Texas Jewish Post (Fort Worth, Tex.), Vol. 47, No. 12, Ed. 1 Thursday, March 25, 1993 Page: 3 of 43
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PASSOVER ISSUE - IN OUR 47TH YEARI- THURSDAY, MARCH 25, 1993, TEXAS JEWISH POST 3
It's
Everybody's
Problem
By Laurel Ornish
“It’s not so much about
‘oy veying’ — it’s about
what’s happening in our com-
munity and what resources
arc available.”
So the tone was set for a
blue-chip panel held March
9, at the Dallas JCC on the
topic of domestic violence
against spouses, children and
the elderly.
Despite the importance of
the topic, the event was
sparsely attended. Panelists
acknowledged that it is a
topic that not only is rela-
tively new in its awareness
by the community at large,
but it is one that is still taboo
in Jewish circles.
The program, which was
co-sponsored by the Ameri-
can Jewish Congress, Com-
mission for Women’sEqual-
ity, the Jewish Family Ser-
vice and the Rabbinic Asso-
ciation of Greater Dallas,
presented experts from le-
gal, law enforcement and
social services, as well as a
Jewish survivor of domestic
violence.
The panelists made it clear
that although many people
may not be direct victims of
domestic violence them-
selves, chances are they
know someone, or work with
someone, who is.
A Victim’s Story
The female victim told of
being verbally and physically
abused by her husband when
she lived in Buffalo, New
York. Her husband, she
added, “told me I deserved
it.” She said she couldn’t stop
crying at work so her boss
sent her to a doctor, who di-
agnosed her as having “bat-
tered wife syndrome.”
She finally got the cour-
age to leave and go to a
women’s shelter, where she
heard the magic words: “No
one deserves what you’re
going through.”
“I didn ’ t want my two chil-
dren, ages 5 and 7, to think
that this is an acceptable way
to treat people,” she added.
She later moved to Dallas
and contacted Jewish Fam-
ily Service to help her adjust
to her new life. She and her
children received individual
counseling and she contin-
ues group therapy there.
“The important thing is that
there are people who care
and can help,” she said.
The Jewish Viewpoint
‘Ten years ago, this kind
of seminar wouldn’t be held,”
acknowledged Orthodox
Rabbi Howard Wolk of Con-
gregation Shaare-Tefilla.
Domestic Violence
Where to Go for Help or Information
Jewish Family Service The Family Place
<214) 696-6400
Lawyers Against
Domestic Violence
Alison Cooper, SMU
School of Law
(214) 768-2797
{shelter)
(214) 941-1991
li!
ilil
24 hours
\V."; ■ |
Dallas Police
Department
Family Violence Unit
____ • Sgt. Ches Williams
Pro Bono {214) 670-7075
Representation
Legal Serv ices of North Texas Council of
Texas Family Violence
(214) 748-1234 {512) 794-1133.
______
“As members of the Jew-
ish community move farther
and farther from Jewish val-
ues,” he pointed out, “this
issue—along with others that
historically were not prob-
lems in the Jewish commu-
nity—are now sadly part of
the daily Jewish agenda.”
“The important
thing is that there
are people who care
and can help, ” she
said.
Rabbi Wolk made it clear
that according to Jewish law,
the contract under the
chupah, and the written mar-
riage contract, are ones of
mutual respect. He said one
spouse is not given the right
to have dominion over the
other, and that neither is ex-
pected to give up his or her
individuality.
“Physical abuse is forbid-
den in our tradition, period,”
he emphasized. Psychologi-
cal abuse, he noted, is harder
to detect.
He said that according to
Jewish tradition, if abuse of a
spouse or child is going on,
and there is no hope for rec-
onciliation or treatment, the
marriage should not con-
tinue.
Rabbi Wolk said that a
rabbi often is the first to learn
of abuse in a family, either
via an emotional phone call
or from a teacher who may
suspect child abuse. He said
that the Dallas Rabbinic
Council had been given a
program educating them to
whom they could refer
congregants to help improve
the home situation, whether
that was the police or other
professionals.
He also pointed out that it
is the responsibility of all
members of the Jewish com-
munity to educate themselves
about the problem and act on
it.
