The Lampasas Daily Leader. (Lampasas, Tex.), Vol. 4, No. 955, Ed. 1 Saturday, April 6, 1907 Page: 3 of 4
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MADE HIS MEANING PLAIN.
Indian’s Answer a Real Triumph of
Quiet Sarcasm.
George Vaux, Jr., of Philadelphia,
has been appointed a "member of the
board of Indian commissioners. Mr.
Yaux told a reporter the other day an
Indian story.
“There was a certain commission-
<er,” he said, “who treated the Indians
with rude scorn. One day a chief en-
tertained Jhis man in his tepee, tell-
ing him over the tobacco many quaint
legends.
, .“One legend concerned a plague of
grasshoppers. The chief told elo-
quently how grasshoppers overran
the land, eating the grain, and how
the medicine men averted a'famine
by offering a silver grasshopper to
the Great Spirit, whereupon all that
deluge of grasshoppers. disappeared.
“But the commissioner scoffed at
the tale.
“‘Are you Indians, .such fools,’ he
said, ‘as to believe such rubbish?’ •
*“0, no," said the chief, gravely,
'or we’d long ago have offered the
Great Spirit a silver pale, face.’ ”—
Milwaukee Sentinel.
Judge Got His Answer.
Judge Graham, of the San Francisco
supreme court, gets as much fun as
poss^ple out of life, even extracting an
occasional laugh from trials over
which he presides. Not long ago he
Indulged in his favorite propensity
and came off second best. An appli-
cant for naturalization was /before
him, the French chef of a big hotel.
Satisfied with the answers to the for-
mal questions, Judge Graham sudden-
ly and unsmilingly put a final poser:
“You say you are a chef? What is the
difference between a teal duck and a
pheasant?” Just as quickly and.fully
as seriously came the answer: “Forty
cents, your honor.”
A Good
Appetite
An old proverb says:—“Hunger
is the best sauce.”
Elijah’s Manna starts the ,Saliva! art
once because it is,so crisp and has a
dainty, delicate flavor.
The food is made from white corn,
rolled between steel roller^fritoTigiit
silken flakes and then t<%sted to a
delicate brown, which brings out the
flavor and sweetness of the corm >
At grocers—pony package 5 cents;
family size 15 cents.
Elijah’s
Manna
Made by Postum Cereal Co., Ltd.,
Battle Creek, Mich.
THE TALE OF A
A TRAGEDY IN TONOPAH.
The sky WaS bleak and cold ;and gray,
When forth a grip germ came to stray. .
A snow pile lay
Within his way,
So in he climbed, with feelings gay.
“What bliss Is this.’t he .chied in glee;,
“This is the very place for me.
All snug I’ll be * |||a * g
Aind fancy'free' * * 1 > 1
Until a sign of thaw I see.’’
Then he remained, and, by the way,
He reared large families,.-so they say.
No shovel’s play * j :
Broiught him dismay.- • ' >
No streets were cleaned. They let him
Stay. -
iVe let him stay/ although we see
Pneumonia, stalking grim and free.
My ’landlord, he
Would 'never' be
Thus chary of .evicting me.
—Washington Star.
SHE WANTED TO KNOW.
“How was .the man killed?” inquired
thje coroner, before viewing the body.
“He wuz shot in a quarrel over a
game o’ cards, jedge, fer cheatin’,” re-
plied an eye-witrfbss to the tragedy.
“Why, I was told that he committed
suicide, but I wanted to find out how
he did it;”
“He did kill himself, jedge, but you
see—”
“I thought you said it was a quar-
rel?.”
“An’ so it w.uz. You see, it wuz this
way. Hank wuz the gol-derndest fel-
ler ter cheat ?,n’ fight that ever wuz.
He jest naehally-couldn’t he’p cheatin’
in a game an’ he’d fight at the drop o’
the hat. Hank wa’n’t no coward, if
he did cheat. So when seen—”
“Whom did he cheat?”**’
“Himself, jedge. He wuz playin’
solitaire.”—Judge.
