San Antonio Express. (San Antonio, Tex.), Vol. 46, No. 64, Ed. 1 Sunday, March 5, 1911 Page: 30 of 76
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SAN ANTONIO EXPRESS: SUNDAY MORNING, MARCH 5, 1911.
COMEDY AND MINSTRELSY FILL THE BILL THIS WEEK
WEEK'S ATTRACTIONS
AT THE GRAND.
TUESDAY—Night, James K. Hack-
ett in "The King's Game."
WEDNESDAY—Night, Lew Dock-
6tader,g Twentieth Century Min-
Btrels.
THURSDAY—Matinee and night,
I/ew Dockstader.
The Grand will be dark three nights
this week—Monday, Friday and Satur-
day—and in view of the fact that the
Lenten season is just on, perhaps the
theater-goers may not object to a few
nights off, especially as there art two
such good attractions as James K.
Hackett, in one of the best vehicles he
has ever appeared, and the renowned
Lew Dockstader with his burnt cork
opera, which travels under the designa-
tion of Twentieth Century Minstrels.
Dockstader always has something new
and entertaining and his show is always
well worth the liberal patronage which
it Is sure to receive.
"The King's Game."
Much curiosity baa beeu engendered in
the coming engagement of James K.
Hackett at the Grand Tuesday night in
his latest and most successful presentation,
"The King's Game," which was written
for him by Charles Brackett Seitz. The
local engagement is to be made under the
direction of William A. Brady (ltd.).
The action of "The King's Game" is
placed in one of the smaller imaginary
European principalities. The anarchists
are planning against the king, who is
(l:e central figure of the story. He is a
fun-loving monarch and he is keeu to see
things iu their own settlug, free from all
the fuss and fustian with which a king is
expected to be handicapped.
Against the king's lite a conspiracy is
a foot and the leader is Sargius Dariullls,
who is the Baron von Tromp. With
his daughter, they plan that the king is
to be killed by a bomb that they are
fabricating. To a young workman who
resembles the king, is assigned the duty of
throwing the deadly bomb, and when the
time comes to throw the fatal instrument,
it is the real king who throws it. Woven
with much intricacy is the love story that
concerns the king and the baron's daugh-
ter When the final curtain falls the tur-
gid atmosphere has been cleared and the
king returns to his throne, while the girl,
who has learned to love the king, real-
izes that he is a mortal with hopes and
feelings as she has, and from hating kings
she comes to see them as human beings.
Lew Dockstader.
The attraction Wednesday night and
Thursday matinee and night will be the
perennial Lew l»ockstader and his famous
company of minstrel lights. Dockstader
JlgJ ^waaiuuci - - -
(alls his organization Mils year the Tweu- i *r amusement they seek, and in provid-
tieth Century Minstrels, and those who inS r- Maiiu with "The Cheater," William
know and are admirers of the blackface ' A Brady, under whose direction tills
comedian know that he generallv
SninutliiniT iinn- ♦. * •
one actors of acknowledge reputation,
and to the theatergoers of this city a
treat is in store.
Tells How to Be Happy and Healthy.
As might be imagined, Blanche Ring,
the star of "The Yankee Girl," who
comes to the Grand soon, has a little
receipt of her own for that merry smile
and gay humor which one always asso-
ciates with her name. It's a merry lit-
tle receipt, as the happy comedienne de-
scribes it, and doesn't seem hard to fol-
low. Questioned about it, Miss Ring
was at first inclined to be reticent, but
on Pe,'suasion she promised to share It.
w» ow/ ,s the Wa-V to do '*•" said
Miss Ring to an Interviewer. "The best
way to be happy Is to make those about
one happy, in the pleasure many of us
brine to others we can find our own joy.
My happiness on the stage Is as real as
It seems to be. My goodness, but I sim-
ply couldn't go about with a grouch on.
It would make me desperately miser-
able. It Is natural that the people on
the other side of the footlights should
get In a better humor through seeing
me happy and gay, rather than frowning
and glum.
"I like to feel that all my friends out
there in the front are just as happy as
I am, and If they are not it gives mo
pleasure to think that perhaps I am able
to make them so. For 1 feel that every-
one on the other side of the footlights la
my particular friend, and that we are
all there together to have a good time.
