Telegraph and Texas Register (Houston, Tex.), Vol. 5, No. 9, Ed. 1, Wednesday, August 14, 1839 Page: 2 of 4
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'
LAUGHABLE SfORY. '
ha following is f laughable 'account of the misfor-
tunes, which .befel anAmeriralrgenilemeh upon a visit
to a lady,m.Parisf,towhoniJie.bore Jetters of -introduction.
Afierjrelating a number oQudicrous and amusing
-mistakes upon'bis ehtrance in the presence of the lady, he
thus proceeds
Theordinaryjoutineof aJrench dinner-commenced. A
regular series'df servants appeared each instant at elbows,
in virmgusTo partake of athousand different kinds of wine,
wider 'strings of names which -1 no moreunderstood their
composition, or they did my gaucheries. Resolute to avoid
all farther opportunities -for displaying1 mypredominant
trait, J sat Ih'themost' Obstinate-silence', saying-oui to eve-
ry tinner that wasoffered me, and eating with the most de-
votedpplicationjtill my-faifneighbor, tirefl with my ta-
'citurnuy and her own, afHength herself .began'a conver-
sation by enquiring how I was pleased with the opera.
1 was just raising a large morsel of potatoe to my mouth,
mnddn order to replyas quick as possible, I hastily thrust
it nvintending 1o swallow it as hastily. Heavens' it was
as-hot as burning lava: What could I do? The lady's
eyes were fixed Upon me. waiting a reply to her question.
But my mouth was in flame.- I rolled the burning mor-
sel.Hither and hither, rocking my head from side to side,
while my eyes which, involuntarily I had'fixed on her,
were straining from their, sockets. She regarded my
srrimaces.of the cause of -which-she was ignorant, with the
expression of amazement and surprise, at wiich I can
laugh now when.I think of it. ""
"Mo'unsier'is'ill !" at length she gently and in an anx-
ous tone inquired: I could-hear no more. My mouth was
flaying with intolerable pain: so, quietly abandoning the
"pomtopened it to the utmost and out dropped the infernal
brand upon-myplate. -Not the slightest tendency to risi-
JbUityrBfHed the impeturable politeness ofjhe lady. She
soothingly condoled witbxne on-my misfortune, then grad-
uallyledthe conversation to a variety of topics, till exert,
ingthe magic influence ,that true politeness always exer-
cises) I began evento.forget my ownfblunders. Gradual-
ly my .cheek burned less painfully, and' I could join in
the conversation without the fear that every word I utter-
ed shared therfate of the action I attempted, I even ventur
ed "to'hope, nay congratulate myself, that the catalogue of
calamities was completed ior'the day.
-'Let no man "call himself happy before death.' said So-
lon, and he said wisely. The Iaes of March were not
yet,over. 'Before us stood-a dishpf cauliflower, nice done
m butter. This I naturally enough tookifor a custard
pudding, whiclrit sufficiently resembled. Unfortunately
myvocahulary was not entensive pnnugh tn embrace all
theiechnicalities'bfthe table, and when my fair neighbor
inquired if I was fond of curfleur, I verily took it to be
the French for custard pudding, and so high was my pa-
negyric of it that my -plate was bountifully laden with it
Alas, one singleTmou'hful was .enough to dispel my illu-
sion? Would to heaven that, the corfleur had vanished
with it But, that-remained bodily, and as I "gazed des
pondentjy on the huge mass that loomed, almost as large
arid-burning as Vesuvius, inv heart died within me.
Ashamed to confess my mistakethough I could as readi-
ly have swallowed anjsqual quantity of soft soap, I strug-
gled manfully on.against the mountainous heap at'its base
and shutting my eyes and opening my mouth to inhale
as large, masses as Icquld without stopping to taste it
' JBut my stomach soon began .intelligibly enough to intimate-its
intention to admit no.more of this nauseousslran-
ger beneathjts roof,if not'even expelling that which had
already gained, on unwelcome admission.
The seriousness", ofthe. task I had 'undertaken, and the
resolution necessary, to -execute it, had, given an carnest-
Jiess and rapidity- to my exertions which appetite could
not have inspired, when my plate having got somewhat
.over the edge of the-table, upon my leaning forward tilted
up, and down slid the disgusting mass into my lap. My
iandkerchief, unableto bear so weighty a load, bent un-
der in its turn, and a great proportion of it landed saftly
in my, hat The plate instantly righted itself, as I raised
my person and saw as I glancetUny eye round the table,
and. saw that no one had noticed my.. disaster, ,1 inwardly
congratulated myself that'the nauseous deception was 'so
happily disposed of.- Besolved not to be detected, I in-
stantly rolled my handkerchief together, with its remain-
ing contents, and whipped it into my pocket . ,
The" dinner table was at .length deserted, for the draw-
ing room, where.coffee and liquors were served. Mean-
while I had sought out what I considered, a safe hiding
place for my hat, beneath a chair in the dining room, for
X dare not carry it any longer ininy hand, having first
throwin na morsel oi paper, 10 mucin e cauuuowersnouia
ony one chance in seeking for his own hat, to look into
mine.
