Hellcat News (Garnet Valley, Pa.), Vol. 65, No. 11, Ed. 1, July 2012 Page: 10 of 32
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Page 10
HELLCAT NEWS
July 2012
Here is a masterpiece sent to me by good friend, Otis
G. Shull [C] of Massapequa, NY, our unit representative
emeritus.
MY JOB
It’s not my place to run the train.
The whistle I can’t blow,
It’s not my place to say how far
the train’s allowed to go.
It’s not my place to shoot off steam,
Nor even clang the bell.
But let the damn thing jump the track,
And see who catches hell!
Author unknown
Since many cereal plants grow within that deep gorge,
they named it the grained canyon!
I’d say that actor despises play’s set design, the way he’s
totally eschewing the scenery!
Here is another fine one passed on to me by good friend
Art Kinney [B] of Stockton, CA. An elderly gentleman was
asked what do you old folks do now that you are retired?
His answer was, “Well, I’m fortunate to have a chemical
engineering background and one of the things I enjoy most
is turning beer, wine, Scotch, and Margaritas into urine!”
That artist is handily winning the sketching competition.
I think he is certainly top drawer.
One of the 56th stalwarts who is quite fluent with the
German language and who was aghast at the 12th Armored-
Russian Elbe River link-up pipedream suggested that the
individual may have heard a German citizen at the Danube
River utter the words, “Alles Dasselbe” which in German
means “all one.” In no way does it mean that the Danube
is the Elbe! Enough on the matter, the dead horse has been
whipped thoroughly!
Here is another gem emailed to me by good friend, Art
Kinney on Sunday, March 18.
GEOGRAPHY OF A WOMAN
Between 18 and 22, a woman is like Africa. Half dis-
covered, half wild, fertile and naturally beautiful! Between
23 and 30, a woman is like Europe. Well developed and
open to trade, especially for someone of real value. Between
31 and 35, a woman is like Spain, very hot, relaxed and
convinced of her own beauty. Between 36 and 40, a woman
is like Greece; gently aging but still a warm and desirable
place to visit. Between 41 and 50, a woman is like Great
Britain, with a glorious and all conquering past. Between
51 and 60, a woman is like Israel, has been through war,
doesn’t make the same mistakes twice, takes care of
business. Between 61 and 70, a woman is like Canada, self-
preserving, but open to meeting new people. After 70, she
becomes Tibet. Wildly beautiful, with a mysterious past
and the wisdom of the ages. An adventurous spirit and a
thirst for spiritual knowledge.
THE GEOGRAPHY OF A MAN
Between 1 and 80, a man is like Iran, ruled by nuts.
The 17th and the 66th Armored Infantry Battalions had
things about which they could boast, but the 56th Armored
Infantry Battalion had Talent, Fred Talent, that is.
Name of a country where people always feel compelled
to act on things immediately: Urgent-ina!
Can you please give us your best advice on which wine
to buy? It would be grapely appreciated!
These very interesting statistics were sent to me by a
close friend who resides in Westminster, MD.
DOCTORS VS GUN OWNERS
DOCTORS
(A) The number of physicians in the U.S. is 700,000.
(B) Accidental deaths caused by physicians per year are
120,000. (C) Accidental deaths per physician are 0.171
[Statistics courtesy of U.S. Dept, of Health and Human
Services.]
Now think about this:
GUN OWNERS
(A) The number of gun owners in the U.S. is 80,000,000.
[Yes, that’s 80 million], (B) The number of accidental gun
deaths per year, all age groups, is 1,500. (C) The number
of accidental deaths per gun owner is .0000188 [Statistics
courtesy of FBI].
So statistically, doctors are approximately 9,000 times
more dangerous than gun owners.
Remember, “Guns don’t kill people, doctors do.”
FACT: Not everyone has a gun, but almost everyone has
at least one doctor. This means you are over 9,000 times
more likely to be killed by a doctor as by a gun owner!!!
Please alert your friends to this alarming threat. We must
ban doctors before this gets completely out of hand! Out of
concern for the public at large, we withheld the statistics on
LAWYERS for fear the shock would cause people to panic
and seek medical attention!
Because that man opts to spend all his days in his
automobile, I’d say he’s carred for life!
Attempts at humor from Yardville: Trying to get our own
Don Hale, D.D.S. [HQ] of Nevada, IA, to tell us something
about his military exploits is analogous to pulling teeth! I
have the feeling there will be a Hale storm concerning that
one.
Some people are totally crazy about a certain South
American Country. I call them Brazil Nuts!
For all of you duffers out there, here is definitely a
golfer’s bit of humor sent to me by Art Wagenknecht [B]
of York, PA, on March 29:
DREADED CALL
My boss phoned me today. He said, “Is everything okay
at the office?”
I said, “Yes, it’s all under control. It’s been a very busy
day, I haven’t stopped.”
“Can you do me a favor?” he asked.
I said, “Of course, what is it?”
“Speed it up, I’m in the foursome behind you!”
I figure you will eventually order a drink which you
dislike, based on the law of beverages!
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Twelfth Armored Division Association (U.S.). Hellcat News (Garnet Valley, Pa.), Vol. 65, No. 11, Ed. 1, July 2012, newspaper, July 2012; (https://texashistory.unt.edu/ark:/67531/metapth597661/m1/10/: accessed July 17, 2024), University of North Texas Libraries, The Portal to Texas History, https://texashistory.unt.edu.; crediting The 12th Armored Division Memorial Museum.