At the theater let's make all the noise
we can. no matter what the manager
says. The theater doesn't belong to us,
Anyway that's what theaters are for,
to bo gay and happy In."
Her interviewer here reminded Miss
Ring that a local critic on the occasion
of her last visit, had called her "a wom-
an's comedienne."
"Now, do you know." said Miss Ring
with her happiest laugh, "That pleases
me immensely. I like to feel that the
women theatergoers like me. The fem-
inine sex, you know, is shrowd and by
no means uncertain In its judgment. On
the other side of the footlights three or
four rows of smiling and applauding
girls please me quite as much as the
crowds of rollicking youngsters we en-
counter in college towns, clapping vig-
orously and lustily singing the chorus
of my songs.
"How do I keep healthy, Oh, if one
Is happy then one is healthy. What
do I do? "Why, I get up in the morning
like the most ordinary Individual, I eat
a real food like everyone else, and some
afternoons and every evening I Just
sing and dance and laugh. There you
are. Isn't that uneventful? I don't eat
half the breakfast foods the advertise-
ments say I do, and If I used one-tenth
the toilet preparations bearing my pic-
tures, I'd either be as beautiful as Cleo-
patra or I wouldn't have any face left.
"So be happy one's self and you will
bring happiness to those about you. Ivet's
all try It. Just help a few lame dogs
over stiles, ana in bringing happiness to
others you will get your own many, many
times over. Bad health Is a matter of
happiness. Keep happy and you can
eat the most enormous meals. I know,
I do."
Mr. Louis Mann in "The Cheater."
The advent of Mr. Louis Mann, who
comes to the Grand March 18, is being
looked forward to as nu event of uncom-
mon interest, especially among that clasi
of theatergoers who attend the ulayhouse
for the sole purpse of dispelling dull care.
'' nI'
SCK?n FROM DOCKSTADER'S MINSTRELS.
something new to offer every** season U a
minstrel show usually draw* forth a dif-
different crowd than tUe usual theater-
Goers, but somehow or other Dockstader
seems to be an exception to this rule and
pleases not only the minstrel enthusiast
but the inveterate playgoer as well. For
some reason or other Dockstuder seems
to have the courage of his convictions
and does uot hesitate to sacrifice tradition
"if" 11 means the betterment of his show.
Hmft ru, T, H8"iu ¥lvl"K "T1.0 1'ossum
Hm iiv i ' Kevue, originally written for
wHt.r 5i;u' librettist uud song
«riter, but it Is said to be strictly up to
date and contains "new stuff" throughout
It would seem to be the height of temerity
to give a minstrel show without tlie tra
d Itlonal -first part," with all the members
Jh! c<!mp,'"iy seated In a semicircle
but this is just exactly what Liockstader
Is doing and his first part takes place
«l! ifo™" l'°ssum Hunt Club
fe'Zd^ z™ ?. «£n.sLr
trance the funmaklng beclus im,? ,h ^ I
with T setorvU ,Th0nt U «,minstrel show
stadt- 'J"rt
time-worn
liockstader show does not "consist of the
vaudeville "stunts." but is a
continuation of the "first Ym'rt ,,
bright to a logical cond
lluriug the progress" of tKh!vCT'i.US,°U-
be "0DSS".?- re l'"ro.lucedPlthye
Dockstader vocalists and the
the
Ind I "from "theuce"deUver^s "his"mon°f
SSKS5. aa,8Sf
•• bi* part of the .how he ill "not .1?o? n
s a
William 8mnhJ£:Mut1^;-;
"The Girl in the Taxi."
A notable event of the present theat-
rical season win be the ini,lai appear-
ance of the widely-heralded play. adaZ,
S°emTiS3,^a ««,;?*> ««-!<»
|ayre^W,7 nextra'u uTa'm ?oCH?£
from cur'a!n to curtain
en niixup starts at the flat «*f inu,,
Btewart on Riverside Drive New York
Mr. btewart s family i, a ,,nrl ,^k
son, Jlie wife very much mi h
wltfi-one-chick order, the son just arriv-
«£.nrt\n " flannels and fc, u month
spending money-and objecting very
cotable character actor is starring, ieels
I sanguine that he has hit upon an offering
such as cannot fall to find the warmest
possible favor as a wholesome, legtimaie,
laughing entertainment.
