The Houston Post. (Houston, Tex.), Vol. 25, Ed. 1 Saturday, September 18, 1909 Page: 18 of 22
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0 j f and 1 hey nave lNot Deen VY orn
fclHl iS0(B n Out by Repetition. ......
t
' Hade Conductor laugh.
(From th Washington Herald.)
: "everybody rot acquainted In th last
thre row of a Broadway. New York.
' trolley car the other day all owing to
the presence of William Collier. Broad-
way baa not known him nor the Lambs'
dub either since the mournful-faced but
nimble-minded comedian lockstepped hie
way out of the Garrlck theater at the
nd of the run of "The Man from Mex-
ico." . There la a new millionaire alone
Millionair e Row at St James Long is-
land and this Is Mr. Collier with a mil-
lion laughs to his credit for every dollar
possessed by his neighbors. But the other
' day a little note signed "C F. brought
the comedian back to New York restor-
. Ing him to the mercies of the jostling
hustling orowd between the Thirty-fourth
tree ferry and Broadway. Entirely m
mechanloal way the actor accepted the
transfer proffered by the conductor had
bis ride uptown called at his manager's
office and then "just a look In" at the
Lambs' club. But Ilka a dutiful com-
muter he felt that he must get that :l
boat back to St. Jamea. no matter whose
tory he Interrupted by rushing away
from the club.
When "Fares" thrust his hand under
Mr. Collier's noew It eeemed the most
natural thing In the world for the come-
dian to dip Into hla pocket and hand him
the transfer procured early In the morn-
ing. But he was soon brought to his
jenjys by a load yell 'That's three hours
Tea. I know" Mr. Collier quickly an-
wered "but Isn't Jt prettyr
. And then the stolid countenance of the
"human conductor cracked and cracked as
might the side of a blank wall until It
an folded Into a smile then a grin and
finally a long rererberatlng laugh. It
was a modern miracle wrought along a
busy way and Mr. Collier could not let
It go without comment.
""Look at him!" he shouted to every-
body about him. at the same time Jump-
ing up from his seat. "I give you my
word he's laughing the hardest audlenoe
in the world I hare made a Broadway
conductor laugh during working nura
at am content"
i
t He Sold Shoes.
1 (From the Washington Herald.)
"Do you sell shoes heref was asked
of the shoe man who had Just bowed a
woman out doors after spending an hour's
time with her and falling to hit her cue.
"Oh. yes-ob yes" ha genially replied.
I have known myself and staff of frrs
clerks to sell as many as four pairs of
woman's shoes In a day. I beUete two
IxUrs oame back to be changed next day
Imt we Galled it a record."
"And a woman has got to do just so
much fussing around has she?"
"Lands yea. You have to get used to
It and put up with It. I bought this
building here inside of two days but I'm
cot expecting any woman to hustle things
along like thai. TCSre s a program to be
followed air.
"rlrstly a woman must coma to the
conclusion that she needs a pair of shoes.
It takes her from a week to a month to
do this.
"Then she has to decide whether she
will call at Brown's. Smith's or Jones'.
Ancther week gone.
Then she gives the three the go-by and
cal is on Pepper who Is ma. Enter the
woman and advance Mr. Pepper.
"The woman has a corn on her toe. I
hear Its history. She has an Ingrowing
tee nail. I hear the history of that. No
thc.kinu her off. History occupies forty
tr.livites In the telling.
ir.tn sne gets along to say that she
un dropped In to see and maybe will
ay. What are the latest atvlea. I show
liar forty. She eaat make up bar mind
v. uethar to take a low heel or a high one.
Thirty ffr-'n-itve spent la fli-nrffTl-'g the
hf-le.
"tihe rets to the point where she thinks
ene viiu try on a pair sne tries on four
teen paira
Stamps on
very nair.'
Bhs walks with them: aha
ane wants a History of
"And then she goes outf I said.
"Yes after talking for half an hour
BOit about her hired girl her sick bahv
fi.ri the felon aha thought she was going
n have her thumb but didn't. An-
b' her woman cornea In and bears her
say to look at the sweeiast thing in
-iiais."
Jnst as Wide.
Orvllle Wright eras discussing at Fort
Myar ths many flying men that have
sprung up since his brother and ht
showed the world how flight was
achieved says the St. Louis Qlobe-Demo-
'To fly- said Mr. Wright "Just to
fly that la nothing. The real thing is to
fly right
'These UtUe flyers skipping and hop-
riing a mile or two remind one. with
heir self- mporcant airs of a railroader
of the siit.es.
Thia railroad or called on old Commo-
dore Vanderbiit
" 'Commodore' he said heartily 1
want to exchange courtesies with you.
I'm the president of the Miles City and
Gi endive line and here'a a pass over our
goad."
"He laid a pass on the table.
" 1 d like to have' he si d. a pass
over the Vanderbiit roads in return com-
modore.' "Tee old railroad king studied his vis-
it o- w'th knit bTws.
" "Where la this road of yoursr he
asked.
" 'Out West.' was the reply.
"Is it a well-known roadr
Oh a famous road commodore.'
"How big is itr
" "Well commodore we are operating
Sri twenty-seven miles this year."
" Twenty-seven miles!' cr.ed Commo
dore Vanderbiit angrily 'and the Van- j
derbllt lines are thousands of miles
loner! And you cal! that an exchange of
courtesies? Here take back your paaa
air. It's no good to me.'
"The Westerner thrust the rejected
pass In his packet and clapped his soft
felt hat on his head.
" 'Welt so long commodore.' he blus-
' tered defiantly. Tour road may be a
little longer ttan mine la but it isn't
any wider!' "
i He Carried Sample.
(From the Washington Herald.)
' A minister who had been doing mis
sionary work in India re-etly returned
to I.oidon for a visit says an English
periodical' He. was a guen at a .well-
known hotel where evervtMrg p eased
him est' ' t the sbserre of it- very tor-
rul atiixts and stives to
:;va he rid
1-ar E:u-t.
ivtth him
:vnis. and
--.-r the
become ecebston.t-"- m th.
