The Schulenburg Sticker (Schulenburg, Tex.), Vol. 15, No. 36, Ed. 1 Thursday, May 6, 1909 Page: 1 of 8
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Representing the leading
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VOL. XV
SCHULENBURG, FAYETTE COUNTY, TEXAS, THURSDAY, MAY 6, 1909.
■
NO. 36
AT THE LUNCH COUNTER.
The professor beckoned to the wait-
er girl.
"Young lady," he said, "pardon me, j
but may I ask if you can tell me the j
difference between whisky and milk?" j
"I'm not answering conundrums to-
day, air," coldly answered the waiter
girl.
"Pardon me again," rejoined the
professor. ' This is not a conundrum.
It is the plain, exact statement, put
in interrogative form, if you please,
of a scientific verity."
"What are you drivin' at?"
"At an inevitable conclusion. May I
ask you again if you are aware of the
important particular, the dominant
characteristic to phrase it a trifle more
clearly and unambiguously, in which
the alcoholic beverage commonly de-
nominated whisky differentiates it«elf
from the lacteal fluid universally des-
ignated in the vernacular as milk?"
"Say it again, and say it slow."
"It is apparent, young woman, that
you don't know," said the professor,
abandoning the scholastic and de-
scending to the rudimentary. "I wiil
tell you. The difference is ihat
whisky improves with age, and milk
does not. This milk is sour. Do you
grasp that idea?"
"Yes, sir."
"Will you kindly take it back and
bring me some fresh milk?"
"Sure!" snapped the girl, whisking
it away. "If that was what you
why didn't you say so, in-
stead of firing all that Greek at me?"
"She's not a bad sort," soliloquized
the professor, "but she has no ?enae
of humor."
V - V",' '■
Hospitable.
She—And did you enjoy your Af-
rican trip, major? How do you like
the savages?
He—Oh, they were extremely kind-
hearted! They wanted to keep me
there for dinner.
What He'd Overlooked.
The Thin One—Sir, I want to know
I what you mean by saying I could take
my collar off over my head without un-
buttoning it?
IS The Fat One—It was a thoughtless
statement on my part made on the
spur of the moment, and I am sorry
I said it. 'S )
"Very well, if you're sorry, of
of your
WISDOM OF THE ANCfENTS.
M
&
When Bloggs Fas asked to be ref-
eree at a local football match he
saved his insurance company some-
thing by thoughtfully donning his
pageantry costume.
Making Progress.
"Ferdy is trying to become a Bohe-
mian."
"Is he making any progress?"
"Yes, indeed. Only last week be
wore a collar two days." ;
easy!
On Shipboard. ^
Poetical Person—What are the sad
waves saying?
Sick Passenger — That's
"Heave up, heave up!**
A LITTLE KISSING REVIVAL.
A little kissing
Now and then,
Is why we have
The married men.
, —Birmingham Age-Herald,
A little kissing's
Too, of course,
Is why we have
The ctuick divorce.
—Chicago JFtecord-HeralA,
A litle kissing'#
I.!>;s of fu,n i
If you can kiss x
The proper one.
—Cleveland L>ead«
A heap of kissing
Is just as good
For those who like
That sort of food.
—Nashville America®.
A little kissing'#
Not enough;
A lot of kissing—
That's the stuff!
—Boston Herald,
Keep Your Eye on What's Going on at Our
WKKNKKUmi
* here is always "Something iDoing" that wilt inter"
est you. //you are an economical buyer it will
pay you to watch for eur announcements. Sf you
are in need of reliable goods at the lowest possible prices
eur store, will command your attention. "We ask you to
carefully compare our prise* with anyone's quotations.
jCook them up and we will yet your business.
i^r - " '%w: V ■ "" ysr. " ''if; "■ .
New Goods
'STRAORDINARY.
White Goods are
/all the style and
* Fancy Weaves
and Designs best
suited to the
making of sum-
mer costumes,
shirt waists, etc.
In buying our
stock, we have
used the utmost
care to get
The Best
and Most
Up-to-Date
Patterns. 1
'<£>
Fancy Figured
LAWNS
In small and
medium sized
fancy designs
which make up
daintily. T h e
patterns are very j
pretty. Price
per yard from j
5 to 25c. g
India Linens
Pretty sheer
we a v e, pure
white, made of
finest combed
yarn. 71-2 to
20c a yd.