It must- be remembered that Mr. Mann
appeared in "The Cheater" for five months
at the Lyric Theater, New York City, i^ul
thut the newspaper critics were a unit
In ri' •' ring that not in recent years at
least had the metropolis been Invaded by
a more potential and true-spirited comedy
than in "The Cheater," which, by .he way,
is an adaptation from the great Geriml#
success, "Der iJopplemouach," by Arthur
Linsrhltz and Wilhelm Jacoby, Mr. Mann
having secured the American rights for
adaptation and production after witness-
ing the enthusiastic reception accorded the
p.ay in Berlin, where It is still runuTng
and creating something akin to a veritable
laughing sensation.
In "The Cheater" Mr. Mann assumes the
title role of Godfried Pllttersdorf, a Ger-
man state senator, who has an obsess'jn
for righteousness and is at work upon the
H ssage of a bill that will close all ques-
tionable resorts and dance halls at an
early hour. In the midst of this he finds
himself heir to a somewhat shady plio-e,
his righteousness takes wings and
makes a ridiculous endeavor to conceal his
dowi fall, at the same time attempting to
fellow specifically the conditions of the
bequest, which makes It Imperative for
him t<> give the newly acquired business
his personal attention. This he dees for a
time, but is finally eaught while entering
his own house late at night, disguised as
a burglar.
This brief synopsis gives hut a faint sus-
picion of the rather ludicrous predicament
Into which Pllttersdorff is plunged, But
sufficient can be conveyed to warrant the
belief in many singularly comical situa-
tions and it is quite needless to say that
Mr. Mann takes the fullest advantage of
every opportunity allowed.
The original cast, including Madame
him" t'V'lf rnury '•'"• forced
sent-treatment love88to"""1 mak'"
upon
lady in the flat upstairs and pa'wn'ingVits
father a clothes to buy flowers for her
Thl«n«?erCy aiid Alary *>eters appenr upoii
the »cene. I ercy is looking for "the
1i*l? Vu6 taxi»" who proves to be Mrs
Wlfe of a Perfume manufac-
turer who comes to pay a visit to tho
Stewarts on the eventful evening whMi
•tarts the play on its rapid-fire, speed-
defying Journey of Joys and Jealousies.
The senior Stewart slides out of the
house late at night, followed by Percy
and later by young Dertle, the destina-
tion of each being unknown to the other
The destination of each proves to be the
some dining-room In the Cafe KIche
where complications fairly tumble over
each other throughout the act. The head
waiter steers the whole Into greater and
greater turmoil, the climaxes are post- i
poned, heightened, the laughs come like
discharges from gattllng guns, and the
end of the act, which comes in a perfect
tumult of comedy, finds the audience j
almost exhausted from laughing and
gasping for breath.
It would be too bad to describe the !
laat act which in many ways is the fun- i
nlest of the three, and as the Boston
Globe said, "There isn't a slow moment
In the entire performance."
"The Traveling Salesman."
Henry B. Harris will present at the j
Orand Tuesday and Wednesday, March
IS and 16. James Forbe s latest comedy.
"The Traveling Salesman." In "The
Traveling Salesman" the author, who
alio gave to theatergoers "The Chorus
bnCy and "The Commuters," has given
humorous exposition fo the characteris-
tics of the modern drummer. It Is a
•tonr true to life, and between the hun-
dreds of laughs that this play contains
are blta of pathos to add variety to a
moat interesting performance. The pre-
sentation In this city will be marked
wttb the same careful attention to de-
tails and staging as was manifest dur-
|nc tbe ulne-months' run of this play at
the Gaiety Theater, New Tork.
The compaay that will be seen here In
Aa aclnctpal roles are each aad every j
TYLEB, WITH "TRAVELING SALESMAN."
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JANE MARBFRY, LEADING LADY WITH JAMEfl K. HACKETT, GRAND OPERA
MOFSE, TUESDAY, MARCH 7.
