We are talking about developing a Bible class
series for adult children who are needing
to care for or who will envision caring for
their parents in the future.
And so we are going to, we have three parts and
this is the second part of the series.
My name is C.D. Pruitt and I am the Director of
the Gerontology Center at ACU.
Gerontology is the study of aging and ACU put
us in place a few years ago so that we
could respond a couple of ways.
One, we offer courses in aging.
We have a master's degree in gerontology and we
have courses in working with older adults
and we work with turkeys to help them develop
mysteries for older adults and we work with
the community and provide information and
referral for the community.
And so we do a lot of different things.
I am presently finishing my Ph.D.. in medical
sociology and just have my Orals coming up
on the 28th of February but I finished the
other comprehensive exams. Yay!
And so I am trying to prepare myself.
I did mission work and preached but felt a
great burden to prepare myself to do what
we are doing right now and to help the church
respond to our need to minister with and to
older adults.
So we have a list that is going around.
Please make sure you get your name and address
on the list so that we can put you on our
mailing list at the Gerontology Center and we
will communicate with you about events
that will be coming up and material.
Okay, if you would, this is, okay, since I have
it in my hand, we have gone through lesson
1 and 2 and now we are going to go through
lesson 3 and 4 and I am passing them out out
of order.
This is lesson 4.
Okay, if you would pass those around, this is
lesson 4.
This is lesson 3.
Now if you weren't here earlier, the first
session, we went over lesson 1 and 2 and after
we are through, you can come and get lesson 1
and 2 and they are here, alright?
Also I want you to have one of our brochures at
the Gerontology Center.
That's Pruitt Gerontology Center and it's not
named after me, it's named after a great
uncle of mine that I helped him do some estate
planning and he has endowed our center.
We have just over a million dollars in
endowment money and you know at ACU, we really appreciate
endowment money here and so we are really pleased.
His name is Zach Pruitt, he grew up in South
Texas and so that's named after Zach and Geneva Pruitt.
Let's pray together.
Father, thank you for the last session that we
had and Father, we continually deceit you
to be with us.
We want your presence here.
We pray that you would give us the minds that
you have in mind for us to have.
Help me Father to present material that's
needed and that's worthy of these wonderful
people here.
Thank you Father for the relationship that we
have with you.
Thank you for desiring so greatly to have a
relationship with us.
Forgive us for not always being tremendously
excited about what you do for us.
Make us aware Father of you working in our
lives and help us to be aware of your angels
as they brush close to our shoulders.
In Jesus we pray, Amen.
Okay we want to look at lesson three, alright.
Now in lesson one and two, then we set
basically a pretty strong scriptural foundation for
working with our parents and helping our
parents, we talked about the child's responsibility.
But we also addressed some issues that talked
about misconceptions that individuals may have.
As you make this material your own and like I
said in the first session I'll say again,
you have my permission to use this material in
whatever way you want except you know copywriting
and publishing it so to speak.
But take it and make Bible class material out
of it as you want.
You may see this in print later on and you can
say oh yeah I remember when it was so
roughly and crudely presented way back when.
So you know I'm in the process of developing.
If you have material that you've developed,
some Bible class material, then we need to
create a network and share with each other.
I'd like to bring to your attention a couple of
things on the board.
One of them is, yeah I did put up another email
address but just a short version.
You can get the other one, you can get me there
too but this one is just simply PruittC at
ACUEDU, that's the real short version.
You can get me there.
On March the 7th, that's in what two weeks,
we're bringing Art Linkletter to Abilene
and he is going to be here at 930 at Moody Coliseum.
If you want to bring some folks or even attend
yourself, it's free of charge, we're calling
it a morning with Linkletter and so he is going
to be here and talk to senior adults.
Art Linkletter, some of you don't know Art
Linkletter, do you?
How many of you know who Art Linkletter is,
raise your hand, okay?
We can tell, the younger generation.
Art Linkletter is really kind of a national
icon to the older generation anyway.