Furtorjuu-I
hi-
3 I'"
irit.
a 1- i
ry nr' i t
i f
Ihf ' c ' ii
VJ. in - c ! Viitr
tj K'h'i. ' ' ' " '
'1 111 V t-f. n t t t
ft 1 tl f 1 1 - ' i. 1 ' .rlt-
.ra.'ift' 1 in T" 1 ic - r e t o e '1 tt-p
titor 1 '-!. . i I'.-- uie - . t r to
p.lKH th tXUW
tore "i his n-.vai tin twit a .1 .!
rumul'.iul. vii'T r. Ti'i':itnt he t;r;.eu
. tih tears In h i-yj. to the cnitilattr. .
' '! ou re a n.:ii.: '.. the goep. t 1
.."yes. .!.-."
. . "And yuu preach tl.e docirlra) of ever-
isstlnf hie?"
' autnltvsd the minister.
' nil you n tlio v.rsf muiutsr I ever
met wuo Ciurifd :in:i4fca.
(hitraged.
. fTrom the WaahingtOB Star.)
' HftTim Maxinv the Inventor of th
antrnfftd Vrfleaeer." said In the enure at
a pMftit Interview in New Tark:
vThat tufringement ease too was won.
Th opposition ha) a lot of witaeases but
titer wore all badly eoached. Aa badly
cxxM-hed. InileeA es . But listen.
A yliremiloaist viaUed a viUsc. M
WP y MprpitAUoi
offered to examine any one's bumps for
a dime. A burly blacksmith's helper
said be would have his bumps examined.
and as he took his place another man
whispered In the phrenologist ear:
. " 'He's very fond of veal.'
"At this hint the phrenologist nodded
gratefully. He then read out uie Maes-
smith's bum ia. credited him with ail
sorts of virtues and finally he said In a
loud positive tone:
" 'Now I come to your diet dents. It
there la one thing In the world our sub-
ject dotes on. It Is veal. Why'
"But the sentence was never finished.
The blacksmith rose suddenly and knock-
ad the phrenologist down.
" 'Blast ye!' he roared. "What's It got
to do with you If I did steal cairr "
No Honey Factory.
(From the Washington 8 tar.)
"That was an error" said Senator Bev-
erldge apropos of an opponent's argu-
ment at a dinner In Indianapolis "our
friend made an embarrassing error. Me
reminds me of John Wtnslow.
"John Wlnslow spent his honeymoon at
Niagara. He left the bridal apartment
late one night to bathe and on his re-
turn knocked as he supposed on his
wife's door calling softly:
Honey r
There
no answer wlnslow
knocked again.
" 'Honey!'
"Still no answer. Wlnslow thundered
on the door.
" "Honeyr ho cried. In a voice of agony.
Then a reply oame at last
" 8neak .you bloomin' Idiot!" a mala
vole growled. This Is a bedroom not a
blooming beehrre!" -
-
Lesson in Physiology.
1 (From the Philadelphia Ledger.)
Preach patience as they may publio
school superintendents do not always
practice It And this very fact saved the
sealp of a teacher who had been derelict
In her duties regarding the teaching of
the noble science of physiology.
The superintendent was In the habit of
dropping la to the different class rooms
and demanding a recital of lessons from
the pupils. One day her active mind nit
upon physiology as the study for exami-
nation. It happened that the teacher did herself
not like the study of the human anatomy
and. therefore. had not drilled her
scholars ss she should have done. But
the little airl to whom the first question
was put so bewildered the superintendent
and mad her lose her patience that there
were no mors questions or a similar na-
ture asked.
'Tell me. said the superintendent
"what a skeleton Is."
"A skeleton?" she asked. "A skeleton?
Why a skeleton is a roan with his ln-
sldes out and his outsides off."
Who Wu Governor!
(From the Kansas City Star.)
Who Governor Will son of Kentucky
was housebound last winter owning to a
strained tendon In his leg hs was at-
tended by "Jim who has been general
factotum to many governors and who
was a source of much fun among State
house attaches. The lame leg caused
the governor to move his office tempor-
arily to the mansion where he received
many delegations. On one occasion Mrs.
Willson bad waited luncheon for thirty
minutes and aba told his excellency that
he mast come down and eat wtth her.
"'My dear" said Mr. Willson. "just as
soon aa I see that delegation of men
downstairs. I'll be with you." Mrs. Will-
son waa determined and said: "Jim.
you go down and tell them to wait."
fcJlmr" frowned the governor as that
worthy started off to obey the mistress
of the mansion "Jim you know who is
governor don't your' "Tas. sir." grin-
ned Jim. with seeming Innocence: "yas.
sir. I'll go down and tell the gemmen
to wait ear."
Had Something' to Say.
(From Harper's Monthly.)
In a Southern police court a colored
boy was about to receive sentence for
some petty offense. It waa evidently
bis first time "up" and he waa not
familiar with court usages.
When the magistrate asked the usual
question before pronouncing sentence he
varied the form a little carelessly or
perhaps as a relief to Its monotony.
'"Well sir have you anything to say?"
"Tea. air' stammered the frightened
darkey.
"Tou have?" The evidence had been
very strong against the culprit "Speak
upythen. and let us hear it"
Whereupon to the amazement of hft
honor the lawyers and all In court the
lad began to recite in a singing voice:
The curfew tolls the knell of parting
day;
The lowing herd winds slowly o"er the
lea. .
---
Limited Besponsibility.
(From the Washington Herald.)
"little Septimus had been very good
and had recited The Boy Stood on the
Burning Deck' with admirable feeling for
the berefit of his Uncle Robert" said
George W. Taaker of Philadelphia who
Is at the Rlggs.
" "He's a wonderful boy!" exclaimed j
that gentleman enthusiastically 'and he i
&oerfes to bo rewarded." !
no saving he plunged h i hand into
his bulging socket and with much diffi
cultyfor he was rather portly extract-
ed a penny which he offered with grext
Importance to his good little neDhew
Reitiember. my boy' he said that If tou
lake care of tl.e pennies the sh.il.ns
will take care of themselves.'
