The Cumby Rustler. (Cumby, Tex.), Vol. 17, No. 23, Ed. 1 Friday, September 4, 1908 Page: 3 of 8
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JUST A WOMAN’S LITTLE JOKE.
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How It Led to a Suit at Law and
Serious Complications.
Mrs. Margaret Gatty, one of Brat-
tleboro’s wittiest society women,
planned and enacted a joke; now she
is the defendant in an action at law,
while the society of that Vermont city
is awaiting with glee the outcome of
the affair, says the Boston Post.
It all emanated from a “bright idea”
conceived by Mrs. Gatty and a few of
her society friends who had become
firmly convinced that James H. Hook-
er, attorney and wealthy clubman, was
working altogether too hard and need-
ed a little diversion to distract him
from the arduousness of so busy a
summer.
One day recently, while the young
attorney sat at his desk with papers
piled high on each side and an amount
-of work beside him that promised to
keep him in his office into the wee
small hours of the night, the telephone
at his elbow rang.
Taking up the receiver Mr. Hooker
listened to the apparently distracted
voice of Mrs. Gatty, one of his ac-
quaintances. Mrs. Gatty appeared to
be greatly overwrought and explained
that a dreadful attempt had just been
made to swindle her out of a sum of
money, that the alleged swindler had
left a handbag behind, and would Mr.
Hooker come up immediately and open
■die bag and discover, if possible, tne
identity of the guilty person.
The young lawyer hastily clapped
on his hat and hastened up to Mrs.
Gatty’s fashionable residence.
He was ushered into the drawing
room and the bag was shown him.
Without further parley the lawyer
opened the bag and extracted a nice
yellow lemon. Then the light broke
upon the attorney and amid the tit-
terings which emanated from different
recesses of the drawing room he
bowed and withdrew, after declaring
gracefully that he felt that the case
was settled and trusted that his client
would be no longer disturbed.
A little later Mrs. Gatty received a
bill for services made out in the usual
form. Under the conviction that this
bill was merely the humorous revenge
by Mr. Hooker for the joke played
upon him the bill was pigeonholed.
Much to her consternation a sheriff
appeared recently at Mrs. Gatty’s
borne and served the papers in a suit
for fees due to Mr. Hooker for serv-
ices.
The whole city is interested in Law-
yer Hooker’s plap for revenge and fa©
tions have already been formed.
ABSENT-MINDED.
Old Gent—Here, you boy, what are
/on doing out here, fishing? Don’t
you know you ought to be at school?
Small Boy—There now! I knew I’d
forgotten something.
Cape Cod Fog.
“Yes,” remarked the Down Easter,
'jfc do have fog along Cape Cod some-
times. One night the fog came up and
in the morning when I went to milk
I couldn’t find the old cow. Knew
where she was in the habit of lying,
though, and followed her easy enough.
Got to her just in time, too.
“Why, I just went through the hole
she made in the fog—sort of a tunnel
like—and pretty soon I came up to
her. She was almost smothered. You
see the fog had packed ahead of her
and she’d jammed her horns into it
and got stuck. Had to chop her out.
You may believe it or not, but I’ll
show you the cow any time you come
’round.”—Philadelphia Public Ledger.
Where Others Failed
“Each spring for five or six years
I broke out with a kind of Eczema
which nothing seemed to relieve per-
manently. Finally I tried a box of
Hunt’s Cure, which promptly cured
me. Two years have passed but the
trouble has not returned.” -
MRS. KATE HOWARD,
Little Rock, Ark.
He Was Not Surprised.
Justice Brewer of the United States
supreme court is credited with this by
the Milwaukee Sentinel: A millwright
was converted to the ways of thinking
of a sect which periodically was in-
spired with a foreknowledge of the
imminence of the day of doom and
set the date, preparing for Gabriel’s
greeting. The date was set and the
day came. The millwright donned his
white robe and went out into the fields
to await the coming meeting with the
celestial throng. The day passed un-
til it was late in the afternoon, and
the millwright having arisen at the
stroke of midnight on the mom of
the eventful day, grew drowsy, and,
throwing himself down upon a pile of
hay, fell asleep at his watch. Boys
discovered him, and, with the natural
mischievousness of boys, set fire to
the hay. The smoke and the heat
soon woke the slumbering millwright,
and, sitting up with a start, he cried
with the anguish of the lost: “Just as
I expected! In h—, after all!”
Tomb's Inscription in Shorthand.
The inscription on a large white
marble tombstone in Hampstead ceme-
tery, London, is written in Pitman’s
reporting style of phonography. It ap-
pears that a young wife, who lies
buried there, had taken up the study
of shorthand, while ill from consump-
tion, to pass away the long days, and
had also taught her husband the sys-
tem. She died soon after he gained
a speed certificate.
Sensitive Papa.
, “George, you must be more careful.
