The Rambler (Fort Worth, Tex.), Vol. 69, No. 22, Ed. 1 Thursday, April 1, 1993 Page: 2 of 6
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Page 9
ONIONS
April 1,1993
The West Library: Great Place for Parties!
By Ed D. Tore
Ruhmii Sleeze
Do you want lo go to a place
where silence and boredom end
and the fun begins? Where
sneak ing around to break the rules
is the object of the game? Where
you can "chomp" on potato chips
and “munch” on candy bars—as
long as you don’t get caught?
Then maybe you should try
“studying” at the Eunice and
James L. West Library for a
change! Known for its squeaky-
clean wooden floor, it is the so-
LETTER TO T1IE EDITOR
Complaints about Media Madness
Dera editer,
I would like la complane
about the service that was nearly
almost provided to me by the
meadia center and the
mainiaineance staffs’ peoples.
Frist, the maintinanse people
told me I have to call before my
presentation begens if what I wants
to be dulivered should be set up
and ready for my use. I could of
called earlyer if those people had
told me that soooner. Some guy
down there named Runny Mervin
became upset with me and sed
next tyme why don’t yu should
call a lytlle later.
Also, the mediya center staff
was as much a disgrace as the
exquipment. If there additude is
any measure of the attitude of this
scool, then I’m sorry 1 work hear
to. Oneguy named Bobeit Heel, if
such a creature exists, gave me the
impresstion that their was other
thyngs for him to do besides serve
me.
That is no way to do bussiness.
I booked my reservation as soon as
I new that I would need it. I wanted
a BIG 9” “ video thing. The thing
Igotwasno’tthatbig. Who got the
BIG thing?!? It wasn’t me and I
orderd it! Someone else got it and
I wanted it and thats not FAIR. I
WANTED IT WHY DIDN’T I
GET IT?
Thcir’re not being fare at all
to people like me. I know that
i”m just staff but I diserve more
respect and patience than what I
got.
Another media worker, Phil
Robber, would not stay threwout
the entire prograsm and turn obn
the stuff for me. Insted.hepidjeon
holed me and showed me how it
worked (like I had time for a crash
coarse in electricel engineering).
He was not very observant of my
needs which were many. I was
very busy and had lots of things to
coordinate, but no, i had to stop
and talk to him as he tryed to
explain how electricity and, after
I almost dropped a VCr, gravity
worked. Flippant is the only word
that I can now think of to discribe
his behavior.
I think we shuld form a com-
mittee to decide how to get rid of
these people who.justbecause they
are big and strong and know ev-
erything about moving large
wooden objects and electricity and
gravity and other stuff, think they
can demean and belittle others.
Thaks,
I.M.N. Iddiott
Editor's note: This letter is indeed in
its originalform.
EDITORIAL POLICY
THE CONTENTS OFTHIS ENTIRE PAPER ARE EDITOR1AUND/OR FICTICIOUS IN NATURE
AND DO NOT NECESSARD.Y REFLECT THE OPINIONS OE THE RAMBLER STAFF. IN THE
SPECIAL EDITION RUIBLER, VE RESERVE THE RICHT TO... DO ANYTHING VE
VAPm;illll!IIUlll!t HAVE a WONDERFUL AND EVENTFUL APRIL FOOL'S DAYIHI!!:!n!l!l!!!ll
RAMBLER
A. TURF, Editor ~
LI. IHATCYU, Managing Editor
AIT EAST, Layout/C rapbk Editor
WJKM, Advertising Manager
Artict: Art Eaat
Reporters: LoUa Hooey, B.S. Elliott,Pork Chop, Anita Batk, Y. Knott,
I. Wit Naae,Iltaa No Seekrit, and SykU.
The RaMblM* • WMfcly p*yUalfea af Tmm Vaaleyea Ualvenily Staiaai PubAUetioca. The
h —yrrtiid hjr the itaieat PaUUatfeaa Ctmmfree aa4 Meteor S«mm Keetinc-Snilh.
The Beetle wateeaeee year rieve an any autter of paUU lateral. Leltare u the Editor are
eahjaaft te odfetag tar like!, ipeae, aaalaal, aa4 yaUta ialorwt. Lrtlen M her. . .feature a
yHauAfaMa—a. They ahaaU ha aaaaiaa aM te lha paha. Lotion lr the Editor ud otkor
nrriay■ tia11 ahaaMha liiraaeiit
Texas Wesleyan Uniyeesity
Attni the Rahsleb
1201 Wesleyan
Fost Woith, Tx. 7610S
n..Stoi far k M—fa, yrW U y uu-in.
cial gathering spot of the Wes-
leyan elite.