He—I love you, from the bottom of
my heart. *
She—What’? the matter? Isn’t
there any room At the top ?—Philadel-
phia Press. -
Not Accurate.
* “Ternis are sometimes very mis-
leading.”
“In what way?” -;
“For instance, a bee when it gets
down to business, is .by no. means,,a
fake, though it can he truthfully des-
cribed as A hum; bug.”—Baltimore
American.
His Theory. Z- ' .
“You deny that there is any such
thing as hard times?”
“Certainly,” answered Mr. Dustin
Stax. “Prosperity ija always with us.
The only difficulty -is that it some-
times becomes' rather concentrated
and circumscribed.” ’ Washington
’Star.’.’;
Cause of Ujhanimjty. ,
Mr?. | Henpeck.—Dp you notice, Mr.
H., that a great majo'rity of the news-
papers are opposed to easy divorce
laws? : /
Mr. Henpeck ‘(wearily)—Yes. I
wonder how it happens that editors
get such good wives,—N. Y. Weekly. 4
She Must Be.
“Miss Stebbins is from Boston, isn’t
she?” ,
“I think sh. I heard her refer yes-
terday to a,sweatshop as a ‘perspira-
tion establishment.’ ’’—Chicago Rec-
ord-Herald.
GRACEFUL.
Painful Dentistry.
“That man who has just gone out
is a queer one,” said the dentfst.
“Pulling his tooth didn’t seem to hurt
him a bit, but he writhed with an-
guish when I charged him of) cents
for it.”
“That’s old Tyte-Phist,” observed
the man with the swollen jaw, seat-
ing himself in the vacated chair. “The
only thing that really hurts him is
pulling his leg.”—Chicago Tribune.
Exempt.
The talesman plainly did not want
to serve.
“What’s your excuse?” sternly ask-
ed the court.
“I am reputed to be of at least av-
erage intelligence,” replied the tales-
man, reaching for his hat, for, of
course, they had to let him-go.
Helpless.
“Why do "you allow the stage man-
ager to subject you to so many ups
and downs?” asked the Flies of the
Curtain.
“How can I help myself?” retorted
the Curtain, with bitter emphasis.
“Hasn’t he always got the drop on
me?”—Baltimore American.
At a Low Ebb.
City Man (on a rural jaunt)—Are
you going to have an agricultural ex-
hibition here this year?
Farmer (sadly)—No-o, I’m ’fraid
not. Most of the old ladies what
makes quilts is died off, and there
ain’t a decent race-hoss in the coun-
try.—N. Y. Weekly.
SMARTER THAN HE.
> Willie;Calf—Wh^' is the old .ppw ah
Jyays lbPking at herself in the, pool
Ijhid;boasting of her graceful lines? . • ■
Johnny Calf—tWhy,, haven’t you
heard the cause; of. her vanity? L Qn,e
of the city huntprs mistook her for'a'
deen—Chicago Daily News.. .
Not if They-Are Women. -!'■
“Two heads are^alw-ays hetter than
one,” she said. ? ! ^ ‘ ... ttllf ~.
“Oh, no, not. always,” he replied.
“Not when it is necessai;y.,; to ‘buy *hats.
for them.”—Chicago Record-Herald.
Feed the Hungry. •
Small Insect—-I’mf awful hungry.
Mother Insect;—Be patient, dear;
the housekeeper will be along pretty
soon with some more of that nice in-
sect-powder.—fit. Y. Weekly.
Mrs. Hastymatch—I had a dozen
proposals before yours, all frdm smart-
er men than you, too.
Mr. Hastymatch—They must have
been. How did'they manage to craw]
out of it?
Responsibility.
“If these is any trouble in this coun-
try,” .said Farmer Corntossel, “I reck-
on the publishers will be responsible
for some of it.” 1 ! -i
“In what way?”' £ '■ I'.■$'?/* ■■
“They’ve got all the people that,
really know how to run things writ-
in’ for the magazines instead o’ hold-
ing office,”—Washington Star.