For men, women and children form an important part of our
stock. Our showing of iancy handkerchiefs for Ladies is es-
pecially satisfactory this year, responding to a demand for the
finer grades, However, the same care is used in the selection v
of our entire handkerchief stock in order to insure tbe besfci
ble value for our patron?, H$«e you seen our
"I was talking to your wife to-day."
"How did that happen?" _
"What happen?"
"That you were doing the talking,"
II
Mm
April Fooled.
titttle Johnny placed ids hat
Over a convenient hrjck:
Placed It there supposing that
Some one foolishly would kick.
Johnny's father passed anon
When his mind was wandering,
Thus he chanced to step upon
johnny's hat and wreck the thing.
Utile Johnny had to stand
At his desk next dsty in school;
Though he cunningly had planned,
Johnny was the April ^ool.
■
A Great Attraction.
irence Urmy, the poet of San
praising California wine
"A New Yorker visited me the other
said Mr. Urmy, "and I opened ,
of onr native champagne. The
delighted. < j
y, if they had this stuff in thm
►' he said, holding bis glass to the
they'd run excursions to it"'
Matinee Girls.
A Mend of Henry Miller, the actor,
enjoys reading this small anecdote cob?
versation: He was standing in th«
theater and in front of him were six,
pretty boarding school girls who had
been given a party by the brother o!
one o fthem. Their host inquired
how they liked Mr. Miller. For inorq
or less obvious reasons the namei
are changed Jiere:
"How did you like him, Miss Orf
ole?"
"ChawmTning!"
"And Miss Hoosier?"
"Oh. GREAT!"
"And you, Miss Beacon street?"
"A penetrating,, psychological per
formance. Almost psychic."
"Miss Dixie?" , •
"Csrtainly was graaaaand."
"But we haven't heard from yon,
J£ls9 Manhattan."
"Delicious."
"Miss Dearborn, what do you say?"
"Him fcr me."
Do the namea fit?
! * One given free with
' triotshoe for -men
. and Society $3.25
Look in our show
There you will also
teresting things
prices.
every pair of Pa-
or Quaker $3.00
Oxfords for Ladies
window for them,
see many other in-
w i t h interesting
B E T
1 wT V. - -
&
Brand
Are
•j " i'-1
How Could She?
- He (rhapsodical ly)—1 adore every-
thing that is grand, exquisite, super-
eminent. I love the peerless, the
serene, the perfect in life.
.She (blushing coyly)—Oh, George!
to* can I refuse you when you put
it so Beautifully?
Even in Those Days.
The children stood in awe befora
one of the British Museum mummies.
At last the elder, whispered to her fa-
ther: "Why is the old woman
wrapped up in bandages? Did she dl3
of an accident?"
Before he could, reply the younger
girl said: "Oh, yes! She must have
|?een run ov^r by a motor-car. There's
the number—'B. C. 146L' "—Cassell'a
Magazine. |
President Selects Summer Home by Sea
Plans for the Arlington Amphitheater
THE commission of which President
Taft, while secretary of war, was
a member, appointed under the terms
of the public buildings act of the last
session of congress, to prepare plans
for a memorial amphitheater in the
national cemetery at Arlington. Va..
has submitted its report to congress.
In addition to Mr. Taft, the commis-
sion was composed of Secretary Cor-
telyou, Elliott Woods, superintendent
of the capitol building; I. G. Kimball
and Gov. Curtis Guild, Jr., represent-
ing respectively the Grand Army of
the Republic and the Spanish war vet-
erans.
The plans prepared by New York
architects contemplate a roofless
structure covering 34,000 square feet,
the ultimate cost of which would be
1695.000. There would
room for about 5,000 people, - and
standing room in a colonade for many
more. It is contemplated that a crypt
should be constructed under the col-
onade and that it should be used for
the burial of distinguished men who
merit such recognition from the na-
tion. Provision is made also for me-
morial busts qr portrait statues in the
colonnade "somewhat as has so fre-
quently been done," say the archi-
tects, "in the famous Campo Santos
of Europe.'
It has been the endeavor to obtain
a serious and classic character in or-
der to express the dignity and pur-
pose oi the building, and with this
end in view such classic structures
as the theater of Dionsius at Athens
and the Roman theater at Orange,
have been studied, though not di-
rectly imitated.