On my return to the drawing room, I chanced to be
again seated by the lady by whom I had sat at the table.
Our conversation was resumed, and we were in the midst
of an animated discussion, when a huge spider was seen
running tip her arm.
- "Take it off take'it off," she ejaculated in a terrified
voice.
I was always afraid of spiders: so. to avoid touching
him with my hand, I' caught my pocket Handkerchief
iromTny pocket and clapped it at once upon the miscreant
who was already mounting over temples with rapid
strides. Gracious heavens! I had forgotten the cauliflow-
er which was now plastered over her face like an emou-
Uent poultice, fairly killing the spider-and blinding an
"eye ofthe lady while little streamlets of soft butter glided
gently down her neck and -bosom.
''Mon dieu! Mon dieul" exclaimed the astonished fair.
"Mon dieu!" was re-echoed from every body'sjmouth.
"Have you cutyour hand?" inquired one.
"No! no! the spider monsieur.is killing the spider."
''What quantity of entrailsl" ejaculated an astonished
Frenchman, unconsciously to himself.
Well might he be astonished, the spray of the execrable
vegetable, had spattered her dress from head to foot For
myself, the moment the accident occurred, I had mechan-
ically returned my handkerchief to my pocket, but .its
contents remained.
"Whata monster it mu6t have been," observed a young
lady, as she helped' to relieve my victim from her cruel
situation, "I declare I should think he had been living on
cauliflower."
At that moment I felt some one touch me; and turning,
I saw my companion who had come with me.
"Lookat your pantaloons," he whispered.-
Already half dead with the confusion and disaster I had
caused, Icast,my eye upon my once white dress, and saw
at a glance, the horrible extent of my dilemma. I had been
setting on the fated pocket, and had crushed out the'li-
quid butter, and the soft, paste-like vegetable, which had
bedaubed and dripped down them, till it seemed as if it
were actually dissolving my pantaloons.
Daftfng from the spot, I sprang to the place where I
had left my hat; but before I could-reach It, a sudden
storm of wrath, was heard at the door.
. -"Sairlbete! sac-re!' the r in the first syllable being made
to roll like a watchman's rattle, mingled with another
epithet and name that an angry Frenchman rever spares
'was heard rising like a fierce tempest without the doors
Suddenly there was a pause; a gurgling sound, as of one
wallowing involuntarily and the storm of wrath again
broke out with redoubled fury. I seized my hat and open-
ed the door, and the whole matter was at once explained;
Whad changed hats and there he stood, the soft cauli-
flower gushing down his cheeks, blinding his eyes, filling
his mouth, hair, mustachos, ears and whiskers. Never
shall I forget that spectacle. There he stood astride, like
'the Colossus, and stoooine- centlv forward, his eve forci
bly closed, his annsdrooping outfrom his body, and drip-
,ping cauuuower ana Dutter irom every pore.
I staid.no longer; but retaining his hat, Irusheil from
the house, jumped-into a"fiarce," andarrived safely home,
heartily resolving, that to my latest hour, I would never
again deliver a letter of introduction.
, An apbreply. Sheridan once succeeded admirably in
entrapping a member who" was in the habit of interrupting
every speaker with cries of 'hear, hear. Richard Brins-
ley took anjpportunity to allude to a well known political
character of the time, whom he represented as a person
who wished to play the rogue, but had only sense enough
to play me iooi. -wnere, exciaimeu oneu'iau in cumin-
xmtion and with great emphasis, "where shall we find a
more knavish fool than this?" ."Hear! hear!" was instant-
ly bellowed from the accustomed bench. The wicked
wkbowal, thanked the gentleman for 'his ready reply to
the question;" and sat down amid convulsions of laughter
from all but their unfortunate subjett
- Time to Finish. There is nothing more important in
this life than for a man to know when he has finished.
Hundreds of schemes originally calculated to benefit not
only the world, but the originators of them, "bave failed
because the projectors did not discover when thry had
done enough. When a merchant has become advised of-
an improvement in the market, or a rise in some particu-
lar article, his natural tendency as well as his duty
prompts him to engage in operations connected with it
In nine cases out often he will succeed in reaping great
advantages from his foresight or some peculiar circum-
stances by which he is surrounded if he go not too far in
other word3 if he know "when he is through." It is an
old saying of sailors when a captain is shipwrecked after
many voyages, and loses all his propel ty it not bis lite,
that "he took one voyage too much." . The merchants
who have weathered many storms, and saved the commer-
cial parque from many a lee shore, often times get strand-
ed at last by a speculation too much, or one carried too
far. Let them ever study to know, '-when they gel through"
and all will be well.
ThisTemark has infinite application; it refers to all
classes of citizens and stations in life. It affects women
as well as men; the professional gentleman as well as the
industrious artizan.