This library,my fellow Rams,
is a toned-down Mama’s Pizza in
disguise. Never a completely si-
lent moment! Occassional foot-
steps, phone rings and endless
chit-chat! Do you want to catch
up on the latest gossip or spread
new rumors? Then the second
floor is the place to be. From the
looks on students' faces (who
are innocently pretending to be
buried in their books), you just
know they're hiding something.
Ah-hah! Wait a minute! I just
spouedastudent who is showing signs
of serious concentration...Whoops!
Never mind. He just pulled a
"Nestle'sCninch’’outof his back-
pack.
Moving onward and upward
to the third floor...The view from
up here is fantastic! It even makes
the Poly area look halfway de-
cent. And these soft, leather
couches look more comfortable
than my own bed. They must be,
because this student looks so
peaceful lying face down with
her head literally buried in a
book. No, wait—I think she has
fallen asleep!
My, oh, my! There goes a
hunk! I almost forgot—the Wes-
leyan library is also an excellent
place to meet other college-aged
shingles. No wonder there are
so many complaints about not
enough good-looking students on
campus. They’re all hiding in
the library!
Well, what-do-you-knowl
A Mama’s Pizza plus a dorm
room in disguise—a place where
you can eat, socialize, rest and
pretend to study. The Eunice and
James L. West Library has it all.
Z>ear Sybil
We have just discovered that Ann has
multiple personalities. Unfortu-
nately, one of these alternate person-
alities has taken over her column!
Sybil should lastfor this week only—
WE HOPE!!!!
DEAR
SYBIL
Dear Sybil,
What is the proper etiquette
for a funeral?
Mortally in Question
Dear Mortal,
First off, you absol utel y must
wear hot pink to the service.
Anything else would be consid-
ered in good taste. Remember to
belch at all the appropriate limes,
and don't be afraid to hurl if
necessary. Don’t forget lo remind
the family of all the good times
you shared with the deceased
while drinking and partying. In
lieu of flowers, I’ve found that
pizza and beer are much pre-
ferred.
Dear Sybil,
How can I get an unsightly
stain off my clothes?
Dressing to Impress
Dear Impressable,
Throw the item away. If you
have a sentimental attachment to
the garment, then just try cutting
out the stain. Or, soak the gar-
ment in vinegar and bu tterm ilk to
remove the attachment. If this
doesn’t work, then frame it and
hang it up as a memento of days
gone by.
Please Read
This!
Up Close, Personal,
and Strangely Erotic
By Ira No Seekrit
Serious Columnist
Yeah, I know. The Rambler
is a wacky, April Fool’s edition
where everything is funny. So,
where does that leave my lil’ oi’
humor column? Well, famous
journalist Barbara “Bunny”
Walltears wants an interview. So
I said maybe.
Babs: So, your name is quite
unusual... Why did you choose it?
Iusa: Well, I considered Buster
Cherry, Anita Bath, D. Lishus,
Tom Aunow, I.P. Allot, and D.
Caph Innatcd. But I liked Iusa the
best.
Babs: Why did you gel involved
in humor writing?
Iusa: When I came to Wesleyan,
some Platypus column was being
wriuen. Quite frankly, it was too
weird. My humor column in high
school won awards. So, one
magical day I submitted my col-
umn, and a legend was bom.
Babs: How do you think people
view your column?
Ittsa: The Sig Eps and Gamma
Phis adore it Some people like it,
some don’t. But I know that it’s
read, which is the most important
element to me. I hope I’m the
anti-Rush Limbaugh. I mean, if I
don’t say that the Sig Ep house
looks like a gay bar, who else
would? Actually, I retract that.
No tasteful gay man would go
within two miles of that place.
Babs: When you write these
things, how serious are you?
Iusa: Well, it depends. I like to
twist the truth. I’ve seen one
Gamma Phi with big hair, so I
exaggerated. We have unusual
organizations on campus. So,
again, I twist the truth a little. I
make fun of everything, including
myself, because some probably
view me as a dolphin-saving-
flower-wearing-liberal loving-
grass-smoking-gay-rights-pro-
choice-hippie extremist.
Babs: Are you?
Iusa: Shut up.
Babs: So who are you, really?
Ittsa: Some hints: graduate in May,
very yummy. I’m not Drew
Huddleston, and Ms. Scarlet had
the revolver in the conservatory.
It’s probably no big deal if people
know my name, because I don’t
know everybody on campus or
anything...but I’m Mr. Seekrit,so
I have a reputation to uphold.
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The Rambler (Fort Worth, Tex.), Vol. 69, No. 22, Ed. 1 Thursday, April 1, 1993, newspaper, April 1, 1993; Fort Worth, Texas. (https://texashistory.unt.edu/ark:/67531/metapth643152/m1/2/?q=%22%22~1: accessed July 16, 2024), University of North Texas Libraries, The Portal to Texas History, https://texashistory.unt.edu.; crediting Texas Wesleyan University.