Younger generations will know Bill Cosby, kids
say the darnedest thing but Art Linkletter
is the one that started kids say the darnedest
things and he also had house party on the
radio and he had People Are Funny and so he was
just on Larry King Live, he's 89 years
old and he was just on Larry King Live and had
the largest viewing audience in the history
of Larry King Live and so they asked him to
come back again because of that.
He still skis and I'm hoping he doesn't do any
of that before March the 7th.
So he's coming and it's kind of a by invitation
but I'm saying to you, if you want to bring
a busload of folks and come, then just come on,
no charge there.
From May the 20th to the 24th we're having what
we call Senior Horizons here at ACU and
it's for older adults to come to the ACU
campus, live in the dorms and to attend some courses
taught by some of our instructors here, have
meals in our world famous beans and to have
a learning experience and to be entertained and
to have a great time.
Call us if you need more information about that.
And then we're having a, this is an MOA, that
means Ministry with Older Adult Workshop.
Bless you.
A Ministry with Older Adult Workshop and this
is for ministry leaders, those church leaders
who are helping develop ministries at their
local congregation and I believe the date
on that is June 5th through 7th but please,
we're still putting it together right now.
So call, it's in that area of the date but call
me and let us know, email
me and ask and so we can get you some more
up-to-date information on that.
Just to show you what's happening and there are
a lot of efforts being put together.
And Bob, I thank you for this cup of coffee.
9:30 in the morning, morning with link letter
is what it's being called.
We're going to, it's going to be 9.30-10.30.
Actually we're going to have some entertainment
singing groups, young people singing start
at 9:00 and then 9.30 introduce our link letter
and then he'll speak and we'll dismiss
everybody at 9, at 10:30.
Chapel begins at 11:00 so we'll probably have,
we may have 2,000 students coming in
and 2,000 older adults leaving.
On the other hand, we're also going to invite
those, Art Linkletter has agreed to speak
in chapel.
So and all the older adults go, wow, what an
opportunity and the younger ones go, what?
But so he is going to speak in chapel so what
we may do is invite the older folks to stay
and then we'll just have students sitting in
people's laps, I'm not sure, but it's
all going to work.
What day in the week is it? March.
March is a Wednesday.
Wednesday morning.
We'll give you some more information, we'll
have these items in print.
I didn't bring all the brochures I have, like
for the senior horizons I just brought one
brochure but we can mail you more and get you
more information on that.
Okay, let's get to work here on our series.
As I said earlier, if you see Lesson 4 there,
you'll see that I have put in this series
we're seeking practical ways to fulfill a
Christian child's responsibility as given
in and here are the passages.
And now we're moving into a very highly, highly
practical and applied approach to this.
We said earlier in Lesson 2 that the Bible says
what we're supposed to do to honor,
to obey, to provide for, but it doesn't tell us
how that's supposed to take place.
I will use an example of what I did, what I've
done with my parents, what I have done
with other older relatives and with what I've
read, researched, and so I'm giving you the
advantage of all of that in the practical part.
So here are some just opening scriptures that
you can refer to in your third lesson in the
area on communication.
We want to begin helping our parents with good communication.
We don't want to come in with preconceived
ideas on exactly what is needed.
We want to strive for the independence of our parents.
We want the parent to be as independent as
possible all the way through their life, and
we want to try to facilitate that.
And that is our goal in helping our parents
find meaning, helping our parents find honor
in age, maintaining dignity, and then help your
parents realize that we are all dependent
in one way or another.
Now again, to the question that was asked
earlier, that one way that the church can
respond is to help the whole congregation
develop a theme that we are all dependent
on each other, one way or the other.
And so when someone in later life, if they
resist help, then it may be that there needs
to be some repentance that takes place there,
because we scripturally were all dependent.
Okay, so go to number two then.
The first place to begin is with good
communication, and okay, let's go through this list.
Talk to your parent about their goals, needs,
and concerns.
And I would say, again, beginning, trying to
encourage the adult child to begin as early
as possible to begin this communication, and to
communicate with the parent that the child knows.
And when I say child, you know that I'm talking
about a 35, 40, maybe a 50-year-old here,
so that the child communicates to the parent,
hey, I want to fulfill my responsibility.
