The Lampasas Daily Leader (Lampasas, Tex.), Vol. 30, No. 94, Ed. 1 Saturday, June 24, 1933 Page: 2 of 4
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THE LAMPASAS LEADER
THE FABLE OF
DOING JUST AS
YOU PLEASE
£8
By GEORGE ADE
©. Bell Syndicate.—WNU Service.
/^v NCE there was a Desk Serf
I 1 who longed for a Sniff of the
y J Great Out-doors. He was
tired of looking out from his
High Windows and seeing nothing
for Miles and Miles except Radio
Antennae. Often he wondered if he
had forgotten how to walk on Grass.
He supposed that somewhere the
slanting Rays of early Sunlight caused
the Dewdrops to sparkle like Rhine-
stones, and the Birds were coloratur-
ing overhead, and the Air was congest-
ed with something other than Speed
Cops and Carbon Monoxide.
Unfortunately he had dribbled away
his Vacation and would have to wear
the Leg Chain for Months to ensue, so
his only Chance to break away from
the Reservation and sit in Nature’s
Lap was to grab a little Outing for
the Week End. At least he could es-
cape from the Roar of Traffic and the
raucous Street Cries and the endless
Parade of highheeled Stenographers.
His Name was Vassle and original-
ly he came from a blessed Region
where one might obtain Apples from
Trees instead of Greeks. He felt,
even though the Expression may have
been used before, the Call of the
Wild. Sometimes he dreamed of purl-
ing Brooks and Grape-Vine Swings
and light Biscuits drowned in Gravy.
One might wonder why he had left
the Calm Beatitudes of a Farming
Region to come up to the City and
make just enough to keep himself in
Clothes and Movies. One might.
The Liberty Hall Gag.
He was employed by the great Firm
known as Doobie and Kittle which
specialized on making Money and
then some. Mr. Vassle had -become
pleasantly acquainted with the pres-
ent Doobie of the House, a middle-
aged boy ■who had learned the useful
Lesson that Business should never
interfere with Anything Else on the
Program. He had a Town House and
a Country-House and a House-Boat
in Florida and two Lockers at the fa-
mous Golf Course and a Garage full
of long, low rakish Speed Wagons. A
true sport, who could wear Spats with-
out frequently looking down at his
Feet.
It cannot be denied that Mr. Vassle
almost keeled over with joy when the
one and only Doobie casually invited
him to come out and spend Sunday
at his Country Place which bore the
very seductive Title of “What Ho!”
Mr. Vassle. began getting out his
Whites and most passionate Shirt and
wondering if he could hold up his
End in discussing Art, Literature and
History with the House Guests. It
was enough to throw the Trembles in-
to one of the Plain People. He was
about to stand near enough to the
Nobility to feel the Current.
It was surely a Privilege to beat
It to a Quiet Spot where he could get
the Kinks out of His Nerves and lis-
ten to the Breeze humming a soft Lull-
aby through the Boughs and take a
good old-fashioned Relax.
As they rode out on the Parlor Car,
surrounded by important looking over-
weights who kept glancing around sus-
piciously, as If some one might sneak
up from behind and try to borrow
Money or start a Conversation, it was
then that Mr. Doobie reassured Mr.
Vassle. He pulled the Old Stuff about
Liberty Hall.
“We make it a Rule to let our
Friends do as they darn please,” said
he. “Just cut loose and have a Good
Time in your own Way. If you don’t
get what you want holler for it. Every-
thing is very Democratic and we don’t
put on any Swank. I’m sure you’ll
cotton to all of our Friends. They
don’t care whether School keeps or
not. What you might term the Salt
of the Earth. Everything goes except
Formality. You’ll fit right in because
I can see that you are a Bird who
is very broadminded.”
They motored from the ivy-clad Sta-
tion at any easy Clip of 90 miles an
Hour to a Baronial Castle where Mr.
Vassle, for the first time, saw his Al-
most-Leather Suit Case being un-
packed by a distinguished looking For-
eigner who had a rectangle of side-
whisker" in front of each Ear, the
same as a Bull Fighter.
He looked out of the Window at a
Landscape which had been manicured
and given a Skin Treatment and
seemed to smell of Perfumery. Nature
was all dressed up but still trying
to smile through the Rouge.