; In the T.onsoriat Parlor.
“I think,” said the barber, as he
looked at. the clock,./“that I have cpt
yonr hair long enough.”'
The victim looked in the glass.
. “I differ with you,” he said, “You
have cut it too short.”
They clinch.—fChihago /Daily News
Another Use-tor Them.
“Fine feathers,” remarked the man
with the quotation habit, “do not make
fine £ birds..” 't
■“No/’ 'rejoined the father of seven
’grown .daughters, “but they, make fine
fortdnes for milliners.” — Chicago
Dally News. /
A Success.
. “You have been making practically
that same speech all your life.”
“Yes,” answered the orator.
“Yet it has produced no results.”
“No. But it is something to have
gotten so many encores.”—Washing-
ton Star.
RIGHT SORT OF CORN BREAD.
Found Only in Tennessee, According
to Nashville American.
The best cornmeal in the world is
made in Tennessee—though the out-
put is limited and not much of” it
reaches the market where urbanites
dwell. The steam buhrstone has
driven the water mill almost into
desuetude, only to be in turn crowded
out by the modern roller mill. The
ancient water mill still lingers in re-
mote sections and mountain fast-
nesses where clear waters flow
through pebbly channels in sylvan
shades. More than' one of these ideal
mills may be found on Fighting creek
in Sevier county, under the shadows
of the Big Smoky, and near unto
Sugarland region, where the untaxed
juice of the corn flows from modest
and retiring stills. There are many
such mills in the Unaka region, and
in various sections of middle Tennes-
see, ’whei'e the withering blight of
modern civilization, with its canned
goods and packing house meats, has
not yet penetrated, and where one
may
Listen to the water mill
Through the livelong day,
While the clicking of its wheel
Wears the weary hours away.
But they don’t bring the meal to
town. The town-raised person’s taste
is too vitiated to appreciate it, says
the Nashville American. When he
eats corn bread at all with his oleo-
margarine or canned soup, he wants
the_ roller mill product, which sug-
gested the idea of sawdust breakfast
food to a Battle Creek Yankee. The
right sort of corn bread is made from
meal ground on a slow.rrunning water
mill from corn that has been well
dried, the little end of the ear shelled
off for the chickens or pigs, the rot-
ten grains carefully* eliminated, and
the corn run through a fan mill. Be-
fore being made into bread the meal
is sifted through a wire sieve or sift-
er, the meshes of which are not too
fine. Then if good bread is not pro-
duced it is the fault of the cook. The
use of sugar in making any form of
corn bread should be made a felony.
There is as much difference between
bread from properly ground meal and
the common meal of commerce as
there is between a Smithfield ham and
a packing house ham.
DROP CAKES MADE OF RYE.
Simple Ingredients for Dish Univer-
sally Popular. ' “
Put into a sifter, one cup rye meal,
one cup ‘ (white) Indian meal, one-
half cup flour.
Small size cup makes about 18
cakes. Add a large pinch of salt and
sift into a dish. Take one tablespoon
of sour milk, or buttermilk and add
one scant level teaspoon of soda or
saleratus. Fill the cup with one-half
cup of molasses and the rest water.
Turn into the mixture, which should
be rather stiff. If too much so, add
a little more water. If one has no
sour milk use sweet milk and dis-
solve the soda in a spoonful of hot
water. In this way, if an egg is add-
ed it makes them very rich. Have a
kettle of lard boiling hot and a des-
sert spoon and a cup of cold water.
Dip the spoon in the water and take
up with it, while wet a spoonful of
mixture. Smooth with the hand and
fashion* into a flat round cake, perhaps
three-quarter inch thick. Cook and
turn same as doughnuts, and skim out
and place upqn brown paper. Very
good, either hot or cold.