The architects have striven rather
to keep the proposed building in har-
mony with the old- colonial buildings
of Washington, such as the White
House and the capitol. It is believed
the dignity and solemnity of the struc-
ture would be enhanced by leaving it
be seatinc uncovered.
Band Concert Transfer Arouses Wrath
TO THE
POTO MAC
WASHINGTON.—One of the first in
novations attempted by Mrs.
William Howard Taft has brought dis-
appointment to the wife of the presi-
dent of the United States. Criticism
is never pleasant,,.and especially when
one tries to launch a Utopian reform
and fails. But that is what Mrs. Taft
seems to have done and the storm
that ha# been, stirred by her interfer-
on! custom ia still ris-
The trouble arose over Mrs, Taft's
desire to have the Marine band's
weekly concerts, that heretofore have
been given on the lawn behind the
White House, transferred to some
other place. In looking over , avail*
able places where the Washington-
ians, black and white, might listen to
the music, the president's wife found
a site far removed from the White
House on the banks of the Potomac
Immediately an order was issued
from the executive office to the super-
intendent of public buildings and
grounds to .prepare plans at once and
proceed with the construction of a
bandstand. The superintendent is an
army officer, and as such had no op-
portunity to point out to his comman-
der-in-chief that the order might work
injustice to the great middle class of
people. He had to obey blindly.
The result has been that therfe are
an increasing number of protests be-
ing filed against the change. The
White House always has been access-
ible. The new concert ground is far
removed from car lines and there is
neither shade nor seats upon which
those who brave the long walk to the
river front may rest, ,
To those who possess automobiles
or* carriages the place selected by
Mrs. Taft for future concerts is ad-
mirable. Society and the official and
diplomatic sets can whirl in their mo-
tor cars and carriages and may appre- '
ciate the change, but those J;music"
lovers whose purses are not overly
fat will be compelled to trudge a
weary mile and a half beneath the
heat of the summer sun, if they care
to listen to thte strains of one of the
best musical , organizations. in the
western hemisphere. >fi' - \
The local newspapers are bom-
barded with letters-of protest against
the innovation.
In spite of these protests, however,
the bandstand was prepared and the
concerts are being held there. The
president and Mrs. Taft were present
at the opening concert, a^so practical-
ly oil the official set and the diplo-
matic dignitaries.
"Uncle Joe" Practices Golf on the Sly
A
Its
r
Tit for Tat.
Jones—Well, you and I won't be
neighbors much linger. I'm going to
live in a better locality.
• Smith—So am I.
Jones—What! Are you going to
move too?
Smith—No; I'm going to stay here.
Masculine ignorance,
Mrs. Ferguson (trying on another
spring hat)—George, what do you
think of this one? You didn't lik«
the otheA.
Mr* Ferguson—Well, if you are lim-
ited to two styles, the inverted waste
basket and the Inverted coal scuttle,
my choice would be the coal scuttle.
We need another one at home, any-
way.
#Had His Own Views.
Passenger Agent—Here are some
postcard views along our line of rail-
road. Would you like them? '
Patron—No, think you. I rode over
the line one day last week and have
JV own oil « * ;* '
Too Risky.
Hardup—I'll never go to that res-
taurant dgain. The last time I was
there a man got my overcoat and left
his in its place.
Welloff—But the proprietor wasn't
to blame, was he?
Hardup—No; but I might meet tfe«
other man!
iW HE cottage which the Tafts are to
Ji occupy this summer is situated
at Beverly, Mass., and ia two stories
and a half, painted green. Around it
are trees and shrubbery and stretches
of well-kept lawns and the place 4s
one of the beauty spots along the
shore. Entrance to the estate is from
Ober street and is guarded by two
great stone posts, the cottage itself
being hidden from the traveled way
by the trees, although it is but a two
minutes' walk in.
There is a great covered porte
cochere over the private driveway
leading to the house. Running around
on three sides is a wide veranda, and
on the ocean side Is a tower crowned
with a dome, and with windows near-
ly all around on the third floor. There
is a veranda leading from the second
story on the ocean side of the house
over the dining room which can be
reached from every one of the bed-
rooms.