Silent Golf.
Just then his Host came In and
said, “Now, Kid, you can do what-
ever suits you, but we are all going
to buzz over to Bill Burleigh’s for
Tea. I think you will be amused. The
only difference between Bill’s Place
and a Road House is that Bill’s Place
stands farther back from the High-
way.”
Of course the visitor said he would
he glad to go along. He wanted to
get In a Boat and row out all by
himself and drift, but who ever heard
of a House Guest going out In a Boat
by himself?
When they pulled up in front of the
Tea Party they found . two acres of
Cars. Mr. Vassle feared that he might
feel embarrassed in a Strange Crowd.
When an Old Lady, whom he had
not met, came up and mussed his
Hair, he knew that everything would
be all rislit. Only, as he rode away
with that Section of the Menagerie
provided by Mr. Doobie he recalled
that he had seen only one Cup of
Tea and no one had tried to draw him
out on Literature, History or Art.
After Mr. Vassle had hung around
the Hallways and various Verandas
until the Hour of the Evening at which
he usually sought the Feathers, the
Members of the House Party showed
up and began To talk about getting
a Running Start in the Direction of
Dinner.
Very late in the Evening several
Menials crowded around Mr. Vassle
and showed him enough Food to re-
lieve the Distress in a big city. Then,
while he was planning a Sneak, some
one said of course he played Bridge
and it would just even up the Tables.
So he fought it out until 2 a. m., los-
ing the Income for Three Days and
getting a lot of Dirty Looks.
He thought that Sunday morning
in the La*d of the Idle Rich- would be
a Cinch. He promised himself that he
would hibernate until High Noon. But
soon after Jocund Day had come over
the Hill-Tops there was Friend Host
sitting on the Edge of the Bed in
his flowered Robe, once more fixing
it up for Mr. Vassle to do just as he
pleased.
“We have so many Players on Sun-
day that you want to get an Early
Start,” he explained. “I’ve picked you
out a Set of Clubs and phoned old
Mr. Wickleby because you can trim
him, even if you have played only
twice, on a Public Course. Don’t take
him on unless you want to, but he will
be here in twenty Minutes to pick you
up.”
So that is why the Refugee from
the City who was looking for some
Vast Solitude, found himself far out
on the undulating Fairway, suffering
the Torments of Hell in the Presence
of two Hard-Egg Caddies and a weas-
el-faced Antique wrho never spoke aft-
er they left the First Tee.
Weeks and Weeks elapsed and then
Mr. Vassle dragged his dying AiF-
dales up to the Club House just In
time to be told by Mr. Doobie to hur-
ry, hurry, as they were all going down
to. the Beach for a Swim. Mind you,
Mr. Doobie did not insist on Mr. Vas-
sle going. He simply said the thing
to do was to take a little Dip before
Luncheon and Everybody Else was go-
ing, but of course, if Mr. Vassle didn’t
want to go they could send him Home
in the Car and then wait for the Car
to come back. It could be arranged.
Whereupon Mr. Vassle began to No
and said Yes he would be tickled to
go into the Water.
A Morning Call.
So they borrowed a large Suit for
him and he was ghastly White, where-
as all the Others had that rich Coat
of Tan which can be acquired only
by Life-Savers and those who get their
Names into the Sunday Papers. In
addition to the Cramps he got the
usual case of Sunburn and bruised his
Foot. Otherwise he was O. K.
It seemed that the Members of this
Recreational Colony had Luncheon
along in the Afternoon. If he could
have gone to Bed right after Lunch-
eon and slept through to Monday
morning, he might have saved his
life. When he timidly suggested a
Nap all of his jolly Companions gave
him the hoot.
They reminded him that he would
get a lot of Sleep in the Cemetery and
besides, no one can shoot Craps while
lying down. They told him he could
be a Quitter, if that was the Way
he felt, but if he retired to his Room
he certainly would miss many a Touch
of high-Life. Whereupon Mr. Vassle as-
sured them that he had just been
fooling and that they couldn’t make
the Jumps too high for- him.