Mathildo Cottrelly, an artist whose najne
has been a familiar one to the American
theatergoing public for many years, an I
whose splendid endeavors rank most high-
ly; likewise Miss Emily Aim Wellman.
who will perhaps be pleasantly remembered
for her conscientious aud capable work
upon the stage. Others, too, lu the largo
company liiiglit be mentioned, but it Is
only necessary to add Mr. Mann lias ex-
eicised the greatest possible discretion in
the selection of actors upon whom lie can
rely for laughing results.
"Madame Sherry."
The demand of the play-going public
of the country has induced Manager
W ouds, Frazee and Lederer, owners aud
producers of the musical comedy success,
"Madame Sherry," to send It ou tour.
New York authorities thluk no such seusa>
tici al musical comedy success has beeu
scoied by a native production in the past
twenty years. Karl Hoschna is the com-
poser of "Madame Sherry." The boofc
was furnished by Otto Hauerbach. In its
original French form the piece was a rage
in Paris, and an English version produced
by George Edwards at the Apollo Thea-
ter. London, was the furore of au entire
stason. At present all New York is at-
tending the nroductiou, which IrfUs fair to
remain at the New Amsterdam Theater,
the largest of the New York Broadwuv
playhouses, until the close of the present
season and perhaps longer. The produc-
tion is remarkable lu many ways. The
New York newspapers acclaimed it as a
memorable advance In material and form
over any native predecessor. Most of Ms
a'rs are already current throughout the
world, reports to the publishers of the
Hiore averring that "Ev'ry little movement
has a meaning all its own," the theme
number of the work, is as popular t^day
In San Francisco, London, t'aris, Vienna,
Berlin and Sydney, Australia, as It Is
!*i New X'ork. Even without so remarkable
a piece of property as "Madame Sherry."
the company to be seen here in its Inter-
pretation should of themselves furnish
values and qualities sufficient to attract
nil playgoers predisposed to laughs
meslc. Dallas Welford, Xeal McC'av. f\n
Grinnell. Ada Meade. Estelle Th'ebaud.
LEW DOCKSTAD1
Alta Virginia Houston and Lillian Tin ker
j are noted among the company's principal*
i A feature of the production noted during
the performances of the companv in New
\ork was its feminine chorus, who depart
frr*u the traditional limitations of the
fair auxiliaries of musical productions bv
really, each and every one of them, having
a line to speak George \V. Lederer, whose
stage management is credited with a con-
siderable share of the sensational success
scored by the piece. Is the same George
>N Lederer who gave the country "The
Pelle of New York." "The Whirl* of the
Town." "The Rounders." "The Passive
Show" and a score of other big musical
remedy successes during the Lederer reg-
ime at the New York Cuslno.
"The Three Twins.*
Jos. M. Galtes' musical comedy suc-
cess. "Three Twins," is coming to the
Grand March 26 and 27 and the indlca-
Hons are that it will be greeted by one
of the largest, if not the largest house
of the season, for already much interest
is evinced In the engagement. "Three
Twins" success is due to tne fascinating
music, gorgeous costuming. wonderful
electrical effects, good, wholesome com-
edy, and above all, cleanliness, for there
is not a suggestive line in the entire
performance. Bessie Clifford is still the
"Yama Tama Girl* and continues to
dance herself into the hearts of all who
see her. while Victor Morley. the clever
voung comedian -who has many friends
here, still essays the role of Tom Stan-
hope which he created at the Whitney
Opera House. Chicago, and which ran
there for nine months. In addition t* one
whole year at the Herald Square Thester
lu New Yoffe. Minnie AKen. who was the
j prima donna last year, still essays the
I role and sings "Cuddle Up a Little
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JA.MK8 K. HACKETT.
Closer, Lovey Mine," with the same
charm ami sweetness which won her
"uoh a warm place In the hearts of
amusement Keekers. There are many
new and handsome gowns dieplaved in
the second act of this mirthful" frolic,
which are said to represent the latest ef-
forts of the best Parisian modistes. The
smaller girls in their silk bathing suits
In the first act look so fresh and dainty
that you really want them to be at the
seashore If yon want to see the real
light musical comedy hit of the decade
go to see "Throe Twlus," for it has
been many a day since any offering of
equal merit has beeji presented.
Blanche Walah.
The strongest drama produced In this
country In many years Is what critics
of various cities have called "The Other
Woman." the play which Miss Walsh
has chosen for her tour of this season.
