Texas Jewish Post (Fort Worth, Tex.), Vol. 44, No. 1, Ed. 1 Thursday, January 4, 1990 Page: 3 of 24
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IN OUR44TH YEAR! — THURSDAY, JANUARY 4, 1990, TEXAS JEWISH POST 3
Intermarriage
continued from page 2
The traditional ways
of dealing with intermarriage
do not work today, Con-
vincing a child that they
should not marry a non-Jew
is almost hopeless in the face
of their meeting someone
that they love. The twin
coercion methods of guilt
or disappointment
cannot prevent inter-
marriage. Such tactics may
succeed in alienating
children, or even more
likely, pushing away their
non-Jcwish spouses from the
dewish community. Coercion
is a destructive and
unworkable path.
someone that they love.
The twin coercion
methods of guilt or disap-
pointment cannot prevent
intermarriage. Such tac-
tics may succeed in
alienating children, or
even more likely, pushing
away their non-Jewish
spouses from the Jewish
community. Coercion is a
destructive and un-
workable path.
At the same time the
abandonment of concern
or the failure to set stan-
dards is also a negative
route. Suggesting that we
must be open and accep-
ting with no qualifications
gives the message that
nobody cares at all: in-
termarriage doesn’t mat-
ter. Somewhere between
guilt and disappointment
on the one hand and in-
difference and resignation
on the other are a set of
activities, strategies and
hopes for dealing with in-
termarriage.
The most obvious stra-
tegy is making Judaism
something that children,
young adults, and adults
want to do as opposed to
something that they think
they ought to do.
Children especially will
not respond to their
religion and culture in a
positive way only to
please their parents.
Children cannot be expec-
ted to adhere to some
unknowable, unpalatable,
or unfathomable set of
traditions. Judaism must
Tlic most
obvious
strategy is
making Juda-
ism some-
iliing that
children,
young adults,
and adults
want to do as
opposed to
something
that they
think they
ought to do.
instead provide a moral
and ethical framework for
Jews that is differentiat-
ed from Christianity,
Buddhism, Scientology,
or aerobics. Teaching a
course in comparative
religions in Hebrew
School won’t solve the
problem of differentia-
tion. Love for and com-
mitment to Judaism must
serve as a base for ex-
ploring other religions.
Parents and grandpar-
ents who are concerned
about their children
marrying other Jews must
be able to express and
transmit a level of know-
ledge, passion, and enthu-
siasm about Judaism.
Dropping children off at
Sunday School, making
cursory attempts to ob-
serve some holicays, and
generally ignoring
Judaism as an integral
part of life sends a
message to children that
the religion is unimpor-
tant no matter how much
one cajoles about the im-
portance of marrying a
Jew. In the absence of a
dynamic involvement in
Judaism’s spiritual rich-
ness, parental threats, ad-
monitions, and guilt ring
hollow to someone
deciding whom to marry.
The richness of Jewish
culture, history, and
ethics must be imparted to
each Jew. This requires,
among other things, dif-
ferent kinds of Jewish
education, stressing con-
nectedness to Judaism.
Formally, Jewish values
and ethics need more em-
phasis. Pleasurable,
emotionally touching ex-
periences with Jewish sea-
sonal and life-cycle events
are also important, in-
formal camping exper-
iences, and trips to Israel
with vivid Jewish content
are vital.
Every family should
visit Israel. Parents
should take their children
and grandparents should
take their grandchildren.
Young adults are partic-
ularly impressionable and
all 18-25-year-olds should
visit Israel. If synagogues,
JCCs, and Federations
have to subsidize the trip
or pay for it, even for
people who can afford to,
so be it. It is the best in-
vestment we could make.
We must also provide
the contexts for Jews to be
Jews and meet other Jews.
Much greater emphasis
must be placed on Jewish
programs for singles,
matchmaking services,
and dating services. The
excuses that we tried pro-
grams that didn’t work,
or that people are not in-
terested, are simply unac-
ceptable arguments. New
and innovative expanded
programming can be suc-
cessful. Good models
exist throughout the
United States. A com-
munity that does not ex-
pend the necessary re-
sources to provide the
context for Jews to meet
other Jews is abdicating
its communal responsi-
bility in dealing with in-
teirnarriage.
r On an individual basis,
parents, grandparents,
friends and family should
not be embarrassed about
having dinners and parties
where people meet one
another, fixing people up
and emphasizing the
traditional networks ; by
which Jews can meet
other Jews. Each of these
can be successful. Surveys
show that many Jews still
meet their spouses
through family and frien-
ds. We cannot assume
that people will not come
to dinner or a party. We
do not have to announce
that it is an event where
we want you to meet so
and so. We can be more
clever than that.
In spite of all of these
efforts some Jews will
meet and marry non-
Jews. The attempt to
bring someone into
Judaism does not have to
end before the marriage
ceremony. Providing a
rich, vibrant Judaism may
attract a non-Jewish
spouse. An inspired con-
vert can provide enor-
mous vitality and richness
to our Jewish commun-
ity. The burden still rests
parents, friends, and
communal institutions.
They must provide a
warm, welcoming envir-
onment. Non-Jewish
spouses will often be at-
tracted to a Judaism that
makes them feel alive and
is filled with meaning and
spiritual support. We
cannot expect a non-
Jewish spouse to embrace
Judaism because they
ought to, or because we
are unhappy about their
marrying our son or
daughter.
Furthermore ambiva-
lent Jews are not about to
put pressure on their
spouses to embrace a
religion that the Jewish
partner is uncertain
about. Therefore, pro-
viding a context that is en-
ticing and engrossing is
our obligation as indivi-
duals and organizations.
That requires us to know
more, to practice more,
and impart more about
Judaism as a way of life.
We cannot coerce and
we cannot throw up our
hands. We have to deal
with intermarriage by ex-
ample. We have to show
that Judaism is worth pre-
serving by living it, en-
joying it, and sharing it.
We have to set standards
and say: “This is what
Judaism is about. Come
join me.” In this way we
can provide the context
where intermarriage
would occur less often.
When intermarriage does
occur wc can increase the
likelihood of creating
Jewish households and
creating Jewish families.
A vital Judaism can thrive
in the openness of
American society if we
iight Shabbui candles, not
yahrzeit candles in the
face of intermarriage.
Wc must also provide the
contexts for dews to l»e Jews
and meet other dews. Much
greater emphasis must he
placed on dcwisli
programs for singles, match-
making services, and dating
services. The excuses that
we tried programs that didn't
work, or t liat people are
not interested, are
simply unacceptable argu-
ments. \ew and innovative
expanded programming
can he successful.
1 lie harden still rests on the
parents, grandparents,
friends, and communal
institutions. They must
provide a warm, welcoming
environment. iYon-dewisli
spouses will often he
attracted toadudaism that
makes them feel alive and is
filled writh meaning ami
spiritual support. \le cannot
expect a non-dew ish spouse
ti> embrace dudaism because
they ought to, or because
we are unhappy about
their marrying our son
or daughter.
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Wisch, J. A. & Wisch, Rene. Texas Jewish Post (Fort Worth, Tex.), Vol. 44, No. 1, Ed. 1 Thursday, January 4, 1990, newspaper, January 4, 1990; Fort Worth, Texas. (https://texashistory.unt.edu/ark:/67531/metapth753990/m1/3/?q=%22%22~1: accessed July 11, 2024), University of North Texas Libraries, The Portal to Texas History, https://texashistory.unt.edu.; .