From the hall on the Beverly side
of the cottage, one enters the great
living hall on the left, The hall is
lighted by glass doors, which open on
the veranda on the ocean side, and
four stained glass windows over the
landing on the main staircase. The
living room is finished in paneled
sycamore with a tapestry paper run-
ning to the ceiling moulding. From
the living room the staircase leads to
a balcony, around which are the
chambers, six in number, on the sec-
ond floor. A chandelier hangs from a
paneled ceiling.
From the living room to the right is
the music room, finished in white.
There is a beautiful library on the
left, finished in cherry.
The cottage is lighted by electricity
and has every modern convenience.
The stable can accommodate half a
dozen horses and still furnish room
for a large and well equipped garage.
«IT NCLE JOE" CANNON may be-
U come one of the most select in
the select / coterie of Taft golfers aft-
er having scorned a try at the tennis
cabinet of Roosevelt, according to re-
ports. It has even been said that the
speaker has already purchased a full
caddy bag of sticks and is stealing
forth on the sly to Chevy Chase in
Washington to perfect himself in the
art of smiting the^ little white gutta
percha.
There are those who can remember
when "Uncle Joe" was the "shinny"
champion of the whole country around
Danville, 111., Cannon's old home.
Those were in the days when he de-
voted mere time to fresh air and ex-
ercise and less to Mogies and politics.
The old timers tell of how the speaker
could smash a ball farther and crack
shins more recklessly than any man
in town. Thcv are greeting the latest
item In {he budget of golf news with
■V,
PWm
3
AN EFFORT to limit the volume of
special pension legislation will be
made by Senator McCumber, chair-
man of the committee on pensions,
before the adjournment of the present
extra session of congress. Such legis-
lation has grown rapidly until, during
J the last congress, about 8,000 bills, the
object of most of which was to in-
crease existing pensions, were passed.
During the present session about
1,000 bills providing for pensions not
obtainable under the general pension
laws have been introduced in the sen-
ate alone.
The reasons urged for such legis-
lation have been in the nature of ex-
ceptional conditions either relating to
, the necessities of the applicant or to
i failure on his Dart to satisfy the
■ : ?!
mS*
sad headshakes and wondering re-
gret.
The education of Vice-President
Sherman in the points of the game so
well liked by the presideut is believed
to have set the precedent "Uncle Joe"
feels called upon to follow. The
speaker had* handled a golf club but
once in his life previous to President
Taft's inauguration. That was at the
Portland exposition, when a bevy, of
fair young women induced him to take
just one wallop at a little white ball
as it rested invitingly on its tee. The
speaker's secretary is authority that
the first drive was the longest ever
made by any golfer. Content with
having done something of'note, "Uncle
Joe," since then, has refused to smite
a ball, fearing that he might foozle
frightfully. ,
The speaker never had much of a
desire for tennis under the Roosevelt
administration. In the flrsf place he
couldn't learn how to score, and "love
I all" and "love forty" were as mys-
terious to him as some of Asher
Hinds' parliamentary precedents. But
with golf it is different. Ha is weli
equipped with the language of the
game, and if the vice-president is to
enter the Taft golf cabinet, why not
"Uncle Joe?"
technicalities of the law, although he
could prove to the satisfaction of a
committee that he was entitled to
consideration.
But such legislation has grown so
rapidly that either it must be limited
or the pension committees of the sen-
ate and house will have to receive an
additional force, making them, in fact,
pension bureaus of considerable size.
To meet this condition, and to place
some limitation upon pension legisla-
tion, Senator McCumber proposes to
arrange a joint meeting of the pension
committees of congress, when some
play with this purpose in view will be
considered.
Mr. McCumber believes that it may
be possible to reach an agreement by-
which the house and senate practical-
ly will pledge themselves that they
will pass a given amount of pension
legislation in one session, and no
more.
He expects this meeting to be held
before the adjournment of this
sion, so that some agreement
In force when congress meets a
cesaber in regular sessioa.
- 9m
• ^
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Winfree, Raymond. The Schulenburg Sticker (Schulenburg, Tex.), Vol. 15, No. 36, Ed. 1 Thursday, May 6, 1909, newspaper, May 6, 1909; Schulenburg, Texas. (https://texashistory.unt.edu/ark:/67531/metapth189340/m1/1/?q=%22~1~1%22~1: accessed July 15, 2024), University of North Texas Libraries, The Portal to Texas History, https://texashistory.unt.edu.; crediting Schulenburg Public Library.