As the successor of "The Test," In which
Miss Walsh appeared last year, It must
Indeed be a powerful vehicle for the dis-
play of Miss Walsh's wonderful abilities
a san emotional actreas, for that play
was a tremendous hit. Miss Walsh her-
self fchoss "The Other woman" train the
gnataomterof. manxoehpts so bottled
to her, regarding it as having more dra-
she has aDnear»art" 5""' drama ln wh|ch
To.en * r?p, arfd sinc® ,h« days of "La
Tosca It Is the work of Frederick Ar-
f'l"'dt an? ^nl he given for the
27and ? Grand on Marrh
Sarah a Great-grandmother.
It Is hard to realise that Sarah Bern-
hardt, the divine Surah, she of the
golden voice, can be old enough to be
a grandmother of a grown woman; yet
such is the fact, and before long we are
liSfiLt? heSr °'.!ler beinR " great-grand-
mother. tor the daughter of Sarah
Bernhardt s son has Just been married.
.1^. Simone Maurice-Bernhardt
daughter of Maurice llernhardt was
K."IrJed.'n ^ember to Edgar Gross of
Paris. She is a decidedly pretty voung
woman, in whose face it Is difficult to
trace any resemblance to her •divine"
grandmother.
®prnhardt'i mother came
that was distinguished on the
I^S? W In the great world, for her
mother. Maurice Bernhardt'* wife, was
Princess Thereee Jablonowskt. daarhter
of Prince Carlo Ladlslas Vladlml Ablon-
owakl. who married Uoolaa di " ~
who was the greatest beauty on the
Vienna stnge when she belonged to the
corps de ballet there. Henry Labouchere
Rays she was the most statuesque woman
he ever saw.
Simone, her granddaughter, is said by
those who knew the elder woman to have
inherited the latter's beautiful profile
and to have combined with it the phys-
ical distinction of her other grandmother,
Sarah Bernhardt.
UNDERG RADS~ON STUMP
Electioneering la Part of the College
Course.
The scene Is the stateroom of a Cam-
bridgeshire public-house, 'one of those
rooms which in normal times is only
used for bean feasts, for village con
certs and for coursing dinners. During
the election, however, It becomes the po
litical rendezvous of the district.
Round the massive deal table and in
every available corner of the room sits o
crowd composed entirely of village
worthies, from the young be-galtered
farmers to the white-bearded fathers of
the village.
The hoot of a motor car Is heard out-
side and a dull, subdued murmur runs
round the room. The door Is flung open
and ln walk three cheerful-looking young
men, carrying caps snd gowns under
their arms.
They clamber up the improvised plat-
form, and the chairman, the vlllago car-
penter, introduces them. They are three
undergraduates, members of the Cam-
bridge New Carlton Club, a political or-
ganization ln support of the Conservative
causc. Then one of them, with per-
haps a shade of a suspicion that he looks
annoyingly youthful, rises, and with all
his young earnestness harangues the
stolid audience.
Later on another contributes a comic
song to the elucidation of the political
problem, and then comes a third speaker,
and so the time passes pleasantly enough
till the arrival of the great man, the
Unionist candidate.
Thus Cambridge adds electioneering to
Its many-sided education. Under the
auspices of the two political societies, the
New Carlton Club and the Cambridge
University Liberal Club, several hundred
undergraduates are learning their first
lessons in practical politics.
The solemn and unopposed return of
the two university members offers no
field, and so they engage in the active
support of the candidates for the Bor-
ough of Cambridge and the countv con-
stituency of West Cambs. Together in
little parties of six, which generally in-
clude at least two of the girl students
of Newnham College, they scour the
neighboring country as canvassers, and
the more courageous are not above Im-
provising a platform from cube-sugar
boxes and holding forth on the political
situation to the astonished villagers.
