The Optimist (Abilene, Tex.), Vol. 62, No. 22, Ed. 1, Friday, April 4, 1975 Page: 2 of 8
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THE PESSIMIST April 1. 1975
"EDIIEA
JW CKr ICW
READER TAKE NOTE
According to Optimist reader-
ship studies only ono person
ever reads the Overview section
each week. We have a top secret
message from the United States
Government for this person."
You know who you are.
The Saturn Five rockets
pointed at Red China and stored
under the speed bumps behind
the Campus Center will go off if
the bumps are tampered wiih.
Do not repeat Do Not allow
the Students' Association to
lower the speed bumps.
Do anything assassinate them
if you have to but do not let the
SA lower them. The security of
the United States Is on your
shoulders.
STUDENTS IQ tO RISE
The average IQ of ACC
students is expected to increase
next year says Charles Coleman
freshman advisor.
Coleman attributed the rise to
an influx of freshmen whoso
ACT scores are much higher
than average.
Metropolitan Abilene -an
entertainment mecca
By IMA HOOTEN
College students the world
over dream of attending school
in exciting and pacesetting
metropolitan areas.
Abilene h a such place and
ACC students are quick to
realize the countless cultural and
classical varieties of entertain-
ment and cuisine available.
The lovely and diversified
terrain surrounding our fair city
make It a mecca for' the young
sophisticated ACC students.
With the Buffalo Gap Mountains
and ski resort area less than 20
miles away excellent skiing
facilities are easily accessible.
The Riviera of West Texas
Fort Phantom Lake is a well
renowned tourist attraction. The
beautiful waterfront and resort
hotels combined with the pre-
dictable tropical weather pro-
vide a year-round refuge for
those people wishing to get away
from it all.
High quality entertainment is
another of ALHene's many
charms. The Abilene Neighbor-
hood Theater consistently stages
productions equivalent to those
played on Broadway. Big-name
stars are often brought in as
leading ladies and men.
Numerous movie theaters
show the most current popular
cinema productions. This allows
the budget-minded college stu-
dent to enjoy an inexpensive
evoning of entertainment. At the
came time he may learn to
appreciate such social phenom-
enon as "The legend of Boggy
Creek."
Abilene's assortment of fine
restaurants seems endless to the
culinary expert. For the person
The major factor however he
said is ACC's loss of certain
members of the sonior class.
"The elimination of these
people from our student body
will account for a 50 percent rise
in our average IQ" Coloman
said.
He declined to givo names
but admitted under questioning
that the seniors involved are all
members of a group known as
THUGS (The Hegcmany of
Underground Students).
Known to be affiliated with
the group aro Ted Nolcn Wayne
Gurley Jeff Hicks Judy Broom
Judy Halo Mark Coley Val
Prahl and Johnny Hernandez.
LINK LOSES HAIR
A modern medical phenom-
enon has been discovered on
campus announced biology
department head Clark Stovons
at a special news conference
Tuesday.
"We have discovered the
original missing link" ho said. "I
can merely describe it as the
world's only headless man."
The discovery came Tuesday
with a flair for the Italian flavor
one of the city's finest is
Anthony's Pizza Cavern. Spe-
cialities includo tho mile-high
salad and the world's smallest
pizza.
Also for those with an Italian
taste is the Inn of the Pizza on
Avenue 80. The outstanding
feature of this excellent eating
houso is tho prompt and effi-
cient service as well as the
fellowship one may enjoy there.
Many ACC students are seen
patronizing one of Abilene's
more American-typo restaurants.
Old McDonald's is a very quaint
tearoom with an elegant decor.
The specialty of the house
includes two all-beef patties
special sauce lettuce cheese
pickles and onions on a sesame
seed bun.
Another favorite with the
ACC group was named recently
in Holiday Magazine as the finest
Mexican restaurant in America.
Casa de Taco Bueno is a popular
retreat for those wishing to sit
back and relax in the atmos-
phere of old Mexico. This
restaurant Is so superb and
exclusive that the Galaxy social
club has chosen it for their
traditionally elegant spring
social.
Abilene has In very recent
times become a center for
cultural enlightenment in the
United States. Young people
choosing to attend ACC are
continually finding the exciting
night life of Abilene almost too
much to take. Many students
have chosen to forego the
exhausting social life of down-
town Abilene for tho serenity
and privatenecs of Will Hair
Park.
when Dean Llndcr finally
cornered sophomore Chuck
Bradford and administered a pair
of hair clippers to what he
thought was Bradford's scalp.