I don't want you to worry, but I need to
communicate with you.
I need you to communicate with me, and let's
look ahead here.
And so I've had several occasions where I'll
receive a call from a son or a daughter, and
they'll say, I'm trying to talk to my mother,
and they won't listen to me.
They just, you know, I'm trying to tell them
what they need and what to do, and how do
I get them to do what I want them to do?
And I'm going, well, what does your parent want?
And, well, I'm so busy, you know, I've come
down here from wherever, and I'm just going
to be here a couple of days, and I'm trying to
get all this organized, and I'm going,
how long are you going to be here?
Well, I've got two days, and then I've got to
get back to work, and I say, how about
being here for two weeks, you know, let's be
realistic about this.
Okay, so talk to your parent about their goals
and needs and concerns.
Talk to your parent about what they expect from
their children.
Ask my dad, you know, dad, what do you expect
from me?
Set him back.
He didn't know, he really didn't know how to respond.
I said, I know that you're just very capable of
taking care of yourself, you're doing great.
But when you do, when the time does come, you
know, what are you expecting from me,
you know?
And, well, I don't want to go into a nursing
home, but I don't want to go live with you
either, you know, one of those types of things.
But anyway, it's just, you know, start that
conversation in its time.
Talk to your parents about where they would
want to live if, and with, you know, a husband
and wife that are doing quite well
statistically, we know that men die sooner.
We know that women prove themselves to be a
stronger gender every day because they outlive
us four or five years, four, five, six years.
We do know that men have a tendency to marry
women that are younger, and so when you add
everything up, women can expect to be widowed
for 10 years.
You know, all the statistics there just show
that, you know, I tell my wife, I said, sweetheart,
you can expect to be a widow for 10 years, and
she says, oh, no, you know, I'm going
to die first, and all, you know, all those
responses that you get, and I said, no, really,
I mean, we need to make sure we plan, so, you
know, for that 10 years that I'm not here.
Keeping that in mind, in a patriarchal
environment, you know, we can go, and we could
go here,
we could talk about the huge need of the church
to respond to gender issues, to women in our
male-dominated groups where we have a large
number of widows who lose, who become disenfranchised,
but we won't talk about all that, but anyway,
so talking to the grandfather about what happens
when grandmother is alone, you know, and just
talking about those issues and where do you
want to live, type thing, and then talk to your
parents about financial and legal matters.
There's three critical documents, and we won't
go into all those, but you do need,
there does need to be in place, and all of us
need this, by the way, an updated will
and then a durable power of attorney, that is,
for financial matters, and advanced directives,
that would be a living will, that would be
direction to position, is what we would call
that, and then a durable power of attorney for Healthcare.
Now the brother mentioned earlier about the
congregation where he is that there are three
sisters, I believe, living together, and they
have no relatives, and the church is trying
to respond to their needs, one of these are
some very important, highly important
issues there, especially the durable power of
attorney for Healthcare, that is the document
that says, okay, when an individual cannot make
healthcare decisions for their own body
anymore, that someone else has a legal right to
do that.
With my uncle, Zach, who's my grandfather's, he
was my grandfather's brother, he died at
93, he had a stroke, and I drove down to San
Antonio where he was, I had the durable power
of attorney for healthcare, and his spouse had
a stroke, and she was incapacitated, and
so I came into the hospital, and there were
doctors and nurses, you know, a doctor and
a couple nurses standing at his door, and I
walked up, and they looked at me, and they
said, you know, are you a member of the family,
and I said yes, and I reached in my pocket,
and I pulled out, and I said, and I have the
durable power of attorney for Healthcare.
They just relaxed, they went, oh, that is so
good, oh, you know, that's great, can we
get a copy of that, and then they were, that's
what they were discussing, you know, here's
someone who, there wasn't a clear family member
to make those decisions, and so, you know,
I was here, I was a nephew, but then, you know,
there's a lot of nieces and nephews,
but having this document that says, okay, I
have the durable power of attorney for Healthcare,
boy, that was nice, you know, to be able to do
that, and all the family members then realized
that I was in the position, and they respected
me and my decisions, and obviously all the
professionals, so.
