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megapftowlup April 1 1997 L- % wjm^ .’i In a feeble attempt to keep THE CAMPUS COMMUNITY IN THE DARK THE AD- MINISTRATION TRIED TO DENY RUMORS OF AN ALIEN INVASION LAST WEEK. Against all ODDS AND AT THE RISK OF LIFE AND LIMB, Megaphool DOCUMENTED THE EXTRAORDI- NARY HAPPENINGS OF OUR OWN CLOSE ENCOUNTER. THANK- Graphic by Johnny Scale First alien witness. Dr. Virginia Carwell tries to describe the invaders as Dr Patrick Veerkamp makes a sketch to distribute to the campus community. See sketch left. FULLY, NO ONE ON CAMPUS WAS HIT BY ANY FALLING SPACE DEBRIS. After a successful run on The Price Is Right, Red McCombs is presented the Alien Combat Center by game show host Bob Barker, who reminded the campus community to "have your aliens spayed or neutered " Alien slayer and resident pretty-boy Chad Cage defeats the alien mothership in Tuesday's inva- sion. Only after Tuesday was it revealed that the aliens were only eight millimeters tall. SUPD's Vic Mahagan detains the alien mothership after a successful battle following Thursday's third invasion. Why do I have this smile on my face? yhpargotohP yb Milo Minderbinder Guillermo Cicarelli, Francisan Friar "Because I've got a rabid pomerani- an on my lap and a cello between my legs." Sven Johanssen, Aspiring actor "Because I just ate sixteen rolls of Mentos." Flotsam and Jetsam, Wreckage and dead weight Hey, don't hate us because we're beau tiful.