"Poor little Septimus looked rather du-
bious. 'I do take care of the pennies
Uncle Robert " he an-we-ed ..d:v. Imt
aa soon as they get to be shillings my
pa takes care of turn for me.' "
Unimportant.
(From Harper's Weekly.)
An American whoae business interests
take him once a year to Russia tells of
an Inter esting example of militarism In
that country.
The Amertren was on one occasion
walking in the streets of Moscow when
his attention was attracted by a minia-
ture riot during whlcn the snishinK of a
whip was not the least so i: d that came
to Ms ears. Running- acro the street
he found that a stocky man In a b'oute
was flat on the irrourd stoutly resisting
the efforts of two soldiers to set v.1ti on
his feet. AIw the American became
: of the presence besirle him of an
official in uniform who was watchitig
ti e : rt:g. le without excitement or in-
terest hov.e.er.
"What's the matter?" asked the Amer-
ican in French.
A nj i t the shoulders of the official
wx m"-t impi-'Sive "Xotrilne in pr-
tlcular" said he. "Only a peasant turn-
voiuntetr!" Gratitnde.
(Frnm the Philadelphia Record.)
"Gratitude? There isn't such a thing
as eratitude" growled the pessimist
Asked by his friend what was the par-
ticular trouUe this time the dissatisfied
one discoursed: 'Three years ago I dis-
covered a secluded place up the State
where they ae dom saw a stranger from
one year's end to the other. I just hap-
pened upon It found there was good
fishing there and a month later when I
went on my vacation took a party of
six along. Ths hotel proprietor had
charged me M a week board but when
J came along with trio others and bs
saw the bagaga rates went to R on the
spot Well we had luck and the next
year each man who had beeo one of my
party took ons ot his pwa there. By
the end of that i season ths rates war
t 4ayt and rtth auero vMIom aaaa
year that man has been steadily going
up. I wrote to him this year and do
you know I started the ball rolling wltli
my first fishing party and the adver-
tisement th place got then has so in-
creased that ths hotel 1 now twice It
sis and th rate so prohibitive that I
. have to hunt another place to go this
year. Gratitude? There Isn't such a
thing.
. :'
- Sttjal-as-Ton-Oo-Out
(From th St Louis Poet-Dispatch.)
Th man 1b th rabbit hutoh was talk-
ing. "if wonderful what a difference th
pay-as-you-enter makes with lost arti-
cles" he said. "I guess we turn In about
one-tenth of th stuff w used to pick
.up In th oars before we war confined
to this box. Tou see we used to walk
through the ear for fares and If there
was an umbrella or a grip or anything of
that sort left In on of the seats we ran
a good chance of seeing it and restoring
It to th owner. Now w oan't do that
We have to stay here at the rear and
w have hardly any o nance at all to pick
up anything left on the car.
"But the passengers turn in soma of
the things they find don't they?" I asked.
There was a great and sad knowledge
of human nature In the oonduotor smile.
"Do they? Not much" ho said. "Ask
ths man who has charge of lost articles
over at the De Ballvier station. Hs'U
tell you that we handle almost nothing;
there now. whereas we restored quanti-
ties of stuff to the owner under th pay-
when -discovered system."
My eye but whst thieves wo a re I
"O hy I used to pick up an umbrella or
two on my oar every day and now there
Is not one handed over to m In seven
deys" he rtmed.
Here then is a valid objection to the
pay-as-you-enter one that wo have never
thought of: It Is making all of us thieves!A Bad Han.
(From th New York Trfbuna)
Thomas Nelson Pag was talking In
th unoke room of the Amerlka about
the nld-fashloned bad men of the West
'They are extinct now" said Mr. Page
"and I am sorry. They were you know
so tiriurtwue. I remember a Western
trip "
H latirhed hoartllv.
"We were all seated In ths barroom of
Tin Can or lead Cur some such town.
! waa the only tenderfoot present Every
man about me hr:siled with sruns and
kr.fves like an enraged porcupine. If I
refused to drink. I was given to under-
stand. I would be turned Into a human
pincushion or worse.
"Weil aa I sipped a friendly glap of
something resembling w od alcohol a
very bad man Indeed rode on a prancing
ncstang right Into the barroom He dnew
np an had a drliuc. Then spying me
ee raid:
" 'Whar ye from. ttiangerT
" "Richmond" sa'd 1.
" ot good old Richmond. "Virginia?
he exclaimed.
' 'Ves " said I; do yor know itr
""Know Itr he shnuted. "Know It?
Best jail I ever was In!" "
A Fever Besister.
(From the New Tork Tribune.)
Prof. Frederick Starr anthropologist
was discussing In Chicago tha Roosevelt
hunting trip.
"Mr. Roosevelt" he said "win en-
counter very grave dangers in the jun-
gle. I don't mean the wild beasts; I
mean the fevers. Mr. Roosevelt's Is not
the temperament to resist these dangers
either.
"His Is a heady rushing temperament;
but the sort of temperament that keeps
jungle fever off Is like-like
"I once boarded a four-wheeler la Pic-
cadilly" said Prof. Starr "and I bad :
the driver drive to Claridge's.
"He drove at a snail's pace. Exasper-
atedfor I was already late for luncheon
I put out my head and shouted:
" 'Look here cabby we're not going to
a funeral!' j
'The cabby looked at me took out his i
pipe and frowned. I
ko. ne said 'ana we sin t goln to
no bloomin' fire neither."
Lost Temper.
Jim Jeffries was continuing with a
group of Minneapolis reporters his
thpughtful talks on the morals of mus-
cularity says an enchange.
"Muscular morality" said the pugilist
"requires self-control. The temper must
never be lost. Ah think gentlemen how
much happier the world would be If no
one ever lost his temper."
The pugilist lighted a cigar and
chuckled.
"Lost temper does great harm" he
said. "I once knew a man who held
thirteen trumps at whist and on ac-
count of his partner's temper be oniy
took one trick with that ideal hand.
"Impossible!" sneered a reporter who
conducted a weekly bridge column.
"Impossible? Not at all" was the
pugilist's reply. "Tou see as soon as
this man trumped his partner's ace on
the first play his partner in a rage
jumped up and kicked him out ot the
room."