Many a scholar after years of hard toil at his books has
lost his health; undermined his spirits; and rendered him-
slelf incapable of usefulness in the world, because hedidn'
know -"when he was through" because he stopped not to
consider that the system must be relaxed sometimes; that
grasping' after 'too much learning is as "ruinous to the
Bodily system, as too much anxiety for gold to the moral
xonformation becanse he did not"perceivc in his' wisdom
that nature abhors all avarice, as she does all vacuum.
How many lawyers after most eloquent efforts at the
ar; a deep and intricate investigation ofabtruse princi-
ples; a thorough collation -of facts; an erudite elucidation
of testimony, land all these joined to popular manners and
n sound reputation, have lost caste before the jury, and a
cause in court bacause they kept on longer than the na-
ture of the case required, or the patience of the judges
could support? because they didn't know when they ''had I
got through?- Ministers are amenable to the same
charge. Many a subdued and heart stirred penitent has
had his reason hardened-Tiis conviction staggered; his
tears dried and his perceptions blunted, because the preach-
er didn't know when ''he teas through." Lovers tooafter
years "of constancy and sighing; thousands of billrts doux,
and innumerable efforts to please, have lost all because
they wished to make the matter too snre, because they
didn't know "when they were through." Merchants then
' by holding on one day too long to a favorite article of
merchandize; Scholars by one book to much; lawyers by
tne advancement oi an extra principle; Ministers by an
over exhortation or a prayer tdo many; lovers by loo
much sighing have failed in their efforts a thousand
times. Oh that men would' learn to know "when they
are through"
Napoleon and Wellington. Without a word de
rogatory to the fame of the Duke of Wellington, it mus.
be acknowledged that his early life gave little promise o
his future fame. A late English writer says- After the
taking of Seringpatam, we find Col. Wellesley in .what
was really his first exploit the pursuit of the celebrated
.robber or free booter, one Dhoondiah Waugh. Col. Wel-
lesley defeated and destroyed Dhoondiah Vaugh in Sep-
tember, 1800. Here let us pause to reflect upon the very
singular difference between the career of Napoleon and
that oi the Duke of Wellington. Each was born in the
same year; each entered the military service at the samo
time; Napoleon was poor and fri'-ndles; Col. Wellesley
ricii and powerfully connected the one had nothing but
his sword and genious to depend upon; the other had his
purse and patronage of his brotherjthe virtual king ofthe
country in which he was serving. In 1801, Colonel
Wellesley hadditerally done nothing but protect baggage.
and defeat a black" freebooter, one Dhoondiah Waugh.'
in 1BU1, JMapoleon had conquered the English at Toulon;
had greatly distinguished himself in Italy! had won sevi n
great battles, conquered Naples -and subdued the king of
bardima; had gained other battles, overrun all Italy, pen-
etrated to Vienna, compelled the Emperor to sign a" disad-
vantageous" peace; conquered Egypt, and returned to
France, beca ne First Consul, crossed the Alps, won the
great bittle at Alarengo: re-conquered the whole of Italj',
defeated the greatest of the Austrian Generals and com-
pelled the Emperor to sign the Treaty of Lueville; and
lastly, obliged the English to sign the Treaty of Amiens.
A greater contrast brtvvern two men is not to be ib'ind in
1 history; nor could a greater be conceived by the most lux
uriant imagination. It is tne contrast of the eagle ana the
snail.
A practical joke. An agreement was lately Made be-
tween two Irishmen to fill one of Francis' life boats full
of water. The beat was only eight feet long, and propor-
tioned like other boats.
The plugs in the bottom were opened, and they suppo-
sed this would enable them to earn their two dollars in a
few minutes; but after having worked hard for an hour,
and thrown water enough te fill fifty such boats, they be-
,gan to grow discouraged, and enquired what became of
the water? Faith, says he, it dont run over the top, and
by my sowl it dont run out at the bottom, and the evil one
must drink it up, indade he must, and we'll be off before
He is afther gettin a hould on us. So theyjumped on the
dock, and were out of sight in a minute.
This same little boat has crossed the Hudson with two
men in her and the bottom stove in. The improvements
made in the model and application of the power of these
boats since the Government have adopted them, render
them ten times more valuable. The construction is such
as to bring the power immediately in contact with the
water, and below the keel from six to eight inches, ma-
king the boat si stiff whi-n the bottom is open, th.it six
men can walk with dry feet even on one side.