Papa thinks you meant to wound his
feelings.”
“Why, wbat did I say?”
“You remember that when you or-
dered beer at the cafe last night you
called it ‘suds’ in a very loud voice.”
“Well?”
“You must have forgotten that papa
got all his money making soap.”
For the Blues
If you are blue, dejected, and feel
like the world has it “in for you,” the
chances are your liver is taking a few
days off. Put it to work by using
Simmon’s Liver Purifier (tin boxes);
it’s the best regulator of them all.
We Know That Fellow.
“That man over there is the biggest
shin in the city.”
“Rob you, would he?”
“Rob! Say, if I had to shake hands
with that fellow I wouldn’t feel sure I
had all my fingers until I'd counted
’em.”—Boston Transcript.
Important to Mothers.
Examine carefully every bottle of
CASTORIA a safe and sure remedy for
infants and children, and see that it
Bears the
Signature ofi
In Use For Over 30 Years.
The Kind You Have Always Bought.
Progress Reported.
‘Did you have any luck fishing?’
"Yes.”
“How many did you catch?”
“I didn’t catch any. But I thought
ap some mighty good stories to tell
the folks at home.”
Hicks’ Capudine Cures Women.
Periodic pains, backache, nervousness
and headache relieved immediately and
assists nature. Prescribed by physicians
with best results. Trial bottle 10c. Regular
size 25c and 50c at all druggists.
Partial Compensation.
“Well, Brown, I see that your son
has got his shingle out at last. I sup
pose he gets much enjoyment out of
his practice?”
Brown (grimly)—I hope so; that’?
all he does get out of it.—Judge.
A Half-Made Reform.
French Poodle—I wonder why the*
muzzle only dogs?
Blenheim Spaniel—What makes you
wonder that?
French Poodle—I have just been sit-
ting through a fashionable tea.
An Important Distinction.
“That dog with a new muzzle acts
as if he was mad,” said the timid cit-
lizen.
“No,” answered the man of precise
speech, “not mad, only indignant.”—
Washington Star.
Uncle Jerry.
“What they call ‘honor’ is a mighty
curious thing,” observed Uncle Jerry
Peebles. “I know a man who woi&d
cheerfully starve himself to pay a
gambling debt, and he still owes the
preacher that married him 27 years
age.”
In drinking liquor some men com-
plain that it goes to the head and oth-
ers that it goes to the feet, which
would seem to indicate that it goes
where there is the most room for it.
Lewis’ Single Binder costs more than
other 5c cigars. Smokers know why.
Your dealer or Lewis’ Factory, Peoria, 111.
Gossips talk about others
bores talk about themselves.
and
If your child’s eyes are weak or sore
apply John R. Dickey’s old reliable eye
water. It don’t hurt, feels good.
Man and Beast Alike.
Only those who have suffered tbs
agony of eye afflictions can appreciate
the blessing to humanity in Dr. Mitch-
ell’s famous Eye Salve. Introduced in
this region as far back as 1849 jt is
found to-day in all well regulated
homes hereabotits. Not alone the^yes
of man but those of the dumb animals
have enjoyed its comforts. Mitchell’s
Eye Salve. Sold everywhere. Price 25c.
Heard in the Rain.
Seeing the sun shining through the
rain a Georgia youngster said to
Brother Dickey:
“Is the devil beating his wife be-
hind the doer?”
“I dunno, honey,” said the old man
“Hit's my opinion dat of de devil go
a wife he ain't savin’ a word ter no
body!”—Atlanta Constitution.
An Itching trouble is not neces-
sarily a dangerous one, but certainly
a most disagreeable affliction. No
matter the name, if you itch—it cures
you. Hunt's Cure is “It.” Absolute-
ly guaranteed, to cure ..any form of itch-
ing known. First application relieves.
Being bad all the time is almost as
monotonous as being good.
Feet Ache—Use Allen’s Foot-Ease
0ver30.000testimonials. Refuse imitations. Sendfor
free trial package. A. S. Olmsted, Le Roy, N. Y.
It takes a woman with sound judg-
ment to generate silence.
Mr*. Window's Soothing Syrnp.
For children teething, aoftena the gums, reduces In-
flammation, allay* pain, care* wind collu. 25c a bottle.
A woman is known by the acquaint-
ances she cuts.
Instruments cf Torture.
“You don’t seem to be keeping up
very well this summer.” said Father’s
Cane to Mother’s slipper.”
“True,” acknowledged the handy
spanker, regretfully, “I’ve been falling
astern lately.”
No Others
It is a class to itself. It has no
rivals. It cures where others merely
relieve. For aches, pains, stiff joints,
cuts, burns, bites, etc., it is the quick-
est and surest remedy ever devised.
We mean Hunt’s Lightning Oil.
It sometimes happens that a man
doesn’t ask his wife to sing because
he is fond of music.