Too Attentive.
(From the New York Times.)
Then there is the case of young Robin-
son who has just returned from the sea-
shore. Robinson Is a Chesterfield. When
he was about to leave for home he said
to his boarding mistress:
"Madam you have been most attentive
to me dur.ng my stay here."
Thank you sir; thank you very
much ' said the lady.
"Tea." continued tne young man: "you
have been most attentlv;e and not only
you. but everybody everything in Wi
house if I may say so. has been mos'
pei sevennely attentive to me. clay and
night: and madam to show my appre-
ciation I am going to offer you a small
present"
How very kind" said tha landlady
eeeoeeeeeeeeeeteeeeaoeooaeeaeeeeeeoeeeeeeeooooeooooaoaoa
' . . . 1 r
Texas Ranch Where the President Will Rest j
imww
(From the New Tork Tribune.)
If President Taft doesn't f nd things
right when he comes to visit the 125.QW-
acre Texas rar.eh of his brother. Charles
P. Taft. in the latter part of October it
wlil not be-tl.e fault of the many zeal-
ous workmen who are fixing matter for
his reception. Joseph F. Green manager
of the ranch has had especially lar;e
and strung new chairs installed In iht
residence of La (Junta or the villa
which is three miles from the town of
Gregory and faces on Corpus Chrlstl
har. It Is l)oTd that these chairs will
mi-.: the situaiion when the president
Is rettir g frojn a game of golf or an au-
tomohiie hunt after wildcats.
A new bith house erected for the hon-
ored guest at tl.e beach would have had
a door t feet iilgh and I feet wide if the
carpenter on the job had had his way.
The well meaning- mechanic thought Mr.
Tift would need the space having a
slightly exiLggeiaied idea of the chief
executive's greatness.
A golf course which begins and and
near La Quinta has bees especially laid
out for the president's benefit by two
experts - Robert H. Connerly of Austin
ana rruii L-ewis or Ban Antonio it
aid to be among the best links la th
country. .
It is expected that the' president will
do some horseljack riding during bis foun-
der stay at ths ranch and he will a
aHklV xjrorioM with mounts.
THE GOOD OF THE SERVICE I By MARCUS DAY;l
(Copyright. MCV by BenJ. B. Hampton.)
"Well. Balntree. how many rifles this
tlm?' said X with a laugh a I reached
forth to grasp tha musoular hand th
hand that to me aeemed to hay been
mad only to grasp th pommel ot a
sword. He had aeon at as I earn to-
ward him; hla lean length unllmbered and
th hawk too lighted up pleasantly.
"How many oould'you deliver on th
ear la your town within a week- and a
questions asked T' he retorted quickly
mor thaa half la earnest
Balntree to all outward appearance
was Inoffensive. Tet Oermsny's secret
police had tent detailed report of hla
movements to th emperor la' person
whll he waa within ths borders of tha
smplre: h had ba obliged to leave th
Flowery kingdom voder governmental
auspice; England looked upon him wtth
disfavor because of a certain Intimacy
with Jameson and others in Soirth Afrieai
Hawaii. wha a kingdom found reason to
oomplaln of him to th United 8tati
Formosa knew him; Constantinople would
hay aon of him and when last I hoard
from htm he waa oa hi way to Russia-.
."In th bop that I may be spared t
pay my respects to the mikado." ha
wrot. Now here he was seated la th
lobby of th moat promlnet hotel la New
Tork undoubtedly cursing a world un-
grateful enough to remain peaceful six
months at a tlm. Balntree waa possessed
of a martial wanderlust
"No he said la answer t my au
tlon "I am no emlssoy this time. X earn
back to New Tork on personal business
family affairs you know. Even wei wan-
derers have family affair sometime. For
a brief period I actually waa heir to a
fortune; but alas there war other heirs
who thought X bad no right to th shk
els and. sooner thaa have trouble la th
family I chucked th whole matter ap
and left them to fight It out among tham-
MtYtta." This waa not wholly th truth. X after-
ward learned that there were two other
beneflciartea under th will of his aunt
(it waa a spinster aunt who had wlllad
him her property) and whan Balntree
discovered that one was a cripple he ab-
dicated hi claim because "there was only
enough tor one." It was charaoteristlo ot
him. told me he was just waiting to
hear from "certain quarters" and confi-
dently . expected thai "something might
turn up."
"Keep your wthar eye peeled. Colin
he said wtth h.s queer grating laugh
"or you may miss ths opportunity n
disposing of another big consignment o
those very bad rifles of yours?"
This always waa hla joke. Twice he
had suddenly appeared on Broadway had
Said eash down for stock rifles to be
silvered In a certain time always In a
hurry and th last time so he jokingly
insists the rifles we sent him did mor
damag to their owners than to th
enemy.
It soon developed that he had nothing
to do for the evening except contain hi
soul In patience and as I had concluded
my business wa arranged for a quiet
visit A chance inquiry about a mutual
friend brought forth th story .of th last
of his many queer adventures.
"CarstairsT Yes he's still attached to
th embassy at Toklo. I saw him there
a few months ago. By the way Colin you
remember Lombard ths correspondent
who went with me to Central America
when that time? Undoubtedly you read
and a bright expectant smile lit up hsr
face. Then the young man thrust into
her extended hand a packet of Insect
powder and retired hastily.
English as She It Spoke.
(From Success.)
The teacher of "conversational French"
In a certain Eastern oolleg was a lively
mademoiselle "just over."
On bright afternoon she stopped two
girls very excitedly. She wanted to buy
an "eponge pour In bain" but did not
anow wnat to aaa ror.
"Bath sponge. Tell th salesman you
want a big bath sponge to take home
with you" said the girls in chorus and
they accompanied her to the village drug
stor. .
A young clerk stepped forward. Mad-
emoiselle advanced bravely.
"Please" shs said smilingly "will you
kindly take m bom and giv me a big
pong bath?"
4-
The More Serious Kind.
(From the Philadelphia Public Ledger.)
Suddenly the summer man gave a start
and hastily removed his arm from tha
waist of the summer girl.