Is that something that you want to talk about?
But actually, can you use a lot of the things
that both of you have? Yes.
And if that was a place that you were willing
to talk about beforehand, did that need to
take time on time, or did it have to take too
long for that?
Yes, it needs to be done when the mind is
clear, all of this needs to be done ahead
of time.
Appointing, it would be, I would think it would
be almost impossible to appoint someone
as the durable power of attorney for Healthcare
when that document was actually needed to
be enacted, because up until that time, you
were able to make your own decision, and so,
that document doesn't come into force, and so.
But they, but they were still able to, they,
they were able to function cognitively to
make that decision.
At least, okay.
No, and it was your parent, yes.
We've kind of frightened people a little bit of
the, yeah, we've made too many jokes
about, yeah, well there's two, two clear ways
to approach that.
When you approach it from, look, I am not
trying to take over and control your life
at all, but I am trying to be able to help you,
will you help me help you when the time
is needed.
That's, that's one way to approach it, and then
in addition, if we will, will have those
in place ourselves already, then we can say,
look mom, I have my own will, I have all this
in place already with my, with my children, and
most of us will have adult children.
I have this in place already myself, you see,
so I'm not asking you to do something that
I'm not doing that I haven't already done,
okay, so that's the second, that would be
kind of the second way to go about approaching
that, okay.
Any other thoughts for coming?
That's it, that's wonderful advice, and I hope
you enjoyed it, and I'll see you next time.
And I should, I should probably have that right
here, I think I put it somewhere else,
but don't expect this to happen all at once,
bring it up, let them think about it, bring
it up, let them think about it.
With my uncle, I used to, he was very proud
that he lived in San Antonio, but he was a
banker in South Texas, and he was on the board
of directors still, even up in his 80s, he's
on the board of directors at the bank in
Oldham, Texas, and so I would drive him back
and forth,
and so, and we would talk about this on the
trip, on these beautiful wildflowers, and
by the way, Uncle Zach, have you thought about,
you know, and then, and it was, and giving
him enough time to understand what the document
was, and then me saying, let me understand
what you really want to take place here, and
having confidence that I wasn't just going
to come up with something on my own, that I was
going to do what he wanted, and then
he was happy to put these, to sign these
documents, but it did take a little time to communicate.
Okay, all right, and then talk to your parents
about healthcare, again, the different vehicles
of healthcare insurance, and I think probably
it would be good for children to understand
the difference in Medicare and Medicaid ahead
of time, and to have a good understanding
of what it is to be in this gap, you know, we
have about three different types
of folks in our country, and it's Sue, Shelly
Bell, Shelly sees this a lot,
she works at Coronado, we may have, we have
individuals that have plenty of money, and
they can, they can take care of their own
healthcare, and we'll probably have more
money coming, more money coming in, and they're
going to spend, you know, on that $100,000
a year for healthcare, if they have to go into
long-term care, and then there are individuals
who don't have any money at all, and can
qualify for Medicaid, but a huge number is in between
that, and they have to eventually spend down
and become impoverished before the government
will begin paying for long-term care, and so
understanding those issues and looking
ahead and kind of planning ahead, and you could
kind of envision the need that will
be ahead, but those are important issues then,
okay, and then talking to your parents about
their funeral, and this is not a, it's not a
death wish, oh, I'm not going to die, I
know you're not going to die, I don't want you
to be around for a long time, but let's
just plan ahead and talk about it, okay, so
those are, these are, this is where we begin
with good communication, and then it's very
important, I want to
emphasize this, and when you teach this back
home and wherever you teach this, emphasize
not to make promises that you can't keep, you
know, don't promise, do not promise your
father that you will never put your mother in a
nursing facility.
