?"
"Didn't I tell you about that? Oh.
yes, I was sitting In the cupboard in
the drawing room from dinner-time
onwards. After that I came out and
started cannoning about among Aunt
Adeline's china, so I thought I'd better
switch the light on. Unfortunately I
switched on some sort of musical fc>
strument instead. An<1 then somebody
started shooting. So, what 'with one
thing and another, I thought it would
be best to hide somewhere. I bid In
one of the suits of armor In the hall.*'
"Were you Inside there all the time
we were . . ."
Ves. I say, that was funny .about
Bream, wasn't It? Getting under the
bed, I mean."
"Don't let's talk about Bream."
"That's the right spirit! I like to see
It! All right, we won't. Let's get
hack to the malr. Issue. Will you mar-
ry me?"
"But why did you come to the house
at all?"
"To see you."
"To see me! At that time of
night?"
"Well, perhaps not actually to see
you." Sam was a little perplexed for a
moment. Something told him that It
would be injudicious to reveal his true
motive and thereby risk disturbing the
hurmony which he felt had begun to
exist between them. "To be near you!
To be In the same house with you 1" he
went on vehemently, feeling that he
had struck the right note. "You don't
know the anguish I went through ftar
I read that letter of yours. I was mad 1
I was . . . well, to return to the point,
will you marry me?"
Blllle sat looking straight before her.
The car, now on the main road, moved
smoothly on.
"Will you marry me?"
"Oh, don't talk like a parrot." cried
Billie. "It reminds me of Bream."
"But will you?"
"Yes." said Blllle.
Sam brought the car to a standstill
with a Jerk, probably very bad for the
tires.
"Darling!" said Sam. leaning to-
wards her.
"Oh, curse this helmet 1"
"Why?"
"Well, I rather wanted to kiss yon
and It hampers me."
"Let me try and get it off. Bend
down 1"
"Ouch!" said Sam.
"It's coming. There I How helpless
men are!"
"We need a woman's tender care,"
paid Sam. depositing the helmet on the
floor of the car, and rubbing his smart-
ing ears. "Blllle 1"
"Sam!"
"You angel!"
' "You're rather a darling after all,"
said Billie. "But you want keeping In
order," she added severely.
"You will do that when we're mar-
ried. When we're married 1" he re-
peated luxuriously.
"The only trouble Is," said Blllle,
"father won't hear of it."
"No. he won't. Not till it Is all over,"
said Sam.
He started the car again.
"What are you going to do?" said
Blllle. "Where are you going?"
"To London," said Sam. "It may be
news to you, but the old lawyer like
myself knows that, by going to Doctors'
Commons or the Court of Arches <v
somewhere, or by routing the arch-
bishop of Canterbury out of bed or
something, you can get a special li-
cense and be married almost before
yon know where you are. My scheme
—roughly—Is to dig this special license
out of whoever'keeps such things, have
a bit of breakfast and then get mar-
ried at our leisure before lunch at a
registrar's."
"Oh, not a registrar's!" said Blllle.
"No?"
"I should hate h registrar's."
"Very well, angel. Just as yon my.
We'll go to a church. There are mil-
lions of churches !n London. I've seen
them all over th®, place." He mused
for a moment. "Yes, you're quite
right." he said. "A thtvrch Is the
thing. It'll please Webster."
"Webster?"
"Yes, he's rather keep on the church
bells never having rung ont so blithe a
peal before. And we must consider
Webster's feelings. After ail, he
brought us together."
"Webster? How?"
"Oh, I'll tell you all abont that some
other time," said flam. "Just for the
moment I want to sit quite sttll and
think. Are you comfortable? Flnel
Then off we go."
The birds In the trees fringing the
road stirred and twittered grumpily as
the noise of the engine disturbed their
slumbers. But, If they han known It
they were In luck. At a«v rate, the-
worst had not befallen them. t?r San
vua too happy to sin;,
|TUK HNDJ v
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Nearly two million packages of
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Any dealer can supply you. So
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Banger, J. E. A. & Erwin, W. L. The Cass County Sun (Linden, Tex.), Vol. 49, No. 5, Ed. 1 Tuesday, January 29, 1924, newspaper, January 29, 1924; Linden, Texas. (https://texashistory.unt.edu/ark:/67531/metapth340816/m1/7/: accessed July 18, 2024), University of North Texas Libraries, The Portal to Texas History, https://texashistory.unt.edu.; crediting Atlanta Public Library.