It 18 certainly an election advantage
which might make the most secure can-
didate envious. Quantities of voung, ac-
tive and intelligent men, ready to do
the roughest part of the work and to do
it for the mere fun of the thing. They
may not be the most practiced speakers
but they are all fresh, new to ths game!
and they are Immensely appreciated bv
an electorate tired of stale speeches and
hackneyed phrases. When the election
falls out of term time, a great number
of undergraduates go as political secre-
taries to candidates, and as the univer-
sity clubs are affiliated respectively with
the Lnited Club and the Eighty Club,
the London organisations are always
able to keep a lookout for likely men
It is not often that a borough election
occurs in term time, snd If possible
term Is shortened, or postponed, as at
the last election* to evsds It. This yesr.
however, the university authorities will
have to face the clash of the undergrad-
uates and ths town both during ths day
the p* 0«lamthm of
All sorta of rumora are afloat ln rv,™
uates'wlli 'ha ®ffe« ,hat the un(!ergrad-
con,lne|l Whin the gales
vent no«?iieseii at an early hour t0 P™"
alectlm? Ho,® rJots' The last university
Place ^hin ?h 1ny seriousness took
n th# lat® I"'- Whewell of
The u,lder^et^rned for the university,
w enn"aduates had made such a
pol ThaatDCthevVh# of the
In y wer# 8"«ed" at 4 o'clock
afternoon. Those who lived ii
lodgings In the town were let out to eo
home at 10 o'clck. and they
themselves together and beat dow.Tth.
ou "and VT ne"reSt C0llfKB' I* "he meS
noli, ? e1 went on With thelr grad-
ually Increasing numbers liberating the
all SrM™ each colk'Se 'n turn till
ail Cambridge was a pandemonium.
m,ost sprlous undergraduate poli-
ticians always have the worry of univer-
sity regulations with them, and have to
face the probability of being landed at
some outlying village with no possibility
or getting back by midnight.
In the ordinary way the authorities
make no great difficulty about It, reeog-
tpu } value of the experience.
It it Is possible to persuade a friendly
, u ls an educative factor and
ii Ii. lieoP vvlthln the bounds of unl-
nrevL?t 7f ttons, there la nothing to
Pn» thl V y urK5e!"graduate from enjoy-
lng the fun.—London Evening News.
DUST AND DUSTTNG
Everything That Can Be Carried Sherald
Be Taken Out to Be Cleaned.
People are slow indeed to recognize how
formidable an enemy they have in dust,
especially dust ln the home, which ls ths
one place where it could and should be
treated with some recognition of its dan-
gerous power. Outdoors one must en-
counter it all the time, willy-nilly, but it
has b#»en proved by scientific experiment
that at its worst the air outdoors has
fewer harmful germs In it than the air
where people are closely congregated.
At the very worst that the biggest and
dirtiest cities can do, there ls such a
splendid vastness about the great open
spaces of "outdoors" that it may bo
trusted to dilute danger to the safety
point. But in most publlo places of meet-
ng aP.l,n almost all dwelling houses it
Ta
Is a different story, and this largely be-
cause people will not put their minds to
tha subject.
Old-fashioned cleaning meant do the
very worst you can to stir up all the dusti
you can find, and knock it about the
place. It will settle again shortly. It Is
true, arid some of it inevitably ln your
nose and throat, but never mind. Grand-
ma was a splendid housekeeper, and
when she swept you could not see your-
self for dust, and she lived to be 90.
Porhaps If she had used a vacuum clean-
er she might be alive yet. But we can
not all have vacuum cleaners even today,
although it looks as if that good time
may be coming.
In tho meantime it should be easy for
all to learn and remembor that dust has
one great foe that It will never be able
to resist, and that Is moisture. As salt ls
supposed to bo on the tail of a bird, so
ls moisture on the dust cloth to dust.
This moisture may take the form best
suited to the material to be cleaned — it
may bo water sometimes and oil some-
times, and very little of either. Where
floors are covered with statlonnry carpets,
damp sawdust or tea leaves or pieces of
wet newspaper should be thrown down to
catch the dust as it is swept up.
Everything that can be carried out Into
the air to be swept or shaken or beaten
should be so carried. Many persons Beem
to labor under a delusion that simply
hanging things up outside and leaving
them motionless is sufficient. They call
it "sunning" them, and this is very well
for the little way It goes; but unless it ls
a very wlndv day, the things go back to
the house with the same germs ln them
that they took out.—Youth's Companion.
THE RESULTS OK WRONG DIET
Nearly Every Form of Disease Can B«
Traced to Food.
