Texas Jewish Post (Fort Worth, Tex.), Vol. 43, No. 22, Ed. 1 Thursday, June 1, 1989 Page: 2 of 24
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Features
2 TEXAS JEWISH POST, THURSDAY, JUNE 1, 1989
Jewish Singles in the United States
-r i i -» f f ks /-i t tm/on
BY IUDITH TEICH
'It may hurt a little to
of the few singles I met
who has not put his
religious feelings on
hold, actively par-
On a walnut bookcase ticipating in activities at
in my dining room is a the synagogue he has at-
pair of ornate silver can- tended since childhood,
dlesticks carved with an AhavatAchim.
elaborate pattern of
grape leaves. They were Allen admitted, how-
a wedding gift to my ever, that the synagogue
maternal grandmother in atmosphere makes him
Poland in 1900 and were acutely aware of not
passed down to my having children,
mother when she married
my father in Warsaw in "But if I wait until I
1938. Since my mother's have a family to become
death a few months ago, active in a synagogue, I
they've become part of may never get to do it,"
my household But, Allensaid.
because I'm single, I find
their presence unsettling. "We either have to get
on with being adult,
What does it mean to religious, observant
light the Shabbat candles people who happen to be
by myself on Friday single, or it will be
night? Where do Jewish something that we ll
customs and traditions postpone and may never
— an integral part of my get tG observe," he said,
identity —fit into the life
of an adult who lives
alone? I visited four
cities —Atlanta, Phoenix,
Los Angeles and Califor-
nia — to find out how
others view the issue of
single adults and Jewish
identity.
While it is true that the
national trend toward
later marriage and fewer
children has emerged in
the Jewish community,
finding people who
shared my experience
tunred out to liie easier
than even I had expec-
ted
I shouldn't have been
surprised A 1985 B'nai
B'rith survey of Jews in
Washington, D C., found
the percentage of adults
who described them-
selves as "single" rose
from five percent in 1955
to over 30 percent in
1985 A recent article in
Washington Jewish Week
noted that more than
one-third of the single
Jews in their thirties who
live in Washing-
ton, DC., and Los
Angeles have never been
married.
How do other single
adults handle the dif-
ficulties of maintaining
their Jewish identity? I
asked Lauren Salzen-
stein, executive director
of the Hyde Park JCC in
Chicago, who told me
many single Jews just
"put Judaism on hold."
"For some people, it
takes too much energy to
make the holidays mean-
ingful without a family,"
she said. "It is easier to
negate that part of life
and to put it on hold until
someone else comes
along."
Barry Allen, 37, an
Atlanta attorney, is one
cessfully. They attend at the Steven Wise Tern
J
2
services a few times,
then, feeling uncomfort-
able and discouraged,
they give up Other
singles either never lear-
ple in Los Angeles, a
reform synagogue set on
a magnificent hillside in
Bel Air, noted that
singles themselves con-
ned or don't remember tributed to the problem,
synagogue rituals and
go to services and be
single and not have the
warmth of the family,
and to see some of my
friends with their kids en-
joying the services. . but
I'm not willing to put off
the enjoyment that I get
out of being at the
synagogue," Allen said.
Many singles do try to
establish ties to a
synagogue, only less suc-
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feel awkward about what
they perceive to be their
ignorance.
A soft-spoken, curly-
haired nurse, who recen-
tly moved to Atlanta,
confied to me that for
years she avoided ser-
vices because she felt un-
comfortable that she
"didn't know what to do
in synagogue."
The nurse, who asked
not to be identified,
praised what she called
the "training wheel" ser-
vices at Beth Jacob, an
Orthodox congregation
that holds a question-
and-answer format that
helps educate people
with no religious
background and who are
intimidated by un-
familiar rituals.
Some singles main-
tained that barriers to
their participation in
synagogue life are finan-
cial The fact that most
synagogues do not have
special dues for single
adults is perceived as
evidence of a lack of in-
terest or concern on the
part of congregations.
At a party in Atlanta,
several women in their
mid-30s shared their
views over a bowl of
potato chips, asserting
that not all singles earn
high salaries and many
are discouraged from
joining synagogues by
high dues and inflexible
policies.