"W what's the trouble Fred?" she
asked In alarm.
"Why" he replied nervously "those
boarders up In the beach hotel have been
training opera glasses on us for the last
ten minutes. I bet they are saying this
Is the funniest comic opera they ever
witnessed.
The summer girl smiled.
"Don't worry. Fred you can depend on
It that I don't think it Is comic opera."
"And what do you think It Is dearest?"
"Grand."
And after that the ripple of mirth
that drifted down from the hotel veranda
tailed to disturb them.
On Ignorance.
Bishop W. A. Guerry of South Caro-
lina told at a dinner party in Columbia
a number Of amusing anecdotes about
Ignorance says an exchange.
"A verger in a young friend's church"
be said "on being asked if the rector
was married answered:
'No ma'am; he's a chalybeate."
"And it was probably in this sama
town that a newspaper accusing the rec-
tor of being too 'high' said:
" 'He practices wa are Informed the
mots unblushing form of celibacy.'
"In the next paragraph came the sneer:
mobiles will also . be at his service.
Watching a wildcat hunt from the com-
ioriautv seat of an automobile will be a
new sensation for the distinguished visitor.-
There Is a "posture'' of 28000 acres
where the cats abound In mesqults thick-
ets and whence a trio of "cat hounds"
owned by the ranch manager Mr. Green
will d slodge the energetic packages of
fur and claws for the delectation of tiie
hunters. Night is the proper time for a
wildcat chase and there will be some
fun if the moon furnishes Sufficient il-
lumination. A hunt after wolf and deer
may be added to the program.
Mr. Green hopes to show as much ot
the immense Taft ranch to the president
as possible during the visit. The thriving
Utile town of Taft is one of the places
to be seen. It la seven miles from Greg-
ory has a population of GOD and cast a
solid vote for Its namesake last year. The
town is on ranch land and her the
great Industrial enterprises of th ranch
are being established. Ther will be a
large meat pacmng piant a cotton seeu
.. - ... -. . . .....
L. uvi.iru ww i
oil mill an ice Diant ana an - aaaiuonai i
cotton sin. These concerns which will
be mostly In operation by the first of
next year represent an Investment of
about 3(.000. -
The meat packing plant will handl not
only the product of the ranch but cattle;
from other ranches of South Texas. It
Is an entirely modem plant sanitary aad
labor saving costing 1100000 and with a
dairy capacity of about 160 cattle and
numerous nogs ana sneep. Tne waste ot
the cotton eeed oil mill will feed 00 or
Xw cattle annually. At present ther
about itw head of cattle upon this
h. The (ouros of suddIv for th
packing house wlU com chiefly however
from the other Texas ranch of Charle
g. Taft which property mbrac UA
of his deatftt Shot down la th trU
of Toklo In a drunken brawl th die-
patone saia ana tne roreiga onto sub
stantiated this version after oareful uv
u I inn
There was a world ot contempt and sar-
casm la Ui last two word a I nodde.1
I remembered th story welL for It had
created oonstderabls comment In etfJo'4
circles hr. -
"Wall that wa a 11 i n of many."
he went on. settling himself in his ohalr.
To giv you the Inside history of that
affair I wllk go back a bit; back t
Mukden In' faot just after th Japs oc-
cupied th city. Th siege lasted how
many week was it? Th exact tlm
soap ma now but It was a long Umo
Tou can Imagine th turmoil ana con-
tusion la thaf half-starved lty. with
vary man looking- out for himself and
th devil take th hindmost. .
"Undoubtedly it would liave gon hard
wtth me had there been anyone on the
field staff who remembered m. That
little affair you remember! As at was. X
would hav had a hard lime explaining
why aa American bore arms for Rus-
sia .had It not been for Lombard. He
waa out there for a New Tork newspaper
as you know; was caught with th foros
In the city and couldn't get out -Whan
ha learned ot my predicament h gave
m th credential of an artist who had
roomed with him and who had gone down
to th eoast before tha fuss started about
th town. That mad me aafs enough
nrovlded that I was not racoamlsed. When
w had lean Investigated and received our
passes . from headatiartera wo had th
run of th town. It was In on of our
nocturnal rambles that w mot th girl
yee. there's a girl la thli story; she's the
story. It was at night as I say that
w met th girl for th first tlm.
There were
tew veniojes leit in in
town and most of those that were left
were owing nurnea xowara in ironi as
provision carta. So when w beard the
rumble of wheels at that time of night.
Snd saw a - real though - dilapidated
rougham drawn by a pair of horse )
that evidently had been requisitioned
from the artillery harness and alL we
were somewhat surprised.
"When the brouatnam waa not mors
thaa a hundred feet away there waa a
hot;' the off-horse stumbled and fell.
Then there was a scurry ot feat and a
number of dark forma perhaps ten or
twelve rushed toward the carriage. Sur-
prise after surprise." There wag a wom-
an's scream suddenly stifled and. by
common Impulse Lombard and I draw
our sruns and ran towrard tha disturbance.
Lombard fired oa the -run and downed
one man on tha outskirts -of th little
orowd. I opened up. and both of us
emptied sis shots Into th mas before It
rroke. Evan In the heat of the moment
waa forced to not th accuracy of th
return fire; when I earn to think It ever
X well anyway. It was good shooting
for I had several close calls and LcnT-
bard was scratched twice. Thar war
vera! dark forms on- the ground when
obeying a sharp command which seme!
to come from the carriage Itself the
bunch scattered. On of th forms proved
to be the girl; she had tainted.
"Lombard ricked bar up and carried
her to the brougham and as he was
about to put her In h stopped with an
exclamation of surprise. I looked over
his shoulder and there oa th seat lnsldei
as calm and collected as you are now
sat one of th Jap officers on th general
staff -one that earn on with trash troops
for garrison duty only two or three days
before.
""Wall by thunder! said Lombard In
English this Internal scoundrel sat here
and didn't lift a finger to help the girl.'