He was working at a Trade he’
.never had learned, but he tried to be
game. He discovered that Social Life
out in the Country consists of speed-
ing madly from one Palatial Hut to
another and ordering up refreshments,
no matter who owns the Place. If he
came out from the City to meet a lot
of Friendly Folks he got his Wish.
Along about 8 p. m. while he was
hanging on the Ropes, it came out
that the Nightingales with whom he
was caged were all going out to Din-
ner and the Hostess needed another
Man and it would be nice of Mr. Vas-
sle to come along, because he would
be thrice Welcome, and if he didn’t
come it would destroy the Seating Ar-
rangement and all the Place Cards
would have to be changed, but, of
course, that was all up to him, and
he could consult his own Selfish Pleas-
ure. Mr. Vassle was too far gone to
Pike or Stall. He went.
He never learned the Name of his
Hostess and to this Day he couldn’t
tell y<$u where they went to get a lit-,
tie Dancing, shortly after Sunday had
merged into Monday. He does recall
that at 3 a. m., while they were miles
out in the Country somewhere, some
one flagged all the Cars and said it
was the'mere Shank of the Evening
and wouldn’t it be a lot of fun to
go over and call on Frank. There
were loud Cries of Approval but the
Voice of Vassle was not lifted In the
general tumult.
By getting away from Frank’s soon
after the Bacon and Eggs, Mr. Vas-
sle succeeded in catching the Early
train Into Town.
The Girl who took his Letters hap-
pened to glance up and there, In front
of her, was a haggard Wreck.
“I have been in the Country, rest-
ing,” said it. “Open all the Mail, and
answer the Calls until Thursday. I
will be in St. Bedelias Hospital.”
MORAL—People born in the Coun-
try never know how to use It.
Cat and Dog Longevity
The dog’s span of life is a few years
longer than that of the cat. They
live occasionally to ages from twen-
ty-three to thirty. Cats rarely exceed
eighteen years.
Events in the Lives of Little Men
6EE IM k«RV
To SEE WM
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HAVEN'T I Got
A BETTER. T(£
Thaw this ?
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THAT OKje IS ALL RlG-HT- 1
HERE VoU ARE TO MARE
A PRESEMTATlOKl SPEECH
AWD YOU WORRY MORE
AbouT Tour. Tie THAU
■r:f yon do Your, a&dress /
_It Won’t Run Away
/ o H TJOH’T WOR.RV—_
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A. LITTLE SPEECH To
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■--AMO HOvU BROTHER. KETLl* F£AtHERHEAD
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OP INTEREST TO VoU ALU
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RETIR-IMC?- OPPICER.
IM PARTICULAR-
BROTHER P EAThERH EAD— ’
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© Western Nawnpaper Union
_ ASO IN CONCLUSION BROTHER.
SRUCSE-R LET ME PRESENT "THESE To KEN S'
op OUE^STeEM Tt—lEr CONTENTS op*
THE PURSE MAY DISAPPEAR.- BUT in!
THIS WATCH You WILL HAVE A. .11
MEMEWTo -that will never, go.1!!
<?, 1/ ?
‘i
//
FINNEY OF THE FORCE
A Good Recommendation
FINNEY j
HEAR. THAT? You SAY
You LIVED \N THIS NEIGHBOR-
HOOD For. 'TWELVE YEARS—
AND THE PERSON! You Grisie
AS PEPERETICE •DOESN'T*
Know you l{
JiJ-
7
FINNEY—YhiS MAN
WANTS ME To S"ivjE
HIM CREDIT AND HE
GAVE You AS
reference-
WHO ME ? E>uT
Ol DON'T KNOW
TH' MON! I
r
what More do You want? /
I’ve LIVED HERB All THAT
-Time AND THB COP ON
-THE BEAT NEVER EVEN
HEARD or ME II
Our Government
^-How It Operates
By William Bruckart
BUREAU OF THE BUDGET
A N EFFORT has been made
** throughout these discussions of
the functions of government to show
where each agency has a point of con-
tact with Mr. and Mrs. Public, that is,
fou and me. But there is one bureau
which almost never touches any of us;
it does not deal with any of us, and
floes not concern itself about individ-
ual citizens, except that it considers
the welfare of all collectively as tax-
payers. I refer to the bureau of the
budget.