"If a single person
wanted to join, the
synagogue would be
willing to make allowan-
ces or concessions,"
Miller said. "We don't
turn people away. But
people simply don't ask "
For the most part, how-
ever, Jewish identity for
singles seems to find its
expression through
"singles programming,"
be it singles dances,
singles newsletters,
singles services or singles
matchmaking.
Jeff Frankel, president
of the JCC's singles
organization in Phoenix,
said some 15 different
singles groups have
sprung up in the area
over the past few years,
most of them "filling a
void" created because
the organized Jewish
community has not
initiated programs for
singles.
Frankel believes
singles groups are im-
portant to "form and
mold Jews, to help single
people become part of
the fabric of Jewish life,
whether or not they are
married. Their participa-
tion is crucial to the next
generation of Jewish lea-
ders."
Many adult Jewish
singles express their
religious identity through
activities that are closely
related to their profes-
sional lives.
iMickey Fine and Jeff Lapidus enjoy Black Tie Optional Tourist Party.
But Rabbi Jonathan
Miller, one of four rabbis
Where are Jewish Marriages Made Today?
BY SYLVIA BARACK
FISHMAN, Ph.D.
Before God brought
Eve down to Adam, says
the Midrash, He braid-
ed her hair so that she
would appear more at-
tractive to her soon-to-be
surprised fiance. Nor did
the Divine interest in
matchmaking cease with
His first effort: a Roman
matron once asked Rabbi
Gamliel how God spends
His time since He created
the world. Rabbi Gamliel
told the woman that God
is occupied arranging
matches. When the skep-
tical matron was urged to
try her hand at match-
making, she soon learned
that success does not
in America are single, at
least, temporarily,
because of divorce. The
Jewish divorce rate,
Despite divine inter- while lower than the
come easily, and she
handed the task back to
the Almighty. <u
Susan Olshansky
Singer of the Jewish
United Fund of Chicago
said the JUF's Young
Leadership Division
sponsors a number of
unmarried, interest in po- programs, with singles
vention, many American
Jews in the 1980s remain
single for significant por-
tions of their adult lives.
In 1970, almost all Jews
were married by their
mid to late thirties, but
today in many cities large
numbers of Jews, like
their non-Jewish peers,
remain single through
their thirties and into
their forties. More than
one-third of Los Angeles
and Washington, D.C.
Jews in their thirties, for
example, have never
been married.
Furthermore, in-
creasing numbers of Jews
divorce rate in the
general population, has
increased steadily over
the past 20 years.
When the number of
Jews who have been
divorced and have
remarried is combined
with the number of Jews
currently divorced, we
see that about one-
quarter of Jews in many
cities cope with the
problems of divorce —
including single status
— at some point in their
adult lives.
While numerous Jews
in the United States are
tential marriage partners
is lively. Personals
columns with entries
seeking SJMs and SJFs
cover pages in Jewish
periodicals throughout
the country. Jewish
dating services, both
commercial and not-for-
profit, have proliferated.
However, until recen-
tly, research analyzing
the actual dynamics of
marriage-making in
Jewish America has been
meager. We have had lit-
tle more than anecdotal
evidence on crucial
questions such as: where
do Jews today actually
meet their mates? Are
their initial encoun-
see MARRIAGE page 14
comprising the largest of
the four "focus groups"
in the division.
"A major . . . purpose
of the synagogue is to
provide a way for
families to become part
of the community,"
Singer said. "There is not
necessarily a sensitivity
or even a desire to in-
volve single people in
that process.
"In certain ways,
Young Leadership and
other Federation groups
have provided a way for
single people to observe
their Judaism," she said
see SINGLES page 24
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Wisch, J. A. & Wisch, Rene. Texas Jewish Post (Fort Worth, Tex.), Vol. 43, No. 22, Ed. 1 Thursday, June 1, 1989, newspaper, June 1, 1989; Fort Worth, Texas. (https://texashistory.unt.edu/ark:/67531/metapth755487/m1/2/?q=%22%22~1: accessed July 17, 2024), University of North Texas Libraries, The Portal to Texas History, https://texashistory.unt.edu.; .