Peanut Wafers.*
Cream together one cup of sugai
and a half cup of butter. Dissolve a
half teaspoonful of soda in a half cup
of milk and add to the butter and
sugar mixture together with two cups
of flour. Beat all together until
smooth, then spread the batter thinly
and evenly over the reversed bottom
of a dripping pan that has been well
greased. Strew the- surface thickly
with fine crushed peanuts and bake to
a light brown.
Cream Puffs.
Put into a granite saucepan two
cupfuls of warm water and a half
pound of butter; stir until comes to a
slow boil; add gradually, stirring all
the time, thr6e quarters of a pound of
sifted flour and cook one moment;
beat perfectly smooth and turn, into a
deep dish to cool; have ready six
eggs,, whites and yolks beaten sepa-
rately, and whip into the cooled paste,
the whites last; drop in large spoon-
fuls on buttered paper and bake in a
quick oven for t§n minutes or until a
golden brown.
Knew Her Superiority.
One of Washington’s high school
principals relates an incident in con-
nection with last commencement day.
A clever girl had taken one of the
principal prizes. Hbr friends crowded
about her to offer congratulations.
“Weren’t you awfully afraid you
wouldn’t get it, Hattie,” asked one,*
“when there were so many contest-
ants?”. “Oh, no!” cheerily exclaimed
Hattie/ “Because I knew that when it
came to English composiUon I had
’em all skinned.”
DOES YOUR BACK ACHE?
Cure the Kidneys and the Pain Will
Naver Return. •
Only one <>ure way to cure an aching
back. Cure the cause, the kidneys.
Thousands tell of
cures made by Doan’s
Kidney Pills. John C.
Coleir an“ a promi-
nent merchant of
Swainsboro, Ga.,
says: “For several
years my kidneys
were affected, and
my back ached day
and night. I was
languid, nervous and lame in the
morning. Doan’s Kidney , Pills helped
me right away, and the great relief
that followed has been permanent.”
Sold by all dealers. 50 cents a box.
Foster-Milburn Co., Buffalo, N. Y.
Satan is willing to let men go to
church on Sunday if they work for
him the remainder of the week.
To live in hearts we leave behind
is not to die.—Campbell.
merchandise, Martin, Ga., writes:
“My wife lost in weight from 130
to 68 pounds. We saw she could
not live long. She was a skeleton,
so we consulted an old physician.
He told her to try Peruna.
“She gradually commenced Im-
proving and getting a little
strength. She now weighs 106
pounds. She is gaining every day,
and does her own housework and |
cooking.”
SICK HEADACHE
Positively cured by
these Little Pills. |
They also relieve Dis-
tress from Dyspepsia, In-
digestion and Too-Hearty
Eating. A perfect rem-
edy for Dizziness, Nausea,
Drowsiness, Bad Taste
in the Mouth, Coated
Tongue, Pain In the Side,
TORPID LIVER. They
regulate the Bowels. Purely Vegetable.
SMALL PILL, SMALL DOSE, SMALL PRICE.
Genuine Must Bear
Fac-Simile Signature
REFUSE SUBSTITUTES.
Just Because
it storms -
dont confine,
yourself
indoors
PROVIDE
FOR YOUR
BODILY
pOMFORT
by wearing,
l
WATERPROOF
OILED CLOTHINO
- BLACn OR YELLOW
Every Garment
Guaranteed
Good enough to last year&
Low in Price
■ay.Vowt!* CO ,«o*e<>N. u s a, “
INfruy* cANADuMrco ciMtrto Tpaew^Q -
DD/IPCY NEW DISCOVERY^ give.
mfnwr m quick relief and cures worst cases.
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Vernor, J. E. The Lampasas Daily Leader. (Lampasas, Tex.), Vol. 4, No. 955, Ed. 1 Saturday, April 6, 1907, newspaper, April 6, 1907; Lampasas, Texas. (https://texashistory.unt.edu/ark:/67531/metapth900617/m1/3/: accessed July 11, 2024), University of North Texas Libraries, The Portal to Texas History, https://texashistory.unt.edu.; crediting Lampasas Public Library.