"He went on with more in the same
strain for he was vary impulsive Lom-
bard was never thinking that the Jap
officer understood English. What ho
said wouldn't look well in print and I'll
bet you. or any other man with a drop
of good red blood la his veins would
have shot him In his tracks for the half
of it. But the Jap eat there mute In th
semi-gloom until Lombard stopped for
breath; then he moved a bit oa ths seat
"With unusual pomp he celebrates th
venlng sarvtee-or evening matin a he
prefer to say.' "
Where Ignorance If Bliss.
(From Harper' Monthly.)
Whan th United States fleet entered
Asiatic water during th famous round-the-world
voyage a small cruiser wa
sent ahead to a Chinas port upon of-
ficial business connected with ths cruise.
Upon arrival the ship's omoers were In-
vited to dine by a Chinese mandarin and
during the meal one ot the officers wished
a second helping of a certain savory dish
which he supposed was duck. Not know-
ing a word of Chinese he therefore ex-
tended his empty plate remarking with
smiling approval:
"Quack f quack! quack!"
But th officer's appetite failed him
suddenly as hla host with a twinkle of
Isnt celestial eyes shook his head with
simple but horrifying response:
"Bowl wowi wowl"
She Wu Too Quick.
(From Cleveland Plain Dealer.)
There were three at the little table la
the safe a lady and two men.
Suddenly the electric lights went out
and th lady. Quickly and noiselessly.
drew back.
An instant later there was the smack
of a compound kiss. As the electric lights
went up each man was seen smiling
comp alsantly.
"I thought I heard a kiss." said ths
lady "but nobody kissed me."
Then the men suddenly glared at each
other and flushed and looked painfully
sheepish.
Behind the Screen.
(From Harper' Weekly.)
A negro preacher in a Georgia town was
edified on one occasion by the recital o'
a dream had by a member of his church.
"1 was a-dreamln' all dl time" said
the narrator "dat I was In Ole Satan's
dominions. I tell you. pahson. dat wi i
snore a oao aream:
"Was dere any white men
.
oer . SSkeil
ine ausay aivme
"fc'hore dere was plenty of 'em" tbo
other hastened to assure his minister.
"What was dey a-doln'7"
"Ebery one of 'em " was the answer
"was a-holdin' a cullud pusson between
him an' ds fire!"
acres and la about 160 miles west ot
Gregory.
At La Quinta ranch a medicinal water
found at a depth of 175 feet and classed
as a "sodic carbonated murlated alka-
line water" will be served to the presi-
dent during his visit for drinking pur-
poses. The State chemist of Texas says
it is good for a lot of diseases.
A force of 225 men is employed on La
Quinta ranch. While some of them ar
technically cowboys they ar sobered
down by the routine of a big Industrial
enterprise and they have almost forgot-
ten their picturesque feats through tend-
W Ume thoroughbred cattle. Their
chief work Is repalilng wire fences. So
1 t.ti.1" not m"ch chance of a cowboy
exhibition to amuse the president. There
ranch l&rmany Mcn
.Lv'fa upo" thl" ranch that the first
JSLly6 "Pmimts and practical dem-
onstration of dry farming In this region
"!" "d as a result of the suo-
?? t"a. th value of the land has
ill! rviuiun an . . . .
....iii.i li.b . wfn.i m i mm rt
imi nn tji . .. . . -
Pll-il JI" v.. -
nrinV irEi: r "'L.r . gasoline traction
I Sal ?h1im.achlnl )1w twelve acre
a aay. The owner has had a a-ood nan
alihnLan.cy'.tvatea n sharfs in "SS
Sift I?cvi"ifrom th .tensnt on.
feed Vurf raSs0!?. th
eeQ sturf raised In lieu of rent The
tfiS? V$F2?SJr yM sSt profit
to Mr. Taft as his share ot about tio an
acre each year. This u consumed S
"trirdinary result in cotton TraliS?
Mr. Taft had not visited tha ranch
pin year until last spring when Si
instructed the mans tTput ta effuJe!
""-i""" or tana along th rail.
Taft and rorUtaa. imount
I
m i
"If you lava quite finished.' h said
l axcallant Rnrllah . -von mi iilira tha
In excellent Bncllsh.. 'you m
young lady on the seat Then dlreot th
patrol thl way. If you will b so kind.
So that we may get on.'
"Lombard wa thunders truck. H stood
with hi foot on th step. th girl rest-
ing partly an his knee as b held her la
hi arm.
After a time ha anoka.
UlndaratanA thai I Amtrdr nnthlnv.
you cowardly our1 h aid. and than be-
gan hurling epithets at him. '
" There waa no us in making a bad
matter worse so I interrupted him. Th
patrol attracted by th shots was com-
ing along anyway and X thought it waa
tlm w war moving. Understand nei-
ther of us had ssea what the girl waa
like up to thl time.. On of the laprobes
of the brougham had bean thrown over
her head and though Lombard had pull-
ad It aslds when h picked her up yet
her face was la shadow. She gave a long
lgh just about than and struggled to
ria. Lombard spoke to her In English
to sooth her just as hs had spoken to
th Jap offloer at first not knowing or
oaring whether she understood. So that
both ot us war surprlssd again whan she
pok. ..
"'Let ma down plea' ah said In
English too and as calmly as If she had
requested a drink of water. There is. no
further need of holding me; X have quite
recovered.'
" 'American by tha Lord ft cried Lom-
bard In hi impulalv way; then aa th
corporal In charge of th patrol aquad
cam up with his lantern and w saw
bar face 'No English; I'll be damned.'
" Tou may be damned' said she and
h actually laughed; 'but I'm neither
one just cosmopolitan.'
"Shs stepped Into th brougham and
one again Lombard allowed bis Im-
pulse to run away with him.
" 'Tou don't mean to say that you are
going on with turn when he' he began
passionately.
"'Hush!' cried th girl and she put
Out hr hand and covered his mouth
her face suddenly grown serious.- 'I
heard you I waa conscious and you've
said mora than enough now. You're a
brav man. colonel'" .
Balntree stopped abruptly at my look
of wonder. "Yes" ho said "shs called
him colonel though he never knew why
and but that cam later." Than he
went on:
" 'You're a brav man colonel' the
Jlrl repeated 'and I love you for It; but
on't bs foolhardy. It'a vonr ranntatlotC.