Domestic Violence
A Jewish Communal Response
The Police Can Help
Sergeant Ches Williams of
the Dallas Police Depart-
ment’s Family Violence Unit
said there were 22,000 re-
ported incidents in Dallas last
year, ranging from pushing
to homicide.
He said the attitude of the
police used to be that it was
considered a private matter,
that they didn’t feel they were
helping the situation if they
put the family breadwinner
in jail.
“Dallas is fortu-
nate to have many
agencies to help vic-
tims. The important
trick is to get them
funnelled to the
agencies. ”
As a result of a 1987 law-
suit, however, the Dallas
Police Department under-
went a major change in both
policy and attitude to one of
direct intervention, taking
much of the burden off the
victim.
They found that once a
suspect was arrested and put
in jail, it actually deterred
further violence in some
cases. The experience of go-
ing through an arrest was a
sobering one and caused
some men to shape up and
become accountable.
Sgt. Williams pointed out
that the law was now written
broadly enough that if the
police were convinced that
an assault had occurred, they
could make an arrest or put
out a warrant.
“If you are a victim, or
know someone who is,” he
said, “there are some things
the police can do. I urge you
to believe you can count on
the police, so please call us.
“Dallas is fortunate to have
many agencies to help vic-
tims. The important trick is
to get them funnelled to the
♦Education through panel
discussions by experts to
try to get victims and per-
petrators to come forth to
seek shelter and/or treat-
ment, and to inform pro-
fessionals and family
members.
♦Rabbis Need to address
the issue from the Pulpit.
♦The Dallas Rabbinic As-
sociation passed a reso-
lution urging each con-
gregation to make itself
more aware of the prob-
agencies.”
Getting Legal Help
Alison Cooper, of the vol-
unteer organization “Law-
yers Against Domestic Vio-
lence,” said that you may
have a peer or co-worker
whom you suspect is being
victimized to whom you can
offer help.
“Individuals can make a
difference in people’s lives.
Some day the seed you plant
may make a difference.”
‘The first priority,” she
said, “is to safe. The sec-
ond is to stay safe.”
She said a lawyer can help
a victim obtain a protective
order from the District
Attorney’s office and can
help her disengage from the
marital relationship.
Cooper pointed out that
divorce in which family vio-
lence was involved is “ex-
tremely messy,” and she rec-
ommended that a victim hire
only attorneys who have had
experience with family vio-
lence cases. She also said a
family violence divorce
should never go to media-
tion: “That’s for two parties
with equal power.”
♦Teachers in Jewish day
schools, religious
schools, and pre-schools
must be given training to
counsel and refer.
•The stigma and reti-
cence surrounding this
issue must be removed,
and active support must
be offered to those who
have endured abuse,
threats, and humiliation.
♦Data regarding this is-
sue in the Jewish com-
munity needs to be gath-
ered and reported,
The Courage to Seek
Shelter
Sharon Obregon, Execu-
tive Program Director of The
Family Place shelter for bat-
tered women and children,
pointed out that, “Every 15
seconds there is another
woman who is being beaten,
and there is a child who is
watching or being beaten.
The shelters in Dallas are
filled to capacity.
“Each of us must decide
that violence is no longer
acceptable,” she added. Not
only is it a humanistic prob-
lem, she said, but the cost is
staggering.
“The home is supposed to
be a nurturing place. That is
not true in one out of three
families.” In addition, she
pointed out, children who
grow up with violence repeat
the behavior. “For every
mother hurt, 60% of children
are also victims of abuse, and
100% are witnesses.”
When the problem was
beginning to be addressed
15 years ago, Obregon says,
they had no idea it was so
pervasive. Now they know it
see VIOLENCE P. 29
iem.
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Wisch, J. A. & Wisch, Rene. Texas Jewish Post (Fort Worth, Tex.), Vol. 47, No. 12, Ed. 1 Thursday, March 25, 1993, newspaper, March 25, 1993; Fort Worth, Texas. (https://texashistory.unt.edu/ark:/67531/metapth754866/m1/3/: accessed July 16, 2024), University of North Texas Libraries, The Portal to Texas History, https://texashistory.unt.edu.; .