The ncour igcment given the iuventor by the liberality
ofthe New York merchants, h.is enabled "him to make
these important improv. mt-nis The mod. 1 is cniin ly
new, and spoken of in the high st n-rms by the command-
ers of the diff-rent revenue ciutprs who have tried them:
A trial was made in Portsmouth last week, with the boat
ordered by government for that station and gave entire
satisfaction to the citizens The sime boat was row. d on
the Hudson with eight m. n in her, with the bottom out,
and the men kerjtfrom being wet
Dee. the Astrolooek The village ofMortlakeis
celebrated as having been the residence of one ofthe most
singular characters of the sixteenth century. Dr. John
Dee, the astrologer and alchymist. and one of the pioneers
of theRoscicrucian philosophy, lived here formaoy years
and was buried in the chancel ofthe church. The an'
cient people ofthe village, more than a century after his
death, which took place in 1608, pointed out the exact spot
where his asfies Jay, but the curious inquirer would now
seek in vain to discover it. Queen Elizabeth always
treated Dr. Dee with marked consideration, and when sfie
ascended the throne, sent her favorite Dudley, afterwards
the Earl of Leicester, to consult him as to a lucky day for
her coronation She occasionally visited him at Moi tl ake,
and is once s lid to have expressed a desire to be instructed
by him in the secrets of astrology and alchemy. She de-
voutly believed that he would one day discover the philo-
sopher's stone an object to which all his abilities, and he
was not without a good portion, were directed All the
money he gained by telling fortunes, predicting lucky and
unlucky days, and casting nativities,' was melted away in
his furnaces, in the futile search for the stone or the elixir
which was to change pokers and tongs, pots and kettles.
ana even me pump in his back-yard into pure gold. Thus
though ne gained immense sums of money, he was al-
ways poor; and when Count Laski, a wealthy Pole who
was travelling in England, desirous of making his ac-
quaintance, sent him word that he would come anil dine
with him, Dee was obliged to apply to Queen Elizib.th
to borrow money to treat the stranger with becoming his
pitality. Elizabeth sympathized in his distress, and sen-
nii.i twenty pounds immediately. Bentleis MiCceJlany
"That young man mistakes his capacity," as the J lck"
ass said ven he saw the fiog tryug to 3weli up to his own
size.
FREEDOM OP ELECTIONS.
A popular writer for the June Knickerbocker, draws
the picture ofan election scene on Long Island. Though
the tale is lanciful, yet many of our citizens have seen just
such doings. The writer 'names no parties." New
York Sun.
On the last day of election, the votes were as yet nearly
equal, and the result hung in suapence. Wild Harry a
noted champion tf the Fink party, drew his friend Bill
Cork aside, and told him, in a whisper, that he had over
heard one of-the-enemy describe the e.xact position ot a vo-
ter, who vv as then tying desperately amine maneia, on
the edge of a certain brook 'Every one counts,' said he,
the edge
and we'd best go anil nab him at once.' To this Bill
Cork assented. Solaking a torse and wagon which was
on the ground for the express purpose of bringing oters
to ihe polls, they drove most furiously to the plac speci-
fied. They found no di.Sdulty in discovering the situa-;
tion ofthe voter. He was lying beneathu willow, where '
a water wheel threw upon him a shower -ot spray his ;
head on a sod, his feet in a brook, and snoozing away in i
a deen trance.
"Ikey Solomons!" shouted Bill Cork, ma voice ofthun- j
aer, ocnuing over, ana vioieuiiy suaKiug mm uy ic
shoulders; -but no responce came from Ikey, whose medi-
tations were de pr-ofundis. 'Lkey Solomons'' roared Wild
Hairy, giving him a grievous punch in the ribs.
'Ughl' was the response, in a tonesomething between a
grunt and a growl.
A consultation was now held. Ifvas'eident that he,1
could not help himself, aor co-operate in the least with
those who helped him. He was more overcome than
they thought he was, and they said if they had 'a known
he was so damned drunk, they wouldn't a come arter him.'
As it was. they were sorry to be engaged on Tom 'fool's
errand, nnd vexed thnl a vvillincr .man shoukLhedent
ofthe elective franchise, for the want ofa littleassistance.
They stood hesitating.
'Lift him up!" said Wild Harry, suddenly. Bill Cork
obeyed the summons, and taking him by the heles and the
head, they lifted him over the fence, and laid him in the J
wagon, being resolved that they would taire mm to tne
polls and 'do-the best they could with him.' His hat ftll
off in the process, and a blue rum bottle tumbled out of his
pocket on the grass. Not a drop was visible in the bot-
tom of it. when helduD before the sun.
'Ah! the criuerl' says Wild Harry; 'he'sdrink'd it clean
dry.' So saying, and having smelt and re-corked it, he
tossed it in the brook. It rose up buoyant, and floated
down stream.
The road over which they were to pass was stony
abounding in deep ruts, to say nothing of occasional
stumps; and fondly indulging the hope that the jolting
would -fetch him too a liule,' they laid on the lash.
and beguiling the way with various conversation, drove
up in good style before the inn. The arrival was hailed
with an ejaculating yell.
'What's the matter now?" shouted the crowd.
Lift out,' said Wild Harry.
'He isn't fetched to at all,''said Bill Cork.
"Lay hold!' thundered the former; and without ..ny de-
lay they seized him by the arms, hurried him unresist-
ing into the solemn presence of the inspectors of the elec-
tion. 'Here's a man, that wants to vote!' said they in a breath.