Linder cut liair and cut hair
and cut hair and finally struck
Bradford's shoulder.
BIG BIBLE RESERVED
Callle Fay Mllllken head
librarian announced last Thurs-
day that the giant Bible can no
longer by checked out to stu-
dents. Says Miss Milllkan "The Bible
professors were beginning to
complain. Students often une
this source to cram for exams.
It's a King James Version" she
explains "and all the answers
are written in red."
Outstanding students named
By BOBBIE WOODWORD and
CARLA BERNSTEIN
A special committee com-
posed of students and faculty
members has nominated seven
seniors for "Thoso Those's
Among Students In American
Universities and Colleges."
The "nominees were selected
on tho basis of their lack of
character non-leadership ability
dishonesty lack of depend-
ability attitude and unde-
veloped potential.
The nominees Include: Kitty
Cat-Tongue elementary educa-
tion major from St. Louis Mo.
She had no recognized qualifica-
tions but was on the nominating
committee.
Deb U. Tsnte Is an undecided
major from Dallas. Her qualifica-
tions include a talent for sniffing
out disagreeable odors and a
father rich enough to bribe the
committee chairman.
BARF'S INDIAN JUNQUE
Imitation Turquots sat in Genuine PowUr
All Vintages and Stylts
Number 31 Bsck Allay Shopping Plata
Hurry Hurry Hurry!
It's nearly time to graduate and' you haven't found your Christian mate
yet. How can you face your parents this summer unless you reach tho goal
of your college years?
15 discount to ACC students
(85 discount if you made an A in Family Relations)
Enior exposes bias'
cuts short his career
By SHORTY BULLFRIGHT
Former Assistant Dean Ed
Enzor is really hacked. Enzor's
dismissal Is the latest in a series
of moves which have left Don
Drennan and Milton Fletcher
jobless among others.
"It's blatant discrimination"
he barked. "I mean I could
understand if I had long hair or
something but look" he said
offering a splendid view of his
rather defoliated dome. There
was pride in his votco as he
exclaimed "Clean as a whistle!"
The problem as Enzor related
it stems from a decision John
Stevens alledgedly made about
two years ago. "Just look at the
peoplo he's hired in the last
couple of years" Enzor snorted.
"Gaston Welborn the school
Howard Snlcklefritz is a
physics major from New York
City. He won the novel prize for
his discovery of a new sub-electronic
particle. His major social
activity Is sniffing helium in the
science building.
Liz Campbell is a physical
education major from Abilene.
She is a member of Delta Thela
social club a past Biddio Master
and current vice president. She
has served lis Sing Song houso
manager and co-chairman and
was named senior class favorite.
Hannah Homemaker Is a
Clyde home economics major.
She b a member of DATA
DATA DATA social club and
nominee for Miss Snake Charmer
of 1027.
I.M.A. Kicker Is a Stamford
agriculture major. His most
recent accomplishment was a
first place finish in the Baird
Rodeo Greased-PIg-Catchlng
competition and Larry Mahon
Rush Jewelry
1616 Sweetheart Lane
lawyer; Stan Overall that nosy
publication creep; Jeff Warr Sid
Hicks Jimmy Brown Charlie
Marler . . . not onef those guys
will ever see B-foot-TT.
"Confidentially" ho mur-
mured while gently closing the
door "It really burned me when
he named that shrimp Hunter
vice president but making Herb
Butrum assistant to tho presi-
dent was absolutely ludicrous."
Enzor went on to claim that
Stevens had a complox from his
childhood about people being
taller than him "so now he's got
the power to make everyone
look up to him."
"There's one dark spot In his
plan though." Enzor giggled
slightly to himself as though he
were enjoying the thought.
"Good ol' Kelly."
look-alike contest.
Harold "King Kong" Herki-
mer varsity football player from
Hermleigh. The committee
named the 205 pound tackle to
"Those Those's" in self-defense.
Scoop Marler is from Tulsa
Okla. and a mass communica-
tions major. He was editor of tho
Optimist and the Prickly Pear
and a member of Frater Sodalis
social club.
Quantity
Printing
Anything
wo can't
Wo don't
fwt
f o
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The Optimist (Abilene, Tex.), Vol. 62, No. 22, Ed. 1, Friday, April 4, 1975, newspaper, April 4, 1975; Abilene, Texas. (https://texashistory.unt.edu/ark:/67531/metapth91856/m1/2/: accessed July 9, 2024), University of North Texas Libraries, The Portal to Texas History, https://texashistory.unt.edu.; crediting Abilene Christian University Library.