This little known agency is the focal
point, however, of all plans and pro-
grams for expenditures of public funds.
Every government department, bureau
or commission is a spending agency,
gnd every one of them has to have the
approval of the bureau of the budget
before they can even go before a com-
mittee of congress to defend the plans
they have made.
Along about the first of August each
year, the director of the budget noti-
fies the heads of all governmental es-
tablishments that he will receive “esti-
mates” of expenditures for the fiscal
year that is to begin in July of the
following year. The government bud-
get, you will remember, goes to con-
gress when it convenes each Decem-
ber, and upon it all of the appropri-
ations for the succeeding fiscal year
are based. So the budget director
begins work about August 1.
Although each of the spending
agencies have had general plans
mapped out, they do not translat®
them Into dollars and cents until they
pet the advices from the budget di-
rector to submit estimates. The first
Btep, therefore, in any establishment
Is to fill out the skillfully arranged
forms with the figures necessary to
ihow how much money is needed or
flesired, and where It is to go.
Once these figures are in the hands
j>f the budget director and his as-
sistants, they invite a committee front
each establishment for “hearings*
which are designed to supply the bud-
get bureau with all information about
every item and whether, for example,
it is desirable or necessary to increase
the sum available for airplanes fov
the army or whether conditions war-
rant the employing of one additional
stenographer in the office of the “third
assistant to the chief of section X” or
somewhere equally well down the line
of importance. It need not be stated
that when these hearings are com-
pleted, the budget officials have about
all of the data available concerning
the next year’s plans.
While the budget bureau is making
np its lists, however, it has to keep
in mind that the President previously
has made an announcement that the
total of government expenses shall
not exceed a specific amount. The
budget bureau starts work paring down
the individual items in order that the
President’s command shall be obeyed.
And what a job it Is! Every estab-
Hshment wants to spend as muck
money as it can get, obviously. It is
natural that the individual wants to
make his agency as important and as
valuable as he can. All of wliick
causes the heads of the spending
agencies to defend their estimates vig-
orously, to bring all pressure to heap
that they can legitimately accomplish^
The budget bureau has to act inde-
pendently, because ordinarily the bud-
get amount is approximately the total
which congress will appropriate, and it
Is necessary to hold down federal ex<.
penditures in the interest of the tax-
payers.
The director of the budget confer?)
eacfi week with the President as the
process of paring the estimate goes
along.
By and by, the director announces
that the budget is complete, and one
look at it is quite convincing as to
the truth of his statement for It I a
usually a volume of about 1,200 pagee
of closely set type. Qn the one col-
umns is a list of the purposes for
which it Is proposed to spend money j
on the opposite column of the page Is
the amount, and every Item has itc
corresponding figure, so you can se#
whether there is a provision to buy
a greater or less number of airplanes
for the army in the succeeding year
than was purchased in the last year,
or whether one department Is going to
use more paper clips or less.
It Is at this point, therefore, that
the bureau of budget attracts public
attention for the one time of each
year, for the budget is ready to be
transmitted to congress by the Presi-
dent. And when that happens, the
great appropriations committee of tho
house of representatives gets into ac-
tion. It holds another set of hear-
ings to which the representatives of
the spending agencies are invited that
they can speak for themselves. That
Is, they can speak for themselves
to the limit which the budget bureau
fixed. There is a law making it K
criminal offense to ask for more.
Passage of appropriation bills Is an
annual Job in congress, and the repre-
sentatives and senators assigned to
the committees handling them have
plenty of troubles for outside Inter-
ests can and do get in their workj
urging and even hounding raemlwit-
for increases in sums or for addi-
tional items. Yet it has gone on yeav
after year with reasonably satisfafv
tory results, and the proof Is that l
President has not refused to sign aa
approprition bill In years. ,
<Q, 1932, Western Newspaper Union
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The Lampasas Daily Leader (Lampasas, Tex.), Vol. 30, No. 94, Ed. 1 Saturday, June 24, 1933, newspaper, June 24, 1933; Lampasas, Texas. (https://texashistory.unt.edu/ark:/67531/metapth894792/m1/2/: accessed June 19, 2024), University of North Texas Libraries, The Portal to Texas History, https://texashistory.unt.edu.; crediting Lampasas Public Library.