That may be the very, that may be the place
that she'll get the very best care that we
had to put, my uncle needed to eventually go
into a nursing facility, and that's where
he, because of all the care, the heavy care
that was needed, and so statements need to
be made like, you know, I'll do my very, I'll
do the very best to get, to make sure you
get the best care that's available, but don't
make these promises that you can't keep, alright,
it's very, very important, I'm afraid, you
know, some, I've read, I haven't seen it,
actually I have seen it a few times, I don't
remember the names, but I have seen a son
make a promise to his dad, I'll never put mom
into a nursing facility, okay, he makes
that promise, and then when the time comes, he
brings his mother home for his wife to
care for her, and that's not fair to do that,
and caregiving is a huge
gender issue, caregiving is huge, a huge gender
issue, because it's almost always the woman
that does the caring, okay, it's almost always
that way, the son will probably pay for somebody
to care for the parent, the daughter is the one
that usually does the caring, if there's
six brothers and one sister, guess who gets to
be in position, so I think we need to break
that mold some way, we need to have assertive
daughters that will say, you know, why should
I do this just because I'm a woman, you know,
that's the social, anyway, so you can see
where I'm coming from there, on that, big
importance, any thoughts, yes?
Oh my god, wow, oh my god.
We have absolutely, I agree, I've been happy at
Hillcrest to be able to teach some classes
like this, even to young marrieds, but in our
society teaches us to avoid these issues,
to deny these issues, and because we're so in
love with youth, and because we all want
to stay young, we don't.
They have not.
They have not, you know, to be, to
be, to be, to, to be, be, to be with children.
They don't.
Well, I'll have to go home this afternoon and
get my mind off of it because here I am
teaching, you know, here I am going, now we
need to do this, you know, and you've called
a preacher to repent here.
So I do have, but yes, I do have my will and
all that, but don't have the durable
power of the attorney of health care and need
to get that taken care of. Yes.
I've got that done, I've got the funeral taken
care of. Wow.
No, go, you're first, and then he's.
Absolutely, yes.
Okay, did you want to, did you have a different
direction, okay, did you want to respond to that?
Well, we will begin to do that. Yes.
Very, very interesting, yes.
But we see that, isn't it irony that the men
run the church, so to speak,
but then they turn around and they go home and
don't know about writing their own personal
lives and I say that's, I try to be humorous
about that, but there's probably more truth.
But yes, that may be another thing to address
and for us to be aware in our congregations
and situations that are there.
How can the church respond, just to say
something parenthetically here, we probably
need to
have some more support groups in our own
congregations regarding these issues and
getting children
who are caring for aging parents together with
those who have already been down the
road and being very much aware of this as we
apply our Christianity, as our faith is
fleshed out in helping folks deal with these
issues, but that's a very good point.
Okay, let's move on.
Oh, quickly here. Yes.
Guilt is huge, that's what Mr. Martin said that
nursing homes are in the business of
producing guilt.
And there's some good books.
Doug Manning has written a book on Don't Take
My Grief Away.
It's just a nice short little book and then
there's another one about making this nursing
home decision and it's Mr. Martin we've
referred to, he's a nursing facility administrator
affiliated with Churches of Christ.
He said one time, he said anytime a parent
comes, child comes in and says we think we're
going to have to put mother in, he says okay,
take this little book home and you read it
and then we'll talk.
And it maybe Don't Take My Guilt Away.
Is that a shorter book or is that a?
Okay, this is a shorter book and it's by Doug
Manning as well.
And I'm not sure.
It may be making the, you know, sometimes.
Yes, it's about, no, this is about the nursing
home decision.
No, it has to be read.
It has to be read, yeah.
It's not intellectual.
It has to be, it has to go down into your heart.
Okay, we have to switch to the next lesson
because we've got 15 minutes left and this
is the one that I wanted to spend all of our
time on.
But in this particular lesson, what I'm wanting
us to see here is to help our parents cope
with emotional losses.
Now, let's really bring in some psychology of
aging at this particular point.
First of all, behavioral roles are added until
mid-late life.
A role is the name really of a societal behavior.
Who's the teacher of this class?
Who's the teacher?
Anybody, could anybody guess?
Help me.
Thank you. Good.
Who is a student in this class?
You are a student.
She's a student.
Who am I?
Well, I am the director of the Gerontology Center.
I am on faculty at Abilene Christian University.
I am, you know now, I am a father.
I am a husband.
And on and on and on.
I could list all titles of things that I do.