I know but for this once for my sake.
lorego it I tnank you for what you
and your friend have done and you may
b sur X shall not forget It'
"By this time a new horse I don't
know where it came from was In the
traces and they moved on."
Balntree leaned back la his chair and
again filled hla pip.
There never was a minute after
that" he continued after he had
atnoked for some time In retrospective
Hence "so long as we remained In Muk-
den that we were not under surveillance.
"Only a few day later we were cour-
teously but verv notntefllv infnrmiul that
lthe good of the service required our
F presence In Toklo.
"W went to Toklo; there wa no help
for It I made a tentative proposal look-
ing toward America but they laughed
at me. We were treated well and con-
stantly watched. One day Lombard re-
turned to our hotel flushed and exoited.
" Tv een her John.' he cried hardly
waiting to get Inside th door. 'I've seen
her In a carriage with that cur again
and she saw ms and turned pale and ne
saw me and scowled and and and say
what the devil do you make out .of this
anyway r
''Naturally I needed no explanation. 1
waited until he had calmed down a bit
and then we talked It over. By thl time
of course I had some suspicion a to
why we were watched. But I did not tell
Lombard.
"When we received Invitation to on
How the Explorer Knows That
He Has Reached the North Pole
All those who have been to ssa have
looked on. mora or las mystified while
on of th ship' officers takes hi ob-
servations to find out just where the
ship Is. If ths average landlubber Is
asked to tell just what happens on such
occasions he will confine his explanations
as a rule to stating that the Instrument
involved Is a sextant and that the sun
plays an Important part In the affair.
After that unless he Is an exceptionally
well Informed landlubber he will trail-off
into vague remarks about latitude and
longitude and then ten to one change
the subject
But the sextant has suddenly jumped
Into the limelight remarks the Philadel-
phla Public Ledger. For besides being
Indispensable to the seafarer it is equally
so to polar explorers. It Is by Its use
alone that Peary and Cook hare been -4
able to determine their whereabouts while j
on their weary marches through the frozen
north. In fact if they had not had the
useful little instrument among their para-
fihernalia they would have been abso-
utely unable to tell whether they were
at the coveted goal or hundreds of m lea
away from It
WHAT IS A SEXTANT?
Hence this query is now more pertinent
than ever: What Is a sextant and what
does It do?
The extant Is an instrument for meas-
uring angles between distant objects. It
consists of a frame in the form of a
.rnr .tnhraclns- Somewhat more than 1
one-sixth (usually about one-fourth) of
.. . - mtn-nra ana vrhnllv
slivered and on silvered over half its
surface . a movable . arm pivoted at tha
center of the ector and carrying th fully
silvered mirror and a vernier or meas-
uring seal; an arc along tha clrcumfer-
no of the sector graduated into degrees
minutes and seconds and an eye-piece.
Its name IS derived from th Latin word
sextans signifying the sixth of a circle.
People are often puzxled to know Why
th sextant should be so called when it
con measure angles up to ISO dgeeres or
in imra oi a circle. "" !
out In his well known "Wrinkles in Prac-
tlcal Navigation If me possessor oi o
sextant will look t the arc he will find
a... hB h Uim mv. alnnft AM a matter Of
fact It consists only of the sixth part of
a circle. The optical principle upon which
the instrument Is founded (that of doubla
reflection) permits of half a decree of the
aro being numbered and considered as a
whol degree. Thus in the extant what
is really only an arc of degrees is
divided Into 126 equal parts each of
which does duty as a degree. .
The optical principle uion which the
sextant is founded is thus expressed In
sclentlflo language: "If of.
suffers two successive rn'.n"
same plane by two plane mlrr ora. t rn-
gle between the first and last dh-ectton
of the ray IS twice th angl of th mir-
rors." - r ' - '
SOLVING THE ANGLE.
What the sextant does expressed dif-
ferently 1 to solve th astronomical trl.
angl. on point ot whioh I th pol. th
second th observed heavenly body which
'is th un. and th third th senlth.
which i th point dircay over tne need
of th observer. What th observer
seeks to And out from his wading of
th sextant-1 th sun's altitude. Once
h gels that 'h can gat all th other
Btfeesary ?ta from th ao-calld "Nan-
tlcal Altnan
a government publloa-
each year. whioh I
tlon revised
treasured posse: Xjns of
among inemo.- .-.or.r.
r7. K ii Wnf-th. angular dls-
- thTiorlson " ths level
JS.kZUJ InVklnt observation
of th observer int. . .
5T
a
is
i
of th jubU funeUons ordered by th "
. court. I should have been warned. . . V
court I should have been warned. .
'Till event wmm vui wiat wivu uu. r.
best the capital afforded. Royalty was
represented the military and th diplo-
matic corps turned out n masse and
there were a few espeotally favored for-
eigners Ilk ourselves. Lombard ' wa
openly happy when finally th girl put a
an appearance followed by th inevitable
Jap who waa non other thaa tha Colonel
uln. Rti. bowed to us eraolously. but
try ss w might w never could get close
1 to her. Once eh cmtled in a hopeless
sort of way ana snruggea ner preux
shoulders when she saw we were waton-
Ing. Finally though It wa early sh
and her escort rose to leave. At th door-
way she turned for an Instant looked
directly toward where w were standing
and motioned with bar head a barely
discernible movement It was enough for
Lombard. . '
"I followed him naturally and when
w reached th head of the stairway w
aw th Jap of near handing her Into
their carriage. Bh looked up at us
nodded end smiled. Lombard flushed llke
a schoolboy and with a schoolboy im-
petuosity bs rushed down th stairway
and aoros to th drtvwy.
"H had almost reached th carriage
when there was a flash and a report from
th dark Interior and poor Lombard
plunged forward on his faee and lay mo-
tionless. 1 think perhaps. 1 lost my head
then; In any svsnt I Uks an Inexpe-
rienced boy. unarmed a I waa rustisd
to th earrlag. -.