The inspectors looked at each other with mock solemni-
ty. It is impossible to describe the harmless, diluted twin-
kle of Ikey" Solomon's blue eyes. His countenance was
phlegmatically calm, utterly devoi.l of any expression, and
his nose was very red. Ever and anon, his head fell de-
jertedly upon his breast The bystanders had rushed in
to scrutinize this curious specimen ot a voter; anunavmg
cast eyes upon him, could only inquire 'where under hea-
ven the fellow came from?' They had never seen him be-
fore, and were struck .with as 'much astonishment as if he
had fallen from the clouds
'Your name, sir?' inquired the inspector..
'Ikey Solomons, answered the man at ins elbow.
'Let him answer to his own name,' interposed some-
body. The vote having been peremptorily chalenged, it was in-
quired upon what grounds.
'He isa ni.n-rtsident;'
'Swear him in!' roared a dozen voices.
'1 object to his being sworn,' interposed one ofthe board-
whose countenance exhibited a. rare indication of honesty,
'Icannotco..scirntious1y adminter an o th to a man in
hiu situation,. That is just my opinion: what is yours, Mr.
Flanigan?'
Now the person to whom thisapppl was made told.by
the twinkle ofhis eye that he knew very well which way
the vote would count. Nevertheless, be seemed gravely
to consider the question for a moment, and then thought
fully replied, "why. I think I've seen drunken persons
take the oath."
That maybe.' interrupted the othei w ilh some severi-
ty. 'Two wrongs never make right I ask is he fit to
take it?'
To this the former simply replied. 'Well, I should say
he was.'
The question having been put to the board, whether
the oath should be administered, it was carried in the af
Urinative, and the voter having acquitted himself nf the
elective function, wascarritd out into an adjacent barn,
and tenderly laid on a wisp of straw.
Miss Thomson, Empress of Morocco. Among
other legends ofa romantic kind which a late traveller re-
cords, we find a story ofan Empress of Morocco that is
quite as good as ,any thing furnished by the novelists.
Truth, in this case, is quite as strange as fiction, and a
great deal more impressive
Mr. Clark told me the following curious story: That
when he was at Alicant a gaily arrived, which had just
escaped from Tangiers with the first or favorite wife of
Muli Mahomid, the late Emperor of Morocco, who had
fupe in Snain. was originally
and when on her passage fiou. lhalcity to Cadiz on a mat
itrhn rlmvnrr . vUir ivhirii hi: had made to his native coon
try, had become acquainted with, and attached to Miss
Thomson, who possessed great charms; but as some im-
pediments existed to their immediate union, they parted,
having first plighted their troth; and with the understand-
ing that, nt some future penoJ, she should join him at Ca-
diz, as it would be injurious to his commercial interests
for him to absent himself again from the field ofhis spec-
ulations . .
The lady, in Inlfilment of her promis", sailed to join
her future husbaud, but as just narrated, her destiny was
changed by the capture ofthe vessel she was in by Mar-
roqum corsair, which carried her into Fez. Here Miss
Thomson was detained a slave, and closely confined, un-
til a report'of her uncommon beauty having reached the
Emperor, Muli Mahomed, she was by his orders, removed
to the imperial palace, and e-ery inducement held out to
her to embrace the Mabomedan faith, and accede to the
Emperor's d. sire of making her his wife. Whether it
was by persuasion, or from conviction that her fate was ir-
revocably decided, her various scruphs were overcome,
and she b. came the wife of Muli Mahomed, and subse-
quently the mother of two sons, who bore the namts, the
c-ldi st of Muli Ismael.und the jounger of Muli Mahomed.
She was the moit favored oi her impt rial husband's whes.
for he had many besid.s; and the the numbtr must have
been great, as I have heard both from Mr. Claik and Mr
Romans, who were at one time tstablishcd as merchants
in Morocco, that the Emperor Muli Mahomed actually
formed a regiment composed entirely of his own sons, to
llianiimtipnri;iQ mot nfthmn Kin, MlirlfS Mf. Clark
, till. Illinium. VJi ll-wl,, IllUdl Vfl .IAV..1. w....q ............
savs that this wonderful fated lady. whn he saw her in
Spain, was dressed in the Moorish costume; and. strange
as it appears, she seemed in all nsaec'ts to hate adopted
the tastes ot her new country in preference to those of
Christ-ndom, for she afterwards r.t.irurd to Marocco and
there ended her days
Asharprttort 'Make way. gintl-men," once wild
a Massachusetts lepus ntative to the dupulare, who win-
crowding him nut ol Ins y..c in the jhomssioii on ihe-tinnrln-
M ,l(i .i, . wi ...i tii' r. il ii ntatliei of the
! 1" l,Ie-' "AIAl va' uurs' "', rT al f ,utn
'of the throng, "we are the people themselves."
lately been assassinated by his rebellions son, Mull isma
1 1. This lady, who, with her attendants, was seeking a
r.fupe in Snain. was originally a Miss Thomson, of Cork.
rimonial expedition, she had ocen capiureu oy aivniorisn
Corsiir, and made a slave. Her first intended bridegroom
hnd been a Mr. Shut-, an Ir.sh merchant settled at Cadiz,
Forthe Telegraph.