I am on the board of directors for different associations.
And on and on.
I am a Bible class teacher, care group leader,
okay, and all these names.
And we notice, you notice when we introduce
people, like my uncle, even though he's very
late in life,
you know, hello, my name is Zach Pruitt.
I am on the board of directors at the First
State Bank at Odom.
We identify who we are by the roles that we
play in our society, okay?
And so here is different roles in our careers.
We may be a banker.
We may be a teacher.
We may be a college student.
We may be a preacher, a deacon.
We may be an elder's wife, a deacon's wife.
We may be a lady's Bible class teacher, a
mother, a spouse.
All, you know, I have friends.
So I am a friend.
I have a house.
I take care of my house.
See where I'm going with all this.
I am the driver of a car.
I have hobbies.
I'm a golfer.
Well, no, I'm a hacker.
But anyway, but all of these, we have all these
different roles.
Watch now.
And these roles that people play in our society
add perceived value in our life, okay?
They give us identity.
So just how important are roles to our parents?
Well, in the relationships, these relationship
roles, they tend to tell us how we relate to
other people, parent, child.
You see, I'm a spouse.
I'm a husband.
They give me identity.
We often tell other people who we are by
explaining what we do and self-worth.
How well roles are filled often give us a
feeling of value.
I would hope that I'm a good teacher.
I would hope that I am a good student.
You know, I would like to have a four-point average.
Hope that I'm a good father and husband.
And so older people tend to gain good feelings
about themselves in these three areas.
And these are important areas to consider.
Can other people depend on me?
Am I helping my family?
And can I take care of myself?
And as those three areas begin to be affected
and as I am not able to fulfill my roles in
those areas,
I begin to lose a sense of self-worth, okay?
Now, the longer we live, the more roles that
are lost.
Eventually, I will not be on the board of
directors of associations.
Eventually, I will not be the director of the
gerontology center.
Eventually, I will not be faculty at Abilene
Christian University.
And eventually, in all probability, it will be
my wife that she is a wife and she knows how to
behave in that role.
But what happens when I die?
What happens to that relationship and that identity?
And the longer we live, the more of these roles
are taken away from us.
I used to be a Bible class teacher.
Have you ever heard of any older folks in your congregation?
I used to teach ladies Bible class.
I used to teach the children the Bible class.
I used to prepare, even prepare the communion.
I used to do all these things and saying what
they used to do and not what they are doing
right now.
And part of what is going on psychologically is
they are going, I am not really sure who I am
right now.
So then, so there is this, and we can respond
to that and we will talk about that a little
bit later,
but we can respond to that by helping people
know who they are in Jesus Christ.
But almost always, even though someone has a
wonderful faith in Christ,
they are still heavily influenced by this
psychological issue of loss of role in later life.
So here is how we want to help our parents.
First of all, here is a list.
First of all, we can accept the reality of our
own aging.
I can help, you know, I can go ahead and get
this document prepared this afternoon.
And I can go ahead and accept the reality that
I am aging.
I went not too long ago.
I went down to my mother's grave down in Pleasanton.
And I looked up and there is my
great-grandfather Pruitt, and there is my
grandfather Pruitt,
and here is my, and then here is the place
where my dad is going to be buried.
And then I looked around and well, there is no
more places left for me.
I will be buried in Abilene, Texas probably.
But here is the reality.
I am just passing through and I am aging myself.
And all these fellows, all these past Pruitts
used to be my age at one time.
And I need to accept the reality.
I am growing older and that is one of the first ways.
I handle that myself and then I can help my
parents, my grandparents.
Okay, second, do not buy in on the myths about aging.
We talked about that earlier, those false concepts.
Do not buy in on those false concepts.
Let us know what the reality is and not the
myths about aging.
And then I say plan ahead with your parent and
not for your parent.
Okay, and we have talked about this in our communication.
But what are we doing here?
We are kind of doubling up.
We are a little bit redundant so we can bring
home the message a little bit better.
Resist role reversal.
Do not use the term I have become my parent's
parent or I am parenting my parent.
Do not do that.
I do not really like that because I am always
going to be the child of my parent.