" 'Fool! Fool! I hoard th girl say la
shrill anger unmindful of th ears that
might haar; 'h Is not th op it I th
other th man with th beard.' '
'There was another flash from ths car-
riage and well this red welt at tha neck-
band of my shirt attests the Jap's marks-
manship. Ths driver whipped up his team
and the carriage dnshed madly away
before I could reach it. ... . .
'IPoor Lombard never knew what hit
him. Tl'ere was noise and th polic
mA .u th. ra nf it. I could do him no
good by remaining and 1 had my own-
neck to save: so I made away In the con
fusion and gained the hotel without
hindrance. Then came Carstalr horri-
fied to know what action they should
take. I told him the whole story and
he agreed with me that I was In a tieht
hole. You see Carstairs. whose frivolity
Is but a cloak knw th old lory too.
I went with him to th embassy w
sworn In as one of the secretaries th
samo day. which was Tuesday and was
ordered home on Thursday a half-hour
before the boat sailed."
Balntree laughed a low bitter grating
laugh; arose and paced up end down the
room with nervous strides. Perhaps I
may have been a trifle stupid but I
didn't fully -rrfisp the salient points; I
couldn't discover a motive and after
racking mv brain for a time I told. Bain-
tree that I couldn't understand.
"Of course of course" he said running
hi finders through his hair; there was
s vague impersonal note in hla voice.
"How should you know? Years ago. Just
after China had been beaten. I was or-
dered to leave the country because their
thought I was well that's Immaterial;
thev got all my papers then but they
couldn't take what I carried away In my
head. Had Russia been able to get with-
in their boundarlss-but that too is !m- '
material. Thsy are wise those Japs and
they'll not chance a war with Uncle Sam
not yet. If 1 were to die In an accident
or a 'drunk brawl" as did poor Lom-
bard whom that blumlerlng ass mistook
for me. why that would be the end."
"But Carstairs knew about Lombard's
death; why didn't he"
"Carstairs is a diplomat Colin."
"But the girl. Balntree." I cried in de-
spair; "what of hoi ? Surely she was
not"'
"Th girl my boy" he said wearily
patient "la one of the most valuable as-
sets of their secret service. And what
they think I know Is a menace to the
'good of the service.' Let's go to bed."
th sky and the water meet Is used. On
shore however observers make use Of
an artificial horizon. Ordinarily this
consists of a cast iron trough containing
Sure mercury which is protected from
ieturbance from the wind by an angular
glass roof. A form of artificial horizon
more suitable for the needs of explorers
is that known aa Captain George : . since
it is more compact and more easily car-
ried. In place of mercury molf.sse.
crude oil and other substances may be
used in the artiiicial horizon.
What is known as the "merldan alti-
tude" or the sun's position at noon la
the best for getting the latitude hence
It is that observations are usually taken
when the chronometer of the explorer
or navigator tells htm that It Is noon.
At the time the error which an observer
la likely to make in determining tlio
longitude is a matter of small impor-
tance. The two things that an observer must
know In order to get his latitude arc the
altitude of the sun. which he gets by
main et hla wvtunl dii tVtn rla..itn
tlon of ne Bun. 'which he sets from hi.
Nautical Almanac. By declination of
the sun Is meant its annular distum-e
north or south of the celestial equator
1. e. a circle reaching to the heavens
which is In the some p'une as the equator
of tl.e f.-Hh.
Ths declination of the sun Is tabulated
In the National almanac for noon at
Greenwich England for each day. it
varies from day to day so that in
I order to know accurate y the declination
of the sun at the time of taking his ob-
nervations It is necessary for the oo-
' server to know how many hours before
i or aftor noon at Greenwich the obscrva-
I tlon Is taken. This Is ordinarily ex.
Pressea in terms ot longituae east or
west of Greenwich.
! But at the pole there Is no longitude.
1 In spite of this the chronometer Is ciual-
! ly necessary at the pole in order to
j ascertain from the almanac the declina-
j tlon of the sun.
The best observer with a sfxtant and
i an artificial horizon under ordinary con-
I ditlons .would hesitate to trust his ob-
j eervations to determine the sun's alti-
! tude closer than a quarter of a nautical
mile or fifteen seconds of an arc. t
! nautical mile being equivalent to a mln-
i ute of latitude or a minute f longitude
At the equator or 0S6 feet. Instead t t t.
I 6280 feet making a statute mile. This
I hesitation on the observer's part is dun
to the fact that in making observations
mere are tnree errors iiKciy to be made
The first is that due to lack of ability
on tie pRrt of the observer himself
i ne socona is tne instrumental error"
wnicn can practically ne eliminated by
using the very highest grado obtain-
able of Instruments.
But the most serious error of all is that
due to refraction.
ALLOWANCE FOR REFRACTION.
To give an Idea to the outsider of what
refraction Is no better example can b
adduced than th appearance of an oar
in th water. Everybody will recall that
It look as If It Were bent at the surface
of the water. This Is due to refraction.
In technical language It Is expressed
thust "A ray of light la bent from a
straight line as It passes from one me-
dium of varying density."
Thus Is explained what happens la
observing th sun for the air from a
maximum density at th surface ot th
earth becomes .thinner and thinner as It
gets higher above that surface so that
a ray of light from th sun when It
strikes ths earth's atmosphere i.endi
and keepe bending mor and mor a
It travels toward th earth. Table have
been prepared which giv th amount in
degree minute and seconds of this re- '
fraction. It changes as the barometer '
and thermometer change and tha tabu-
lated refraction Is mean or averasa lit
a larg number of observations to de-
termine what th refraction la T
The pole by th-way Is the very belt
point at which to take observations tnr
the reason that there the error due 'tn
refraction I likely to be less thaa at an
other point a tarth. . " 7
t
1
-v.
u
Li
4
- "i
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The Houston Post. (Houston, Tex.), Vol. 25, Ed. 1 Saturday, September 18, 1909, newspaper, September 18, 1909; Houston, Texas. (https://texashistory.unt.edu/ark:/67531/metapth606024/m1/18/: accessed July 17, 2024), University of North Texas Libraries, The Portal to Texas History, https://texashistory.unt.edu.; .