Mr. Editor Strict honesty is rare, and is more to be
prised by the people in a public character than any other
quality. If an individual possess extraordinary talents,
they only make him the more dangerous and the more to
he dreaded for the wanting of honesty. A gentleman of
this republic, because known to possess this quality, has
enjoyed the envied honor of being elected from his district
to every congress since the tirst session over gen
tne nrst
tli'rnen of far sUDerior talents and political wisdom; and I
hive heard the people frequently say, when speaking of
; tnis unaemeu aesparny in puiut oi uueuu, iuui j uuge a.
being known to them as an honest man, it was the best
assurance of his being a safe representative, who would
not knowingly do any thing prejudicial to the interest of
his country and constituents.
Brilliant talents have often deceived the people; but
plain honesty, however feeble the abilities, never has.
They have nothing to dread from an unlearned man of
integrity and much to hope; but from a dishonest learned
one, they can hope fornothing and must apprehend much.
These preludingfacts, are fully exemplified by a retros-
pective view ofthe conduct of most of those who have ac-
ted as bank officers in the United States. They are pub-
lic men who assumed to themselves the nominal right of
being such; and it must be consoling to the bank-ridden
people of that country to reflect, that they are free from
the self-reproach of having vested them with a right of
which they have made the most censurable use and most
unpardoiiably abused. The people of Texas should learn
froma lesson for which others have so dearly paid thatjnone
should be acknowledged in public capacities who have
not their rightfrom thejsovereign voice of the.people. It
cannot be said that those, who hold in their hands the rep-
resentative of the circulating medium ofa country, are not
a class of that country's public men. They compose a
"class, too, with whom honesty is the most sterling of vir
tues; and a quality for which they should be more-reputed
than any other class.
When the people know, and not only that, but feel, that
they have the control and directionof the substitute for
the lawful currency of the country a power secured to
them by the constitution they will seldom, if ever, ap-
point men to the management who are dishonest, or who
would not render to tbein a faithful account thereof The
instances wherein they might be deceived, besides making
tnem more cautious and circumspect in their future selec-
tions, 'would fall far short of the many wherein they
would be and have been were it as has heretofore been,
and as it now is in the bankingsystemof the United States.
I would not be understood to say that those who associate
for the purpose of forming a banking institution, should
-deliver up to them the. sole management of their affairs as
a banking company, but in ar much as they are material-
iy interested in the doings, actions and business of that
company, they should have yielded to them the right of
selecting from among themselves such disinterested citi-
zens as they may think most trustworthy, to whom shall
he granted the necessary privilege and power to investi-
gate and at all times to make such alterations and amend-
ments, with the assent ofthe people, as might be required.
Those who are injured, if they know it, are more sure to
redress their .wrongs than others to have them redressed.
Should there then beany conductcalculated to swindle, in
the transactions of the directors of the bank, the people
will have the opportunity to know it and the power to cor-
rect it Let the people inquire into banking defaults and
delinquencies, and have the power to correct them, and
the grand difficulty against establishing bonafide and sol-
vent banking institutions will be removed.
Having continually before them, through the nominated
candidates for that office, a faithful account ofthe true sit-
uation ofthe bank, and the different opinions of those can-
didates upon the most important agitating topics they will
be made acquainted and familiar with the institution; nnd
its dark and druid-like operations will be continually un-
vHik'd to nnhlie vip.w. Tt will be said hv the dissentient
that this i; allowingthe people a power which belongs not
to them; butinreply, 1 would say, that too muchpowercan-not-be
said to be possesed by those from whom all power
is derived. By the people, it will be understoodpthat I
mean those who aie qualified voters.
Without viewingthe subject further, it would appear
to come like establishinga financial within a civil govern-
ment, the one form separate and distinct from the other; but
my views will be more fully illustrated in the plan which
will follow, and which I have drawn up with the satisfac-
tion of knowing-it to be approved by some of the most de
voted patriots now living. What is right requires but few.
arguments to satisfy the good and just that ,it is so. I
know full well that I am laying my humble signature lia-
ble to be exposed to the undeserved abuse and unregarded
ridicule ol the dishonest; but 1 am repaid in the recollection
that the responses of the truepatriot wherever or whoev-
er he may be, will attend me.
A plan proposed for a Bank.
In the first place, no institution ofthe kind shall be al-
lowed to exist but a National Bank and its branches.
Nonebutcitizens of the country and the government
shall be allowed to hold stock in a national bank.
The capital stock shall be subject to increase, compati-
bly with the business ofthe country and increase of trade
abroad.
Every individual who subscribes stock shall give res-
ponsible security to the proportional amount of issue npon
his stock, and his property and security's property shall be
liable therefor.
The president and directors shall be elected from among
the stockholders; and any stockholder, by virtue of his se-
curity and liabilities, shall beeligable to the office of pre-
sident or director.
Congress shall have power to elect one director on the
part ofthe government; and no director shall be eligible
to a seat in congress.
The interest shall be established by law, and the insti-
tution shall never discount its notes.