You always get full value in Lewis’
Single Binder straight 5c cigar. Your
dealer or Lewis’ Factory, Peoria, 111.
Even the prude isn’t averse to sit-
ting in the lap of luxury.
This woman says that sick
women should not fail to try
Lydia E. Pinkham’s Vegetable
Compound as she did.
Mrs. A. Gregory, of 2355 Lawrence
St., Denver, CoL, writes to Mrs.
Pinkham:
“I was practically an invalid for six
years, on account of female troubles.
I underwent an operation by the
! doctor’s advice, but in a few months I
! was worse than before. A friend ad-
i vised Lydia E. Pinkham’s .Vegetable
; Compound and it restored me to perfect
health, such as I have not enjoyed in
: many years. Any woman suffering as
j 1 did with backache, bearing-down
; pains, and periodic pains,should not fail
i to use Lydia E. Pinkham’s Vegetable
i Compound.”
! FACTS FOR SICK WOMEN.
For thirty years Lydia E. Pink-
ham’s Vegetable Compound, made
from roots and herbs, has been the
standard remedy for female ills,
and has positively cured thousands of
women who have been troubled with,
displacements, inflammation, ulcera-
tion, fibroid tumors, irregularities,
periodic pains, backache, that bear-
ing-down feeling, flatulency, indiges-
tion, dizziness or nervous prostration.
Why don’t you try-it ?
Mrs. Pinkham invites all sick
women to write her for advice.
She has guided thousands to
health. Address, Lynn, Mass.
v.r'v#|
PARKER’S
HAIR BALSAM
Cle*xi*e* and beautifie* the heir.
Promote* e luxuriant growth.
Sever Pails to Restore Gray
] Emir to its Youthful Color.
| Cure* scalp dimau* fe hair falling.
50c, and $1.00 at Druggie**
AQTftlllA and hay fever
MO I ilnIM POSITIVELY CURED by
KINMONTH'S ASTHMA CURE
Over 3000 patients cured during the past 3 years. A
SO cent trial bottle sent to any address on receipt oi
*cts. DR. H.S.KIOTIONTH, Asbury ParkN.J.
New Lavs
Sent Free
PENSIONS
Texas Volunteers. 1855-60 entitled. Write Nathan
Bickford, 1425 N. Y. Are.. Washington, D. C.
Thompson’s Eye Wafer
W. N. U., DALLAS, NO. 36, 1908.
sssm
The little useless “head” that
takes more time to make than the
cigar itself—that’s what makes three cigars cost
you 15 cents—5 cents for what you smoke, and
10 cents for the heads you throw away.
OLD VIRGINIA
CHEROOTS
Are 5 cent Cigars Without the Head
Therefore 3 for 5 cents
By smoking Old Virginia Cheroots you make
your money go three times as far, because you
get a cigar that’s all cigar—no useless head to
pay for, then clip off and throw away.
Sold Everywhere
TRADB
MARK
Malaria Causes Loss of Appetite
The Old Standard GROVE’S TASTELESS CHILE TONIC, drives out Malaria and builds up the
system. You know what you are taking. The formula is plainly printed on every bottle, showing it
is simply Quinine and Iron in a tasteless, and the most effectual form. For adults and children. 50c.
STAR
PLUG
CHEWING
TOBACCO
STAR has for years
been the world’s leading
brand of plug chewing
tobacco. Statistics show
that about one-fifth of
all the chewers of plug
tobacco chew STAR.
There’s a reason for
this enormous and con-
stantly increasing num-
ber of STAR chewers,
and it’s just this—
Star Plug has always
been manufactured with
one sole object in view—
to give chewers the best
chew of tobacco it is pos-
sible to produce, yet to
sell this STAR chew at
a moderate price.
m
W
L
More chewers are
learning every day that
STAR, considered from
the standpoint of true
merit, has no competitor,
and is the one best chew.
For a long time there
was a prejudice (which
probably still exists)
among certain che\irers
against the use of what is
generally termed “Navy
Tobacco, ” because of the
impression that all to-
bacco of that character
is too sweet.
It is true that some
brands of tobacco, similar
in appearance to STAR,
are too sweet to. please
chewers accustomed to
the use of tobacco manu-
factured in thin plugs,
but we know that STAR
is right in every way.
You use tobacco for
the pleasure it gives —
increase your
pleasure by chew-
ing STAR!
In All Stores
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Morton, George M. The Cumby Rustler. (Cumby, Tex.), Vol. 17, No. 23, Ed. 1 Friday, September 4, 1908, newspaper, September 4, 1908; Cumby, Texas. (https://texashistory.unt.edu/ark:/67531/metapth771059/m1/3/: accessed July 11, 2024), University of North Texas Libraries, The Portal to Texas History, https://texashistory.unt.edu.; crediting Hopkins County Genealogical Society.