Part of my responsibility as a child may need
to be to take a leadership role.
But I do not become my parent in disciplining
and correcting.
I am still the child.
I am still the child, okay.
Offer a safe place for life review.
We will talk more about this this afternoon.
But a safe place for life review.
Now I will tell a story on my dad.
Now if he listens to this tape, sorry dad.
My dad used to when my grandfather would come
up and he would start telling me some stories about,
you know, this is what I used to do, you know.
And then my dad would say, hey, you know, he
does not need to hear that.
You told him that before.
And now I know what my grandfather was doing.
He was not just being forgetful that he had
told me that before.
He was trying to tell me a role that he played,
a behavioral role that he played in society
that he was very proud of.
And when he felt really good about himself and
he wanted me to feel good about him.
And so he was sharing his past with me.
And so it is okay for life review.
It is okay to tell these stories and teach your
kids and grandkids.
It is okay to listen to these.
So providing a safe place for life review, okay.
And promote meaningful involvement with others
is a way that we can help.
Keep people connected with others.
What I usually say there when I am talking to
older people, I say they need,
I say folks you need to develop the art of
making friends.
Develop the art of making friends.
A woman who has lived to be 80 years old will
have lost half of the women that she has known.
A man who has lived to be 80, how many friends
will he have helped bury?
Three quarters, 75 percent, he will have helped
bury 75% of the friends he has had for 20 years.
Now I am not saying that they need to learn to
replace those friends.
But I am saying develop new friends, okay.
So develop the art of making friends.
It may be that you have a lot of friends and
you need to bring the older parent in
connection with those friends or whatever.
Encourage contact with family members and
friends, okay.
That is obvious there.
Focus on their contributions to the lives of others.
Help them understand what they have contributed
and help them understand what they are contributing.
A lot of older folks don't realize that they
are contributing and they need to hear it from
the younger generation.
Yes, you are encouraging.
Your journey into later life is a wonderful
example to me.
We need to ask, I speak to groups of older
folks and I say tell me.
Tell me how it is.
Do you have a story for me?
Do you have a message for me about what life is like?
What can I expect when I get older?
I have got this poem, this is a good place to
read, The Bridge Builder.
I am sure most of you have read that.
And then foster spiritual and mental development.
Another high level of interest that I have is
spiritual development in later life.
And understanding what that really is, okay.
I am assuming it is almost time for us to break.
Are there any comments before we go?
I was wondering about the second year when you
were young.
You need to ask them what they know about my
life and my life.
That is good and it would behoove us to do one thing.
And that is to develop good friendships with
people of all ages.
So that we have, hey, I have a good friend that
is 75 years old.
Mom, you are 75 and here are some folks.
I play 42 with these people.
So that is a very good point.
Now we are going to begin again at 3:30 and we
will look at the final two lessons.
I want to discuss how to help our parents find
purpose and meaning in life.
And then I want the final lesson has to do with
successful aging.
And what is it to successfully age.
So we want to cover both of those at 3:30 this afternoon.
I hope you have a great lunch.
I want to make sure that your name is on this
list so I can put you on our mailing list.
Any final comments? Yes?
That is good.
That is what we are trying to do.
Thank you.
We are trying to be highly practical with this.
Thank you.
I want to make sure that we are helping here
with the community.
One of the things that I see is, as far as
studying societal behavior,
is that we have a good idea about how to raise teenagers.
Because we have been teenagers ourselves to
some degree.
But when it comes to helping our parents, it is
almost like every one of us learn that on our own.
Because we may have seen it done before, but it
may not be in a way that we can actually carry
it out.
And so this is an area where we must share with
each other.
And we must come together.
And those who have already experienced this
need to help those that are just moving into
this area.
And so yes, again, support groups and communications.
So that is really important.
Thank you.
And see you at 3:30.
Did you have a question for me or a comment?
We'll be back.
How about your dad?
Happy birthday.
Oh, that would be great.
That would be great.
That was nice.
Well, you're welcome.
Well, that's your first name.
That's your first name.
That's very nice.
I'm from North Wales.
I'm not making it up on it.