From each congressional district the people shall. elect
one individual, to form a bank board of examination,
whose term of service shall be one year.
The duty of this board shall be to examinine into the
situation ofthe bank and report to congress.
No individual shall be elligible to. the office who is a
stockholder, or who is a member of congress.
Congress shall have the power tojnct upon the reports
made by the bank boaid of examinatiofipbut the report
made to one session shall not be acted upon until the next
session, except in cases of great emergencies: which cases
shall be represented by the board of examination in there-
port made to congress.
These, I conceive to be the fundamental principles of
the system of banking required to merit and secure the
confidence ofthe people. They are submitted to the con-
sideration of my fellow-citizens; and hoping that none but
such a system will be adopted as will secure to our coun-
try a firm and solvent bank, I subscribe myself, your
obedient servant, D. L. W.
August 9, 1839,
"Wh it are you doing now?" said a gentleman the other
nay to a young artiste of this city, who was giving the
finishing touches to a young lady of great beauty but little
mind.
"Why I am canvassing the merits of Miss ,"
"Cant you do it without taking her head off?" was the
Tetort
"The fact is," replied the painter, "she got tired of pain-
ting Her own face and his got me to do it for her.
Impertinent ctiriouty.A. certain Mr. Parker was
prosecuted at Lowell a few weeks since, on an action of
trespass, for taking and carrying away a letter put into
the post office for the plaintiff, a Mr Montgomery. It
nppeared in evidencp that Mr. Parker took the letter,
which was written by a lady, from the post office, broke
the seal and read its contents to another person, to prove
an assertion he had made, that the writer of the letter and
the plaintiff 'kept company.' The letter was afterwards
shown and iead to two other persons by defendant
The defendant's counsel insisted that the plaintiff ought
to prove that the letter was a real letter, actually written
by the sigm-r to the plaintiff; but the Courf ruled other-
wis . Cousel thin contended that an action for trespass
could not b" miintafned. the plaintiffnever had possess-
ion if th" 1 tii. .mil it wa not his property when taken
from tin oliic-, that if the a tuai wue inninlnintd, theda-
mages should b small, it was not really a case for smart j
money.
The plaintiff's counsel contended that when a letter
was.wntten by one persondirected to another, and put in-
to the post office for that person, the person to whom it
was directed was owner, and entitled to immediate posses-
sion, and might therefore maintain an action for trespass.
It was a case for exemplary damages; the conduct of the
defendant was flagicious.
The Court decided that a letter is property, and .that
the damages for taking it away may be' estimated. ' Anv
article devoted, set aside and marked offfor.a person, and.
put in a way of conveyance, is the property of the person
to whom it is so devoted, &c. Possession follows owner-
ship of personal property; if a man has the ownership and
is entitled.to immediate possession,-he may-rnaintafn.an ac
tion of trespass. This was a fit case 'for exemplary dam-
ages. Judgment for the plaintiff damages, 815. -.Boston .
Transcript.
For the Telegraph.
CITY OF AUSTIN.
Mr. Editor. I have learned by a gentleman direct
from the city of Austin, that the first sales have concluded
in that place. Threehundred and eighteen lots were sold at
one hundred and eighty thousand dollars. This is an
average of more than seven hundred dollars to the lot
More than four-fifths ofthe lots remain to he disposed of
hereafter. This is the bestsale of town-property which
has taken place in Texas; and shows'conclusively the es-
timation in which the place is held by those who have seen
it; andis the best refutation of those malignant snarlers
wno sit at a distance and reran all the slang they can gath-
er up about the place. .
The public buildings are in a state of "great forward-
ness, and will be ready for the reception of the .officers
of government within the time prescribed' by law.
Judge Waller deserves much credit for the energy he has
displayed on this occasion " "tT-rr1i-f
' Private builings are being constructed with great rapid-
ity, and very good accommodations will be provided
against the meeting of congress.' Crops" in spile of all
that has been said to the contraiy, are quite abundant, and
there is nothing to prevent a large emigration this falL
The people of the Colorado, anticipating aheavyde-
mandfor corn, commenced planting very early, and 'con-
tinued it late: up to the middle of June, they were preparing-
ground and planting com. Some of the late corn has
been injured very much by the drought This has been
seized on by the enemies of Austin, and short crops and
want of provision has been wrung from one end of the re-
public to the other. People wishing to visit that place
need have no fears ofa famine. v -
A great mistake exists in the mind of some people
about the proximity ofthatplaceto the hostile Indians, and
many will no doubt be much surprised to learn that there
is not an Indian of any kind living within an hundred
miles of the place, hnd that there is no more danger in
travelling in that part of the country, than there is in going
from Houston to Washington. VERITAS.
For the Telegraph.
Houston 13 a town of but fevr months existence: its pop-
ulation is a mixture of all nations kindred and tongues.