To sum up ln a word, wrong diet fur-
nishes the raw material for every dlseasew
Without It they are not possible. It fur-
nishes the means by which inherited pre-
disposition develops Into active disease.
In its absence we are not vulnerable ta
Infection and contagion. Its retention ln
the body in the form of foreign matter U
the ono real disease. For disease ls tha
accumulations of foreign matter ln ons
part or other of the body, and all ths
manifold names it bears serve merely to
distinguish the different conditions aris-
ing from this common cause. The local-
ity, character and state of these accumu-
lations may give rise to the most varying
symptoms, disordering the blood, retard-
ing the changes of the tissues, clogging
the Joints, irritating the nerves and gen-
erally obstructing the bodily functions.
Wrong diet is the underlying cause of
consumption, rheumatism, cholera, epi-
lepsy, cancer, bubonic and pneumonio
plague, heart disease, measles, bronchitis,
influenza, appendicitis, bad temper, mel-
ancholia, apoplexy, hysteria, cataract
and arthritis, and is the commonest caus»'
of suicide.—London Magazine.
— —
IN THE BEST OF HUMOR.
"Poor Machln has lost his wife."
"I'm not surprised. lie's so absent*
minded, he'll lose everything he has."—«
Pele Mele.
Frost (gazing at new dwelling)—So thla^
Is your last house?
Builder (sadly)—Yes, last, but not.
leased.—Smart Set.
First Lawyer—Suppose we go out an<tl
take something.
Second Lawyer—From whom?—Boston-
Transcript.
"What do you snppose Washington wss
thinking of when he crossed the Dela-
ware?"
"llow glad he was that It wasn't tha
Niagara, of course."—Buffalo Express.
\\ illis—Are those Kentucky horses jojt
bought scared of autos?
Olllls—No, Indeed. They never notlca,
a train, either; but I can't get them used
to a sprinkling cart to save my life!—
Puck.
"Why do they call Washington the City
of Magnificent Distances"?
"Because," answered the office-seeker,
"It ls such a long way between what you
go after and what you get."—Pittsburg
Post.
"I don't know whether to recognize him
here ln town or not. He is just an ac-
quaintance I mnde at Monte Carlo."
"But didn't you promise to marry him?"
"Yes; but that was all."—London Opin-
ion.
"Your father is prominent ln politics.
Isn't he?"
"No, I shouldn't say that he ls. You
see. he's never been Investigated himself
nor defended anybody who has."—Detroit
Free Press.
The New Teller — I can't cash this
check, madam, uuless you are identified.
Lady—But my husband is the eashier
of this bank.
"Yes, I know—lie has Just warned ms
against you."—Life.
"When iMistln Stix went into Wall Street
he didn't have a dollar he could call his
own."
"Yes. But in those days hs wss diom
articular about whose dollar he caller
is own."—Washington Star.
Mr. Jswbsck—My dear, I was ons of ths
first to leave.
Mrs. Jawback—Oh, yon always ssy that.
Mr. Jawback—I can prove it this time.
Look out In the hall and see the beso-
Ji i * brought home.—Toleds
iSiade.
Poetic Lady-Ah. Sir < harle«, when yo«
JionuEl 1°ok,.n«f beautiful In her
I.iT ll JT .on -T0" repeat to your-
self thoee charming line*—
Crusty Foxhunter icuttlng In)—Whtt I
"A hundred and fifty!
Punch no *eeond boreal"—
Help Furmers' Wives.
Martin Van Rensalaer. who waa
Blreted. President of the Homa
Kronomlo Aaaoclation of New York, haa
long had charge of the reading couraa
for farmera at the agricultural depart-
ment of Cornell Unlverilty. Mis* Rosa,
who was elected secretary of the -ai
association, haa been her assistant.
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San Antonio Express. (San Antonio, Tex.), Vol. 46, No. 64, Ed. 1 Sunday, March 5, 1911, newspaper, March 5, 1911; San Antonio, Texas. (https://texashistory.unt.edu/ark:/67531/metapth431499/m1/30/: accessed July 17, 2024), University of North Texas Libraries, The Portal to Texas History, https://texashistory.unt.edu.; crediting Abilene Library Consortium.