Its literature, its morals, and its political impressions are
all derived from varioas-sources and composed of hetero-
geneous materials. It is rapidly filling with a young pop-
ulation whose minds are not yet stored with the necessary
knowledge to fit 'them for becoming useful citizens ofa
new and popular "government "
The corporation of this city has already done much
towards promoting the means of instruction for the young
generation, by the erection ofa building and procuring-
competent teachers: with the qualification of both',- the
writer is well acquainted, and is satisfied that a better se-
lection' could hot have -been made in the country the
principal he has known for twelve years as a gentleman
of good moral, religious and literary reputation, and
whose classical acquirements well qualify him for an in
stitution of learning of a high order.
I have frequently visited the school from its commence-
ment (about the middle of July last) until the vacation, and
have been surprised at thechange.eflected Jrom such
chaotic materials; "order and system' has been brought
from confusion and a better regulated schpol I have
scarcely ever visited. The paternal mode of government '
is pursued and its beneficial influence is-stretchihg per-
ceptible in the cheerful and willing behavfor ofthe pupils,
and as far as my observations have entended, improvemen t
has been commensurate with the judicious course '.pursu-
ed. With, proper solicitude on the part ofthe public,
and the fostering care of the corporation, it is destined to
become, a nursery of morals and useful knowledge, that
will diffuse a healthful, influence through society, and .
dispel the baneful shadows of vice and licentiousness that
too often overload a community where the young are not
properly provided with means ofinstruclion..
From a report ofthe principal it appears that one hun-
dred and four pupils have entered the school since its com-
mencement the, room will conveniently accommodate
one hundred the number that may probably attend the en-
suing term. - ' v, J
It is understood, that the board of aldermen has oppoint-
ed a committee of their.number .who-have, the general
supervision of the school. I would suggest the occasional
visits ofthe committee to the school and satisfying them
selves by actual observations'of its state and condition.
It would, at least stimulate the pupils to diligence and
emulation, and were a small sum appropriated for
medalsasa'Tewardfor the besticholars in the different
classes and those who had made the best improvement; to
be distributed by the committee at periodical examina-
tions, competition would be elicited and a corresponding
improvement be promoted- .
With my best wishes for the general prosperity of
Houston, und especially, its young population, Iclose
these few dosultory remarks. YIATOR.
Steamboat speed. r'The steam-boat Swallow," says
the Albany Eve Jour, "made her trip up from New York
last night in nine hours and a half, landing Ieisurly at the
usual places and without seeming to be pressed. She
came to Sing Sing (thirty-six miles) in an hour and fifty-
five minutes. She was at West Point just after twilight
and at Newburg (sixty-two miles) in less than four hours.
A gentlemen who resides at Red Hook left New York
at 6 p. ji. and was.at home before his family had retired.
And finally, passengers came ashore at Albany this mor-
ning, at naif past 2 o'clock."
Tnat is as our western friends say, pretty tall walking,
but it can be beat on the lakes. The steamboat ILinois
came into port a day or two since in sixty hours from
Chicago. The distance, according to a carefully compli-
ed table now before us is 1047 miles We do not believe
that any other steamboat in the world ever ran so grest a
distance in the same space of time. Tho Illinois is 730
tons burthen, staunch as wood and ironcan make her, and
in point of comfort and richness of fitting up, we venture,
to say, is unsurpassed by any boat now afloat Certainly,
there is nothing on the North River or the Sound that
can begin to compare with her in these Tespects.
What a train of reflections is awakened by facts like
these i It is but a few years since a single ricketty creak
ing steamboat painfully performed once a week a trip be-
tween Buffalo and Detroit. The' world beyond tho latter
place was unknown except to a few Indian traders and
adventurous hunters. Now it is teeming with population
carrying with them the arts and' sciences of civilized life,
villages and cities have sprung up like creations of a dream
in'the hte trackless wilderness, forty first class steamboats
float on the lake, and a distance equal to one third, the
breadth ofthe Atlantic is traversed in twotrhd a half days
by a floating palace whose georgeousness princes might
en vy Buff Com.
Not so slow. The following wasstated by a Professor
at Paris, to his pupil:
A gentleman dying, made nis will, in which he provi
ded that if his wile, shortly to be confined, should have a
boy.he would taKe.two-tniros or tne property, anu nis mo-
ther the remainder: but if it was a girl, then the mother "
was to have two-thirds, and the daughter one-third. Now
it so happened that a girl and a boy were born. The pro-
fessor enquired how the property should be divided accor-
ding to the wish of the testator. He called upon one of
the pupils, and asked him gravely, '
Sir, what was the intention ot the tstatorf
Q.r -,nc-Mrfl tlt ttnrlrnr his intpnttnn wns nnt to
was
jjavo Dlll onc m.
-
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Cruger & Moore. Telegraph and Texas Register (Houston, Tex.), Vol. 5, No. 9, Ed. 1, Wednesday, August 14, 1839, newspaper, August 14, 1839; Houston, Texas. (https://texashistory.unt.edu/ark:/67531/metapth48066/m1/2/: accessed June 19, 2024), University of North Texas Libraries, The Portal to Texas History, https://texashistory.unt.edu.; crediting The Dolph Briscoe Center for American History.